


Wild is the Wind

by Heavens_Door



Category: Homestuck, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Gen, John being John, Violence, friends being friends, posing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 36
Words: 153,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7174010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavens_Door/pseuds/Heavens_Door
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Joestar goes to college, meets friends and almost gets murdered several times by people with magic ghosts. It's OK though, he gets a magic ghost to make up for it. [Jojo's Bizarre Adventure AU set in the modern day]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John: Take a Stand

Some days, John Joestar wished he was born in a different family. There weren’t any particularly bad reasons for this, unless one counted how embarrassing his father could be when he did nearly anything. He was an affectionate man, and John conceded that he couldn’t have asked for a better parent, but that did not excuse him being pulled into a bear hug, in public, while he had balloons with ‘Good luck at College!’ and ‘I’m so proud of you’ tied to his hat.

“You can let go of me now.” John said, gasping for air. Sometimes his Dad didn’t know his own strength.

Dad Joestar let him go, eventually, but not quick enough for John. He nodded to his son, and patted his shoulder, his expression inscrutable but for a slight twitch of his mouth. He was a man of few words, but his son found that he could understand him easily enough.

“I’ll miss you too Dad.”

Nod. Hat tip.

“Nah, everyone already left for college. It’s too bad nobody else got into RSU.”

Head shake. Sigh.

“Oh come on, you don’t have to come!” John yelled, blushing.

Smile. Pocket fumbling.

“You actually bought a ticket. Daaaaaaaaaad.”

Nod.

“I’ll be fine. If I’m in trouble I’ll call, alright?”

Sigh. Pipe taken out of pocket.

“No smoking Dad.” He groaned.

Head shake.

“Good, we don’t want a repeat of Atlanta, right Dad?”

Head shake. Pipe placed in John’s hand.

“But...” Besides a cigarette or two during a party John didn’t smoke. “...ah.”

Nod. Single tear from eye.

“I’ll miss you too.” John said, trying not to tear up.

He hugged his old man again, a little faster this time, since they just announced the boarding call for his flight. Ignoring the expressions of some of the passengers who took some mild entertainment from that little scene with Dad, he boarded the plane without much fuss. He took his seat somewhere in the middle of the plane, by a window. It was pretty comfortable for economy class, and he found himself quickly drifting to sleep.

He was standing in the middle of a field of flowers, the wind blowing through him. He closed his eyes and spread his arms, feeling the wind against his face, his jacket billowing against the breeze. Since he was a city boy John rarely got to experience weather like this, but he took most opportunities he could get to experience the wind against his face. It was a nice compared to how stuffy it could be in Portland during the summer. Sure, the temperature wasn’t always that bad back home, but it was different out here. For one thing, he didn’t have to smell the noxious odors every city seemed to have, even if Portland’s supposed to be cleaner than most. It’s just something you can’t escape when living in an urban environment.

Speaking of, John didn’t recall getting to this field. It must be a dream, he decided. Yes, that made sense. He didn’t usually remember his dreams however, besides a few vague blurs he’d forget as soon as he got himself some breakfast. As soon as he woke up all this would be, well, a dream to him. Even so, this dream felt strange. For one thing, his surroundings felt eerily familiar, even though John was certain he’d never been to a field like this before. He HAD gone somewhere similar at least, but that place didn’t have flowers, and there were hills in the horizon that had-

Windmills on top of them. The tall, white ones they used for power plants. Just like the one in front of him. The one that he was pretty sure wasn’t there before. John looked around him, turning his head this way and that. As he did so, the flower field gave way to rolling hills, to more windmills, and to a tornado coming down towards him, even though the sky was clear as day. He’d never seen or heard a tornado this close before, and if he stayed where he was then he’d see it even closer than he ever had, and pop his eardrums to boot. For a second he felt his heart stop, until John remembered that this was all just a dream. All he needed to do was think and that tornado was gone.

Okay.

The tornado is not gone.

It is in fact coming closer, gaining speed as it neared him. The windmills it passed by were sucked up, torn out of the ground like metal trees. Now, John knew perfectly well that this was just a dream, but from how that thing was moving he wasn’t sure the tornado knew that too. Running away seemed like a good idea by now, but his legs felt heavy, and a voice in his head was saying against all logic that he stand his ground. And as his mind asserted that thought, John heard something beyond the oncoming wind. He heard laughter.

“What’s the matter?” A voice said behind him.

“Huh?” Against his better judgement he turned around, and found himself standing face to face with a young woman.

She had dark brown skin, and stood almost a head above him. She was built like an athlete, almost as muscular as he was, which said a lot. The Joestars were had good genes, his dad said, which accounted for how John was pushing 6 feet when he was only 15, and how he was 6 and a half at 18. She wore a yellow sundress, and smiled as if a natural disaster coming down on their heads was about the most pleasant thing she’d seen today.

“I don’t know if you notice but there’s kind of a huge tornado about to blow us both away to Oz.” He pointed at the incoming tornado, which for some reason had a cow flying around it now.

“Oh, that?” She shrugged, twirling a lock of her long, long hair that didn’t seem to be affected by the wind. “That’s not a problem!”

“I’m pretty sure a giant windy thing about destroy everything around it is a problem.” John deadpanned.

“Nonsense! I know just how to fix it!”

John rolled his eyes. This was just a dream after all, so he might as well indulge her. “Alright mystery girl I’ve never seen before in my life, how are you going to fix it?”

“Oh, that’s silly John!” She brought a hand over her mouth and giggled. “I can’t fix it, but you can!”

“What.” How did she know his name? “How!?”

“I...” She disappeared, reappearing a few feet away without having moved at all. That would probably have been concerning if John didn’t keep repeating to himself that this was just a dream. “Don’t know!”

“Thanks mystery girl in my head, that’s super useful.” John’s shoulders slumped. He wasn’t even worried about the incoming tornado anymore, or how he could still hear the woman perfectly well despite all the noise that came from an incoming twister.

She giggled again, placing a hand on the sunhat that was most certainly not there a second ago, her other hand pointing to the twister, knees bent slightly with one foot in front of the other. “Well, maybe I do know, but I don’t think I should tell you. That would be cheating!”

“Oh come on!” John raised his arms up in exasperation. “There’s a tornado coming right at us and while this might be a dream I don’t want to take any chances!”

The tornado was getting closer, the noise deafening. More things were being drawn into it, things that frankly don’t make sense to him; he could see pages, hundreds upon hundreds of them, as well as record discs and flowers of equal number. He saw a giant top hat and a mailman’s truck, and weirdly enough Judge Dredd. The original, not the pretty good but not as great as the first one remake version. He was waving at him, and when he narrowed his eyes at him it looked like he was shooting at the tornado.

 

Now, John had just about enough of this weird dream. In most movies dreams were chock full of hidden meanings, and it dawned on him that all this was probably a metaphor for something. He couldn’t be bothered to think of what it could mean however, since those dream portent things only made sense after it happened. He always thought that it was a stupid plot device, and now that it was maybe happening to him it looked even dumber.

“Auuugh, I just want this end!” He placed a hand on his face, slouching even lower. “What do I have to do, punch the thing?”

The girl looked at him with a sheepish grin, shrugging.

John slapped his forehead, groaning. “Wow, you’re serious.” The tornado was literally in front of them right now, and should by all rights have sucked him and the mystery girl in. If the tornado had a face it would have the same expression as John’s. And would actually have a spot where he could punch it. “Here goes nothing.”

He stepped back, took a deep breath, raised a fist, and punched straight into the twister.

“Huh. I thought that would work.” The girl said.

Nothing happened. For about half a second, until the whole thing exploded.

 

When he came to, John was at his seat on the plane, evidently the only passenger left on board. A flight attendant was politely nudging him to wake up and get out of the plane, which he did. He yawned, pushing up his glasses and rubbing his eye as he left his seat and went into the airport. There he did normal airport things, like wait for his baggage to come out of the luggage belt, grab some breakfast since he slept through the whole trip, go to the bathroom and freak out because what the hell the tornado was right behind him.

He stepped back from the mirror, bumping into a balding man in a suit. The man turned his nose on him and grumbled at John, but he didn’t seem to notice the tornado like John was. He mumbled out an apology and hurriedly left the bathroom, pinching his nose. It was that dream. It had to be. John still remembered what happened in it as if it was real, but it couldn’t have been. After all, dreams are dreams. If he started believing that, then he was going crazy.

And maybe he was. He saw the tornado again, this time when he glanced at the metal table he was sitting in front of. The chair he was sitting on slid back with a grating noise as it moved across the floor, but this time he didn’t bump into anyone, which was good. The fries he was eating ended up thrown into the air by a freak whirlwind though, which was bad. People were starting to look at him, so he hurriedly picked up whatever fries were left, because Dad Joestar didn’t raise him to waste food, and left the airport in a hurry.

“What the hell is happening...” John muttered to himself as he got inside a taxi. He glanced into the rear view mirror as the car drove off, and in it he saw the tornado once again. As he looked closer, it became more solid, if such a word could be used to describe it. John was also pretty sure that weird stalker tornados weren’t supposed to look as if it was forming a human head, but it was. And it had eyes, a pair of orbs glowing like neon. They were blue, like his, which didn’t really comfort him much. “What are you?”

The word came to him, on instinct.


	2. John: Take a breather

Stand. That’s the word he heard in his head. That thing, the living twister that wouldn’t leave him alone was called a Stand. It was a stupid name, John reflected as he walked around the supermarket near campus, picking out things he would need if he was going to live here. All he brought with him were some clothes, a few personal objects, and several cans of shaving cream. That last one was a gift from his father, as if the pipe wasn’t enough. When he was younger John always found his father’s dedication to maintaining his classic 50’s man of the house image annoying. Now though it just came off as weird. If Nanna’s old photo albums were any indication he always acted like that, ever since he was a teenager. Someday John would have the nerve to ask him what was up with that, but today is (was) not that day. 

Speaking of strange things he probably couldn’t talk about with anyone else, the Stand showed up once again. It loomed behind him like a swirling spectre made of wind while he debated what to eat for dinner, deciding at last on grabbing some instant ramen off the shelves. Its presence rankled John’s mood, but he was doing his best to ignore it and get on with his life. It wasn't like it was really doing a lot besides follow him around, and John found that if he thought about it hard enough the Stand would go away. Wanting to focus on the important matter of food, he stuck the noodle cup in the crook of his arm, pinched his nose waved his hand dismissively at it. That usually did the trick.

It was a peculiar-looking being, this Stand. It stood, if you could use that word to describe a floating ghost, about the same height as John was, if a little wider and bulkier. The being was shaped like a human, if you took a bunch of swirling winds and stuck them together to form the general shape of a person. There was a headband worn at around the spot just above the ears if it had ears, which had three curved horns closely resembling claws pointing upwards set in front of the band. On its shoulders were yellow pads, ones that tapered up downwards to a point at the end, with several cords of pink rope hanging down. Several lengths of pink chain hung around its ‘neck’, staying in place as if its chest was actually solid instead of composed of wind. It wore a loincloth around its waist, though why it would bother John would never understand. Not like it was hiding anything underneath, right? 

His face paled as he stopped short, contemplating that thought. There was nothing there, right? His hand reached towards the cloth unconsciously, only stopping when he realized what he was about to do. There shouldn’t be anything there at all, he was sure. This windy thing was just that, wind. So what if everything besides its head was anatomically correct? But well, surely it won’t be _that_ accurate. Why would an imaginary ghost made of wind need its own junk?

Whatever thoughts he may have of what the loincloth hid were going to have to wait. He only remembered now that no one else could see his stand, so to the tall dark-skinned policeman holding a basketful of microwave dinners staring at him, he probably looked insane.

“Boy.” He said, his voice low enough to have a subtle rumble as he spoke. “Are you high?”  
John retracted his stand, disappearing to whatever space it came from. He scratched the back of his head, smiling sheepishly at the officer. “No sir.”

“Then why,” He raised an eyebrow, the universal sign of scepticism. “Have you been standing there for the past two minutes, grasping at thin air?”

He hid the offending hand behind his back, continuing to smile. Back home everyone knew everyone in the neighbourhood, even the police officers. Smiling helped with talking to them, but evidently the cops here were different. “Just tired sir. I only arrived here yesterday.”

“Get some rest, boy.” The officer said. “School starts in a week. If you keep going around town half-asleep people will think you’ve partaking in illegal substances.” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t do drugs, it’s illegal. And don’t park at no parking zones, that’s illegal too. And don’t release live sharks into the sewage system. That’s very illegal.” He didn't seem upset in particular. He was after all, only warning the kid. Save the shouting for the real troublemakers. Damn rulebreakers.

When the officer finished and left, John's stand reappeared behind him. It didn’t have a mouth, but he was certain if it did that the stand would be laughing at him right now, or at the very least trying for a snicker. That’s how he’d react, at least. He dismissed his stand once more, added some chips to his basket bringing the lot of goodies up to the registers and paid for everything. That encounter with the cop had made him too annoyed to stay outside today, though that warning about sharks was more confusing than anything else. He left with his purchases and made the short walk back to the University.

To be precise, back to Robert Speedwagon University. Established by the philanthropist and oil tycoon that bore its name, it wasn’t the most prestigious university, but was well-known for being at the cutting edge of medical technology and for its extensive scholarship program. John’s father studied here and had suggested it as a possibility several times. That wasn’t the main reason why he decided to enroll though. What had been appealing about it for him was how far away from home it was. And, most importantly, without his father’s warm but suffocating tendency to dote on him. In theory, his academic plan was to study cinema, but that’s mostly just what he had said to get as far away from Oregon as possible. Texas was a long way away, and picking RSU had made his father happy. It was a win-win situation. 

The campus was sprawling, making up roughly a third of the town of Doughty. Walls taller than some houses surrounded the University, serving as a border between it and the town itself, though there were no gates that blocked passage from the many entrances into the University. John’s dormitory was beyond these walls, a short walk away from the theatre building. Housing within the school was relatively cheap, and was in fact free for scholars. John wasn’t one though, thank you very much 11th grade Spanish, but his Father was more than willing to pay if it meant his son was to stay within the safety of the campus grounds. 

He took the elevator to the third floor, and then walked down the corridor to the door at the very end of the hallway. Room Fourteen. This was going to be his home away from home for the next three to four years. He reached for his keys but when he turned the knob it turned out to be unlocked. John nudged the door open and stepped inside, putting his keys back into his pocket. Then he heard the most cacophonic noise he'd ever heard in his life, a shrill, piercing note that stabbed into his cranium. He placed his hands on his ears, the sound making him grate his teeth. It was bad enough for his stand to automatically come out in front of him to assault the source, but he quickly willed it away before it broke anything. 

“Dude! Can you keep it down!? What the hell!” John yelled, thumping his fist against the wall in a mix of blind rage at this assault on his sense and in the hopes of getting the culprits attention over the shrill din.

It apparantly did as the sound mercifully abated, just as abruptly as it started. “Sorry about that, man.” Came a voice from the left side of the room. “Just checkin’ out my gear to see if hasn’t gone to shit city all cramped up in that box.” 

“I’m guessing it has?” John asked, annoyed.

“Hell no. My baby still works perfectly. Cleaned up shit city so good you could eat off the street. The mayor even handed me a medal for it. Thank you Dave Strider you sexy beast, for cleaning the shittiest city in shit county, with your sick-ass beats and your wonderful good looks.” His roommate replied. 

“Other people live on this floor, you know.” John grumbled. “Maybe you could turn it down?”  
“Dude we’re the only people on this floor right now, chill out.” He paused. “Well there’s that guy in Room Twelve, the big one with the broken glasses who looks like he chugs protein shakes all day.”

“The sweaty one?”

“Yep.”

Oh, him. John didn’t want to think too much about that guy. “He actually looks like the kind of person who’d like your awful music.”

Dave shrugged. “Haters gonna hate.”

John rolled his eyes and went about his business, storing his food in a cabinet on his side of the room. The dormitory rooms were large enough that he and Dave would have enough space for all of their stuff, but in John’s case that wasn’t much. Dave’s on the other hand was completely cluttered. His bed was a mess, a pair of turn tables sitting at the middle of it. There was an open bag of chips sitting on top a lampshade on the floor, with a cement block painted with graffiti on top of the small cabinet it was supposed to sit on. A poster of Snoop Dogg was on the wall of his side of the room, given an Andy Warhol-style makeover. His cabinet was open, showing that he hadn’t even bothered to fold his clothes. John didn’t really mind any of it, except for the fact that on a shelf nailed under the sole window of the room he had several dead animals inside jars. Well, one of them was a bug encased in amber, and the other was really more of a fossil, but the others held dead crows, preserved in formaldehyde and who knows what else. It was hard not to stare at them.

“Dude, I’m gonna ask again, are you sure you’re comfy with these out in the open?” Dave asked while he grabbed his turntables and hid them under his bed. “I’m cool with it.”

“...Maybe not the crows.” John admitted. “No offense, but they’re really creepy.”

“Aight.” He answered, his expression hard to read, and not just because of the shades.

To John, Dave Strider was a strange one. A Texas native, he contrasted John heavily in terms of looks and personality. Where he was strongly built, Dave was thin and wiry, almost scrawny compared to him. Where John towered over most people, Dave was of average height, but he looked shorter due to a tendency to slouch. While John was blunt to the point of rudeness, Dave had a roundabout way of talking about everything. He liked him a lot, because Dave was a pretty nice guy when it all came down to it, even if he was a little weird and never took off his sunglasses.

Before he knew it the dead crows had been hidden underneath the bed along with the turntables and who knows what else. Dave wasn’t one to laze around though, because as soon as he’d finished with that he put on a jacket and proceeded to walk out of the room.

“Going somewhere?” John asked while he sat in front of his study desk, checking on his laptop. 

“Just walkin’ around town, see if there’s any place good to eat around here.” Dave answered, stretching his arms. “Maybe get some Italian food.”

With that he left, leaving John alone in the room. There wasn’t much to do here, and once John sent his Dad a message telling he’s fine and checking his email he had nothing else to do. Well, there was one other thing. He consciously called upon his Stand, which appeared beside him this time, looking at him expectantly. This was the first time he’d ever called upon his stand consciously. He dismissed it, then called back to it once again, the stand complying with his thoughts instantly. He thought about closing Dave’s cabinet, and when he did it floated towards it and slammed the door shut. A little more forceful than he wanted, but it did it.

Interesting. 

John stood up from his seat and left his room, ordering his stand to lock the door. It took the keys out of his pocket and proceeded to lock the door, but left the key inside the hole. He mentally ordered his stand to take the key out and return it in his pocket before heading out of the dormitory. Maybe it was time for him to do a little exploring as well.

 

He walked out of the building and up the street, passing by the odd student or two heading out of school. There weren’t a lot of people around, but that will change soon once the school year starts. He wandered the campus, always staying under the shade of buildings alongside the street. As he did so his stand followed him closely, moving its head back and forth and looking at the buildings around them. Whatever his stand looked at, John could see as well; when he willed it to turn around he could see a dark-skinned blonde woman around his age dressed in red, sitting on a bench with a book in hand. Whatever it touched, he could feel it as well. He ordered it to stop floating around and start walking like he was, and he could feel the warmth of the pavement on his bare feet, though diluted. 

 

As he was on his stroll, John came across a secluded garden, hidden behind an old, baroque building near the western edge of campus. It was nice and cool here, and he could take a break. There were several benches here, all arrayed in a circle around a pile of raked up grass, freshly mowed. He sat down on the one under the shade of a tree, and promptly sneezed because the garden had a lot of flowers in bloom and the pollen was getting into his nose. This wouldn’t have been noteworthy had his sneeze not prompted his stand to unleash a whirlwind that sent that pile all around and above him. He brushed off the leaves that fell on his head, annoyed. Grass stalks were everywhere, and he didn’t want to dare try removing the ones on his head and body with another gust. So he did it the old-fashioned way, hoping that he wouldn’t get in trouble for this.

As he brushed off the grass with his hands, John noticed something peculiar. First, there were small scratches on his fingers. Second, tiny green orbs surrounded him, floating in mid-air. Curious, he picked one up between his fingers, and brought it closer for a better look at it. That was when the green orb began to glow, increase in size rapidly and explode, leaving scratches on his glasses. The other orbs detonated as well, but John managed to shield his face with his arms. 

“You...” A squeaky, high-pitched voice said in front of him. Where the pile of grass had been before was a short, stout man in a custodian’s jumpsuit, holding a cane made of black wood that had the skull of a cow on top of it, painted blue. The skull didn’t have eyeholes, which wasn’t really that disturbing. The part where a long tongue came out of it was. “I just raked that!”

“I’m sorry.” John said calmly. “It was an accident. If you want I can help you clean it up.”  
“Don’t care.” He replied. The custodian dipped the cane’s head down to the ground, where its tongue began to lick all the fallen grass blades. Whatever it licked floated up, becoming spherical.

It was a morbid sight, and he had to know what was happening. “Uh, dude, what’s with the stick?” John asked.

From the way his face scrunched up, it didn’t look like he expected John to notice. “How can you see it? Are you another stand user?”

At the man’s accusation John’s stand immediately manifested itself, fists raised. “W-what? You’re a stand user?” 

The man placed two fingers in his mouth, bending down as he raised his cane up into the air in a forty-five degree angle. The cane’s tongue lashed out towards him as it did, but John’s stand immediately shielded him from harm. He turned and ran, moving frantically as he tried to put some distance between himself and the attacker. All around him the grass orbs detonated in pops like bubblegum bubbles, but most of them had been blocked by his stand’s strong arms. He could still feel the cuts on his own skin, which stung. John had been in worse situations, but his gut instinct told him that this one was going to get even worse. 

As he reached the edge of the garden, arms stretched out and calling for help his instincts were proven right. Louder pops rang through his ears, and he fell down to the ground. He turned on his back, and saw that all around his stand’s legs were grey orbs, larger than the ones before. Rocks. If this man could turn grass into exploding balls, he could do the same with other things. Some floated upwards, exploding on his chest. John felt like he’d been socked in the kidneys, saliva dripping down his mouth as he coughed violently from each detonation. His breathing became labored as he panicked, afraid of what was going to happen next. Even his stand looked as bad as he felt. Where earlier it had a physique that would take years to acquire, now it looked scrawny and ill-defined, its limbs twigs compared to earlier.

“You’re a student here, aren’t you?” The man walked closer towards him, but not too close. He was eyeing John’s stand as he spoke, but took his gaze off it when he noticed it becoming smaller. “Well, guess that don’t matter. I won’t kill you, but I’ll beat you so badly you’ll regret ever making my job harder than it has to be! Heheh, maybe twenty, thirty stone orbs ought to satisfy me...”

John stared at him, wide-eyed. He knew that the man meant every word. The man was going to beat him up, break every bone in his body. He tried to crawl away on his elbows and call for help, any help. It was no use. He wasn’t fast enough, and there wasn’t anyone around besides him and his attacker. And there wasn’t anything he could do but take it.  
In that moment, John felt a clarity he’d never experienced before. His mind cleared of all distractions, all fears. He stopped trembling, and he began to control his breathing, counting in ones and twos until he calmed down. This wasn’t going to happen to him, he wasn’t going to be beaten within an inch of his life. John was a Joestar, and his Father always said that you can’t beat Joestars in a fight that easily. 

As more and more stone spheres surrounded him, ready to blow, John rose up, legs trembling. He pointed a finger at his assailant, his other arm crossed over his chest. His stand moved in front of him, now restored to its former state. No, if anything, it looked bigger. 

“Uh, what are you doing?” The assailant asked, his stand continuing to make more balloon bombs. Dozens of them surrounded John now, but he wasn’t worried. There was no way he could attack him without getting pass the wall of explosives, which wasn’t going to happen even if his stand was beefed up.

“Fighting back!” It occurred to John that he hadn’t named his stand yet. He’d actually been thinking about it since he acquired it, but only now did he decide on a name. “In one blow, I’m going to beat you with my stand, MC Hammer!”

The assailant, grit his teeth, flailing his cane wildly. “Y-you don’t scare me with your huge stand, boy! I’m going to blow you up right here, right now!”

Grey orbs around John began to enlarge. In a second, they would explode, grievously injuring John. But that was one second too slow. Instead, MC Hammer extended both arms, fists closed. A powerful gust of wind blew out of the arms, sucking in all the orbs around John in a small twister, redirecting all of them back at the attacker. The orbs, all two or three dozen of them, detonated in a loud explosion that sent John’s assailant flying away from him, crashing into a hedge. 

The man crawled out of the hedge, his head bleeding profusely. He tried to reach for his cane, which he’d dropped in the attack, but found John’s foot on top of it, the young man looming over him, his finger still pointed at his face. “Actually, I was wrong. It’s going to take twenty, maybe thirty more blows before I’m satisfied!”

MC Hammer surged forward, grabbing the man by his collar and throwing him into the air. John was true to his word, and struck at him thirty times before finishing him off with an uppercut. When it was over John looked around, only now realizing what he had done. Maybe he’d overdone it. He snuck out of the garden before anyone else could see him standing over a badly beaten man.

Fighting people with your weird wind ghost had a tendency to leave you too tired to do much else. John limped back to the dormitory, thankful that his roommate hadn’t arrived yet when he opened the door. Fighting with your weird wind ghost also did a number on your wardrobe. His jacket and pants were ripped up, but at least that was the worst of it. His wounds weren’t as bad as they felt, but he’d need to get them checked up tomorrow just in case. Once he had changed his clothes to something that didn’t look like they belonged in a 90s grunge band, he crawled back into bed and laid there face down, dozing off and dreaming of parachute pants. He'd consider the implications of other stand users, beating them up, and how he felt about inflicting harm, even if in self defense, on someone else, when he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stand Name: MC Hammer  
> Stand User: John  
> Destructive Power: E-A  
> Speed: E-A  
> Range: E  
> Durability: E-A  
> Precision: D  
> Development Potential: A  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a humanoid of whirlwind. Its power is dependent on its user's breathing:the more efficient the more powerful. As John has only acquired his stand he still does not know the full extent of its abilities.
> 
> Stand Name: Blue Moon  
> Stand User: Deuce  
> Destructive Power: D  
> Speed: D  
> Range: C  
> Durability: B  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: E  
> Ability: A stand taking the form of a cane. Objects the cane touches inflate like a baloon, which explode with enough force to harm others.
> 
>  
> 
> A/N:
> 
> Alright, Chapter 2's out. It's a lot longer than the 1st one, but I wanted to flesh things and establish the setting better. It also lets me introduce some other characters in advance. I hope it wasn't too obvious who they were. 
> 
> Originally the fight with Clubs Deuce was going to be a lot more violent, but my beta reader suggested to tone it down since it was only the start of the story. Oh well, I'll have to make it up in later chapters then.


	3. John, Rose: Light 'em up

  
After the incident at the garden John didn’t encounter any more stands or otherwise abnormal occurances for the rest of the week. He’d  actually  spent the next few days doing  incredibly  normal things - making friends, familiarizing himself with the campus grounds, calling his Dad , and  certainly  not thinking about how beat a man to within an inch of his life. Of course, had John not fought back he would likely be in the hospital right now, trying to explain how a short man and his magic  tongue  cane turned a pile of rocks into grenades and then nearly killed him when they exploded at point blank range . When faced with a situation like that resorting to violence was justified, especially if his life was on the line. John had continued to ponder on the ramifications of that battle and what  it might  mean for him from here on out, but any introspection  was curtailed once he realized just what he could do with an ability that only a rare few can see.  Namely, the infinite capacity of mischief he could get into, and more importantly, he could get away with.  


 

  
Take for instance the events of the first day of class, when he had discretely caused the toupee of the professor to fly off with MC Hammer’s ability. While this was normally merely amusing, what put it to rip-roaringly hilarious was when he made the professor chase after his wig as it was carried off by the winds his stand generates. Events eventually escalated to the wig flying into someone’s mouth, which earned laughter from everyone in the room. Or  for another example,  the antics he instigated days later, when people found their food getting blown into their faces at abrupt and seemingly random moments. None of those pranks would compare to his favourite trick at the moment, the one where MC Hammer would play poltergeist and move objects at random, much to confusion of his targets. At one point he made his roommate Dave’s jars of preserved animals move around at random, convincing him that the dead spirits of his crows were pestering him from beyond.   


 

Right now he was in the process of another prank, this one aimed at people inside one of the university libraries. Many students wishing to study in peace went to these secluded buildings, where people could do their work without the noise caused by people going about their daily lives. It was the perfect place to spring his prank, where no one would expect him. It was even better since it was early in the evening, when most people would be heading to their dormitories right about now. Even though no one could see his stand it was much easier to set up pranks when there weren’t a lot of people around. There were all sorts of tricks he could pull on the unsuspecting library goers, but as he took a seat on a stool by a window, watching his fellow students, he decided to play it safe for now. John summoned MC Hammer to his side, and he would give it a high-five if it wouldn’t look weird. His current target was a young blonde woman on the table next to him, writing something on a book bound in dark purple leather. Several more books lay on top of the table, some open, most stacked up, but she paid them only a cursory glance before returning to her work. 

 

John found his chance when the woman sighed, stood up and collected some of the books, disappearing into the shelves. With his stand’s enhanced sight he found that she had left the book she was writing on open. Rubbing his hands, he commanded MC Hammer to move towards the table and write a vaguely ominous ‘threat’ from a ‘ghost’. His stand hovered over the woman’s table, unseen to all, and picked up the pen she was using. It was surprisingly cute, encased in bright purple casing with an end cap shaped in the form of a smiling cat with long whiskers. This really stood out to John, since the owner dressed like someone who’d watched too many Addams Family reruns.  Just in case, he looked back to the direction where the woman went off, to make sure she still hadn’t returned. It didn’t take long, a few seconds at the most, but in that brief time he felt the pen between his fingers disappear. 

 

That was unusual. He hadn’t commanded MC Hammer to do anything with it yet. John saw through his stand’s eyes, and with its sight he confirmed that the pen was gone. As was the book. Confused, he got up from his seat and approached the woman’s table. There was no trace of the book, or of the pen. He tried looking underneath the table, both with his own eyes and his stand’s, but found only dried bubblegum. The book and pen’s sudden disappearance shouldn’t bother him, but not knowing how this came to be nagged at the back of his mind. He considered asking the woman about it when she came back, but decided against it; figuring out a trick was half the fun. When he looked backed up to the spot on the table that was supposedly empty, he found something there. It was a piece of paper, ripped out from a book. It didn’t look anything out of the ordinary, but when he touched it the paper had a strange texture, almost leaf-like. What’s more, it was weightless, as if he was touching air. There was only one sentence written on it, in purple script.

 

_It’s rude to spy on someone’s private journal._

 

  
Upon further examination , John 's assumption was proven wrong. When he turned the paper around there was another message written behind it , equally brief and equally   


 

_You’ve watched the James Bond movies, haven’t you?_

 

And that’s when the paper exploded in a flash of searing light. 

 

  
John toppled over, and would’ve hit his head on the wall had his stand not caught him in time. He was seeing stars, if stars looked like multi-colored blobs hovering around the face of a worried-looking librarian. Other people were looking at him, in the way people who looked in the other direction attempted to do the limbo with their corneas. He waved off the librarian, scratching the back of his head and playing off his sudden fall as a simple  miscalculation of gravity . Before any more questions, especially ones concerning how a blinding light had just flared up inside the library could be asked he excused himself and left as quickly as possible.  


 

  
He was still a bit unbalanced from the experience, but even so he hurried as quickly as his feet c ould  get him back to the dormitory. John had suspected that there were more stand users around, but he had not expected another one to show up so soon. In hindsight, he supposed he had deserved it for attempting to pull a prank on her, for he was absolutely certain that the user had been the woman he was targeting. On the other hand, using what amounts to a flash grenade for trying to write something innocuous and ultimately harmless was overkill. There must be something about having magic ghosts doing their bidding that makes stand users overreact, he thought.   


 

As he followed the path back to the dormitory, he felt a strong hand clamp down on his neck, the fingers not quite circling his neck. A crowd of people going about their business surrounded John, many in a rush, and if he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk he might end up bumping into the more hasty pedestrians by accident. Of course, being a head above the average person and almost as wide meant that people found it easy to avoid him, but that never stopped the sufficiently distracted before. So he summoned MC Hammer to look at his back.

 

  
There was a hand alright. A large pink hand, one that looked more like a gorilla’s than a human being. This detail didn’t really worry John as much as the fact that it had no arm, unless you counted a floating length of chain as one. When MC Hammer saw it the hand dug its fingers into his jacket and pulled. The crowd around John parted in the same efficiency and order a skier would have trying to outrun an avalanche and failing. It was all John could do not to be thrown off his feet as he  was  dragged backwards into one of the buildings, a small two-story structure used by the school culinary program and its commissary.   


 

He considered screaming for help, but no one would believe him. He also considered striking back with MC Hammer, but before the order could crystallize in his mind the hand’s fingers tightened around his neck like a noose. He bit down on his lip as his legs went limp in pain, pain that continued to get worse as the arm pulled him in. Unable to hold it in, John screamed as loudly as he could. No one would hesitate to help him now, and he could come up with an excuse later, or he would, if anyone heard him. As it was, nobody even noticed him being dragged into the back doors of the university’s culinary building.

 

It was cold inside and dark save for a few lights still open. He must’ve been in the area where they stored perishables. There should still be a few people around, so he commanded his stand to start punch the fire alarm on the wall by the door as quickly as it could. John’s order came in too late however, as when MC Hammer struck it missed, striking the wall instead. It may not have done what John intended, but it allowed him to learn three things; the first, that his stand had a limited range, the second, that it got weaker the farther it was from him, and the third, that the enemy stand was preventing any sound from being heard. He attempted to command his stand to break the chain, but he remembered a fourth fact that was relevant to his situation right now; the more irregular his breathing became, the weaker his stand was, and being choked to death was making him very weak.

 

That would have been the end of it for him, but a bright stream of light shot out from the direction of the doorway and struck the chain connected to the hand. The fingers around John’s neck released him, the chain dragging itself away beyond a swing door leading to a room that smelt of cold meat. John’s rescuer stepped forward, holding what was clearly a pen in her hand, its tip glowing brightly. She was a woman, the same blonde, dark-skinned woman he was to prank earlier this evening. Her other hand held a book close to her chest. She was bending slightly backwards as she aimed here pen like a gun at the hallway beyond, arm raised up and bent down. John was right with his assessment earlier; she looked like someone out of an Addams family rerun, if any of the Addamses would wear pins of silver in the shape of squids on their black ankle-length skirts.  

 

  
When the coast was clear she helped John up, opening her mouth to speak but finding no words coming out. She opened the book in her hand, wrote on it, and showed the page to John.  _How are you feeling?_   


 

  
Since John couldn’t speak either, he wrote on the open page with his own pen.  _Better than a guy who was choking to death should be._   


 

  
The woman nodded.  _Rose Lalonde. Thank goodness you’re fine. We should leave before that thing returns._   


 

  
John shook his head, to his own surprise.  _John Joestar. And you go ahead. I think I’ll sleep better if I take care of this now. I’m pretty sure they’ll be back to attack me again._   


 

  
Rose  tsked in  disagree ment but shook her head after a moment .  _If that is the case then I shall join you. They know I helped you and will likely come after me after they finish with you, whoever this person is._   


 

  
John couldn’t really argue with her logic, and he knew that two against one were better odds.  _Alright, if you insist Rose, but stay close. My stand MC Hammer’s strong and fast, but it can’t move far from me._   


 

  
_Stand?_ She looked at him, smirking.  


 

  
_It’s what they’re called._ John shrugged. He didn’t really know why he’d called it that, but it fits. Other people did too, so it wasn’t just him.  


 

  
_I would have gone with a more...personal name, but I_ _suppose I_ _can see why they’d be called as such._ Rose nodded.  _My stand is called Lovin’ Spoonfull. It can absorb and emit light, but its form prevents me from using it the way you can use yours._   


 

  
John remembered the groundskeeper and his stand. It wasn’t a humanoid being like his was, and Rose’s wasn’t as well. He wondered if there was a reason for this and if there were more people with stands like his. This thread of thought would have to be pursued later and ideally with  the aid of  Rose’s insight . She gave off a n aura of kn o w ing a lot more than she let on and would be pleased to tell you about it. They had an enemy stand user to deal with first.  


 

The room beyond was a freezer, a long hallway converted into a place where meat could be safely stored in a preserved state. It was also barely lit, filled with cow carcasses hanging from meat hooks in two rows, and was freezing. Both John and Rose were clad in light fabrics for the Texas heat, so they needed to get out of here fast before they catch a cold or worse.

 

  
_Nobody here._ John wrote.   


 

  
_They could be at the other side._ Rose pointed ahead. There was another set of swing doors across the hall, though part of it was obscured by a mist rising from the vents.   


 

  
_Let’s go._ John stepped forward, trying to keep his teeth chattering while he closed up the buttons of his jacket. He glanced to his side to see that Rose had her arms folded. Her expression betrayed no emotion, but from how she was shaking , the cold was getting to her too.  


 

  
Worrying about the cold was understandable, but in their haste to get out neither of them noticed one of the carcasses swinging in place, until it collided with Rose and sent her flying towards John. He called out MC Hammer, catching her immediately before  they collided . The cow carcass swung back, but before it could hit Rose again John put MC Hammer in front of them, hitting it with a flurry of punches. Against the barrage of hits the carcass was pushed back, crashing into the wall in front of them. Rose shone a light at it, and in doing so exposed a chain slithering out from behind.  


 

Just as this happened, the carcass adjacent to them on the other side swung towards them, the force strong enough to send both of them flying into carcass he’d just deflected. MC Hammer took the brunt of it, shielding John and Rose once again from injury. It didn’t stop the pain they both felt though, but neither one was crushed by that attack so that was something.

 

  
_There’s two hands!_ John managed to write on Rose’s book, a second before the chain hand he’d deflected earlier struck. It was swinging another chain around, this one ending in a hook.  


 

Rose put a stop to that, firing a beam of light from her pen. She intended to hit the hand, but it threw the hook towards them at the same time she released her shot. Sparks flew as the hook was deflected, its tip deformed from the hit, steam rising from it. 

 

  
_We need to hurry. We’ll run towards the door._ Rose wrote. She visibly panting and the light from her pen was  beginning to  fad e . That beam attack must  have  take n a lot out of her.  


 

  
_Which way?_ John asked. In response, she tapped the top of the page they were both writing on, specifically the passage about these people not stopping until they were both dead.  


 

He grinned, and ran forward, Rose following behind. As they ran the gauntlet of dead cows did not cease, but MC Hammer was stronger and faster. Each one threatening to crush the two of them were punched back. They ran as fast as they could, almost reaching the door on the other side. The room was littered with ruined carcasses, and there was only one more swinging cow of doom to deflect and they were home free. MC Hammer wasted no time in destroying the last one before it even started to swing, but John had not expected the second hand to burst out of the corpse as it was destroyed, grabbing John’s stand by the head and slamming it on the ground.

 

Rose gasped as she saw John mimic his stand’s predicament, crashing down onto the floor, his face bleeding. She saw the second fist fly towards her, fingers splayed open as it intended to grab her. She was right. They really were going to go after both of them. 

 

Discussing the mere possibility of being attacked and having it actually happen were two different things, and it scared Rose more than the horror novels she enjoyed reading.

But unlike the horror novels, she couldn’t afford to let the fear overwhelm her. With her gaze set towards the incoming hand, she fired her likely last shot of light. The beam surged forward, a ray of yellow that cut through the gloom and the mist. It missed the hand by a mile, but that wasn’t her target. Instead the beam was aimed at the other hand, the one pinning MC Hammer down. It struck the hand’s chain with a flash of light and steam hissing around them, forcing it to let the stand of wind go. The enemy stand’s chains rattled as they withdrew, but they weren’t finished yet.

 

Now free, John could focus his strength on attacking. MC Hammer stood up and pointed two fingers at the retreating hands, an action it mimicked from its master. It sent a spinning gust forward, catching both hands and their chains mid-air. The small twister caused both hands to tangle into one another, but that wasn’t all. The twister sucked in all the cold air around them, exposing the still-hot chain Rose had just shot at with a massive drop in temperature. Most metals, when exposed to such sudden change in temperature, become brittle.

The enemy stand’s chains, which served as its arms, were clearly made of metal. 

 

  
Neither of them could hear it, but John  could  imagine an all-too human screaming coming from the chains as it shattered. The hand it was attached to hit the ground,  writhing .  Both chains, still tangled together, slithered away like snakes, dragging the remaining hand with them. The severed hand limped after them, but a spiked heel stomped down on it.  Rose sighed and closed her eyes, pressing her foot down for good measure. While the arms may have been destroyed, there was no telling how quickly the enemy stand could recover. With a knowing nod to each other the two stand users left the meat freezer after the enemy.  


They enter a hallway much like the one before, silent and devoid of people. Mist clung to the walls, a fine cloud that obscured what little lights were still open. The chains continued to drag itself away, back towards its master. John and Rose followed closely, their steps slow and deliberate. Eventually they find the chains slither through another door. John opened the door with his stand, but before he could go in Rose blocks the way with an outstretched arm. 

 

John looks at her, eyebrows raised.

 

  
_It could be a trap. Let me go first._ She wrote.  


 

_Yeah, it probably is. I should go in first then. MC Hammer can react faster._

 

  
Rose shook her head.  _Trust me on this. And besides, a lady should always go first._   


 

John wanted to argue further, but Rose refused to budge. He let her have her way, hanging back as she opened the door and went inside. 

 

  
It was dark inside, the only light coming from Rose’s pen. The only indication that there was anything there was a spot on the floor darker than the rest. It was human-shaped, and blood was pooling around it at the edges. When Rose shined her pen towards the figure, they confirmed it was indeed a human being, a large man who had an apron wrapped around his arms, lying prone on the floor.  A little ways b ehind  the man was even bigger figure, which resembled a massive torso sitting atop a pedestal. John recognized the man from the university commissary, as one of the food servers. The larger figure glowed with a similar aura to the hands that had been their foe the past hour. John supposed this was the Stand's main body. It seemed more protective than aggressive right now though.  


 

  
Rose glanced towards John, ripping out a piece of paper from her book and  quickly shoving it in front of  him.  _Close your eyes, and punch forward._   


 

  
She  then  threw the paper into air, where it glowed yellow and exploded in a searing flash. John closed his eyes just seconds before this happened, but this close he could still see and feel the brightness of the light from behind his eyelids. He couldn’t rely on his own eyes, but he still had his stand’s. John summoned it immediately, and with its eyes he found that there was one other person in the room.   


 

  
It was another man, wearing the blue jumpsuit of an electrical technician, covering his face with his hand. He had a pistol in his other hand, ready to fire. At his feet was a creature which John judged to be most likely his stand. A legless, hunched creature like an armadillo, with several pipes jutting out of its plated back. Mist wafted out of these pipes, flowing out into the room. Despite the man's blinded state, he still fired the gun, sending four rounds flying. His shots thankfully going wide and missing their mark.  


 

  
MC Hammer surged forward, sending out a barrage of fists and wind that deflected the bullets back at the shooter. The man screamed a soundless scream as two bullets hit his legs. He screamed even more when John commanded his stand to keep punching, battering the man with dozens of blows. MC Hammer finished it with a right hook to the side; one that made the cringingly familiar sound of ribs cracking. The technician’s stand faded away taking the mist with it, his partner’s stand following not too soon.  


 

  
“I am glad this fight is over.” Rose groaned, slumping against the wall. She let go of both book and pen, disappearing as stands do when no longer needed. “I don’t know about you, John, but I’m going to take an hour long bath after this.” She turned her head to him and smiled tiredly.  


 

“Eh, I think I’m going to buy some dinner first.” John patted his stomach, grinning. “Stand fights take a lot out of you.”

 

  
“Dinner would be good, yes.” Rose looked at the enemies they’d defeated. Both of them were employees of the university. There were hundreds of them, and you never really noticed these people until you needed to. “ Before either of those though. do you mind if I ask  why they attacked you in the first place?”  


 

  
“Oh, yeah.” John shrugged. “Well, an ... accident happened  while I was figuring out how to use my stand, and this groundskeeper guy got mad and tried to beat me up with his exploding stone balls. I think they’re his friends.”  


 

Rose stared at him for a solid minute, her expression saying it all. “That.” She began. “Sounds about right. And now this puts to mind the possibility that we may be facing more enemies now that we have put these two out of commission.”

 

"We?" John raised an eyebrow. "No offense, but I can take care of myself. Besides I wouldn't want other people getting hurt because of me. That'd be real awkward."

 

"Really now, John." Rose crossed her eyes, smiling. "Must I remind you who saved your life from today? I don't want another word out of it. I shall involve myself in your plight, and there is nothing you can do about it."

 

John groaned, slapping his forehead. His stand mimicked the action, eliciting an amused smirk from Rose. “Bluh. Yeah that’ll probably happen. I don’t even want to think about that right now I just want to sink my teeth into a burger or something.”

 

“Fair enough. I am rather famished as well.” Rose nodded. “There’s a good burger place downtown. Want to go with me?”

 

“Two’s better than one.” John said, shrugging. “But only if you’re paying.”

 

  
“Ah.” Rose’s stand pen appeared in between her fingers, tapping it against her chin as she considered this . “ How about:  I’ll buy the fries, you get the drinks. Deal?”  


 

“Deal.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stand Name: Amore  
> Stand User: Boxcars  
> Destructive Power: A  
> Speed: E  
> Range: B  
> Durability: C  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: A stand taking the form of a 2 meter tall muscular humanoid. Its hands can stretch out with chains attached to them that can change direction in mid-air.
> 
> Stand Name: Danny Boy  
> Stand User: Droog  
> Destructive Power: E  
> Speed: C  
> Range: C  
> Durability:C  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: A stand taking the form of a legless armadillo-like creature. It can release smoke from the chimney-like parts on its back that can remove sound.
> 
> A/N
> 
> Chapter 3, fresh out of editing! I had a lot of fun writing this fight. This one took a bit longer to finish since I'm not confident with how I write Rose, so I hope I did her justice in this one. Personally I've always found her pesterlogs to be the most entertaining. 
> 
> Next chapter will have all four kids together, as well as a certain stab-happy lovable rogue.


	4. John, Rose: Make Some Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets up with a friend from his dreams. So far, it's going surprisingly well.

Exhaustion is the eternal enemy of the college student. Whether it was running around all over campus trying to get to class or pulling an all-nighter on a paper due the following morning, exhaustion is an ever present force that threatens to bring you down in a terrific fiery end. Of course, this was true for many things, especially for what came after one’s higher studies was finished. The day to day grind of the work week, raising children, taking care of pets, and so much more things threatened to cause the human body to collapse, the toll being physical, mental, or even emotional. For John Joestar, the current cause of his exhaustion had been a battle.

He was in his dorm room, staring at the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head. Dinner with his new friend Rose had been a nice reprieve, but now that he had returned to the comfort of his dorm, the gravity of the situation hit him hard. They had just beaten up two grown men. Now, while violence tended to take a lot out of you afterwards, that wasn’t the only reason he felt exhausted. This wasn’t going to end with that fight, not by a long shot. John felt he had been sucked in to events much bigger than they seemed. Rose had said something about it, on the walk back to their dormitories.

“Five days?” John said, sipping soda through a straw. “You’ve only had your stand that long?”  
“That is correct.” Rose said. “It came to me after a dream.”

That sounded familiar. “Let me guess. You were standing in a field of flowers, minding your own business when this huge lady, kinda nice but weird, shows up. Things happen, you punch a tornado, and when you wake up you have a magic ghost thing following you around.”  
“Not precisely that, but something similar.” Rose nodded. “The flowers turned to lanterns and I had to blow out the largest one instead. But the rather charming young woman was there, yes.”

“So, do you think she gave us our stands?” John wondered. “Like, she’s the only common part in both of our dreams.”

“The possibility exists.” Rose mused. “Have you dreamt of her since?”

“Nah, I don’t remember my dreams much.”John admitted.

“Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is that in this university alone I have met three people with unusual abilities nobody else can see, and have gained one myself.” Rose said, frowning. “Those were formidable stand users we face. I find it hard to imagine such men would work here in such low positions without reason. From how they used their abilities it is clear that they have had them for a long time.”

“Wow.” John snickered. “Sounds like we have a real National Treasure conspiracy here.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, amused. “Not how I would have put it, but apt. I would not be surprised at this point if the President had a stand.”

He was still pondering the implications of the President having a stand, and how that would make a great movie when a noise disturbed his thoughts. Turning to his side, he saw that his roommate was comfortably asleep, having found him as such ever since he returned at around nine in the evening. He flinched when he heard Dave express how comfy he was right now with a nasally snort that preceded his snore. It wasn’t as irritating for John as it could have been though, as his friend was wearing, of all things, a three piece suit to bed. The suit was pretty stylish he had to admit, colored dark red with yellow lines running down its arms and legs, ending the thread ending in a shape resembling the letter ‘D’ at the tip. A turntable symbol had also been sewn atop the breast pocket which upon closer expression was actually sequined. By contrast, the nicest clothing John had was a drab green suit he hardly ever used, with the smell of mothballs never quite going away. 

Well, to each his own, John supposed. He really had no right to find this unusual. Ever since he acquired his stand the scale for normalacy had kind of been tossed out the window. As for himself, he changed into a pair of pajamas. Comfort would always triumph over style in his book, especially when you were trying to get a good night’s sleep. He yawned, pulling up his sheets over his body. Sleep came easily to him, the day's strenuous activities catching up to him finally. 

John slept, and that night, dreamt of flowers. 

There were flowers everywhere, as far as the eye can see. They were tulips, of every color conceivable. It was pleasantly cool here, though he felt no breeze, and it was bright, though up above there was no sun. He thought that this might have been symbolic or something, but it was probably his subconscious being weird. There was little point in thinking about it further, since he was never the type to find meaning in portents like these, if they were portents in the first place. 

He wasn’t alone. When he turned around a table was sitting underneath an umbrella that wasn’t there. A pair of wicker chairs sat opposite each other, with one of them occupied by a woman. She was tall and like he was, and built like an athlete. She was wearing something different from the last time he saw her. Today she had a silver and green shirt with long sleeves, along with a blue skirt that had stylized dog faces embroidered on it. Her eyes were still a bright green, but today they seemed tinted with sadness.

“Hello, John.” She said to him, not even looking up. There was a teapot on the table, and she held a cup full of warm tea in one hand. “I haven’t seen you all week.”

“Um, sorry about that.” He pulled up the other chair and joined her. Doing so seemed to have brightened her up. “I’ve been busy.”

She held up one hand apologetically. “Don’t worry about it, really. To be honest, I’m not sure if you would want to see me again after you acquired your stand.” 

“More like I wouldn’t know how to get here if you ask me.” John poured himself a cupfull and drank. He flinched, sticking his tongue out. He didn’t like black tea, not without a mountain of sugar to go with it. On cue, a platter of sugar cubes materialized out of the corner of his eye. 

“You just have to have an open heart.” She said, taking a sugar cube and dropping it into her own cup. “I think. I’m not really sure how the mechanics of my stand work.”

“So you’re like me, huh.” John wasn’t surprised. If anything it made it easier for him to understand why he had these dreams in the first place. “And a real person, I guess. Kind of a relief that you’re not some shared hallucination or whatever.” He remembered something from his conversation, and added, “So did you give us our stands?”

“I’m as real as you are, John.” She looked down on her tea cup, staring at her own reflection with a solemn frown. “Just... a little preoccupied. “ Then she looked back to him, smiling. “And no, that’d be silly! My stand can’t do that. But it does seem like it’s easier for me to enter the dreams of potential stand users.”

“I guess that makes sense.” He placed a few sugar cubes into his cup, stirring slowly. When he had finished he took a sip. It was still a little bitter, but much more tolerable than earlier. “Jeez, this is a nice change of pace. I wish the other stand users I’ve met were as nice as you are.”  
That piqued her interest. “Oh? You’ve met more?”

“Yeah.” John confirmed. “There’s Rose, who’s kind of long-winded but not really that bad, but then there’s the other ones. I don’t really know those people that much but when I met then they tried to beat the crap out of me with their stands. And the scary thing is that they work at school!”

The woman was silent, looking at John carefully. “John. Are you free on Friday, this week?”  
Besides a few morning classes John didn’t have anything to do that day. “I’m free. Why?” He raised an eyebrow at her question. “Would you like to meet me? In the flesh, I mean.”

“Oh sure I’d love to wait what.” John blinked, dropping his cup. Instead of spilling tea all over the table it hung in mid-air. “You’re here at the university too!?”

“I am.” She said, her expression serene and tinged with amusement. “You can meet me at the Ogre hall, on the top floor in the fifth room of the last corridor.”

Ogre hall...the place was familiar was to John. Very familiar. Before it had just been another name on the campus map. That changed after he was assaulted by a tiny man and his exploding balls in the shadow of that building. “Ogre hall... that’s the old building with the garden.”

“That’s right!” She chirped brightly. “Drop by and look for...oh, oh, how silly of me!” The woman laughed, slapping the side of her face. “I haven’t told any of you my name yet! Well, I’m Jade. Jade Harley. Pleasure to meet you, John!” She extended a hand, smiling.

John took it, bemused. “Um...okay? I’m John Joestar, I guess.”

“That’s right, you’re John Joestar.” Jade laughed. How she knew his name already was still a mystery. Must’ve been a stand thing. “This might be an odd question but...would you mind if I called you Jojo? After the first syllable of your first and last name!”

That was more surprising than anything else that’s happened now. Nobody’s called him Jojo since his... “No, sorry. Don’t call me that.” His voice suddenly lacking it's usual upbeat vibrance, he avoided her eyes. “Friday, right?”

“Oh, alright, if you insist. And yes, Friday!” Jade repeated. If she noticed that he wasn’t comfortable with that nicknamed, she didn’t say. “And bring Rose with you! I’d love to meet her face to face!”

“I’ll...I’ll ask her.” John said, slumping down on his chair.

“Great! I can’t wait to meet you guys!” Jade was positively beaming at him.

“Y-yeah, me too.” John could only nod. “I’ll see you soon I guess?”

“You will!” Jade said gleefully, taking John’s hands into her own once again. The skies began to darken as large dark clouds gathered above. All around them the flowers turned to ash, and the ash turned to darkness. Everything around John dissolved into nothingness, until only he and Jade remained. “Oh, yes, yes you will!”

John woke up in a cold sweat, his alarm clock blarring incessantly on top of his cabinet. Groaning, he turned himself towards the direction of the wall. After a dream like that, he wanted to get some more sleep. When the clock wouldn’t stop ringing, MC Hammer’s arm materialized behind his back and smashed it with its fist. The crunching sound of metal and wood finally roused him from his stupor. Great. Now he had to get a new cabinet and a clock. At least Dave wasn’t here to see his alarm clock mysteriously be destroyed by an invisible fist. His friend must’ve gotten up early today.

He took a quick shower, put on some fresh clothes and walked out of the dormitory. On the way out he made a call to his new friend, Rose Lalonde.

“I didn’t take you for an early bird, Joestar.”

“Not after the dream I had.” He muttered, and proceeded to tell her of his dream.

“This may well be a trap, John.” Rose warned.

“It could be, yeah. But I don’t think Jade is the kind of person to double cross us like that.”

“You’ve only met this woman twice, and I once, need I remind you?” 

“Hmmmm, that’s true. But if we hadn’t met her then we wouldn’t have our stands.” John argued, latching on to the idea of stands.

“Yes, and without our stands we would not have been attacked last night.” Rose countered.

“And I wouldn’t have met someone as awesome as you.” John baited her, grinning.

“Flattery will not work on me Mister Joestar, accurate it may be.” Rose said. He was pretty sure she was smiling when she said that. 

“So we’re seeing her Friday?” John asked.

There was a pause before she answered. “I have no choice. Someone has to make sure you don’t get yourself killed.”

“Aww, you do care!” John said teasingly.

“ I am a beacon of compassion, despite appearances to the contrary...Jojo.” 

“Don’t call me that.” He looked at his phone, annoyed. 

“Now, now, Jojo, surely there is no harm in the-“

“Gotta go, classes.” John cut her off. “We can talk later during lunch, when you’re not being rude.”

Before Rose could say any more he hung up, pocketing his phone quickly. He wasn’t mad at her for saying that word. It was his fault in the first place for sharing that part of his dream. Not that there’s anything bad about the name, mind. It was just a name after all, nothing more. A perfectly ordinary one, that John did not like, that he hadn’t used in years. And that’s all there was to it.

For the next three days things were normal. John woke up in the morning, went to class, hung out with his friends Dave and Rose (but not together; John wanted to include Jade in that meeting first), and went to sleep at the end of the day. His sleep these past days had been dreamless. As he’d told Rose, he wasn’t much of a dreamer. Still, it would have been nice to have talked with Jade once again before their meeting. There were a lot of things he needed to ask her, like, for instance, how she knew his name without ever having met him before. That had rattled John when they first met, but not the tornado had taken precedence at the time. Another thing was how she knew about stands, and just what exactly they were. Ever since he had gained control of MC Hammer, it hasn’t caused him any problems, but it would still have been nice to know what was going on. And of course, all other reasons aside, he was just plain interested in meeting Jade. While these days meeting someone over the internet wasn’t uncommon, meeting a person you’ve only seen before in your dreams was something else entirely. 

Before John knew it four days had passed. It was finally Friday. He woke up the same way as before, early, but still not as early as Dave. For the past few days that had been the case, with his friend going to bed before midnight (still wearing that suit) and waking up just as early. John hadn’t really found the time to ask, because he had schoolwork to do and quite frankly talking to Dave was distracting, but in a good way. Listening to him ramble on was fascinating, like watching an avalanche if avalanches were blonde Texan weirdos fiercely defensive about wearing their sunglasses all the time. After morning classes had finished he went to eat lunch at the commissary, where one of the large cooks there had apparently taken a leave of absence after suffering an accident. He took some pleasure in that; his neck was still a little stiff from the attack. Once he’d bought a sandwich he walked off towards the appointed meeting place.

Ogre Hall, as the oldest building in the University was called, took its name from the founder’s home in London. Its namesake had been devastated during the blitz, and when the university was founded after the war Speedwagon was said to have taken what remained of the bricks from his childhood home and used it as a foundation for Ogre Hall. The first floor was used for classes by the history department, while the second housed a small museum detailing the Speedwagon foundation’s exploits. The third and top floor was mostly closed to the public due to renovations. It was a strange place to choose for a meeting, all things considered, but that’s where Jade wanted them to meet.

He was joined not long after by Rose Lalonde. Looking at her, John felt underdressed. She’d chosen to wear a purple mantle with silver stars over a relatively less flamboyant dress. He used ‘relatively less’ lightly, since the dress was dark green, its sleeves had been cut into separate sections held together by cords of purple rope, and its knee-length skirt ended in tiny grinning skulls hooked onto the end. 

Rose looked up and down her friend, and covered her mouth. And of course her hands would have white gloves on them to complete the ensemble. “My, someone’s not wearing their Sunday best.” 

“On a Friday?” John rolled his eyes. “Come on, Rose. That’s just tacky.”

“From what you've described, I think Jade would appreciate it.” Rose retorted before her expression turned serious. “Are you sure we should do this? If we explain our reasons to her the next time we see her in our dreams, she’d understand why we would be wary of this meeting.”

John shrugged. “She might, but I want to trust her.”

Rose sighed. She flicked her hand, and in between her fingers a pen, part her stand Lovin’ Spoonfull’s form, materialized. “Let us go then. We can’t keep a lady waiting.”

They headed up the steps and into the building. It was mostly empty at around this time, except for a janitor or two mopping the floor. They were mostly ignored by these people, though Rose kept her eyes on them as she and John entered the elevator. Statistically speaking the chances of a stand attack coming from a school employee quite high after all. When the elevator doors closed Rose still continued to watch the door, just in case an enemy somehow found a way to attack them through it. She also considered other avenues of attack, and had John watch the ceiling in case something jumps them from above.

After two of the tensest minutes of his week, the elevator stopped with the ringing of a bell. The door opened, but they didn’t leave the elevator yet. John had MC Hammer move forward, scanning their immediate surroundings with his stand’s enhanced vision. Everything checked out fine, so he nodded to Rose and went out, his friend following closely.

A corridor stretched out before them, with several passageways leading off to other corridors. The floor was tiled in pristine white, with a single red carpet stretching out to the other end at its center. Red curtains dangled over tall, barred windows, each one tied down the middle by yellow rope. Portraits hung on the walls, many depicting scenes from Victorian Era London. A plastic sign on a stand stood a few meters away from the elevator, warning people that the entire floor was under renovation.

John and Rose ignored it, moving down the hall towards the intersection at the very end. The silence in the building was eerie. Besides the background noise caused by the school’s day to day activities there were no other sounds to be heard here, except for their footsteps. 

“Don’t you find it strange, John?” Rose asked quietly. “That there are no signs of the floor being renovated? No cleaning materials, no buckets of paint, no tarpaulins...nothing.”

“Maybe they’re finished?” It was a bit strange, now that John thought about it. 

“Could be, possibly...” Rose didn’t buy it. In the brief time he’d known her, Rose had proven to be a natural skeptic. 

They reached the end of the hallway, at the last intersection on the floor. This particular corridor looked much the same as the one they had been, though some of the curtains had been opened, a few even wafting in the breeze. Instead of scenes from Victorian London the pictures on the wall showed images from nature, ranging from forests, to waterfalls, to yes, of course, flower fields. There were several doors to their right, all of which were locked. That was fine as far as John was concerned. They were here for the fifth door, the one at the end of the hall. He didn’t need to count. The door at the end of the hallway was always the most important one.

As they approached, John felt a prickling sensation on his feet. He shrugged it off as apprehension for the upcoming meeting. Rose was scratching her elbow without looking, keeping her gaze on the portraits on the wall, as if an enemy stand was going to coming out of them at any time. John kept his on the windows, with MC Hammer taking watch behind them. He didn’t think there was a way for anyone to set up an ambush on them. 

At the tip of his fingers John felt the prickling sensation again. Now he felt it all over his body, up to his neck. He was scratching his arms now as well, trying to stop the itching sensation. Did the person who did their laundry use too much detergent? As far as he knew he had no allergies to detergent, and his skin wasn’t that sensitive. Maybe it was the tension they were putting on themselves, the fear of another stand attack happening?

“John!”

Or maybe it was a stand attack after all.

MC Hammer floated above Rose, covering her with its body. She was on her knees and elbows, her head resting on the floor. Blood stained her dress and arms, coming from thin slices all over her arms, legs and face. Slices that were deepening by the second. He had his stand scoop her up, still using its massive form as a shield. 

Lacerations began appearing on John’s body as well, thin cuts that sank into bare skin. He could hear his sneakers, a cheap Nike brand he bought on E-bay for Twenty two dollars scratching against something sharp. John didn’t know what to do. Unlike before he couldn’t find an obvious target. He couldn’t attack either, not with him protecting Rose. She hadn’t moved yet since the attack, and if he spared a moment to check on her he might get hit even harder.

Then the prickling sensation and the sound of something sharp grating at the rubber of his shoes stopped, replaced by a voice that came from everywhere. “What are you kids doing here? This place is under renovation.”

“We’re here to see a friend!” Rose managed to say, lifting her head up. One of the slices on her face had been just above her eyelid, and was bleeding profusely. “Here name is Jade Harley!”

“Y-yeah!” John added. “We don’t mean you any harm!”

“So you say, kids. So you say.” The voice was deep, gravelly, like a street thug in the movies. “But looking at what you did to my associates, I kinda feel like that’s a load of bull.”

Associates? Did he mean the other stand users? “They attacked us first!” John countered. He could feel Rose’s glare at the back of his head. That wasn’t the best thing to answer this guy, probably.

They were answered by a laugh, and a small dog appearing from nothing. It was a black Scottish terrier, completely ordinary except for the fact that it had a dozen eyes on its head, clustered together like flies. “True that. And they got what they deserved, if you ask me. Told the idiots to let it go, but they’ve all always been a little hot headed. Hell, back in the day I’d be the first to skin you kids alive, but we’ve got these nine to five jobs now, and we blue collar shlubs can’t just shank everyone we don’t like. Doesn't exactly go over to well.”

“But.” He continued, and if the dog had a mouth it would surely be smiling. “It just so happens that keeping people who know Jade Harley from talking is what the Foundation pays me to do.”

John gasped, his arm trembling. Something had just cut a deep gash on his palm. He could also feel shallower cuts trying to slice through his clothes. “What? What do you mean?”

The dog walked closer, and as it did he could feel the his wounds being cut deeper.“It’s none of your business, kid. Not anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter came a bit later than usual, but here it is! This fight is the earliest idea I had for this AU, and arguably the reason I wrote the fic in the first place. Jojo and HS both have these delightfully weird premises that barely make sense even in-context but work anyway because the characters are charming and the art can get surprisingly good (though in homestuck's case I always felt like it became extremely bloated at around act 6 and it suffered for it and the early part of Jojolion's art was pretty wonky but not in a charming way) but a quick search of AO3 showed there weren't a lot of crossovers between the two. Well, this story's going to be one more. Okay I think I'll stop rambling now and work on the next chapter I hope you all enjoyed this one.


	5. John, Rose, Dave: Meet the New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On their way to visit a friend, John and Rose are attacked by a guard dog with freaky stabby powers. Hopefully Jade wouldn't mind if they beat it up.

Running away was the smart move to make right now, but sometimes the smart thing to do was not the possible thing to do. Take right now, for example. When faced with a bug-eyed dog stand that could cut you up without you knowing the smart thing to do would be to retreat, regroup, and figure out a way to hit back. This would be easy to do if John’s feet weren’t being sliced by dozens of invisible razors that seemed to be getting sharper now that the enemy stand user was no longer interested in chit chat. 

He could feel the blades through his feet now, a multitude of needles puncturing through the soles of his shoes. With each step backwards John could feel blood welling up over his socks. And yet, even as he hastened his pace, the enemy stand moved closer and closer. John couldn’t attack while he was shielding Rose, but he also couldn’t put her down because then she’d be targeted first, and with the injuries she had now there’s no telling how long she’ll last. There was ONE thing he could do, but it was a risky move, one that could harm more than help.

John screamed, grabbing hold of his right hand. He couldn’t feel anything besides pain from his pink finger, which looked like it had been cut open. At this rate, he might as well take the gamble. MC Hammer turned its back to the enemy, and raised Rose up with one arm. The stand roared, and threw Rose towards the other side of the corridor. Rose, who had lain still since she’d been picked up quickly grabbed one of the curtains, stopping her momentum before she crashed into one of the barred windows. With his friend safe, he called his stand back to him, turned tail himself and ran.

Or at least he tried to. Below him, John felt a sudden sharpness brush against his legs, so fast the only indication that he’d been hit was the deep wound bleeding profusely from his thigh. He barely had the time to scream from this attack when their enemy struck once more, digging whatever invisible blades it was using into the cuts it’d already inflicted. John bent down, clutching his leg tightly against his hand to try and stem the bleeding. Retreat for him was impossible now, not with the wound on his leg. He called his stand back to him, its hulking form glowing blue as it materialized next to him fists raised. If escape wasn’t option, then he could stall the enemy until Rose figures out a way to beat this thing, or better yet retreat.

The many-eyed dog didn’t seem worried at John’s decision. In fact, it was amused. Its eyes looked directly at John’s face as it closed in on him. “You think a musclehead like you’s gonna stop me, kid?” 

More wounds began opening up all over his body, mostly small cuts. He was being toyed with now, which suited John just fine. The many-eyed dog continued to come closer, the pitter-patter of its small feet accompanying the sound of flesh being torn up. It was now in his stand’s effective range, and all he needed to do was hit it hard once and the stand’s effect should stop. He could blow it away, but the enemy stand could cut them apart from afar, and they still haven’t found the user. His only option was to hit fast, and hit hard. MC Hammer raised its fists, rushed forward, and was promptly skewered by the many-eyed dog’s ability.

“That’s your plan boy, really!?” The unseen master of the enemy stand laughed hard. “Hah! Might’ve worked if you’d done it earlier. Maybe if you’d let me cut up your friend over there I’d have been too distracted to fight back. Stupid kids like you always think alike.” The enemy stand looked at Rose, who hadn’t moved after being thrown. She might have hit her head on impact and was knocked out. “Always with the ‘I’ll save my friends’, or ‘your life is worth more than mine’ crap. When you’re cornered by a stronger foe, you should weigh your options and go for what’s practical! You think Stalin would’ve won WWII if he’d been a sap and asked the Nazis for his own son back? Pathetic!”

John felt it once again, the sinking of knives and needles that weren’t there into his body. Red splashed onto the green of his clothes and the white of the tiles, and he couldn’t do a thing to stop the enemy. It would be the end of the line for him, had two things not happened. First was the appearance of an orange spectre, stabbing down from above with a curved sword. The many-eyed dog reacted fast, ceasing its attack on John to deal with the new threat. It wasn’t fast enough. All around them they heard a loud roar as the sword sliced into one of the dog’s eyes. That was when the second thing happened. Two pairs of hands dragged John away from the fight, pulling him as fast as they could. His glasses stained with his own blood, he used his stand’s eyes to see who had saved him.

It was Dave. Scratch that. It was two Daves, with a third one pulling Rose up by her shoulder and running off with her as quickly as possible. He saw the orange spectre break off its attack and hover back to them, picking John’s legs up to help them move faster. This was definitely his stand. It was humanoid, but with a much lither build than John’s. It had wings, small ones that were folded in on its back. It wore something like an orange vest, unbuttoned except at the middle. Silver coils spun around its orange legs, ending with a tuft of fur that covered its feet. More coils snaked around its arms, ending in that hands were silver and robotic, with long fingers ending in diamond-shaped studs. Most peculiar was its face, which resembled Dave’s completely, if his skin was silver, had orange lines that ran down his forehead over completely red eyes, and wore a bowler hat that was accented with j.peg artifacts. The last was plausible, the rest not so much.

“Nice stand.” John blurted out as he was dragged to safety by his roommate and his clones.

One of them looked at John while the other spoke. “Pretty sick right? Looks way better than yours.”

Perhaps it was the blood loss, but John found himself laughing. “It so does not. Have you seen MC Hammer’s pecs?”

“Seen it get stabbed a couple dozen times by a fucked-up devilbeast is what I saw. It ain’t shit compared to Tenacious D.” Dave smirked. All of them did. 

“Tenacious ‘D’? Really?” John looked at the winged stand, snickering. “What’s the ‘D’ supposed to stand for?”

One of the Daves waggled his eyebrows. “Take a wild guess.”

The answer was obvious. “Douchebag.”

Tenacious D’s grip on John’s legs loosened, almost dropping him then and there. “Oh shit that freaky dog monster got me sorry John every man for himself.”

John was about to fire back with a retort of his own when he heard Rose shout at them. “BOYS! May I suggest we reserve all dick measuring contests when we are not being sliced and skewered by a vicious stand user?”

Behind them the enemy stand was gaining on them, one of its eyes still bleeding from Dave’s attack. Already he could feel invisible blades pressing onto his skin as it approached. Not only was the enemy stand strong, it was also fast, so fast that MC Hammer’s eyes could barely keep track of it. One moment it was there, the next it was gone, and by the time John could see the enemy again it was closer. He didn’t need his eyes to tell that however. 

Rose was also looking at the enemy stand, stealing glances at it as they ran. Her clothes were a ragged, bloody mess, but she looked composed. As composed, as much as anyone can be when chased by a killer, at any rate. “Next corridor! Turn towards the next corridor!” 

As they approached the next intersection all three Daves abruptly skidded to a halt. The enemy stand sped up, running madly towards them. Everything that it passed by was cut to tatters, from the curtains to the portraits. Even the floor was littered with scratch marks and at least one gouged-out groove. As it turns out the stand had a mouth, a grotesque wound-like opening that dripped with black oil. Each of its remaining eyes turned their gaze towards Dave’s stand. He could see Tenacious D grit its teeth as it was attacked. Small spots of red welled up on the backs of each Dave, yet they didn’t slow down even as the many-eyed dog brought the full brunt of its power on him.

It wouldn’t be able to cut Dave for long. In its single-minded focus to bring him down the many-eyed dog failed to notice Rose drop something on the floor. John did, and immediately closed his eyes and dismissed his stand. Even as the enemy stand ripped it apart in its frenzied charge, the shredded pages from Lovin’ Spoonful shone a blinding white. For the second time in a few minutes John heard the enemy stand scream in pain. Serves him right. If John had his way he’d have ran towards it right then and there and give it a pummelling of a lifetime for hurting his friends, but they'd have to wait for later. He wasn't really in a condition to do much aside from get hauled along.

They ended up running not into the next corridor, but the one a couple intersections beyond that. Running to the stairs or the elevator seemed like the smart thing to do, but it wasn’t one they could use. Even though the enemy stand had been stopped for now, it wouldn’t take it long to recover and catch up to them and they'd be sitting duck if they were in an elevator. Both times they stalled its advanced, and in those two moments they’d been beat up pretty bad. Even Dave was hurt almost as bad as they were now. He put both John and Rose to the side of the wall at the end of the corridor, and upon finishing this task his clones disappeared, fading away before their eyes. Dave Prime continued to stand watch, even yanking a decorative spear that a convenient suit of armor was holding as a makeshift weapon. 

 

“We should be safe for the moment.” Rose said between her gasping for air. She’d torn off her sleeves and turned them into makeshift tourniquets for herself and John. “It was a stroke of luck that you found us just in the nick of time, Mr. Strider.”

“Nah, it ain’t luck that brought me here.” He was leaning on the spear now. The wounds on his back must’ve been worse than it looked. 

“Did it come to you in a dream?” John guessed.

Dave didn’t move from the spot he stood from, but nodded. “Past few days I’ve been seeing a pretty girl in my dreams. Then two nights ago she told me to hang out at Ogre Hall on Friday. I thought it was some weird subconscious bullshit until this handsome motherfucker showed up.” He pointed a thumb at his stand.

“We call those Stands.” Rose explained. “Presumably because they stand next to their user. Or under their arm, in my case.”

“Cool.” Dave shrugged. “So how are we stopping the murderbeast from serving us up at a discount sushi bar?”

“It’s a stand of shadows.” Rose said. “That stand relies on shadows to attack. I noticed it thanks to you, John.”

“Me?” John wondered. “What did I do?”

“When you saved me.” Rose tore off a mostly shredded piece of cloth from John’s pants and began to wrap up his injured leg. “You gave me a prime position to observe the enemy. I saw that you were only being attacked while you were under the curtain’s shadow. My hunch was confirmed when I blinded it temporarily. It didn’t stop attacking when Dave struck, but it ceased its assault once the shadows around it disappeared. Further, it seems to use its eyes to direct its attacks.”

“So, if we can make the shadows disappear he can’t attack us.” Easier said than done. Sunset was a few hours away, and the windows at the main corridor were wide enough to let enough sunlight in to cast shadows even from here. Additionally, an assortment of statues, cabinets, and chandeliers standing or looming over them would allow the enemy stand user to attack them from nearly anywhere. 

“It will be easy to do with these.” Rose opened her book and ripped out several pages, handing one to both John and Dave. The rest she scattered all around them, at the edges of the wall and under their feet, anywhere that could cast a shadow. When she had dropped the last page Rose pressed her back to the wall, sliding down to the floor with both hands pressed to the spine of her book, which in turn she pressed on her forehead. She looked exhausted, sweat mixing with drying blood. “My lasers will just give him an avenue of attack, but these pages should slow his approach, giving the two of you ample time to strike while he is blinded.”

As she spoke those words, the pitter-patter of the many-eyed dog caused John to shiver. Something that murderous should not sound like an old lady’s pet dog hastily running towards its owner, eager for a treat. With his stand helping him up, John moved towards the portions of the hall not covered by a shadow, waiting for its approach. He wanted to charge, perhaps throw a whirlwind at the thing to keep it off-balance. But he had to keep with the plan. Let it come to them, and when he once more thought they were at his mercy, they’d spring their trap.

“You kids...you fucking kids think you can do this to me!? ME!?” The creature snarled. John saw Dave step back, the tip of his right shoe cut cleanly, along with the top of his spear. “I’m gonna give you all quite the fine shave. A bit of hair here, an ear or so there, maybe a coupla fingers scattered all over the place. She might not like that, but what can she do 'bout it aside from complaining.”

Girl...was he talking about Jade? Just who was this person? And who was Jade? “What are you talking about!?” John demanded. “What have you done to Jade?”

The creature paused its advance, all of its eyes suddenly focusing on John. It was growling at him, which probably would have worried John if it could stab him right now. “You...you think we did anything to that girl? You think I would do anything to that girl? Wow, kid. Wow.” 

It disappeared, as if engulfed by the shadow it stood on. Dave clutched his broken spear tighter in his hands, as did Tenacious D with its own weapon. Rose was standing again, and despite what she had said earlier about her laser being an impractical weapon against a shadow-manipulating stand she was already wielding her pen. John didn’t have anything like the armaments his friends’ stands gave them, but MC Hammer’s fists more than sufficed. Additionally, the papers Rose scattered were ready to detonate on command. If that thing reared its ugly head again they would crush it without hesitation.

Barely a minute passed, though for John it felt like hours. Just when he thought that the creature and its user turned tail and ran, the many-eyed dog attacked. One of Rose’s papers and the carpeting around it was ripped to shreds, prompting her to detonate it immediately along with its counterpart on the opposite side of the corridor. John had closed his eyes in advance and was relying on his stand’s more resilient eyesight, while Dave’s shades protected him from the flash. 

With the shadows around them cast away, the many-eyed dog reappeared once more, reeling from the attack. Dave sprung into action at once, his stand’s wings opening up as it lunged at it. As he crossed the space between them, the creature leapt towards Tenacious D in desperation. The winged stand swiped down with its blade, but the many-eyed dog was also fast, narrowly escaping impalement through its chest. John was not as lucky.

An unshaven man was standing before him, a man who wasn’t there a second ago. He was dressed in a black suit that’s clearly seen better days, with an equally drab fedora on his head. He wasn’t much taller than Rose was. A yellow patch covered one of his eyes, with a stylized S embroidered on it with red rhinestones. Both hands were covered by black gloves, though the one currently sticking inside John’s stomach was a little red. 

“You had to make it personal, kid. You had to make it personal.” The man twisted the hand in John’s stomach, but he bit down the scream. “Back off, both of you, or I end your friend here and now.”

Tenacious D, which was about to strike again stopped mid-stroke at the man’s threat. Rose still had her pen trained on him, but made no move. When John willed his stand to attack, he felt immense pain as he felt over a dozen needles press into its body. The man was using his own shadow to attack, a shadow that was casting its shadow in front of him.

“Didn’t see that coming, did you?” The man sneered. His stand ignored Dave now that he was no longer a threat, and came to its master’s side. “See, Inkspots can do more than stab you when you’re under a shadow. It can also,” The man disappeared from view, but John remained in place, as did the depression on his body where something was sticking out of it. “make me disappear as long as I’m touching a shadow.” 

“But the light should’ve-“ Rose began.

“Been too bright for there to be shadows to stand on?” He pointed up. The shadow of the chandelier moved, casting it against the wall instead. The shadow was much thinner, almost non-existent, but it was there. “Well, that’s power number three, kids. I can change where shadows point to. ‘Course, they won’t cast big shadows, but I make it work.”

When Rose tried to remove the shadows earlier, he must have moved the chandelier’s shadow against the wall, and by keeping himself against it, touching a shadow that was barely there he would stay invisible, allowing him to spring this trap. “I was going to rough you kids up bad, then afterwards the Foundation works its magic so you were never here. But you had to make it personal. So you know what? None of you are gettin’ out of this alive.”

“Sure, man, whatever you say. Just give us the sweet embrace of death. Come on baby, Dave Strider is fucking ready.” Dave said, completely deadpan.

The man frowned, narrowing his eyes at him. “...You got issues boy. I’m killing you last. But first, I’m going to turn your friend’s intestines into ground beef. ” 

As they spoke, Rose detonated a third page from Lovin’ Spoonful. It was the one John received, which he had hidden in the pocket inside his jacket. The blast caught their enemy unaware, allowing John to strike. Even as the enemy was blinded he still tried to twist the blade in John’s belly, but MC Hammer was much faster than a human being. It grabbed the man’s arm and squeezed, causing him to release his hold on his knife. Immediately after this MC Hammer pulled John away from him, firing up a powerful whirlwind from its arms to propel him away from danger.

At the same time Tenacious D took the broken spear from its master and threw it, not at the many-eyed dog’s stand user, but at the chain holding the chandelier aloft. Had it just been Dave who threw it this would have done nothing, and would have probably missed. But with a stand’s strength the spear broke the chain, sending the chandelier plummeting down. John’s whirlwind continued to blow forward, the gale possessing enough force to push the chandelier forward into the enemy stand user’s direction.

The three flinched when they heard it impact the man. He, his stand, and the chandelier were sent crashing into a suit of armor. Dave and John both actively avoided looking at the pile of metal, glass and human that had been their attacker, the former actually looking a little green at the sight. Rose was made of sterner stuff though, and checked to see if he still had a pulse. 

“He’s still alive.” Rose informed them. “Surprisingly.”

“Well that’s a relief.” Dave said.

“Let’s just leave this guy here for now.” John pulled the knife out of his stomach. MC Hammer tore off what was left of his sleeves and used it to cover the wound. “Come on. We’re late already.”

“Don’t suppose we can go back to our dorms and change into something that doesn’t make us look like we just got back from a horror convention?” Dave asked. 

“Speak for yourself.” Rose tore off a blood-stained portion of her skirt and wrapped it around her neck like a scarf. “Our attire would make for an excellent conversation starter.”

“I dunno about that, Rose, I don’t think Jade seems like the type who enjoys the Freddy Kreuger look.” John wondered. 

“We’ll have to ask her ourselves then, won’t we?”

He led the way, walking past the badly injured enemy stand user still under the pile of broken chandelier and armor pieces. They weren’t being stabbed, so that was a good indication that he really was down. No more hidden stand users menaced them, but they still kept on guard with their stands out. Well, Dave did. John was too tired to use MC Hammer with any meaningful level of strength, and there was a wobble in Rose’s footstep when she walked. They finally reached the door at the end of the corridor in one piece, more or less. It was locked, but locks didn’t mean much when you had a magic ghost at your beck and call. Black splinters scattered around them as Tenacious D cleaved the door in half. Behind that door was a short hallway with a steel door at the end. That door was cut in half too, but it took more than a few slashes. Dave was pretty tired himself. When this was done, it was John who would be the first to step inside.

It was a large room, larger than some classrooms at school, but without windows. The walls were painted green, with an assortment of photos and posters hanging from them. Most of the photos depicted a young girl with long, messy hair, smiling. Some photos showed her carrying a rifle, with an old man standing behind her looking proud. Others showed the girl with a large white dog, and in one image surprisingly enough, was the man who had attacked them, smiling awkwardly with the girl and an older woman in white who stood opposite him. A few glass cabinets displayed medals, trophies, and toys of all kinds. In the middle of the room, there was a bed surrounded by a variety of machinery you’d expect to see in a hospital. Green curtains surrounded the bed, but the silhouette of a person could be seen through it. 

The three friends looked at each other, unsure of what to make of this. Wordlessly, Rose and Dave both turned to stare at John. Nothing about this visit was what they expected, but there was no way they were backing away now, not without answers. He stepped forward as much because he’d lost the wordless game of ‘Not It’ as a sense of responsibility for getting them both into this. John took a fold of curtain in his hand, pulled, and saw...

A woman. She was thin, borderline unhealthily so. Her arms still had some shape to them, but looked like they hadn’t been used in years. A variety of tubes and wires were stuck inside both arms, ending into the machines adjacent to the bed. A glass oxygen mask covered the lower half of her face. She had short hair tied up in a bun, which helped show the multitude of scars and stitches on her head. Her eyes were open and unfocused, staring straight past John. Even in this state they were a brilliant green.

“Hello.” A voice in front of John pulled his attention from the figure, though he noticed the woman’s mouth didn’t move. Something manifested by the woman’s side, sitting on the bed next to her. It was a woman, a green one, with long, floating hair the color of a starry night. She had dog ears instead of normal human ones. They were white and looked exceedingly fluffy. Thin lines crossed her face, with white rivets drilled on her jaws. John had seen that face before, in a dream.

“So, you’re....”

“Yes, that's right John. I’m Jade Harley.” She smiled sadly as she held out a hand expectantly. "It's nice to finally meet you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original plan for this chapter was to include a longer conversation between John and Jade at the end, but I figured it'd be a good point to end the chapter with their first meeting with Jade. 
> 
> Spades Slick is probably one of my favorite characters in homestuck, and it shows in this chapter I think. It's really fun writing completely dickish characters with a soft-spot for one person. Usually things go overboard and characters like that end up having their past dickishness be some facade or something, which is understandably entertaining to read but not nearly as fun to write. Anyway, I'm also including some stand stats today, which probably only I enjoy.
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Lovin' Spoonfull  
> Stand User: Rose  
> Destructive Power: A  
> Speed: D  
> Range: B  
> Durability: D  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: C  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a book and a pen. The book can absorb light around it, a method that is faster when the user is writing on the book. The light can be released as a powerful beam of light from the pen, or from individual pieces of paper torn out from it. Doing the latter, however, visibly tires the stand user. 
> 
> Stand Name: Inkspots  
> Stand User: Slick  
> Destructive Power: C  
> Speed: B  
> Range: A  
> Durability: E  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: A stand taking the form of a dog with multiple eyes. It can stab or slice enemies standing under a shadow and redirect the direction shadows are facing. It can also render its user invisible as long as they're touching a shadow.


	6. Jade: Tell them What's Up

When John had woken up today, he had hoped that his day would be relatively normal. Granted, normalcy had long went out the window the day his stand awakened, but after almost being killed in two separate occasions...a man can dream. Today was supposed to be about meeting a friend, which was a perfectly normal activity. Even if the friend in question was someone he’d only ever seen in his dreams, the core of the action was a normal one. John resigned himself to the idea that he should start getting used to things like this happening to him from now on.

“You look...different.” John accepted her stand’s hand cautiously. It was warm, like a pot of water that was boiled not too long ago. Rivets in the shape of dog heads were in place instead of nails, which was a little cute in a weird way. 

Jade’s stand giggled, amused. “Well, I thought people might get scared if I visited them looking like...that.” She glanced at her unmoving body. “So I took a little artistic liberty.”

John whistled, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. Except that his pockets had been shredded, so it just looked like he was holding his hands on his hips. “Yeah you kinda went from like a pro wrestler before a match to a pro wrestler after a horrible accident in the ring when you tried for a tombstone pile driver and instead you ended up losing your career. No offense.”

One of the ears of Jade’s stand folded on itself as it tilted its head. “Um... I guess that’s...well...” Her stand looked to Rose, who’d been standing behind John with an unreadable expression.

“Were I in your situation I would be equally baffled, Jade.” The logical part of Rose told her that she should chastise John for his insensitivity, but in all honesty you don’t hear wrestling metaphors being used every day. It had caught Rose completely off-guard. Even Dave was bemused. “I believe it ideal if we move on to other matters.”

“Oh, I guess you’re right! Just a moment.” Jade’s stand pulled out a few foldable chairs from inside one of the cabinets, setting them up in a semi-circle next to her bed. She also added a small circular plastic table at the middle, even fishing out a flower pot as a centerpiece. The magnolias were plastic as well, but no one except Jade seemed bothered by that, whose stand’s hand lingered above the flowers for a second longer before plucking out a few of them and rearranging the most realistic looking ones in a manner that seemed to satisfy her. “Please, sit down. I’ll just prepare some tea and get some snacks.”

John looked to his friends, and shrugged. Earlier today they were attacked by a murderous stand user who could stab you to death with his shadow. It was kind of nice to have someone treat them well after a brush with death. Each of them took a seat around the table, carefully averting their gaze to the body lying on the bed. 

“So...” Dave began. He was seated between John and Jade’s physical body, his chair turned around so he was resting his arms and head on its metal back. “Guess Quebec ain’t the weirdest shit that’s ever happened to me anymore.”

John rolled his eyes. He was leaning on his chair, elbow resting on the table. “Come on, Dave, meeting a guy who looks exactly like Tony Hawk but if he was a hipster with a hook hand is not that weird.”

“Dude you’re from Oregon, you don’t count.” Dave retorted.

“I don’t know,” Rose said, back straight and hands folded on top of her knees like she was at a formal dinner instead of a secret room with a comatose woman and her friends. “Violence aside, this ranks as a rough eight or eight point five for me.” She smiled, summoning Lovin’ Spoonfull into her hands. “While much safer, my sojourn in Miami was much more unusual.”

On this John agreed. “See, now that’s weird, Dave. Christopher Walken singing in public is both amazing and weird as hell. And I’m from Oregon so I know what I’m talking about.”

“That’s bullshit we all know Christopher Walken isn’t real.” Dave frowned, tapping the chair with his fingers. 

“Then who, pray tell, was the Oscar winning actor from the Deer Hunter and dozens of other films, I ask?” Rose raised an eyebrow, smirking. 

“Look everyone with half a brain knows that Christopher Walken is a shared hallucination people have when a movie’s really shitty.” Dave explained. “There’s no way anyone that talented can actually exist in this universe.”

"I actually met him once guys!" Jade's stand called out from the pantry. Either her stand had enhanced senses like MC Hammer or they were talking louder than they thought they were. "He and my Grandpa are friends I think! They used to play ping-pong!"

"Wow Jade I had no idea you met an imaginary award-winning actor." Dave shouted back cupping his hand to his mouth. "Good to know you can see magic dream people too."

“Come on Dave.” Any further eye rolling from John would probably cause an injury, but one more bad wound on top of another wouldn’t make things worse. “By that logic Sean Connery isn’t real either.”

“No John that would merely make him Scottish.” Rose said. “I must say, now that I’ve given it thought that afternoon was sweltering and the crowds on the street were tightly packed. Perhaps Mister Walken merely was a fever dream brought about by tropical heat.”

“See, even Rose is starting to come around.” Dave inclined his head towards the blonde, the tapping stopping. 

“Come on Rose, don’t indulge him.” John pleaded, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Haven’t you watched Gremlins before?”

“Alas, I have not seen this film yet.” Rose admitted, to John’s disappointment. “But I do believe I understand the underlying message you’re making by referring to it. And I agree.”

“It ain’t midnight yet dude, I ain’t going to turn into some ugly ass fuckface with an eating disorder. You can keep agreeing to my completely accurate as shit theories.” 

“My goodness, John, you were right.” Rose covered her mouth with a scrap of cloth, face contorted in mock-disgust. “It appears that we have unleashed a monster.”

John looked at Dave, a smarmy grin on his face. “Told you. Soon as we get back to the dorms I’m throwing a bucket of water at you. Several even.”

Dave raised an eyebrow. “Sure you just don’t want to see me with a wet shirt on? I know you don’t swing that way and I respect that, but hey, I get it, my good looks are a universal constant.”

“Even if I did like guys, I wouldn’t want a scrawny loser who’d get sunburned on a cloudy day.” John replied, completely deadpan. There wasn’t a hint of any emotion in his voice. “Dad always said Joestars prefer badasses for their partners, and I refuse to tarnish the family name by lowering my standards.”

“Mic. Dropped.” Rose pronounced, looking at Dave’s face with an amused expression. It was always a treat to see the fake stoic types lose their cool. Even better when she was able to write down the events transpiring, perhaps to use as ideas for her next short story. “I didn’t know you had it in you, John. Consider me impressed.”

“Hehehe.” A genuine compliment spoken straightforwardly by Rose was a gift to be treasured. “Well, I try.”

“Maybe I should’ve let that hellbeast get you both after all.” Dave said, sulking. 

“You two stop that!” Jade’s stand returned from what turned out to be a small stockroom located at the far end of the room, holding a tray in her hands. She carried four porcelain cups and a teapot made from glass, the liquid inside the color of teak wood. Also on the tray were a variety of snacks, but none John or his friends recognized. “Dave is a sweet, adorable, person even if his sunglasses make him look goofy and kind of a jerk.” She placed a teacup and a snack in front of each of them, though she gave Dave two snacks instead of one. “Even if you’re not very muscular, you’re still a perfectly pretty guy, ok? Even if the entire world thinks you’re ugly I won’t!”

Dave didn’t seem to know what to make of that. None of them did, really. Was Jade being genuine here, or was she in on the joke with Rose and John? Perhaps he should play along, and launch into a long soliloquy on how right Jade was. Of course, there was no telling how Jade would react to that. So he decided to go for a more honest reaction. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome. If your friends are being mean don’t hesitate to ask my help, alright?” There were no other chairs that Jade’s stand could sit on, but that didn’t bother her one bit. Stands didn’t chairs to sit down as it turns out, as Jade’s was floating up above the ground, its left leg crossed over the right. Stands could apparently drink too, since hers was already taking a sip of tea. “I’m glad you all came! I was worried you wouldn’t find my place.”

“Oh we found it alright.” John looked down on his cup, watching the steam waft upwards. Tea wasn’t his drink of choice, but it’d be rude not to try. It looked hot, but how hot could it be? “We had a little tro-YOWCH!” Very hot, as it turns out.

Rose, who was waiting for hers to cool down continued for him while John covered his mouth. “What he was trying to say is that we encountered a problem that caused us to be less that punctual. As well, the issue is the reason for the rather ragged look we have at the moment.”

“An evil dog and his mobster owner tried to stab us to death.” Dave summarized. He hadn’t taken a drink yet, but he was stuffing his face with what looked like tiny samosas. Crumbs covered his face and shirt, but with the blood stains it isn't really the first thing that catches the eye. 

“I was getting to that, thank you.” Rose sighed. “But yes. We did not spontaneously decide to wear our October fashions months before Halloween. We were attacked by an enemy stand user, a ferocious one too.”

John pointed to one of the pictures on the wall, the one where Jade was flanked by a man in black and a woman in white. “That guy did it.”

Jade’s stand looked down on her cup, crestfallen. “Oh. Mister Slick was here then? I thought he wouldn’t be back from Austin until Sunday. He wouldn’t have let me meet any of you if I told him you were coming.”

“We didn’t kill him.” John felt that needed to be said. “We had to fight back or he’d have killed us.”

“I don’t blame you.” Jade reassured him. “Mister Slick can be real quick to resort to violence, and he has a really bad temper, and well... he does enjoy stabbing things a bit much,”

“Far too much if you ask me.” John winced reflexively, placing a hand on the wound inflicted by Slick's knife on his stomach. The bleeding seemed to have stopped now, but he really needed to have his wound checked out soon. 

Jade rubbed the back of her head, a sheepish expression on her face. She looked like someone apologetic for her dog taking a dump on someone’s shoes. Well. In so much as a robot could look apologetic. Somehow Jade's stand managed it. “Yeah. I’ll be sure to tell him next time not to resort to brute force. I’m really sorry for Mister Slick trying to kill you. When he wakes up I’ll make sure he apologizes too!”

“Could you get his friends to apologize too? They tried to kill us even before we came to meet with you.” Well, the first attacker only said he’d hospitalize John, while the next two didn’t even talk to them at all. Still, they were pretty murdery all things considered. 

“Of course! They’re all sweethearts once you get to know them, don’t you worry John.” Jade chirped brightly, puffing her cheeks at the thought of having to berate them again. Really, after the last incident with the Dean she hoped they learned a little restraint. "Maybe I'll use the newspaper again. That helped the last time they got overzealous."

Rose opened the plastic bag of her snack, which evidently contained some prawn chips, the ones you get from certain groceries. Not her type, but it did good to expand one’s horizons, and it paired well with the jasmine tea they were drinking, which was a lot more bitter than it looked. “Now that we are presumably safe from any future attacks from those four, let us talk of more important matters regarding the future.”

“Sure.” Jade’s stand nodded. She was gripping onto her cup tightly, a stern expression on her face. “I said I would answer your questions. Please, go ahead.”

“Let’s start with the basic facts.” Rose flipped a page from her stand, pen raised. There was a twinkle in Rose’s eye that John had never seen before. “Like what stands are, for instance.”

“Oh, that’s an easy one!” Jade’s stand put her cup down and clasped her hands together, pointer fingers aimed at Rose. Or more specifically, her stand. “It’s you!”

“It’s...me?” Rose blinked. That wasn’t the answer she was expecting. “You mean...”

“A stand is a manifestation of its user’s will. It’s a part of you, perhaps even the most important part. The form it takes, its power and attributes are a reflection of the person using it.” Jade explained. “Sometimes, at least. Other times the power a stand has is barely connected to the personality of their master. A person with a kind heart might have one with the power to heal, but a similar person might get one that breathes fire instead.”

“Huh, really.” John looked at his hands. MC Hammer’s overlayed it for a brief second before dematerializing yet again. “How do you get one? I’m still not sure what caused mine to appear, except that you didn’t give me mine.”

“Lots of ways, John!” Jade’s stand opened her hands, waving them excitedly. “ You can get one during events of severe stress, or can have it all your life. Mister Slick’s, for instance, he got during his divorce hearing. Some people, I hear, got theirs when they were really focused on something very important to them.” 

“Fascinating.” Rose nodded to herself, quietly jotting down what was being spoken. “But that doesn’t explain why ours manifested upon meeting you in our dreams.”

The reply was something their host had said already, at least to John. “It’s because your hearts were open at the time. I’m not sure why, but it’s easier for me to visit the dreams of other stand users.”

“Or potential ones.” Rose realized. 

“Exactly.” Jade applauded. “You’re really smart, Rose.”

“Thank you, I try.” Rose smiled smugly as she continued to write into her book. “You’ve a useful ability, Jade. I can understand why the Foundation... the 「Speedwagon Foundation」 are the ones who have confined you here, yes?”

With some hesitancy she nodded.

“And that is another thing. Why is the foundation involved in this in the first place?” A multinational conglomerate wasn’t the first group you’d think of who would be involved with supernatural phenomena, at least outside of cheesy movies. “It can’t be for anything good.”

Jade’s stand turned away from them, her gaze locked onto her bedridden physical form. “「The Foundation’s」 always been concerned with helping people. People like me, for instance. They’re the ones keeping me alive.”

It didn’t convince Rose of their benevolence. “That doesn’t explain why they keep you in a secret room in a school campus, rather than a hospital. I should think there might be something suspect with your arrangement. And having a bloodthirsty man like Slick guard the entrance to your room, of all people?”

“That was my Grandfather’s request.” Jade’s stand picked her cup up, taking a whiff of her cooling tea. “I never learned why, though.” Instead of drinking her tea like a normal person, or stand in this case, she lapped up the cooling liquid with her tongue. “And Mister Slick’s trying to get out of his bad habit. He just gets really worked up when something pisses him off.” Which was a lot of things, but that didn’t need saying.

Rose sighed, tapping her pen on the page she was writing. “Drinking bourbon while vaccuming the carpet and not noticing all the wine stains you leave in your wake is a bad habit. I would like to think committing murder is something else entirely.”

“The important thing is he’s trying, Rose. Though he promised me he won’t be carrying knives around anymore. I should get back to him on that.” Jade’s stand tapped the tea cup thoughtfully, then put her cup down and opened a snack of her own, tearing the plastic open. “But anyway, back to the point. Mister Slick and his crew owed the Foundation a lot. He actually volunteered to watch over me, even though they assured him that wouldn’t be necessary.”

Rose looked back to the wall, where the picture of a younger Jade and a slightly less scary-looking Slick hung. It made sense. Slick had only revealed himself to them when John had accused him of imprisoning Jade. The accusation that he was harming her must have struck a nerve. “We’ll try to keep an open mind the next time someone tries to kill us, in case they have a very good reason to bash our heads in with metal bats. But this does bring up an interesting point, Jade.”

It wasn’t hard to piece together what Rose meant. A sullen mood hung over them, as John and Dave contrived not to look at Jade’s body and focus on their incredibly delicious foreign snacks. “What happened to me in the first place, you mean?” 

John licked some residue off his fingers before pointing to Jade’s body. “Yeah, I mean, look at your fa-“ A Dave appeared behind John before he could continue, smacking the back of his head. Before he could protest the Dave snatched his snack away from him and threw it to the original, who gave a thumbs up to himself before vanishing.

“Thank you Dave.” Rose said, smirking. “We wouldn’t want our host to be upset with us do we?” Beside her, John was biting his lip, muttering a barely audible apology. 

Jade didn’t seem to take offense, or at least pretended not to. It was hard to tell, with the way her stand could sound earnestly cheerful while keeping such a melancholy expression on its face. “There was an... 「Incident」, six years ago. I was badly wounded, but the doctors managed to keep me alive.” She sighed, her ears twitching as flexed her fingers. “I was in a coma for weeks. When I first woke up, l couldn’t move my body. I couldn’t even speak. Keeping myself awake was exhausting. But a few days later...” Her stand placed a hand on her chest. “My stand was there, sitting next to me. I found out that I could talk through my stand, even experience normal sensations! Sure, it’s exhausting to have my stand out all the time, but it’s not like I do anything else but sleep these days. I know it looks bad, but my current state isn’t as awful as it looks. I mean, I get to meet great people like you guys thanks what happened.”

She was right on that, as long as you ignored how, let's say, a sudden blackout could shut down all the machines keeping her alive. Or how despite her stand’s ability she was stuck inside a hidden room with her sole company being a knife-wielding douchebag and perhaps the occasional doctor or family member visiting her once in a while. Rose didn’t know how she could tolerate these conditions. John didn’t even want to think of the implications, and who knew what Dave thought of it, but from the way he was stuffing his face with foreign junk food he was probably mimicking John. “Oh my, look at me going on and on about myself!” She giggled, covering her mouth with an open hand. “Please, forgive me. Is there anything else you’d like to know?”

John raised his hand, as if he was back in grade school asking the teacher if he could use the bathroom. Beside him Rose kept a steady watch, just in case he said something stupid again. “Can I have some more snacks? Somebody,” He glared at Dave, who even now was chowing down on the food he’d taken from John for being an idiot, giving his friend a cheese covered thumbs up. “Is being a hungry jerk who’s awful and has stupid glasses.”  
In response, Dave merely emptied his drink, and continued to eat at a slower pace. Junk food wasn’t his cup of tea, but he could make an exception for the stuff Jade had. 

“Well, you can have mine.” Jade’s stand handed John her snack, which turned out to be prawn crackers. “I don’t really need to eat or drink anymore.”

John turned to Rose, not wanting another walloping. He took the lack of reaction from her as approval. “Thanks Jade.” He picked up one cracker and gave it a bite. “Man, I haven’t had stuff like this in ages! I’m almost glad Dave took mine from me. ” 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it!” Jade smiled, pointing her thumb to her room’s pantry. “Feel free to bring some home with you. I can always get more anyway.”

“Mind if I help myself?” Dave asked, fingers still dirty with cheese. 

“No, go ahead.” Jade grinned. “I personally recommend the ramen crackers. They’re uncooked ramen noodles covered in cheese.”

“Hell yes, free food.” Dave stood up and rushed to the pantry, summoning his stand to help him take as many snacks as possible. 

“Get me some of those tiny samosas.” Rose turned her head and called out. “There’s actually a lot more I would like to ask, but I feel that we can stop for now.”

“If you want to know more, just come over.” She yawned, her ears folding on itself. 

“I look forward to our future meetings, then. For now though, I’m afraid I have to depart.” Rose gently closed Lovin’ Spoonfull with a crisp smack, her stand dematerializing into the aether. “Regrettably, I have classes in the morning.”

“Not to mention we’re all kinda badly beaten up.” John winced, holding his stomach. It was starting to hurt again. “I don’t have any classes tomorrow but I’d really feel like I should have this stab wound checked out soon.”

“Will you guys come visit again?” Jade asked, hopeful. This was the longest time she’d spent with anyone besides an employee of the foundation since the accident. 

“Of course. I can come back tomorrow if you want.” John winced again. He really needed to get to a doctor soon. “Make sure your new guard knows we’re coming alright? I really don't think losing more blood would be a good idea.”

They left not long after, carrying the food Dave had practically ransacked from Jade’s pantry. Nobody seemed to pay attention to three wounded people wearing clothes covered with their own dried blood, at least not enough to call the cops or security. Upon reaching their rooms, all three of them immediately passed out into a thankfully dreamless and peaceful slumber. Meeting a new friend and fighting a stand user all in the same day can tire a guy out. Mostly the latter though.

Left alone once more in her room, Jade’s stand walked back to her body, looking at her still form through different eyes. It had been a good day. They hadn’t run away like she feared, and even fought a dangerous man like Slick to meet her. She felt guilty about that, for endangering all of them because of her negligence. But things worked out, in a way. 

For a brief moment, the corner of Jade's mouth twitched. Not her stand's but her physical body''s. “I...ma-” She said with a weak voice that hadn't be heard in years. It was barely audible, and it ached to move her jaw, but she spoke. “I...ma..fr-“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, the last part of the Slick chapters, finished. The fight with Slick and this chapter was supposed to be only one piece, but I realized I could do way more, so it was split in three.


	7. Dave, John: Play a Game

Even with the threat of Slick and his merry band of psychos had been stopped, John still had plenty of adversaries in his life. It was a consequence of being a Stand User. Yet no enemy was greater than the one John faced right now.

“Clever girl...” John mouthed wordlessly, right before the death of Samuel L. Jackson for what was now the fifth time that night. Yawning, he lifted the remote that was tucked in between crossed legs and rewound the film several minutes back. 

Next to him, the body of Jade Harley, his enigmatic friend lay perfectly still. That’s to be expected when someone’s in a coma. If her body was moving then it’d be cause for both concern and joy. To John’s other side was Jade’s stand, which took the form of a robotic version of Jade who also happened to be part-dog. It was thanks to her stand that his friend could communicate with others, allowing her to show expression she would normally be unable to on account of being unable to move her body in any way. Currently, her expression was that of annoyance.

“John.” Her voice said, without any of the tinny qualities one might expect from a voice projected through a robot. “I honestly don’t mind lending you my television, but maybe we could finish the movie first?”

“Sorry Jade, but this report’s due tomorrow and it’s roughly a quarter of my grade.” Behind John his own stand, MC Hammer, furiously typed words onto his laptop. All this business about stands and fighting had made him neglect his studies, and he needed to make up for lost time. “I promise once I finish we’ll watch Jurassic Park properly, ok?”

Jade huffed, but relented and peered over MC Hammer's shoulder at the screen. “No problem. What is your report about anyway?” 

“Nothing much really, just something quick I’m whipping up that describes the significance of Jurassic Park to the history of practical effects.” John explained. After watching Samuel Jackson death the sixth time, he rewound the tape to the very beginning when David Atenborough opened his park for the first time. It was one of his favourite scenes, probably somewhere in the top ten. He could probably squeeze a paragraph or two out of the significance of the animatronics used here, three if he really focused on squeezing it for all it was worth. 

Or at least he could, if only his mind would cooperate. In the span of forty minutes and fifty rewinds, he had only managed around a page’s worth of words, and that’s if you factor in that the paper was double-spaced. Writing was difficult for John, at least writing in a coherent, academic way. You needed to use a lot of words with long meanings and varying nuances, which was a complicated way of saying things that were very simple. Unfortunately stretching out the sentence ‘Jurassic Park is very important to practical effects because holy shit did you see that T-rex’ into a two thousand words minimum essay was way more difficult than it might appear at first glance.

It took the seventieth rewind for John to accept that he wasn’t getting anywhere like this. Stifling a yawn, he had MC Hammer return his notebook in its bag as he put the remote down, letting the movie play uninterrupted. Replaying the movie didn’t do much for his literary juices at the moment. Seeing the velociraptors jump people on-screen wasn’t going help him write how pivotal this moment was in cinema history, at least enough to reach the word limit. He felt bad for asking Jade to do him a solid and let him use her television for this, only to ruin the movie by rewinding it over and over so he could have a good look at the animatronics. 

“This isn’t working.” He sighed as he got up from the floor. 

“Maybe you need to take a break.” Jade suggested. “Get some fresh air.”

John considered this. Maybe that would work. “That might help, yeah. But...” He looked at Jade, or rather her comatose corporeal body. 

She looked at herself, and shrugged. “I’m not going to get better if you hang around here moping around.” Her stand took John’s hands into hers. They had pawpads. “Besides, with Mr. Slick in the IC ward, I could finally get some flowers in my room! Actual ones, not the icky plastic stuff. And since you’re going out...” 

“What, did he think you’d get allergies or something? Alright, alright.” John chuckled as he reached for the doorknob. “I’ll leave my bag here then. You want any specific ones?”

“Any’ll do, but they better be fresh.” She pressed the tips of her fingers together, rocking herself on her ankles. “See you in a bit, John!”

He left Jade’s room and walked out of the building, opting to take the stairs, whistling as he walked past a sign on the wall saying ‘Keep Out’. In the span of a week the top floor of Ogre Hall, the building where his friend was housed had been cleaned of all traces of battle. Anyone wondering what all that noise was about last Friday eventually found out that there had been an accident with the renovations, and that the upper floor would be off-limits to students until further notice. Being Jade’s friends, the foundation decided not to include them in this ban. They probably needed stand users on standby in case someone tries to harm Jade or something as the current set were uh, indisposed presently.

At least, that’s how Rose explained it after they got a ‘call’ from one of the Foundation’s people. Whatever or whoever it was that warranted Jade to be hidden at a University of all places was still out there, and the best defense against the unknown enemy would br a Stand User. Personally, John didn’t care about the reason, as long as it gave him the opportunity to hang out with his new friends. He had friends back home, sure, but John hadn’t contacted any of them since he came here. And while he got along with his classmates, none of them could really be considered close friends. Maybe it was because he had a stand, and they didn’t. 

Whatever thoughts he might have on the matter, John quickly pushed out of his mind. Now wasn’t the time for this. He had a paper to write, and flowers to pick because he didn’t know if there were any flower stores in town, and if there were any he couldn’t afford them. School materials are too expensive for that. He continued to pace around campus, doing the best he can to clear his thoughts. Just, breath and focus. He told himself, taking a deep inhalation of the night air then letting it out again gently. It was no use. 

Whenever he managed to banish a stray thought out of his head something would draw his attention and distract him. A statue of some important figure angled weirdly, crude graffiti sprayed on the sidewalk, an androgynous person dressed like a gangster; everything he saw filled his head with distracting thoughts. A stroll around campus wasn’t going to cut it. He needed to something to get these thoughts out of his head.

He found that something sitting inside a gazebo, of which there were many in the central area of the campus. The University was a collection of buildings that revolved around a central auditorium, which in turn was surrounded by a small park that had a multitude of gazebos intended for student use. A young man in a wheelchair was setting up a board game all by his lonesome. John liked board games. His father used to be suspicious of videogames and forbid him from playing any until he was thirteen, but even then other family members managed to sneak him a gameboy under his dad’s nose. Even so, game night at the Joestars was a frequent bonding activity for him and his dad, especially after they got banned from Cirque Du Soleil. 

“Hi.” Sheets of paper were being stacked onto the center of the board.

“Oh. Hey.” The young man nodded to John. He had a Mohawk, with its edges dyed pink. “You’re new. Here to play?”

“Sure.” John took a seat to the left of the young man. He’d played tabletop RPGs before, but wasn’t very good at it. “I’m John Joestar. What kind of game is this?”

“Tavros Nitram.” He introduced himself. “It’s a homebrew I made myself.”

Interesting. John had never played those before. Tavros slid two pieces of paper to him. One was the character sheet. The other listed the rules. “So, what kind of setting is the game in?”

“Um, I haven’t thought of one yet, actually.” Tavros continued to take out roleplaying tools from a bag hanging from his wheelchair. “We’ll have to wait for other uh, players.”

“Other players, eh?” Now John felt rude for joining this game. Tabletop stuff like this was usually played between close friends. “Do you think they’d mind another player?”

“Well...” Tavros dropped some dice on the board, one of those twelve sided ones. “I don’t think so? There’s only one other regular to my games but she might be too busy today. I actually posted some leaflets inviting people to a game yesterday. You’re the first person to arrive.” 

“Really? I hope there’ll be more.” John picked up the rules sheet, studying it. With the smell of flowers and the cool shade it was pretty relaxing here. “Wait.” He sniffed the air,  
realization setting in. “Oh crap! I forgot!” He placed his hands on top of the table, pushing himself up. “Sorry man, I need to go. I have a...” Remembering that Jade’s existence was a secret, he hurriedly thought of a different excuse. “A really important thing to do! Sorry man, sorry. Tomorrow, definitely!”

Tavros frowned, sighing deeply. “Sure, okay. Guess I’ll wait for other people to arrive...”

He hurried out of the gazebo, eyeing the flowers that he saw on his way. Jade didn’t specify what she’d like, so he decided to just take whatever he found on the way. There was a patch of peonies to his right, which would be perfect. So he summoned MC Hammer and promptly tripped on his feet, landing face first onto the pavement. His stand didn’t appear when he willed it, and when he called out to it a tugging feeling on his legs, similar to that time he was yanked around Slick’s thug, replaced its presence. There could only be one reason why  
he couldn’t summon his stand suddenly, and he was pretty sure he knew who was to blame.

“You!” He stormed back inside the gazebo, eliciting a yelp from Tavros when he slammed his hand on the table in anger. Little wonder, since he struck with enough force to send the papers closest to him flying off the table. “What did you do to my stand!?”

Realization seemed to hit Tavros, since upon hearing John he pointed a finger to one of the papers that dropped to the floor. “Stand? Wait...that’s what they call it then?”

Behind Tavros, a creature like a centipede made of plastic snaked around his back. Its head was human-shaped, but with insectoid eyes and a pair of steer horns at the side. After seeing Slick’s stand though, it didn’t really creep him out. What DID unsettle John were the contents of the paper Tavros pointed to. It was a character sheet for his RPG, one that was already filled out. On the section where you would put the description of your character was a short sentence describing a tall, muscular blue man in a loincloth, and a picture of that man next to it. The picture was MC Hammer, which was banging its fists on the paper as if trapped in glass. 

“That’s...that is my stand’s power. I call it Sole Survivor. Once, when I got mad, I...” Tavros covered his face with his hands. “I trapped people in those papers! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I can’t control it. Sole Survivor won’t stop unless you 「beat it」in a game.”

“What happens if I lose?” John asked, but he already had a good idea what would happen.  
“It keeps your soul, until someone beats it.” Sole Survivor crawled over its master, dragging itself onto the table. There must have been some adhesive hairs on the tips of its legs, since it was able to pick up one of the twelve sided die with two of them. “It’s decided on a game. Dice roll. If you can score higher than it can twice, you win.”

Simple enough. Compared to John’s earlier fights, this one did promise the threat of injury. Merely the entrapment of his stand inside a sheet of paper for all eternity. And since stands where supposed to be the manifestation of one’s soul... “Think positive John. At least your hands aren’t going to get cut off.” He reassured himself, taking a die in his hand. “Who’ll go first?”

Before Tavros could answer, Sole Survivor dropped the die held between its appendages, grabbing it mid-air with a sweep of its tail. At the other end of its body were three long, segmented appendages, part- antennae, part-finger. The ‘fingers’ made a snapping sound as they were wrapped around the die. Looking out onto the table, Sole Survivor shook the die twice, right before it threw it into the air. Tavros’ eyes were locked onto the die, watching it tumble down, landing on top of the trapped MC Hammer. Then, it rolled forward for a few more seconds before stopping. A Nine.

Not good. It wasn’t a twelve, but it was hard to beat a Nine. But it was possible. The odds weren’t good, but John just had to get a lucky roll. He flicked Sole Survivor’s die away, watching it roll off MC Hammer. For some reason, he felt that his stand wouldn’t like to have objects stacked on top of it. He played with the die in his hand, rolling it back and forth on top of his fingers. Drumming the table with the other hand, he watched Tavros waiting for his roll. He looked nervous enough for the both of them with how much sweat was beading on his brow. Best not keep him waiting then. John threw the die.

It landed on the same spot as Sole Survivor’s. An Eleven.

Tavros brought his hands up to his face and pressed his palms on his eyes, letting out a deep breath. One win. John needed another, and his stand would be free. He picked up his die, glancing down on his not entirely trapped stand. Even inside the paper it could still use some measure of its wind powers, and with it he was able to alter the die’s position just enough. Had it not been able to do that, the roll would’ve been a Six.

It wasn’t over though. Time for round two. Sole Survivor took its die in its tail-fingers and threw. Everyone’s eyes were on the die. It landed, spinning forward to a stop right at the edge of the table. It was another Nine.

Doable. John could do this. All he need was another good roll. Aiming for his stand once again, John threw.

And missed, landing just short of the image. A Three.

Tavros moaned. “Oh no, I knew this would happen, I-” Before he could finish, Sole Survivor slapped him on the cheek with its tail, screeching something incoherent as it did so. The stand grabbed the die, spinning in place for a few seconds before throwing a third time. An Eleven.

“Shit.” This was bad. Either they tie with this next roll, or he scores a twelve. No problem. As long as John threw it on top of MC Hammer, he could alter the roll with a weak gust. He stood up and threw his third roll overhead, like a baseball. It landed where John intended it to, but he could tell it won’t be high enough. Well, that won’t be the case for long. One little breeze and....Ten. 

This was bad. Really bad. John felt a weight over him, causing him to fall on top of the table. His hand landed atop MC Hammer’s character sheet. There was a loud sound like a vacuum, dragging him in. First his arm, then most of his torso. More parts of his body was dragged in, until only his head was sticking out. “Tavros!” John yelled desperately. “Shit, shit shit! Help me!”

“Okay, more weird shit.” Before John could be completely sucked in, a hand grabbed him by the hair, yanking hard. Sole Survivor’s effect ceased, at least partly. He wasn’t getting out, despite the hand’s pulling, but he wasn’t being sucked in. 

Tavros’ stand screeched, scuttling forward with horns pointed at the hand. It seemed like the stand wasn’t strong physically though, because a partly avian arm swatted it away. Tavros blinked, looking first to his stand and to the assailant. “Who are you?” 

“Yo. Name’s Dave. I’m supposed to pick this goofball up.” Dave sat down on John’s spot, resting his feet next to his friend’s head. “Me and this nerd were ‘sposed to watch some movies with a pal of ours, least until he mysteriously disappeared, hence why I’m here. Now, mind explaining to me what’s happening before I open a can of whoopass?”

“Dave!” John glad to see him. Or rather his stand, bird-like Tenacious D, floating in front of him, and his shoes. “Look, long story short, this guy can’t control his stand, it trapped mine inside an RPG character sheet, and now it’s trapping me since I lost to it at dice.”

He heard Dave yawn, and saw him stretch his legs as he reclined without a care in the world. “Aight. Will kicking this guy’s ass fix things?”

“It won’t.” Tavros whimpered. “Someone else tried before. You have to win at a game. Any game, not just dice.”

Tenacious D floated forward, picking up the dice both John and Sole Survivor used. It held each one in separate hands, fingers curling over each of them. Seconds later, he whistled, dropping both dice on the table. The one on his left got a two. The other, a nine.

“Loaded dice.” John groaned. He should’ve seen it coming. He used to pull stuff like that against his Dad. “You put in ball bearings to one side, or melt the die just right in a microwave. Careful man, that thing might pull something worse.”

“No prob.” Dave shrugged, or at least John imagined he did. “Name the game.”

Sole Survivor chattered in place, head flailing in place like a rattle. “A card game. My Stand wants a card game.” Tavros translated. 

“A children’s card game?” Dave asked, yawning. 

“Something like that.” Tavros rummaged through his bag and pulled out a small deck of cards. “It’s a game I made. Well, a game I made with my friend. It’s called Riches to Rags.”  
“Riches to Rags? That’s some name.” Dave commanded his stand to pick up the top card. While the back looked like a normal playing card, the front depicted a well-dressed man in a golden suit, a stack of cash behind him. “What are the rules?”

“Each player gets seven different cards. Tycoon, Executive, Manager, Worker, Penniless.” Tavros held up an open hand and the pointer finger of his other hand. “There’s two Manager and two player cards. Both players put a card face-down, and then opens it after. The stronger card wins. If both players play the same card, it’s a tie. Each card is stronger than the one after it, except for Penniless, which is stronger than Tycoon. Once a card is played, you can’t use it again. You win after three successful plays.”

“What’s the catch?” It sounded too safe to Dave, especially with what was being bet. John’s safety notwithstanding, there was no risk for him. 

“Lose and it traps both of your souls.” Tavros explained. 

Dave whistled. “Heavy. So whose side are you on, man? Just ‘cause you can’t control your stand doesn’t mean you can’t fight it.”

Tavros looked at him with regret. “I can’t. If I even think about i-” He was interrupted by screeching from Sole Survivor, followed by the stand slapping him furiously with its ‘fingers’. It only stopped when his face was completely red. “See?” He pointed to his swollen cheeks.  
“...Got it. Why don’t we get started so my friend here can stop being a bad horror movie prop?” He pointed to John.

“I prefer the term B-Movie, buddy.” He said indignantly. 

Dave was dealt his six cards. “Bro, as an expert on charmingly awful media I think I know what I’m talking about here.” 

“As the only person studying film making in this gazebo I think I’m more qualified than you are, pal.” John rolled his eyes. 

“As the guy saving your ass from being turned into a shitty roleplay character shut up, amigo.” Dave glanced back to his friend before returning his gaze towards his cards. He was being made to play a simple game, but simple games have a tendency to have a lot of difficult nuances to it. Poker was a simple game, rules-wise. Millions can be won or lost playing that game as well, and his friend’s soul probably cost that much. He made his pick, and threw the card face-down. 

Sole Survivor wasted no time, making its play and placing a card in front of Dave’s. Tavros, who was still rubbing his sore cheeks wheeled his chair closer, having been designated as the impartial referee. He opened both cards. 

Dave played a Manager. Sole Survivor played a Worker.

Score, One to Zero.

One win, Two to go. Dave took his feet off the table and shuffled the cards in his hand. It was good that he won the first time, but now it meant that Sole Survivor will always be playing a stronger card from this point on. He could use his Worker now and make it waste a stronger card, but Sole Survivor knows that, and would likely use a Manager. Now, if this was correct, then Dave could just play his Executive now so he’d be at an advantage. But if he did that then Sole Survivor might be able to sweep the next two throws with stronger cards.

And then there was the Tycoon. Unbeatable except for a Penniless, which was a stupid name as far as he was concerned. Hobo would be better. That’s what Dave was calling it from now on. If either of them used Tycoon now, not only would they have an instant win but it’d leave a useless card in the other player’s hand. But if the other anticipated that and used their Hobo... 

Dave ignored the slight twitch of his eye, and made his play.

Sole Survivor played its card. Tavros flipped both.

Dave played an Executive. Sole Survivor, a Manager.

Score, Two to Zero.

John, whose brow was dripping sweat let out a sigh of relief. Dave was winning. One more win, and he’d be free. If he played the strongest card then there was only a Four in One chance of losing. Unless, of course, the enemy stand knew that, and would play the Hobo card. Then it could just keep using its stronger cards to win. Or that’s what it knew Dave would think, anticipating he’d play it safe this turn and use a different card to win this one.  
After reshuffling his cards, Dave made his play.

Sole Survivor did the same, with more screeching. 

Dave played a Worker. Sole Survivor, its Executive.

Score, Two to One.

“A little too gung-ho there buddy?” Dave asked, smirking. “You just wasted your second strongest card.”

The creature screeched, and hit Tavros’ face with the side of its horn. Apparently this meant ‘translate my screaming’. “It...It said you’re an idiot. It said that now you’re both equal, and from here on out it’ll show why you’re weak and I’m-uh, it’s stronger. From here on out, it’s a battle of nerve, and you don’t have any.”

“All that from a five second screech?” John remarked. “That’s something.”

“Yeah. Guess Bug-faced Shitheadese is a deep language.” Dave said, stone-faced this time. “No nerve huh? We’ll see about that.”

They made their plays.

Dave played Worker. Sole Survivor played Manager.

Two to Two.

Sole Survivor screeched again, but before it could hit Tavros he immediately translated for it with gusto. “See? You played it safe again! You fool, you pitiful fool! I’ll have it soon, I’ll have your souls, oh yes! I’ll finally start up my collection again after I lost it to her! After this, I’ll have my payback!” 

Dave leaned over the table, placing his cards face down. His hands were over a few character sheets, the same things that trapped John and would trap him. One wrong play is all it’d take. He could possibly force a tie this turn if they both play Tycoons, but that thing would expect that, wouldn’t it? If he played Tycoon here it’d spring its Hobo at it. Or maybe the reverse would happen, and Dave would play his Manager expecting that, only to be devastated by the enemy’s Tycoon. Then he and John’ll be stuck in a crippled guy’s RP Folder until Rose springs them out, possibly with violence. Sweat was forming on his fingers and brow, dripping down on the paper. One wrong move was all it took. 

After three minutes that felt like hours, Sole Survivor screeched. It had already made its play the instant it won the fourth round. Dave didn’t need Tavros to translate that. He placed a hand on one face-down card, taking a deep breath. Seconds later, he changed his mind and pushed a different card forward.

With jittering hands, Tavros opened both cards.

Dave played a Tycoon.

Sole Survivor played its Worker.

Three to Two.

A torrent of wind blew out of the paper John and his stand were stuck inside, releasing them like a vacuum in reverse. He almost fell on his head on the table, but thanks to his stand was merely dangling mid-air instead. 

Sole Survivor screeched. Again, Dave didn’t need a translator. When he spoke, he let his natural Texan drawl out. “Thought you had me pegged, didya’? Unsure kid, playing it safe ‘cauze he ain’t got no nerve to go all in. Well, tell ya the truth,” Dave stood up on the table, one hand pushing his shades up as he tilted his head upward, back bent slightly as his other hand held up the character sheet under his hands a moment ago. A copy of him, both hands raising a very rude gesture, was inside the picture box before dematerializing. “You’d be right.”

“This.” Behind him, his stand materialized, mimicking its master’s pose. “Is Tenacious D’s power. The Daves it summons are versions of me from a possible future, a few seconds to half a minute later. That’s how I found out what’d happen if I played the Hobo card. Woulda worked to if I ain’t got no stand. Just your luck, eh?” 

Screeching louder than before, Sole Survivor scurried forward, intending to ram its horns through Dave. Tavros’ stand was a sore loser. Unfortunately for it, Dave’s stand was a sore winner. Tenacious D had a manic grin for a split second before it rammed the pommel of its sword multiple times into Sole Survivor’s face. He only stopped when John tapped his shoulder and pointed to Tavros, whose face was a bloody mess. 

“Oh. Shit.” Dave withdrew his stand and got down the table. “Got carried away though. Want us to take you to the doctor?”

Tavros shook his head, tapping the bridge of his nose. Nothing on a human face should be bent like it was right now, nor should it be that shade of purple. “My stand’s kind of a douche, which probably means I kinda am too. I deserve it.” He took out a medical kit from his wheelchair bag and began to administer first aid to himself. John mused that this must happen a lot to the poor guy. “Sorry about letting my stand try to take your souls.”

“ ‘s cool. Sorry about breaking your face.” Dave said, scratching his head.

“Well you didn’t break his watch.” John pointed to Tavros’ wrist, which admittedly had a nice-looking watch on it. Probably Swiss made. “What?”

Dave shook his head. Sometimes, no words need be said. “We probably should get going John. Nice to meet you Tavros, and sorry about your face again.”

They left the gazebo in that same kind of hurried walk reserved for trying to get out of a bad party but not wanting to be rude, or for trying to get out of a crime scene. Both of them headed back to Jade’s room, only stopping when John saw a particularly nice patch of flowers. 

As he bent down to pick some up, he felt Tenacious D’s claws poking his back. “Dude, that’s against campus reg.”

“Oh come on, Dave.” John snorted. “No one’ll bother us about it.”

“Jade might.” Dave pointed out.

John straightened his back. She wouldn’t be upset, probably, but it was better safe than sorry. “Should we buy some then?”

It was Dave’s turn to snort. “Hell no. I barely got cash this week for food.”

“Yeah, me too.” John sighed. The life of a college student is hard. “So, it’s decided then?”

“Yep.” Dave nodded, pocketing his hands. “It’s decided.”

They made Rose buy flowers. Daffodils, not her namesake like they expected. "You both owe me." Was all she had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a breather chapter, this one actually took me the longest to write. I'm pleased to introduce the trolls in the story, at least. I've always wavered between fondness and extreme apathy for the trolls, save for Aradia, but who knows, maybe writing them (and the rereads of early homestuck acts that necessitate such things)
> 
> Anyway, here's everyone's favorite part of the story, stand ability sheets.
> 
> Stand Name: Tenacious D  
> Stand User: Dave  
> Destructive Power: C  
> Speed: A  
> Range: C  
> Durability: D  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: B  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form a winged humanoid resembling its user. It has the power to manifest up to three clones of himself from five seconds to half a minute into the future in the place he might be at that point, though the user will not know what will happen to the clone once summoned at that point. The clones feel each other's pain and the original's, albeit to a lesser degree. In effect it is like the user has multiple bodies at once.
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Sole Survivor  
> Stand User: Tavros Nitram  
> Destructive Power: E  
> Speed: E  
> Range: D  
> Durability: D  
> Precision:A  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a centipede-like creature with a horned humanoid head. Sole Survivor is an autonomous stand which activates when its user harbors resentment towards someone, forcing them to play a game with it usually by sealing part of the target's soul. If they accept an offer to play a game with Tavros, it forces the targets to play until they win, lose or forfeit. If they lose or forfeit, Sole Survivor takes their souls.


	8. John, Rose, Jade: Break some Heads

Rain was an unusual occurrence here in Doughty . The area had been in something of a dry spell in recent months, but for the locals a lack of precipitation was much better than tornadoes or hurricanes wrecking the place like in other parts of the state. The sudden rain had been something of a surprise to the local populace, but a pleasant one for shops hoping to get rid of their stock of umbrellas. Of course, the rain was rather nostalgic for some, mainly the students at the local university who lived up North, where weather like this was normal for them.

Like John Joestar and Rose Lalonde, for instance. The former had taken to carrying an umbrella around everywhere, a tall blue one that had dolphins drawn on it. The latter opted for a pink one, with yellow frills and cat-shaped pennants hanging from the tips of its ribs. John found this particularly amusing, to the point of hilarity. This was the same John who wore a silver jacket with bright red pants, bear in mind. The fact that Rose still continued to dress like an Addams Family cosplayer probably, almost certainly, had nothing to do with his amusement though.

“You’re snickering.” She gave John a sidelong glance. “Does it really clash that badly?”

John had not in fact been snickering, because that would be rude and would give his friend Rose an excuse to be more sarcastic than usual. The smile was not helping his case, however. “Nope, there’s abso-poso-tivo-lutely zero issues with your ultra goth eyeliner and that Hello Kitty umbrella. No ma'am.”

“You wound me with your biting sarcasm, Mister Joestar.” Rose placed a hand on her chest, fingers stretched. “I simply wish to honor my heritage while remaining true to myself.”

This time John did snicker. “What kind of heritage makes you carry cat umbrellas around?”

“A magnificent one. The Lalondes have a long history of cat fetishism.” Rose said, before immediately squeezing her eyes shut to brace for John's play off her bad choice of words. 

“You mean...” John began, but before he could get any further Rose cut in to prevent her friend from saying something he'd regret.

“No, not like that. I hope. Mother could be cagey about these kinds of things.”

“Well it’s not like she’s got a fursuit in her cabinet, right?” John joked, turning his head back to look at her.

Rose said nothing, carefully avoiding his gaze.

“Rose?” John tried lean closer and see her reaction, which was easy given he was almost a foot taller than she was. Still stone cold, even with the slight quiver of her lip. With a sigh, he gave up on the joke in favor of steering the conversation away from that topic. “If it makes you feel better, my Dad once got us banned from every casino in Vegas for a year.”

“Gambling debts?” Rose hazarded a guess, her head turning back towards John.

“God, I wish.” There had been so much shaving cream. So much. No ten year old should be faced with that much shaving cream. No one should until they needed to start shaving, and even then not as much as that dark saturday afternoon.

“I suppose it is a parent’s purpose to be as embarrassing to their children as possible.” She held a finger out of the umbrella. Droplets moved down her finger as she curled it. 

John found himself inclining to agree. Even if he hadn't meant to be, his father had always been somewhat of a clown, in spite of how serious he always looked. In some ways that made it more embarrassing, actually.

They found themselves stopping outside the university library. Besides being the largest repository of books in the area it also housed a small museum of archaeological artifacts on the second floor. It wasn’t a very popular place to hang out in unless you were into colonial American documents and day-to-day items. So naturally the person they were going to meet here today just so happened to be the type of person who enjoyed stuff like that. 

“Are you sure she’ll be here?” Rose asked John. “Tavros’ friend?”

“He said she would.” He answered. “I don’t think he’d lie about that.”

They couldn’t be sure however. People could be hard to read at the best of times, and Stand users were often harder. “Considering that he refused to give us his friend’s phone number and name...” Rose stared up at the second floor from under the brim of her umbrella.

“Well it sure sounds fishy when you put it that way. But would you be forthcoming with information if you’d just been beaten up by the people asking?" John folded his umbrella and let the rain fall on his face. It was a nice change from the normal Texan dry heat. “It’s not like anything bad should happen to us at a public museum, right?”

“An ex-gangster with shadow powers tried to murder us while on a visit to a friend.” Rose pointed out casually. “Your flaking out from a tabletop game with a total stranger almost cost you your soul.”

“Well. We don’t even know if she’s a stand user. She could just be a perfectly ordinary history obsessed nerd.” While the chance of her being a Stand user was likely given how frequently they seemed to be running into them, it could be equally probable that this woman was just very good at games. 

“Aren't you meeting her to find that out in the first place?” Jade asked, her voice chiming in from beside them. “You could just ask, right?”

“She might lie about it.” Rose said. “She might not even be there, or if she is she’s setting up a trap.”

John nodded. That did made sense, even if it seemed excessively cynical. “I guess you have a pointbutholyshitwhatthehellareyoudoinghereJade?”

To John’s left was a spot where the rain simply...swerved away, but not quite. Jade’s stand was a humanoid type, one that greatly resembled its user if she was green and was probably a cyborg with dog ears. Raindrops that were about to hit her had a tendency to move sideways, just so they fell slightly above her skin, though physics didn’t completely ignore her, with a few droplets managing to hit her hands. Besides her stand’s hair she was completely dry. 

“Intriguing...” Rose had recovered much faster than John, if she was shocked at all. “Is this an ability of your stand you’ve only deigned to reveal now?”

“Oh, no, no!” Jade held her arms up to her chest, grinning. “I only just figured this ability out this morning! This is rain, right? I haven’t seen rain in years!”

“Really now?” Curious. Unlike the mystery person they were meeting, Rose was more inclined to believe in Jade. She didn’t strike her as someone who would deceive people on purpose.

“Yeah. I think it may be because I’m awake!” Her stand stepped forward and did a little pirouette. As its skirt spun water was sent flying across all directions. “I’m still not really sure how my stand works, really. At first I just thought it could only be used to enter dreams, but here I am.”

“We should do some tests with your stand’s ability later.” Rose nodded. She probably would have gotten her stand out to record her thoughts if she wasn’t starting to shiver from the chill.

“Maybe we can talk about this inside?” John asked, a slight hinting edge to his tone. He wasn’t quite shivering, but he really wouldn't mind being in a warm room right about now. 

And so they made their way inside, making sure to dry themselves up as best as they can before proceeding beyond the lobby. Neither John nor Rose were sure what advantage Jade’s presence would have now that her stand seemed to be ignoring the fundamental rule about stands having a limited range. It may have been possible that her stand simply had a very long range, but if this was the case then Jade would have simply gone to John’s dorm or somewhere Slick wouldn’t have found them. Both agreed that whatever power that allowed her to be with them, it didn’t matter that much. It was nice to see their friend out and about, even in a limited form.

“You’re taking it with you?” Jade asked, referring to the pink umbrella Rose was carrying with her. 

“Better safe than sorry.” 

“Uh Rose,” John pointed to the floor behind them as they walked to the elevator. Rose had left a trail of water behind her which was causing a librarian to give her a pointed stare. 

It would take more than some middle aged lady staring them down to rattle Rose Lalonde. Strictly speaking you didn’t have to leave your umbrella at the large bin by the door. It was a well-known fact. Also a well known fact was that leaving one’s umbrella in a deposit that didn’t have a tag system was tantamount to giving it away. 

“While I sympathize with and apologize to the custodial staff, I refuse to risk losing a precious family heirloom.” Rose held the compact umbrella closer, heedless of the water.

“I thought you said your Mom got that from a bargain bin two years ago?” John asked, grinning. 

“Nevertheless.” And that was that. It was hard to argue with ‘nevertheless’. “I never said it was a timeless one. And don’t blame me when your umbrella gets stolen by some miscreant who finds it fashionable.” John shrugged in response, pondering on if MC Hammer could do something similar to Jade's stand.

The elevator stopped with a lurch and a bell ring. When they walked into the second floor the place was practically deserted, the red tiles of its floor giving a slight echo to their step. A few people were loitering about here and there, but they didn’t seem like the type to stay around a room full of rusty spoons prospectors used during the gold rush. John eyed each of them, looking for the person who could possibly be Tavros’ friend. He had been equally nonforthcoming with descriptions as he had with her name, with the most detail he would give them being that she had long, curly hair. Not counting Jade’s stand, there were three people who fit that description.

“So...” John ventured, turning to face Rose.

“You’re suggesting we split up, aren’t you.” She stated rather than asked. It was the obvious choice. 

“It would speed things up...” 

“Taking into account recent events, I'd say concentrating our strength would be smarter and safer.” Her stand, Lovin’ Spoonful, manifested atop an outstretched hand. Not for the first time, John noted it as an unusual stand when compared to the others they'd seen so far, on account of taking the form of a book and pen that shot lasers. So far, it was the only stand they’d seen that wasn’t a monster or a vaguely human thing. He wondered what it meant, if it indeed meant anything.

“We’re here to talk to this person, Rose, not fight them.” Jade whispered. While normal people couldn’t see her stand, they could still hear her voice. It was necessary for Jade to control her volume, and for her friends to talk to her in a way that won’t make them look like crazy weirdoes. “She might get scared if we come to her as one big group.”

“I guess I can see the logic in that.” John agreed. “So what if we each approach one of them with our stands out and check if they notice, is that right?”

Rose shook her head. “Somewhat. Our objective here is to see if this person is a stand user, and if they are, gauge the likelihood that they will be hostile towards us. But we must be careful not to do anything that may antagonize her, alright John?” She looked at him with a teasing smile. “It is best that we play it safe.”

“Oh jeez....” He scratched his head sheepishly, looking a bit put out. “Subtlety has never really been a Joestar family trait. I'll try though, Rose, I promise.”

“Perfect. And if she acknowledges your presence at all, Jade, then that’s our woman.”

Beside her, their friend’s stand smiled and gave a thumbs up.

“Alright, we know what to do. Let’s go.”

They split up, each one approaching a different long-haired woman milling around the museum. John went to the one typing on her tablet while she read an exhibit placard. Rose picked the woman near the windows, gazing peacefully at the broken remains of a musket inside a display case. Jade’s was the one talking to someone on the phone throwing side glances at stairs by the elevator. 

Since John was not very good at the ‘subtle’ thing, he couldn’t really say much to his target. He wasn’t sure he would be to not to say anything that would seem weird, and if he got in too close that might send even worse messages. So he stood at a respectable distance from her, keeping his gaze at the exhibit, still weighing in on whether to have his stand out or not. Jade's attempt met better success, in that she actually managed to confirm if her target was the one or not. When the girl failed to exclaim at a green robot with dog ears standing in front of her she tried to give her a light shove. The most that did was make the girl look at the exhibits surrounding her before walking down the stairs, presumably to resume her call. 

Rose's target was the right one it seemed. As soon as she reached the velvet rope surrounding the display case the woman noticed her and struck up a conversation. “It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” The woman asked. She wore a normal looking red blouse and shorts, which contrasted the gold and white bands that snaked over her arms and legs. 

“Hmm?” Rose bent her head down, giving the placard a look. “17th century pioneer’s pistol, Louisiana.” 

“Well, that’s where they found it, but see here?” The woman pointed to a carving on the weapon’s wood grip that looked like a bunch of scribbles to her. “That’s Cyrillic. It’s the alphabet they use in the Russian language. Interesting, isn’t it? That could mean so many things. Could this weapon have been made in Moscow, and brought in by a former soldier tired of the war in the steppes, looking for a better life in the New World? Or perhaps it was bought by a Polish man, or a German from a Romani merchant who’d been travelling all over Europe, and ended up settling at a dock in Seville peddling his wares to would-be adventurers?”

Rose raised an eyebrow, amused. That was a lot of exposition and deduction for something as innocuous as a scratch marks on gun handle. She was jealous, to be honest. An imagination like that would be a great asset in Rose’s creative writing class, not that she needed it. This business with stands and mysterious corporations involved with their users was great fodder. Not to be outdone, she also came up with her own deduction of what the scars are. “I disagree. It is likely that a bear caused it after mauling the gun’s owner. Yes, a bear. Quite likely the owner, a prospector perhaps, was out in the forest one day and ended up attacked. Naturally he went for his weapon, but alas, a bullet cannot save him from ursine wrath.”

“I didn’t think of that!” She looked impressed. “Yes, that’s possible. We could probably know more if the archaeology department had the money for a lab.” 

“Archaeology? I didn’t know we had an archaeology department.” It shouldn’t be surprising however, this school offered everything despite being primarily a medical school on paper. The woman scratched the back of her head, looking sheepish. “Well, it’s technically under a Social Science sub-department, but we all know who the real stars are.”

“Of course.” Rose smiled. “That would be Literature. We aspiring authors are the soul and center of the Humanities department.”

“Those are fighting words.” The woman grinned and extended her hand. "Aradia Megido."

“Rose Lalonde.” Aradia’s grip was firm and confident. Rose could respect that. “A pleasure to meet you.”

“Hehehe, I’m sure it is.” Aradia smiled brightly. Her voice had a sing-song quality to it, one filled with cheer. “Tavros told me that the people who beat him and Sole Survivor up were asking for me.”

This was it then. She was Tavros’ friend, the one who defeated Sole Survivor prior to John. “Yes and I would like to apologize on behalf of my friends...” Rose spared a glance to John, who was milling about aimlessly, looking somewhat bored, now that the woman he had been trying to 'talk' to had left. With her gone they were the only people left on the floor. “For what happened.”

“Don’t be. Sole Survivor is a vicious...Stand, was it?”Aradia rested her elbow on the stanchion closest to her. “That’s what Tavros said you called his power. What a weird name. I wonder if it's because they tend to stand by your side?”

That never occurred to Rose, that something so simple could be the reason behind their abilities’ name. John said he got the name in a dream, so it was hard to believe that it wouldn’t have a deeper meaning to the name. If it was indeed this though, well that made things rather embarrassing. “To tell you the truth, I have no idea. But to get to the point...”

“Let me guess. You’re wondering if I have a Stand too, right?” Aradia was quick on the uptake. 

“Do you?”

“Before that, would you listen to a quick story, Rose?” A cold, blue miasma swept over Aradia. Behind her, a small robed woman with large pink horns curled like a ram’s where a human’s ears should be appeared. It had long spindly limbs disproportionate to its body that looked more like spears than arms, and from its tips it generated the blue miasma. Its face was a chrome mirror that at the moment reflected Rose’s face. “A few days ago, I was attacked too.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Rose tightened her grip on Lovin’ Spoonful’s pen, ready to fire. 

“It was dark out so I couldn't see who it was, or what they really looked like.” She continued. “Thankfully, I managed to escape whoever it was. However, before I did, they inflicted this wound on me. ” Aradia pulled down her collar, revealing red and black blotches on her skin. The miasma was starting to spread out towards her feet, forming a chilling veil on the ground that bore a passing similarity to a stand they had previously fought against. “I am sure of one thing about that encounter, Rose; the attacker possessed a 「Mystic Power」, a 「Stand」!”

Behind Rose, she could feel a slight breeze flowing towards their direction. John was approaching with MC Hammer ready to step in, she was sure of it, and Jade wouldn’t be too far behind. “I can certainly understand your train of thought, Aradia, but we had nothing to do with your attack, I can assure you.” Burn wounds were nasty, but it wasn’t the kind of nasty their stands could cause. 

“I would like to believe that.” Aradia admitted somberly. “And I understand well how violent my friend’s stand can be. But. That is no excuse for how badly Tavros was thrashed by your friend. I would like to think of you, at least, as a friend, but better safe than sorry.”

Things were emerging from the veil now. They resembled boulders, if boulders were part-smoke and didn’t seem to be solid. Rose dropped her umbrella and aimed her pen at Aradia, but didn’t fire just yet. She didn’t want to hurt her, since that would confirm Aradia’s presumptions. That didn’t mean she wasn’t ready to defend herself should Aradia’s stand attack, but for all she knew it already was. “Let's not do anything rash now. I'd really rather talk this over.”

“Funny! That’s what I said to my attacker before they almost burned me alive. Sabaton!” Aradia’s stand raised an arm. On cue, the mist moved forward, bringing the boulders with them. Rose ran backwards, firing in quick, steady bursts. Her blasts tore the rocks into pieces, but Sabaton generated too many for her to get a clear shot. One of her shots went wide and hit an exhibit instead, knocking down some valuable looking bust off its pedestal. A couple of the projectiles managed to get close enough to Rose, overcoming her attempt to defend herself. And when they drew near, they exploded. 

With their reduced size, the worst the explosions did was scratch Rose’s skin and throw her off-balance, and maybe knock down some stanchions. She still continued to fire, with one shot almost nailing Sabaton. Her beams were putting Sabaton itself on the defensive, but that seemed to have no bearing on the mist which still continued to swirl and fling objects at Rose, with varying degrees of success. If Rose had the presence of mind she'd be appaled at herself for how many valuable objects her missed shots had damaged, including a portrait of the university's founder. Some of them sailed past Lovin Spoonful's laser defense. If she'd be been here by herself, perhaps that might have posed a problem. Rose didn’t have to worry about that, though. 

John jumped up high in the air, supported by the superhuman strength his stand possessed. MC Hammer manifested as he landed, crushing a fallen bust of a historical figure who looked vaguely similar to Ben Stiller pushing open hands downwards to generate a strong gust. The mist was pushed away, along with the boulders and any nearby busts close enough to be hit. Mist spun around Aradia like a shield, concealing her. 

“A stand that generates wind.” She stepped closer, the mist continuing to cling around her. “Now that has potential to be a problem.” A bear came charging out of the miasma, roaring as it lashed out at MC Hammer with its claws. 

“Stay behind me!” John stepped back as he allowed MC Hammer to step forward and meet the beast’s charge. Keeping his breathing steady, he commanded his stand to let loose, pounding in to the bear before its claws could reach him. John felt something sharp touch his skin as his stand’s fists connect with its claws, but seconds later all he could feel was the rushing wind as MC Hammer overwhelmed the bear with its speed. Practically nothing was left of the beast once MC Hammer was done, the miasma that had formed was scattered into the air...

All around them. 

Shit.

Fists of solidified blue mist rose up around them and rushed together, colliding with each other, with John and Rose in between. John fell on one knee, and immediately found his chest slowly being crushed by more hands. Rose and her stand fared better, managing to break apart a few hands before five bears charged and pinned them to the floor. They were smaller than the first one Aradia summoned, and John was reasonably sure he could take them, even perhaps blow the mist away, if only he could breathe properly. 

“How is her stand doing this?” John asked aloud in between gasps.

“Memories.” It was Jade’s stand, approaching them from behind Aradia. Until now it had been completely forgotten in the heat of battle. Where her stand walked the mist hung over, repelled like the rain earlier. “That’s what these things are.”

Aradia turned away from John and Rose, who continued to be pinned down. “That’s one way of putting it.” Sabaton moved forward, releasing mist towards Jade’s stand. “Can you guess what memories they belong to?”

“Hmm.” Jade’s stand continued to close the distance, ignoring the exploding stones generated by the mist. The explosions they caused were also being repelled, but with each increasing detonation it seemed to take more effort out of it to deflect them. “I don't think these could be from human beings, so maybe the objects themselves?

“Correct!” Despite the severity of the situation, there was still a sense of cheer in Aradia’s voice. “These are the echoes of what happened to these objects before they were destroyed. You could say that Sabaton summons spectres of what destroyed the things around us, and form a certain point of view, everything is made from broken things. From stone in a quarry destroyed by dynamite, to a bear breaking some prospector’s musket,” John felt the fists tighten their grip on him. “Even a stand's fists breaking a priceless shattering a priceless bust...”

“Your stand seems like it is very powerful.” Compared to Aradia, there wasn’t any emotion in Jade’s voice. She was perfectly composed, not letting the situation affect her mentally. “But, I have a hunch mine is stronger.”

In response to that challenge, another bear came out of the mist, formed from the exploding boulders that failed to hurt Jade’s stand. It attempted to bite her head off, but the mist creature’s head disappeared.

When it appeared again, its teeth were sinking into Sabaton’s head. The bear immediately dissolved back into mist, but blood was already dripping down Aradia’s forehead. She didn’t scream, to her credit, but gathered up what mist she could spare without sacrificing the constructs holding John and Rose down.

Aradia was still smiling even as she wiped off the blood dripping down her eyes. “Well, your stand’s certainly powerful, I’ll give you that. Might I know your name?”

“It’s Jade.” Her stand stopped walking just inches in front of Aradia, its ability pushing back the mist so there was a miasma-less circle around it. 

“Hello Jade.” The mist surrounding Jade’s stand surged forward into a storm of bear claws and jaws. Even if it tried that redirection trick again Aradia was ready. The only reason that worked against her was because she was caught off-guard. Now that she knew to expect the redirection, Aradia was free to look for weak spots in Jade’s stand at her leisure, especially since she had the others hostage. “I’m Aradia. No hard feelings, but I have to protect my friend.”

“I understand.” The claws passed through the space inches in front of Jade harmlessly, appearing behind Aradia as an indistinct mass of mist. “I have to protect mine too.”

The same trick as before wouldn’t work against her again. A green arm yanking her from behind and slamming her to the ground on the other hand was a completely different matter altogether. Jade’s stand continued to stay in place, its arm extended, or at least that was what Aradia thought at first. As she struggled against the arm and looked towards Jade, she observed that from the elbow down, its arm had disappeared as if cut off cleanly. As Jade pulled that arm back, it became whole again as the part of her arm that she had used to attack Aradia returned to normal. Jade’s stand stepped away from Aradia, putting some distance between them before its other arm shot forward. It skipped space again, this time grabbing hold of Sabaton’s horn and yanking on it hard. It appeared in front of Jade’s stand, somehow managing to look confused and alarmed even without a face. 

Jade’s stand had a determined expression in its eyes as it balled up its knuckles and punched Sabaton's face with successive strong jabs. Its face crumpled like a crushed soda can, the wound replicated on Aradia’s face as a fountain of blood burst out of her head. “My 「Space Oddity」’s power... I think I understand it now.” Space Oddity stepped forward, crossing a five meter distance in one step. Aradia raised her head weakly and, for a second, thought that the exhibit behind Jade’s stand seemed closer before realizing the truth of the matter.

“Never stood a chance, did I?” Despite her injury, Aradia was still smiling if a bit sadly, as if a concussion was something she could just laugh off. “Just like....before...” She slumped back to the floor, unconscious. The constructs pinning John and Rose down dissipated, allowing them to get back on their feet. Aradia had been defeated, and they were safe now. John stood over Aradia, his stand’s fists surrounded by a miniature tornado just in case she was faking it. “So I guess she’s our enemy now, huh?”

“Perhaps but...I don’t think so, John.” Rose said. She was quietly thankful that her clothes weren’t destroyed during this fight, they were not cheap to replace and she'd already had to discard some of what she'd worn to their meeting with Jade. “She was afraid of someone...another stand user. If I were in her shoes, I would assume the worst as well and be prepared to strike first. Especially if someone hurt me as badly as she was.” The memory of her horrible burns was still fresh on their mind. 

Space Oddity lifted Aradia’s head and rested in on her lap. For a second John thought he saw a glimpse of Jade’s room behind her stand’s hair, but when that second passed she was holding a white towel she could use to clean the blood of her face.“We should explain ourselves to her later. But for now I think we should look into who might have attacked her, maybe even get the Foundation involved. It was an attack on an innocent student after all.” 

Most of the second floor was a mess in the aftermath of the fight, but thankfully no one else had arrived to see three kids battling it out with magic ghosts. It had helped that the rain outside was loud enough to muffle the noise. Once medical staff under the Foundation’s employ, doubtlessly notified by Space Oddity, had discretely whisked Aradia off to the school infirmary the three friends left, trying not to think off the mystery stand users lurking on the campus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter finished, another new friend introduced. Aradia was supposed to show up much later, but since I used Tavros already I figure having Team Charge fight back to back would be neat. Coming up with both Aradia's and Jade's stands turned out to be difficult, but I think it turned out alright in the end.
> 
> Anyway, stand abilities!
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Space Oddity  
> Stand User: Jade  
> Destructive Power: E  
> Speed: D  
> Range: A  
> Durability: A  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: B  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a lupine humanoid resembling its user. It can connect space, allowing its user a wide variety of effects. When asleep the user can connect into the dreams of others, though the effect activates easier on stand users. When awake the stand is able to redirect objects in its immediate vicinity by connecting the portion of space around it to another point.
> 
> Stand Name: Sabaton  
> Stand User: Aradia Megiddo  
> Destructive Power: A  
> Speed: D  
> Range: C (5 meters)  
> Durability: E  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: Sabaton generates a blue smog that that can create constructs. The smog is capable of reading the memories of destroyed objects around it, and creating constructs based on whatever destroyed those objects which its user has full control over.


	9. John: Blow Yourself Up

Evening life on campus was fairly busy, as one would expect of a university this big. Besides the requisite late night parties, evening classes and school organization meetings there were also numerous miscellaneous gatherings within the dormitories. Dave would occasionally go to these events, but seeing as he was having trouble getting the smell of formaldehyde off his skin he opted to stay in his room instead. It wasn’t like he had any place to go to anyway, but usually he didn’t return to his room until 9 in the evening. Alas, somewhere in town was a party bereft of the enjoyment one can only get by a scrawny Texan in his early twenties beatboxing about the Mesozoic era.

So Dave Strider, in his gaudy red suit pajamas lied on his bed with his back on the wall, sat cross-legged with his laptop in front of him. He summoned his stand, a part-bird, part-robot facsimile of Dave himself dipped in orange paint. It was called Tenacious D, and like all stands possessed a power unique only to itself. For the most part all Dave needed of his power right now was its ability to connect his laptop charger to the socket, as he wasn’t sure how long tonight’s festivities would be. 

He booted his computer up, and opened pesterchum, a chat program he’d sworn by for years despite recent updates actually making it worse. For about half an hour he was actually being productive by doing some reading on the next lecture. This stopped once his laptop pinged twice, prompting him to switch windows back to the chat program.

turntechgodhead opened chat [Welcome to the Jungle]

tentacletherapist entered chat [Welcome to the Jungle]

gardengnostic entered chat [Welcome to the Jungle]

tg: ladies

gg: hi dave!

tt: Good evening, everyone.

gg: hey rose! :D

tt: It’s good to see you both.

tt: Figuratively at any rate.

tg: joestar turned out to be a traitor with the gall to have a social life outside his awesome buddies with magic powers so he aint here tonight

gg: thats a shame, but I hope he’s having fun

tg: probably off arguing continuity errors with his buddies at film school or w/e

tg: not like we need him around

tg: annoying little shit got all prissy that I smell like formaldehyde and not baby oil like he does all the time

tt: Not all the time. In particular, he smells more of b.o. after walking back from class

tg: and how would you happen to know that little nugget of info we didn't need?

tt: Because he's been coming over to complain about class the past week.

tg: uh-huh.

gg: hehehehehehe :)

gg: formaldehyde doesn’t smell that bad

tg: jade you’ve been in a coma for four years how would you know

gg: it’s been six, not four!

gg: and when a toddler spends a lot of time in her grandpa’s trophy room you’d be amazed at what kinds of smells shed get used to

tg: good thing youre grandpas like super loaded or something and not a sewage inspector huh

gg: gross dave

gg: no more fancy korean snacks for you >:D

tg: oh fuck

tg: i take it back please dont cut me off

tg: i need that cheese-covered ramen like i need air

\-- tentacletherapist [tt] went idle --

gg: you shouldve thought of that before crossing me, dave!

tg: come on ill do anything

gg: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

gg: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

gg: hmmmmmmmmmmmm

gg: anything?

tg: come on, name it 

gg: maybe

tg: maybe what

tg: you want me to eat ass don’t you

tg: its always the ass munching 

gg: hmmmmmmmmmm

tg: hmmmmm?

gg: im trying to decide if it should be a sexual or a literal butt eating

gg: and if the latter, if it should be raw or fried, maybe even grilled >:)

tg: fuck i didnt think of that

tg: please be merciful

gg: you reap what you sow strider >:D

gg: i hope you own tooooooons of mouthwash

tg: shit why is my illicit junk food dealer the evilest in the state

\-- tentacletherapist [tt] is no longer idle --

gg: it isnt my fault the fda blacklisted these chips

gg: i mean they only mixed cocaine into one batch and that was an accident! 

gg: why are americans so touchy they said they were sorry and even fired the people responsible

tt: what riveting conversation I return to.

gg: :o

tg: godamn the fun police is here game over man game over

tt: this was not the conversation i was expecting to return to when i got up to heat food in the microwave. 

tt: I had hoped for something less absurd, especially from Jade.

gg: lol, sorry to disappoint you Rose

tg: (shes not)

tt: Thank you Dave. I suspected from her outdated internet slang that she was insincere, but your confirmation clinched it.

tg: yw fun police

tg: wasnt sure youd understand the complex nuisances found within our words

tg: im morn happy to explain if you get stumped

gg: lmao :B

tg: see what jade means to say is that she sympathizes with your inability to parse her archaic as shit terminology but is gladdened that i am a magnanimous enough human being to translate for her anyway 

tg: that or she wants to deep fry a box of crayons 

gg: ewwww gross dave

tg: whoops sorry didnt know youre on diet must be hard to keep that dynamite figure of yours

gg:......

tg: fuck that came out wrong

tt: Excellent work Dave. As always you’re a master of tact.

tg: shut up

gg: oh its ok, dont worry about it

tg: forget about giving me anythin 

gg: no its fine, really!

tg: shit no it aint

tt: I suppose it’s up to me to salvage this situation.

tt: Please disregard our friend’s inability to shut his mouth to read this.

[Tentacletherapist sent roughdraft.docx]

gg: hmmm what’s this?

tg:.........

tg: rose what the fuck

gg: uh

gg: this is very interesting?

tg: this is steampunk furry wizard smut

tg: about the founding fathers 

tt: The proper term is erotica.

gg: oh, this is very detailed

tg: jade stop reading this don’t indulge her

gg: rose i am very sure that benjamin franklin would not be able to bend that much at his age!

gg: even if he is a warlock of the fourth circle with fox blood

tt: Oh my, I’m surprised that this would rattle you so Dave. I was quite confident that you would find at least one component of this story entertaining.

tg: not if you like mash all these things up into one steaming shitbowl

gg: im reading the part where sturgeon von steuben is seducing velociraptor cornwallis on top of the zepellin and i have to say that sturgeons don’t have mating calls

gg: theres lots of stuff thats biologically improbable from what i read so far, and thats not getting into the pop science involved with these zeppelins!

tg: jade its bad porn it doesn’t have to make sense i aint even mad that cornwallis doesnt have feathers

tt: It is called erotica. Good erotica. 

gg: it could be consistent with its physics, at least!

tt: How so? I would love some legitimate input.

gg: ill read it through later and see if i can find some more inconsistencies. Im rusty on my biology but i can definitely correct the problems with the automatons so they could be more plausible.

tt: I appreciate it Jade, thank you. 

gg: lol, no problem :)

tg: man look at all this fun were having

tg: john sure is missing out

tg: bet hes going to get back here any minute now

To answer Dave, not a lot Cinematography was serious work. The entirety of his class was with him inside Doughty’s only theater, meaning that at least thirty students sat silently as they watched an indie film done entirely in black and white claymation. Most had their cellphones or laptops out, making notes. John wasn’t, because their professor had not actually told them the purpose of watching this film and if he really needed to he could always download the movie on the internet. The possibility that this movie was not online due to its obscurity eluded him, though if it came down to that Dave was pretty good at searching obscure, weird artsy stuff when he felt like it. 

As important as this movie might be for class however, it simply bored John. He’d always preferred films with some spectacle, and while he enjoyed a few dramatic works with less pizzazz than he’d like this movie lacked any redeeming qualities in his eyes. It wasn’t even so bad it veered back towards being good. Figuring that he could probably miss a few scenes without trouble, he shimmied out of the seats and went outside the cinema room to stretch his legs and maybe check pesterchum’s mobile app, provided it didn’t crash like the desktop version usually does.

Or he would, had he been paying attention to his surroundings and didn’t bump into someone as he was about to make a left into the bathroom. Thanks to his Joestar genes he wasn’t hurt, but you couldn’t say the same for the person he walked into. Quickly pocketing his cellphone, he bent down and offered a hand. “Jeez, sorry about that.”

It was a woman, of average height and long, red hair. She dressed much the same as John did, if John preferred leather jackets with holes on the sleeves which resembled spiders, along with large silver earrings that also resembled spiders, which matched quite well with her spider-shaped glasses and red hat, which, yes, also had spiders printed on it. The spider lady refused John’s hand, opting to stand up on her own two feet. “Watch where you’re going!” 

“Sorry.” John apologized once again, but that didn’t seem to satisfy her.

The woman pointed a finger at him, smirking. “I should have you sued for damages, but I’m feeling generous. Pay for this,” She held up a broken phone fished from her back pocket, its screen cracked. “you caused this by being a stupid idiot!”

John was pretty sure her fall wasn’t hard enough to cause that, and even if it was he would’ve heard the crunching of the glass. “Yeah, pretty sure I didn’t cause that.”

“And how can you tell?” She shoved the phone towards John’s face. “You some kind of phone engineer? Worked at a factory in Korea, slaving away making cheap phones for people?”

“Uh, no.” But John had accidentally broken his glasses enough times to know the difference. Which he proved by pinching a loose piece of plastic at the bottom left edge of the phone and peeling away a thin plastic film. Without it, the woman’s phone looked pristine.

She slid her phone back into her pocket with an annoyed expression on her face. “Tch, that trick barely ever works to begin with, but you looked gullible enough to fall for it.” 

Rude. What did John do to this woman? Besides knocking her down anyway, and even then he felt that they were even after she tried to scam him. Entertaining her wasn’t the best use of his time, so he decided to be the bigger man than he already was and turn the other cheek. Plus John really needed to use the bathroom. “Well, okay. Uh, bye.” 

Before she could say anything else he opened the bathroom door and went inside to do his business. Once done, he left the bathroom and this time only almost bumped into her again. Evidently, from how she was tapping her feet she never left. She was a persistent one. “So, you’ve got the guts to face me after all.”

“Uh, what?” This was getting annoying. “Look, I’ve got this evening class thing I kind of need to get back to. Do you mind if we let bygones be bygones?”

The woman growled at John, balling her fists. For a second it looked like she was going to disagree with him rather loudly, but a phone call interrupted her before she could say anything else. “Of all the times,” She muttered as she took her phone out. “Fine. I’m feeling nice, so you can leave. Go back to your stupid movie for all I care. Now go! Can’t you see I’m trying to have a private conversation here?”

He gave up. This woman lived in her own world, where nothing John would say mattered. Dealing with her would be exhausting, and John needed his energy. When he went back to the cinema room, it was just in time to hear some character he hadn’t seen before launch into a monologue about how her erstwhile allies were being picked off one by one, and upon finally facing the culprit, found them wanting. 

Supposedly it was a scene of emotional pathos, the culmination of the heroine’s quest.  
Unfortunately either the people in charge of the claymation didn’t get the memo or the actors stopped caring, because it sounded hilarious to him rather than tragic. Compounding matters was the fact that this scene came out of nowhere; John was rather surprised that they reached the climax in the five or so minutes he spent using the bathroom and being harassed by an angry spider lady. Then again he wasn’t paying much attention in the first place so maybe he missed something while he was zoning out. 

“Man, I wonder what the others are up to.” He mused, resting his chin on his raised arm while watching the heroine eviscerate some zombies. Maybe. They could be the mental manifestations of her demons considering the film.

 

tg: any minute now

tt: Dave you’ve been saying that at three minute intervals for the past half-hour.

tg: shit have i

tt: Unfortunately, yes.

tg: well id been hopin hed come back soon

tg: this dorm building gives building inspectors nightmares 

tg: weirdass night terrors where youre falling down the stairs forever ‘cause they hired MC Escher and made him work at night and underpaid everyone and maybe mixed cocaine in the cement

tg: didnt even install lights at the stairwell thats a fucking health hazard that is

tt: Much as it is amusing to listen to you ramble incoherently, I would like to know the point you’re trying to make.

tg: the point is that this dorm will murder you if youre not careful and id like to have johns unkillable stand here with me when this place finally gains sentience and eats us alive

tg: yum yum, millennial flambé ala mode for arkham asylums eviler flesh eating texan cousin

tt: Now Dave, that’s impossible and you know it. You’re letting boredom and possibly hysteria get the better of you. 

tt: Besides statistically speaking an enemy stand would be more likely to get you first than a sentient evil building.

tg: oh fuck thanks for making things worse rose

tt: Glad to know I’m helping.

tg: jade youre the stand expert do buildings have stands

tg: jade

tg: come on dont hold out on us this is a serious concern

gg: oh

gg: sorry, I fell asleep

gg: being conscious for long periods of time is exhausting I don’t know how I used to do it

tt: Amen.

tg: amen

gg: hmm

gg: I don’t think the building itself can have a stand

gg: but someone can bind their stands to it

gg: I could be wrong though, when PM comes by I can ask her

tt: PM? This is the first we’ve heard of this person.

tt: Would I be wrong in assuming that she’s the woman in the picture with you and Slick?

gg: She is!

gg: shes very nice when shes not busy with work

tt: And she’s very knowledgeable about stands, is she?

gg: yeah! Shes one of the Foundation’s best people when it comes to stands!

gg: so is mr Slick but I dont think he can speak yet on account of some people dropping a chandelier on him :/

tg: yeah well he ruined my favorite undershirt

tg: that shit was fucking Gucci jade

tg: Gucci

tg: you know how expensive their bling is

tt: Oh don’t be so dramatic Dave. He ruined my customized gothic Lolita ensemble and you don’t see me crying about it.

tg: that shit cost me a hundred bucks rose

gg: a hundred bucks only?

tg: wow 

tt: Wow indeed.

tt: I had no idea you’d be so stingy.

tt: I bet those weren’t even custom made.

tg: you can do the rich shojo villainess laugh now rose I know you want to

tt: Ohohohohohoho.

tt: (I am placing my hand by the side with fingers stretched over my mouth as I laugh, as is traditional. Alas, I don’t have a fan to cover my mouth with instead.)

tg: (thanks for the clarification i was imagining you were putting your hands on your hips and raising your nose at the screen instead)

gg: wait were going out of topic again!

gg: thanks dave >:/

tg: rose is guilty too

gg: thanks rose >:/

tt: Traitor.

gg: but yeah, miss PM should be arriving at Doughty in two weeks

gg: she knows more about stands than I do

gg: especially how to find them! With her around we should be able to find that other group of stand users

tt: Ah, yes. That reminds me.

gg: are you going to visit Aradia soon?

tt: I will, tomorrow.

tg: you sure you dont want me or john to come with you

tg: she might try something nasty again you could use the backup

tt: Sensible, but no.

tt: I want to put my faith in Aradia. Besides that she would be more comfortable talking if I was alone.

tg: your funeral

tg: guess ill go by jades tomorrow and mooch off her fancy international snack food

tg: provided your awake cause itd be kinda rude if youre not around

tg: well technically you are but you know what I mean

gg: hehe, lol

gg: as long as you don’t leave a mess in the pantry that’s fine

gg: oh, could you get johns dvds when you come? I need to return them to him

gg: speaking of, is he back yet?

tg: nope but hes a big boy now he can get eaten by possible cannibal buildings and their stands

tt: Not to nitpick but the building won’t be a cannibal if it attempts to eat your flesh as you’re different species.

tg: not to nitpick but youre nitpicking

tt: A brilliant retort. I am in awe at your well thought out rhetoric once again.

tg: yeah yeah im so cool and awesome I know I know

gg: not the coolest though :p

tg: aw shit really who in the world is cooler than dave motherfucking strider

gg: thatd be me >:D

tg: coolkids don’t use emoticons

gg: coolteens do!

tg: that is a fallacy everyone knows that teenagers are basically lameass adult traitors in denial

tg: one minute youre best pals the next they're blowing up your treehouse with tampon grenades

gg: okay, first off, gross

gg: second, teens are technically half kids! 

gg: by adding coolness to a normal teen, you negate the negative properties of adulthood while keeping the positive ones!

tg: like paying mortgages

gg: exactly!

tg: [citation needed]

gg: rude

gg: I will have you know that I was accelerated to college three years early

gg: by virtue of being the smartest person in the chatroom im correct

tg: fair point but are you the cutest

gg: hmm

gg: do we count stands?

tg: if we do then tenacious d wins by default

tg: it could play every role in a low budget shojo harem anime

tg: even the short girl with big tits that follows the boringass protag everywhere

gg: i guess tenacious d would make good imouto material

tg: don’t make this creepy jade

tg: okay rose is being quiet again which means shes up to something

tg: or about to say something important

tt: Partly. Pesterchum had the temerity to freeze my laptop up for ten minutes, but I do have something vital to say. One of us has to. (no offense jade)

tg: (what about me)

tt: (You had it coming)

gg: what super important thing is it, rose?

tt: It is a rather shocking revelation, one that could possibly change the way we look at things today.

[tentacletherapist logged out of pesterchum]

tg: godamn it pesterchum

tg: rose just texted me that her laptop bsoded on her

gg: oh nooooooo :o

gg: what now?

tg: are you sleepy jade

gg: not that much

tg: ok lets watch some anime until rose gets back or we pass out whichever happens first

gg: oooooh! sounds fun :D

tg: ok lets watch some madoka

gg: :I

tg: something wrong with gen urobuchis magnum opus

gg: nanohas way better dave

gg: why don’t we watch a magical girl anime that’s good? :I

gg: like nanoha :I

tg: fuck you madoka is a treasure here is the longass essay I wrote for it during senior year about why it saved anime

Meanwhile, John was also listening to people talking at length about their favorite films. In context, it was to compare how awful the one they just saw was by comparison. The second best thing to do after watching a bad movie was to listen to others complain about it. The first was to do the complaining yourself, but he liked listening to other people’s opinions. His dad always said that was one of the good things about him.

As much as he wanted to continue listening, someone caught the corner of John’s eye. It was the woman from earlier, the really bad con artist with the spider fetish. Normally he’d just ignore her and get on with his life, but something about her was bugging him. It could be a sense of mystery as to why she was wearing so much spider-themed clothing. It could also have been that he found her actions interesting, the same way people are fascinated by tigers after seeing one pounce on your tour guide. In this case, it was most likely because an eyeball drenched in slime and dead skin was coming out of her ear.

She must be a stand user, or at the very least under the effects of one. But could she be like Aradia, who was going on with her life until she was attacked by a stand user? Or could she be one of the hostile stand users herself? John had to know.

He said his goodbyes to his fellow classmates, excusing himself by saying his roommate wanted him to get dinner. Well, he was a little hungry, so he was getting some anyway after finishing up his impromptu recon mission. John followed the woman as she ducked into an alley next to the local Chinese restaurant, and then ducked into an alcove. For a second he thought she went inside the restaurant through a back door, but was proven wrong when he saw the ends of her long red hair sticking out of the alcove. John thought about approaching her, but decided that an approach where he wouldn’t come off as a creepy stalker would be better. So he hanged back behind a pile of crates under an exhaust tube, breathing heavily as he used MC Hammer’s enhanced hearing to eavesdrop on her. Much better.

John heard the rush of hot air from the exhaust tube, accompanied by the smell of Szechuan cuisine. After taking a deep breath, he managed to focus his stand’s hearing on the woman, who was apparently making a call. “Shit, shit, are you sure you heard right? Fuck, of course I trust your stand. If I didn’t I wouldn’t let it on me now would I?”

So, the…flesh eye thing was a stand, and one with a long range. It wasn’t spider girl’s, but it was friendly to her. Interesting. Rose would want to know this, and more to boot. He pressed his ear against the crate, purely for the novelty of it. It didn’t help at all, but it felt right. “If she is coming, we need more bodies fast. I’ll check on the LARPing dweebs myself.”

LARPing dweebs…Tavros and Aradia? There could be more stand users around though, but he’ll keep it in mind. “Fine, fine, hold on,” Spider lady stopped talking, and in place of her rather shrill voice came footsteps heading towards the pile of crates. The eyeball and mass of skin protruding from her ear receded, and she was surrounded by a blue aura. It extended forward towards the crates, before disappearing. After an abrupt second, the crates were torn to pieces, along with anyone behind them. 

Good thing John escaped just in time. He watched from atop the Chinese restaurant as the spider lady’s stand ripped the crates into shreds, congratulating himself on not having to deal with that. And as for how he escaped? Well, a normal gust of wind would be too loud,  
and defeat the point of not attracting attention to him in the first place. So John lifted himself up the building with thermals. Large birds of prey, like condors, used thermals to fly long distances. With MC Hammer’s powers of wind, he was able to manipulate the hot air coming out from the restaurant’s exhaust vents to lift himself up, just high enough to grab hold of the ledge. MC Hammer’s strength did the rest.

He watched Spider Lady continue to make her call, but couldn’t hear anything else. It would’ve been nice to gather more info, but this would do. He’d get down from the building later, when he was certain that she had left. But he still needed to tell the others what he learned, and since he wasn’t going anywhere he might as well do it now.

[ghostlytrickster logged into pesterchum]

[ghostlytrickster entered chat Welcome to the Jungle]

gg: AND IM TELLING YOU WHAT HOMURA DID WAS A BETRAYAL OF EVERYTHING MADOKA STOOD FOR!

gg: SHE DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER MADOKAS WISHES ON THE MATTER!

tg: AKEMI HOMURA DID NOTHING WRONG

tg: SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO PROTECT EVERYONE AND GUESS WHAT IT WORKED

[ghostlytrickster logged out of pesterchum]

…Maybe he’d tell them tomorrow. It seemed like they were currently busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another wind-down chapter, but one that introduces the new friend! Pesterchums are fun to write I just wish I knew how to do the coding for it


	10. Rose: Brighten Up Someone's Day

Contrary to popular belief, it took a lot to disappoint Rose Lalonde. Acerbic wit aside, she was an understanding person, or at least tried to be. While it may have been easy to coax her into saying something one could construe as mean, condescending or needlessly critical, she did so usually in good humor, or parsed it in such a way that it’d seem like a compliment. Often she meant no malice behind it, as was like certain people who thought they were pretty clever, Rose relished the opportunity to snark at others, and the subtler the snark, the better.

Apropos to this, John Egbert would not know subtle if it hit him with…something really obvious and heavy with the words ‘DAMN IT JOHN’ printed at the front. He could be so dense that Rose was starting to suspect that he actually understood full well what she was saying, but chose simply to ignore the nuances in her speech. 

“No, John, I don’t need you with me right now.” She repeated for the fourth time. Currently she was heading for the medical building, which for obvious reasons also happened to be the local hospital.  
“Are you sure? What’ll happen if Aradia’ll attack you?” He asked over the phone. 

“I can say with complete confidence that nothing of the sort will happen.” It wasn’t like she was in any state to fight, and even if she was Rose had her doubts that she would want to. “Not unless she wants to stay in a public hospital, where she’ll be vulnerable.”

“Okay, but... what if someone else attacked during your visit, huh!? Someone big and scary and really sweaty…”

Great, now he was bringing his unusual dorm mates into this. Rose really didn’t want to hear anything about the people in their dormitory. They all sounded either dull or strange. “I highly doubt that other people from your dormitory are secretly stand users waiting to pounce.”

“Can you prove they aren’t?”

“Please don’t let your prejudices color your judgement, John.” Rose sighed. “And in the unlikely event that a hostile stand user makes their appearance, I shall give everyone a call.”

“…fine.”

“I’m glad that we’ve settled this. Now go back to class.”

“Nah, the toilet stall is pretty comfy once you get used to the smell.”

And that was her cue to hang up. “Goodbye, John.” 

She hung up. Truth be told, a stand attack was a highly likely event these days. Very recently John had almost been attacked by a mystery stand user when he eavesdropped on her conversation. Luckily he hadn't been seen so it wasn't as if he could be hunted by the mystery stand, but the fact remained that an attack could happen anywhere. Whether it came from Aradia’s mystery assailant or a completely new enemy, the only recourse was exercising constant vigilance. At least she was confident that she wouldn’t have to put her guard up with Aradia. The Speedwagon Foundation was guaranteeing her safety, though until this ‘PM’ person Jade was talking about arrived, the only stand users who could protect her and her friend Tavros was the four of them.

The medical building resembled a normal hospital, unsurprisingly. It was full of people both seeking and administering health care, though the way some of the medical personnel floundered without assistance from some of the more clearly experienced nurses didn’t inspire confidence. The nurse at the desk informed Rose that Aradia’s room was on the first floor, room one-twenty five, at the east wing to her right. She kept a close watch on her surroundings as she walked to Aradia’s room, but unless the next enemy stand user was a med student with a grudge or one of the patients who clearly weren’t Speedwagon foundation guards that didn’t seem likely though. Well, there was one person in the hallway who might fit the bill, at least.

Slick, first name unknown, glared at Rose with his good eye. He was lying on a bed, being pulled by some hapless intern who couldn’t see the many-eyed black dog curled up in a ball in between its master’s feet. Even with the full body cast on and the large men with gun barrels sticking just under their arm slings ready to fire Slick was still the most dangerous person in the building. The intern knew it too, and when Slick pressed the buzzer hanging over his hand the bed stopped moving.

“How’s the girl?” He asked Rose.

“She’s doing fine.” Rose answered truthfully.

“Good, good.” Slick closed his eye and left the staring to his stand, who was an expert. “If one hair on that girl’s head gets messed up I’ll kill you all in your sleep. That’s if the bitch doesn’t get you first.”

“Is that any way to talk to her friends?” 

“Feh. I got my eyes on you three bozos.” Slick pressed the buzzer several times, even after he screamed at the intern to get moving. 

“Why do it?” Rose asked on impulse as Slick left. “What happened, that makes you wish to protect her so?”

The man’s laughter echoed in Rose’s head, as did his words. “I ain’t being paid to talk about my life story, girl! Ask the bitch, or the dumbass.”

Meeting Slick was an unexpected, but possibly fruitful juncture. Whoever ‘bitch’ and ‘dumbass’ were, they knew something about Jade’s circumstances. The subject had not been brought up since their initial introduction, but it had stayed at the back of Rose’s mind ever since. There was a lot more about the matter that Jade wasn’t talking about, and it was curious to Rose that someone as open as her would hide this from them. Still, this wasn’t what she came to the hospital for. It was the person behind door number twenty five. 

“Hello.” Aradia greeted as she entered her room. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon!”

“It’s good to see you well.” Rose smiled. “Comparatively.”

Indeed, while Aradia currently had her head and chest covered in bandages, she was still as chipper as ever. The way her smile was just a little too wide to be normal didn’t stop her voice from sounding genuinely happy, and not the type of happy serial killers get into after some fun. “Good to see you, come in, come in!”

Rose sat down on a chair adjacent to Aradia’s bed. Currently she was watching a movie on her laptop, placed atop a food tray next to a juice box. “The Ring? Somehow I am not surprised.”

“It’s one of the best comedies ever made.” Aradia chuckled. “I have some history documentaries on this laptop if you’re interested.”

“No, it’s fine. I quite like the genre.” Not how Rose would refer to a classic horror movie, but to each their own. “I trust things are well?”

“Tavros said he saw a man walking outside his dorm two days ago, but ever since I got beat up no one’s been bugging us anymore.” She pointed to a mini-fridge next to the chair Rose sat on. “Help yourself!”

Far be it for her to refuse Aradia’s hospitality. Rose procured her own juice box from the fridge. “Thank you. I was rather parched on the way here.”

“You’re welcome.” Aradia raised her juice box’s towards Rose’s. “I’m guessing you’re not just here for chit-chat, are you?”

Smirking, Rose bumped hers and Aradia’s before taking a drink. “Was it obvious? Dear me, the others seem to be rubbing off on me.”

“No, no.” Aradia giggled. “I’ve been expecting this since…”

“Jade punched you in the face?”

“Several times, but considering the situation it could’ve been worse. Where is she right now, anyway?”

‘In a coma’ wasn’t an answer that’d rattle or bemuse someone like Aradia, but secrets were secrets. “Busy. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“Oh don’t be like that!” Aradia waved a hand at Rose. “I didn’t peg you for someone who went for self-depreciation. Now, let’s get to brass tacks.”

“I go for lots of things, Aradia.” Rose winked. “And, yes, let’s. Starting with the attack, if you’re comfortable relating it.”

“Well then.” Aradia rested her head on a pillow, closing her eyes as she reminisced. “It was late at night. I was heading home, I work part time at the school museum you see, and I went for a late shift helping out at the archives since my mornings were free. At about ten, maybe ten thirty, I hear someone call out to me.

“The voice said they knew who I was, what I was. That it took a lot of hard work finding me. And Tavros. They flattered me, said I was a special human being because of my stand, and that special people should stick together. It sounded a little fishy, so I politely asked them to show themselves. That’s when…” She paused and gnawed on her juice box straw.

“Yes?” Rose asked. Aradia seemed hesitant to continue. “If you don’t feel comfortable then we can finish it here.”

“No, it’s fine.” She sighed, placing her hand over her chest and massaging the healing skin. “It aches sometimes is all. Anyway, when I asked them to show themselves, they got mad. Said I was a fool and if I don’t do as they say they’d make me see things their way. Well, I had no idea if it was just one of them or what, so I ran. And then they hit me. One moment, I was legging it, the next, this happened.” Aradia slid her patient gown shoulder down and abruptly ripped her bandages off, only wincing slightly as her wound was exposed to the cool hospital air. It was mostly scarred over by now but it was still a gristly sight. “I summoned my stand, and immediately had it release a lot of mist. I panicked, so I used the wound they inflicted on me as a weapon. The dead skin counts, you see.”

That was smart thinking. Sabaton’s ability to create weapons based on what destroyed something was powerful and versatile. “What did Sabaton shape it into?” 

“Teeth.” Aradia answered. “The real ones that hit me well…they were hot, and they melted on contact, but the ones Sabaton launched didn’t have the same punch. I could fire lots of it though, and fire it everywhere. Some of it must’ve hit them, since by the time I finished they were gone, but not before warning me they’ll be back, and next time they’ll hit my friends too. And since I was a scared woman with bad health insurance I decided to skip my classes for the next week and a half to recuperate and think of how to defend myself and Tavros, especially since I don’t think the police can help.”

Rose nodded. It was hard to find a good support system for stand users, and the Speedwagon Foundation wasn’t exactly advertising. She typed out Aradia’s story on her cellphone, since she forgot to get a notebook and didn’t feel like using her stand. “I see. Interesting.”

A stand that used superheated teeth at long range to snipe at its opponents. That didn’t sound like the slashing attack John witnessed several days ago. Several unknown stand users who were probably hostile then. “Thank you for assistance, Aradia. I doubt they'll bother you or Tavros anymore.”

“Oh I have no doubt about that.” Aradia grinned. “With how much dust you guys have been kicking up, they might go after you and your friends first.”

“True.” Rose conceded. “I suppose that’s our life from now on. Nothing is without a price, alas.” At least it wasn’t a boring one. “Incidentally, you wouldn’t mind telling me how you and Tavros got your stands, do you?”

“Well,” Sabaton over Aradia, resting its head on her lap. “I’ve always had my stand since I was a kid. Tavros got his recently. Weird thing is, ever since we came to the school we sometimes have these dreams where we’re at this flower field. Usually there’s only other person besides us in it, but they’re really far away and we can never quite get close. Do you and your friends have those dreams?”

Not recently, since they started hanging out with Jade, but that was more need to know information. Aradia’ll have to settle for a half-truth. “It’s happened to all of us, yes.”

“Huh. Weird.” Aradia looked at the corner of her laptop screen and clapped her hands. “Well, it's time for my spongebath! The nurse is sweet enough to shampoo my hair while she’s at it, you know.”

“Truly this University has it all.” Come to think of it, Rose was due for some manie-pedie. Style this good didn’t just happen overnight. “I shall take my leave, then.”

“Bring your friends next time!” Aradia called out as she left the room, passing by a haggard looking intern pushing a cart with several buckets of water on top of it.

Visiting Aradia had turned out to be a fruitful meeting tragically cut short by hygiene. She’d have enjoyed talking with her more, but there’ll be more opportunities for that later. Since the weather today was too pleasant for Rose to bother with such silly things like ‘education’, she decided to go out of the university to try some sushi at the local Japanese restaurant. That is, if she survived first.

As Rose walked down the street leading out of the university a piece of stonework in front of her exploded in a small shower of dust. A white projectile no bigger than her thumb was embedded in the stone, dissolving at the point of impact. Rose summoned her stand into her hands to fight back. 

It was unexpected, that they would dare attack in broad daylight in the middle of the day. Such a brazen move spoke of recklessness, overconfidence or desperation. Perhaps all three. Judging from the direction of the shot it came from up north, in the direction of a wooded area not far from the exit. The school had a few patches of greenery outside of its park, usually occupied by students relaxing or doing their homework. That was the most likely location of the user, and that’s where she ran towards.

No one was there when she arrived, the chances of the attacker still being there was slim, but it was the only lead she had. She heard a whistling sound, prompting her to act on instinct and jump to her left, landing at the roots of a large tree. Grass and earth was sent flying, some of which stained the skirt Rose was wearing. She swore. That shot almost hit. At least she narrowed down the possible locations of her sniper. To hit her from this position surrounded by thick foliage, they either needed to be at the building a few meters east of here. Anywhere else and they needed to be closer. Of course…

Rose fired a few blasts upwards, at the branches above. Besides a few birds screeching at her there was no response. She headed towards the building, one of the less interesting pieces of architecture in the university that was little more than a giant brick cube housing the natural sciences department. For safety she stuck to crowds and the shadow of buildings. There were plenty of opportunities to snipe her earlier when she approached the wooded area, but the sniper didn’t take them. It seemed that they wanted to be discrete about this. 

It almost made her laugh. They were attacking so brazenly and yet they still wanted to use some modicum of subtlety and stealth. She had to add ‘half-hearted’ to the list of things this attack was. Since searching room to room for an enemy stand user would be unfeasible, Rose decided to head for the rooftop, the most obvious location. It allowed the attacker a good view of the area and was isolated enough that no would wonder what they were doing, but if they were smart they’d have been long gone. Rose was banking that they weren’t.

The stairs leading up to the rooftop were devoid of mystery snipers and their molar-gun stands unfortunately, as was the rooftop itself. Besides a few pigeons making their nest at the edge Rose was the only person up there. She stood at the center, pen in hand, waiting for the enemy to appear. The only other viable point to shoot at her was the nearby building to the south. All other nearby structures were too low to provide a good firing position. Confident of this, she waited for the enemy to appear at the other rooftop. Rose reckoned she could fire faster than the enemy could.

And she was. She saw a glint of light appear at the end of the other building. Before another tooth bullet could hit here, Rose fired a thin ray of light from Lovin’ Spoonful’s pen tip. The beam would’ve dissipated had she gone for the wider blasts she preferred. Something exploded at the other side, but that could’ve been anything so she still kept her aim. No return fire answered Rose’s attack, at least not from there. 

To her surprise, it came from behind her. 

Rose didn’t scream as she was struck down. The shot was too fast for that. It took the wind out of her, and she couldn’t anything besides a mind-numbing pain that spread out from her shoulder. She lay there, barely holding on to consciousness, when she heard the whistling sound again. 

Something hovered up from below the edge of the building, the enemy stand. It was a grissly sight, a smoothed human head lacking its lower jaw. In its place were two lengths of metal resembling train railings. Ridged, yellow fans attached to the back of the head spun lazily, at no speed that could support the weight it carried.

“That was close. You almost got me.” A male voice said through the stand.

“Don’t flatter me.” Rose smirked, ignoring the pain. “I wasn’t even close.”

“Okay that’s true.” The voice admitted. “But that’s fine. From what you’ve shown, you pass. But you’re one of the chosen ones, so that is to be expected.”

“Spare me the false praise, I know who you are. Why is your group coercing other stand users to join you?” 

“Uh.” The hovering stand’s user seemed taken aback by this. “Huh. This is the first time things have gone off-script.”

“Well?”

“Yeah if I start blabbing until we’re sure you’re one of us I might get in trouble. So what do you say? ” 

“Why don’t you show yourself first?”

“We both know why.” 

“Pity. Would a name be impossible to learn?”

The stand user was silent for a moment. “Sollux. We’ll be allies so I guess it’s fine if you know my name.”

“Sollux. What a strange name. One last question.” 

“Shoot.”

“What’re you going to do about my friends?”

“Your what?”

“My friends. You know, the people whose company you enjoy out of mutual shared interests?” She held her cellphone up. “I messaged them to come to the rooftop while I was on the way here. They should arrive any minute now.”

“You’re bluffing.”

Rose opened her phone and played a message. “What? A stand user? Damn it, I warned you not to go alone Rose! Stay where you are, I’m coming!” When it ended, she played another one. “Godamn it not again it ain’t been a week since the last one. Aight, don’t do anything stupid till I get there dumbassery is a team effort.” And another. “Oh noooo! Well, you’re super strong Rose and the idiot fighting you doesn’t stand a chance so keep on fighting! I won’t be long!”

“That so, huh?” A tooth projectile deployed out of the head’s half-mouth, landing in between the two railings. It was pulled back, with a whistling sound that stopped with a click. “Shit. I’ll have to call the others. Call your friends, now. Tell them to stay away, or I blow your brains out.”

“My goodness.” Rose covered her mouth, feigning shock. “And here I thought you needed warm, stand using bodies for whatever endeavor you have planned.”

“Feh. We can find more.” 

Rose smiled. “None like me.”

Beneath Rose, several paper pieces from Lovin’ Spoonful erupted, a flash of light so bright It covered the entire rooftop. By the time the light faded, Rose was nowhere to be seen. Sollux cursed. This would be the third potential recruit who escaped them. Contrary to what he said, it was difficult finding stand users, even with all that business about stand users naturally drawn to each other. He’ll have to call the others and tell them that this was a bust, for now. Now that he’s confirmed that Rose was a stand user, it would be simple enough to track her down again and try to convince her more thoroughly.

Sollux’s stand returned to him not long after, wobbling in the air as it landed on the desk he was sitting on. That flash of light took a lot out of him for what amounted to a glorified flash grenade. It was a stroke of luck that no one was using the classroom he was currently hiding in. You’d think that a university with so many students would make maximum use of its space, but he was glad for this. His stand White Stripes had good range, but if he wasn’t at least twenty to fifty meters closeby its bullets barely did any damage, and he had always been a naturally lanky, unassuming latino man incapable of standing up properly. The others were more used to fighting than he was anyway, with his talents being better used elsewhere.

A beam of light came through the open window, almost hitting White Stripes before Sollux managed to command it to move. The beam nicked it though, as evidenced by the blood trailing down from Sollux’s arm. Sitting on the windowsill was Rose Lalonde, smirking as she aimed her pen at him. 

“How did!?” Sollux was flabbergasted. 

As a reply a purple book materialized in her other hand, the other component of her stand. It opened of its own volition, and in doing so it caused Rose to partially disappear. She was still there, he could see, but only as a transparent outline. “My stand absorbs and releases light. It was simply a matter of knowing which light beams to absorb and what not to.”

“Shit, shit. I didn’t sign up for this.” Sollux inched away from Rose, his stand now floating above him. The first shot was a lucky one that caught him by surprise. Now that he knew what to expect, he was sure that White Stripes could fire before she could. 

His slow escape through the door was cut short when Sollux bumped into someone big and muscular and covered in wind. If he had dared turn his back on Rose he would have seen John, Dave and Jade waiting outside the doorway, their stands already out. MC Hammer pushed him back inside and forced him to sit in one of the chairs. 

“Now then, I’ve heard your sales pitch, so please listen to mine. Fair's fair after all.” Rose reappeared again, legs crossed and pen in hand, light focused at its tip. “You’ll tell us who else you’re working with, what your plans are, and where we can find all of you.”

“Y-you won't m-make me talk.” Sollux gulped. “I’d rather…White Stripes!” His stand rose up to fire, but the moment it did so Tenacious D hammered it down with the pommel of its sword, the projectile going wide into the ceiling. Flicking it's eyes up at it, then back down, Dave's stand swiftly pointed the blade at White Stripes in case Sollux tried anything else. And just to be sure, Space Oddity’s arm appeared out of nowhere and gripped Sollux by the neck. It was starting to feel very crowded in this room full of five people.

“Tsk, tsk.” Rose sighed. “I hate to do this, I really do, Sollux. But you leave us with no choice.”

But he fainted before they could do anything. Not that they (maybe John did) had anything nefarious planned. They weren’t horrible people (maybe John), just very perturbed ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was fun writing the fight for Sollux and Rose. Sniper duels are fun, though I kinda feel that Rose could've done more shooting. But she's also pretty cautious, so I doubt Rose would shoot stuff willy nilly, hence why she waited for a good opportunity to strike.
> 
> And of course, Stand stats.
> 
> Stand Name: White Stripes  
> Stand User: Solux Captor  
> Destructive Power: B  
> Speed: C  
> Range: A  
> Durability: D  
> Precision: A  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a floating head with railgun for a lower jaw. White Stripes shoots the teeth from its upper jaw as a bullet with enough speed to rival a high power sniper rifle.


	11. John: Try to Unwind

When John Joestar was but a child, he'd once heard a quote that had stuck with him from a movie he’d been watching with his family. Granted he was five years old at the time and his memory wasn’t as good as it was now, but everything about that particular line stuck out to him for some reason. He could still visualize the scene. He was sitting on his Father’s lap, chewing on the hole of his sippy cup which of course five year olds can still use, when he heard it. ‘Reality is not real, but something decided by popular agreement’. At the five years old, it was gibberish and meaningless to him. At thirteen, it was the coolest sounding thing. At sixteen, he felt a twinge of embarrassment every time he remembered that he liked that line. At eighteen, he had come to accept the saying as an actual fact. He had to, after gaining his stand.

Take, for instance, his current location. Each step John took created as much noise as a steamroller crashing into a shop that sold decorative porcelain knickknacks. Up above the ceiling was a nightmarish mishmash of over a hundred colors, the kind you’d get when someone got sick after sampling everything in a buffet and forgetting to check if the shrimp had gone bad. It really should be swirling around like an animated Dali portrait, if it was going to look like that, John felt. It wasn’t exactly real in the same way physical things are real, but it existed, even if no one else could see his dream but him, and even if he rarely remembered what was in them.

The weird dreamscape eventually gave way to a more familiar location far more familiar to John. His footsteps ceased to echo, replaced by the familiar sounds of grass rustling around his legs. A cloudless blue sky appeared up above. A warm breeze blew over him, bringing with it the smell of spring. Grassland stretched out as far as the eye could see, although unlike before there was no sign of any flower at all, save for faint traces of a sweet scent in the wind. At the far end of the field was one of his friends, a young woman in a flower accented dress. 

Jade didn’t seem to notice his presence, nor did she move from the spot she was standing on, so he went closer towards her. Thanks to dreamland logic, a few steps allowed John to cross hundreds of meters of grass in an instant. She still had her back against him, long hair flowing in the breeze. Not wanting to disturb her but curious as to what she was looking at, John took a few more steps so that they stood side by side.

All around them the grass disappeared, as if John’s surroundings had always been concrete before. Up above a scorching red sun shifted into focus at the center of the sky. A building loomed over the horizon, but John couldn’t focus his eyes on it, not with his head feeling like it’d been torn open. He couldn’t see Jade either. The scene shifted, and John found himself lying on a stretcher, his face covered in blood. Hazy figures surrounded him, talking to each other in garbled sounds as they carried him to an ambulance. Every nerve in John’s body felt like it was being pierced by a needle. 

Time stood still. Now he was in a hospital room, lying on a bed surrounded by machinery. The world moved like one of those old flip books, where the scene would change with each turn of the page, until it stopped at one scene. He could see, vaguely, an old man arguing with a pair of silhouettes. Behind the old man he could see three people, though the only one with any detail is a man with a bad five o’clock shadow holding a knife. Slick.

The scene shifted. It was night now, or at least someone turned off the lights. The old man was still there, visible in the gloom. Something was in his hands now, something gold and shimmering and sharp and dangerous. The old man approached John, who struggled to move out of the bed to no avail. He could hear the steel-toed sound of the old man’s boots as he approached echo all around him. John tried to scream to tell him to stop, but he couldn’t move his mouth. The old man stopped, placed a hand over his eyes as he raised the shimmering blade…

And woke up. It was four in the morning, far too early for John, but he couldn’t go back to sleep. Not that he wanted to anyway. Across the room his roommate Dave slept like a baby, his stupid shades remaining on his face. At least they weren’t over his eyes this time, because he had them in between his teeth. He walked into the bathroom and opened the faucet, placing his hands under the cool water letting the quiet flow of water calm his shaken body.

John had had nightmares before. Like most of his dreams he didn’t remember much of them, besides the bad feeling they brought him when he woke up. But this one…this one had been vivid. It was strange, remembering every vague, murky detail of it. This wasn’t something he could just shake off that easily. He bent down and washed his face, savoring the sensation of water over his eyes. Once he’d wiped himself with a towel, he changed into a green tracksuit with sky blue lines zigzagging up and down its arms and legs. On the back was a hot pink star with the word 「JOESTAR」blazoned over it in blue. Now wearing his Dad’s sixteenth birthday present, he headed out of the dorm, hoping a quick jog would clear his mind.

Speedwagon University was three things it normally wasn’t at this time of day; it was cool, it was empty, and it was dark. John appreciated the first two, but the last one not so much. He wasn’t Aradia. The only light came from a few lampposts in serious need of a good cleaning. With his stand’s enhanced senses he could probably detect an incoming enemy stand or any other threat handily, but that didn’t dispel the uneasiness at all.

Evidently he wasn’t the only one up early today. Besides the odd custodian sweeping the sidewalk or the wandering security guard there were a couple of students milling about. One of them was familiar to John, since he lived on the same floor he did. It was that sweaty guy, whose name he couldn’t remember. Did he even tell John in the first place? Like John he was also jogging, but unlike John, who was doing a half-hearted semi-stroll that’d rank as a three on a treadmill, Sweaty was doing laps like it was nothing. Using his hands instead of his feet. The sight of the strange man both baffled and disgusted John. He was pretty sure yellow ballet tights weren’t good workout gear, but that didn’t stop Sweaty.

Unusual as it was, that spectacle didn’t make him forget what he saw in his dream. Quite the opposite, in fact. Had he seen such a sight at a later time John would probably have called the police. John sat down on a conveniently empty bench, stretching his arms as he did so. He wasn’t really one for waking up early, nor was he someone who liked to be active before sunrise. Enjoying the cool early morning air was enough for him. As was using his phone to surf the web to pass the time, but as he turned on his phone, he noticed that someone had sent him a message. It was probably his Dad, asking him how he was. Granted he usually messages him at night, but maybe his old man wanted to change the script. Make sure John wasn't wasting his mornings or some...

“Dont tell anyone what you saw”

...thing.

Jade had sent the message, and his mind immediately drew the conclusion that he knew without a doubt what she referred to. Not that telling anyone about what he saw in his dream (or rather Jade’s) had crossed his mind in the first place, but now he wondered if maybe Rose should know. It was usually best to defer to her when it comes to sensitive matters like this. But Jade had asked him not to. Against his better judgement, he decided not to seek his friend's counsel or mention the dream, but not without a reasonable condition.

“What did I see?”

It took five minutes, but his phone eventually buzzed with Jade's response.

“Not here. Come by in an hour, at the garden outside my room.”

Secrets. Big secrets. John’s track record with secrets was pretty shoddy, but he liked to think he could keep quiet about the important stuff. Certainly he was good at not spoiling movies he liked, which in the hierarchy of 'Important John Stuff' ranked a good second or third. It felt nice to be with other people, and he didn’t want to break that trust with her. Of course, if Rose or Dave found out moreso the former, then there might be some issue between them, but that bridge was miles away.

By contrast, he had to get through a comparatively big bridge right now. John was hungry, which wasn’t helped by how light his dinner was yesterday. He wasn’t certain what stores where open at around ten to five in the morning, but the exit to the university was closer than his dorm where he was standing. Besides that he wasn’t really in the mood for cup noodles or junk food. The town it was.

Doughty wasn’t as empty as the university was in the early morning, because besides being a university town the place was also a few miles east of the Speedwagon Foundation’s pharmaceutical factory. Cars were already driving to the freeway in an effort to beat the morning commute, many of which passed by a few fast food joints for some takeout. Well, there weren’t any other open eateries at this time, so fast food it was.

One of the good things about waking up early, at least for John, was the lack of lines. Granted, at a few specific places you got nothing but long lines at this time. In basically every big city for instance the lines at the local transit stations could reach the sidewalk, with Tokyo reportedly having the worst. Luckily for John he didn’t have to face the wrath of angry Japanese salarymen trying to push you out of line because they’re late for work. The worst he would have to face is the agonizing decision of where to sit inside a mostly empty restaurant. 

Besides himself the only people around were a pair of groggy fastfood workers and some hipster sitting in a corner staring at a plate of breakfast sandwiches. John was certain of the man’s hipsterness, for few other people would wear lavender scarves over a black and yellow leather trenchcoat with four-toned hair, all of them varying shades of violet. He also had a fair amount of mascara on, but that was a more of a goth thing rather than a hipster thing.

A seat by the window looked good to him, so he occupied the table by the exit. Morning dew was starting to dry on the glass. It was an interesting sight, with John wondering if any of the movies he’d ever watched got it accurately, when they bothered to depict water drying on glass at all. An even more interesting sight was how breakfast and nonbreakfast menus were mere guidelines at four thirty. For his meal he ordered a soda and that most beloved of foods, the chicken nugget.

Chicken nuggets! Invented in the fifties at Cornell University, this wonder food initially made from meat slurry has since taken the world by storm, served everywhere that chicken can be mashed into a small oblong piece of deliciousness. To the students of today it was one of the four primary food groups, and arguably the most important one after Instant Noodles. When his Dad was too busy with work to cook John would gorge himself on the stuff, on one occasion uncooked and still partially frozen. It was filling, it tasted good, and it was within budget.

The ones he’d ordered were the first batch, and therefore the best. Smacking his lips, he held one up between two fingers, waving it under his nostrils. It even smelled perfect. Only one way to know if it tasted perfect, too.

Strange. John was expecting to hear a crunching noise as he bit down, followed by the taste of breading and chicken intertwining in his mouth. He was supposed to feel satisfied now that he was sating his appetite. The last thing he expected to feel upon taking the first bite of the day was ice.

Okay. Maybe the nugget wasn’t cooked well, blackened edges and strong smell notwithstanding. Yeah. That must’ve been it. The second nugget would be better.

It wasn’t. The smoking hot nugget in his hand felt like an icicle when he bit it. The feeling was awful, like when you eat ice cream after a dental appointment and you somehow forgot that your teeth were extra sensitive today. He was well within his customer’s rights to complain, but the sight of two overworked service workers scrambling to do the job of six people instilled pity in him. He’ll have to toughen it up, both for them and his empty stomach. Time for the third nugget…

Somehow he managed to finish his breakfast icy cold it might have been. It wasn’t completely awful, since John had done it before. Granted the first time he almost had his stomach pumped but he was made of sterner stuff now. His throat still felt unpleasant after that, but it was nothing soda can’t fix. Something sweet and deliberately cool should counteract it. He raised the cup, jiggling it mid-air. Satisfied with the sound of ice cubes within his drink, John took a sip.

And spat out scalding black liquid. He dropped the soda, clutching his forehead with his right hand while his left went to his diaphragm, fingers pressed straight into the fabric of his tracksuit. The soda on his lips were sizzling, and he couldn’t feel his tongue at all. John slowly pushed himself up, his left hand still on his belly while the right covered his mouth, legs stretched out farther than normal as he shambled out of the restaurant. He could think of only one possible reason for why this happened, why his hot food became ice cold and his cold drink boiling hot. 

A stand attack. 

Of course it was. Who else but a stand user would assault him like this? It was probably that skinny guy, Sollux’s allies, which was worrying. From what he’s heard Sollux refused to talk, and had to be locked inside a special cell somewhere in the University. Ignoring the disturbing implications of a Stand User prison being located in a sleepy university town, John focused on finding his attacker. 

He summoned MC Hammer, his stand of wind hovering close behind him. Having it out was reassuring, but he wasn’t going to find the enemy that easily. His right hand went from his mouth to over his eyes, while his left went under it. John narrowed his eyes, and then had his stand’s eyes lay over his to enhance his sight. In ideal conditions his stand’s sight was strong enough for him to see the individual hairs of a fly several meters away. In conditions where his throat still burned and he panted with every other breath it offered him marginally better night vision. He wasn’t sure what he was searching for specifically, but it was better than doing nothing.

John’s surroundings were innocuous enough. Behind him was the restaurant he’d just ran out of; to his left was an office building still closed. Across the road were similar buildings, along with a few benches. The occasional jogger or office worker were the only other people outside. Cars were driving out of the parkway. Nothing around him roused his suspicion, at least outside. Unless someone was using their stand from far away, he could think of only one enemy.

John unsummoned MC Hammer and went back inside the restaurant. He didn’t want a repeat of his encounter with Tavros, where an enemy stand’s ability robbed him of his. John placed an outstretched palm on the door and pushed. 

There should have been a rush of cold air from the air conditioning, not a blistering desert wind, and John did mean blistering; against all logic sand motes hot as burning coals struck his face. Instinctively he released a blast of wind from MC Hammer, its head manifesting on his shoulder as it blew out a gust from its nonexistent mouth. Instead, John was blown away, falling on his ass in the middle of the street, his stand cushioning him from the worst of the fall.

He hurriedly scrambled back to the sidewalk on all fours before he caused a car accident. That was close. Without his stand he might have ended up as roadkill. Angered, John fully intended to go back into the restaurant and wreck the place until he got answers. That was his intent anyway. John felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Oh right. It was almost time.   
School was still largely empty even at this hour, though by this time one could now see the custodians sweeping up the place and generally tidying up so the students can dirty it up during the day. John hurried to the meeting place at an increased pace, not quite a run but certainly faster than normal. He didn’t want to be late for his meeting with Jade, plus it helped chase off the cold.

The garden under Ogre Building was small, secluded and to those with an eye for gardening, beautiful. Close to two months ago John Joestar was attacked by a short man and his exploding rocks at this place. Even though an hour had already passed it was still pretty cold, but surely he could convince Jade that they move their conversation inside, in the relative warmth of her room. He crossed the garden’s threshold, which was one of those ornamented arches with vines growing over them. John took a seat at one of the benches, and almost immediately jumped up from how cold the seat was. Of course, it was going to be cold for John, considering what he wore right now.

Strange. John could feel the grass tickle his feet. The early morning breeze was almost punishing now, and he most definitely could feel some insects crawling up and down his back. John didn’t need to look at himself to realize what had happened. From where he stood, he could see the torn remnants of his tracksuit on the ground. To add to that, an ominous clawed hand appeared from over the hedges, followed by a shadowy thing smiling as it spoke.

“Where is Sollux Captor!?”

John sighed, and summoned MC Hammer. Of course this was going to happen. Of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much to say, except that this is a setup chapter.


	12. John, Jade: Meet some Fishy People

When the good people of the Speedwagon Foundation rounded up Sollux Captor after Rose defeated him, they were warned that his allies would most likely come to his rescue. Fair enough, that was what he and the others would do if any of them were in danger. He just wasn’t expecting them to show up so soon. John was hoping they’d have a week of peace, maybe two until the inevitable showdown. 

“Honestly? I don’t know.” He answered truthfully. “Can we raincheck this fight for later? I have classes today.”

“No!” The enemy stand, for what else could you call an indistinct mass of shadow creeping towards you clenched its hand. “See, here’s what’s going to happen to you, you impolite piece of shit! I-“

“Wait, impolite?” That was a first when it came to the insult department. “When was I impolite?”

“I saw you! In the restaurant!” It pointed a claw at John. “How dare you put your elbows on the table!? Have you no shame!? What kind of gentleman are you?”

John shrugged, his eyes wandering to his right elbow. “Uh… are you the guy with the scarf? Or one of the restaurant workers, maybe?” None of the servers were nearby but hopefully his attacker would be thrown off.

He heard a stomping sound from the other side of the bushes. “How dare you mistake me for a pathetic server!? Do you think a stand user of my pedigree would work in the service industry?”

“Sure why not?” The first stand users John met moonlighted as custodians when they weren’t being in the mafia after all. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Weeeeeeergh!” Now John heard a spitting noise, several in fact. Someone has a dry throat. “You fool! You imbecile, you maroon! By providence I stumbled upon one of you weaklings, and I even thought about keeping you alive if you apologized for your impoliteness, and once you tell me where that nerd Sollux is,” He added almost as an afterthought. “I’m going to kill you!”

“Nah, dude.” While his enemy ranted, John had pinpointed his enemy’s location. It wasn’t hard given the noise he was making. MC Hammer picked up a pebble from the ground, a smooth one barely the size of his thumb. His stand flicked the pebble with force comparable to bullet fire, propelling it forward with a small twister. It went through the enemy stand like a knife through butter and blew a small hole in the foliage.

But, it seems, didn’t take the enemy out. Somehow the pebble John fired rebounded, coming out of the same hole it made, flying back at him at the same speed. MC Hammer blew another twister at it to put it off course, but it still managed to nick John’s cheek. The enemy stand slithered its way towards the ledge and disappeared. John thought he drove him off, but soon he found himself mistaken.

The hipster from before stepped into the garden, his hand clutching onto his shoulder as he stood at the threshold with his right leg bent forward. His other hand had balled up his scarf, save for the tip which the hipster was currently biting on. “How dare you!? This is unbelievable! You just hit a perfect gentleman like myself, you nudist!”

John looked down, and immediately had MC Hammer step forward to provide him with some cover. “Hey, YOU were the one attacking me in the first place! If you hadn’t come along and did…” He waved his hands about dismissively. “Whatever, I wouldn’t be naked right now!”

“And now you accuse me of being a pervert!” The hipster stamped his foot down several times. Behind him his stand manifested, no longer a shadowy mass. It was a humanoid type like his was, but thin to the point of emaciation. A billowing cape hung from its neck, which earlier must had covered its mostly purple body. Its head was a golden helmet with one long vertical slit at the center, with feathered plumes sprouting out of the top. “Me, the great ARGH!”

Behind the hipster was another stand, who had thankfully stopped him from talking when it had bopped the back of his stand’s head. It was another humanoid type, with a clearly feminine build and several fin like protrusions on its neck. Like the hipster’s stand it was purple, albeit a darker shade. John couldn’t see the user but they were probably behind the bushes. “Don’t announce your name!”

“BuFe-OW!” Smack. 

“Don’t say my name! We just need to take this guy out and make him tell us where Sollux is!” 

“I don’t see why we have to take that wimp back when we still have-OW!” A second smack.

“Please, Eri, not now! We have an enemy to defeat!” The feminine stand pointed a webbed finger at where John had stood. Emphasis on had.

While they argued, John took the opportunity to take part in that most esteemed of Joestar traditions, and absconded. He had disappeared while his enemies argued, too engrossed with their bickering to notice. 

“Great now he’s gone, Fef. Great job.” The hipster’s stand pointed to where John had stood. 

“That bitch is going to kill us.”

“No she won’t, she may be awful but she’s our friend. And besides, he couldn’t have gotten far.”

“Can you look for him? I can’t leave my position.”

The feminine stand groaned. “Fiiiine.” It dematerialized, waving a finned hand at the hipster’s stand as it did so. A second later, a woman passed through the hipster’s stand. In a better light, one would see that she had a dark tan and was slightly in the heavier set, with a mane of hair that could rival Space Oddity’s or that one Spider lady. In a better light one could also see that she was also wearing a purple tracksuit, or at least a blind woman’s idea of a tracksuit. Apparently rhinestones were involved, lots of them lining down her sleeves in a pattern that made a shark. Its shirt cut just above her midriff, but the cold didn’t bother her in the least.

John couldn’t say the same for himself, however. While they bickered he had indeed escaped, but not far enough. At the moment he was stuck atop a tree, hidden by the thick foliage. Creating thermals had once again allowed him a quick getaway, but he was pretty sure they were going to find him soon enough. The top of the tree was the first place anyone would look, but then again, John wasn’t planning on running away at all.

“Look at this,” The woman the hipster called Fef knelt down over the spot where John had been and picked up some leaves. “These weren’t here before. Could it be that simple…”

It was. MC Hammer punched down, driving Fef to the grass with a twister. The stand of wind pulled its arm back, lifting Fef up in the air. MC Hammer couldn’t keep this twister up for long, but it didn’t have to when it could just grab hold of Fef’s long hair.“Don’t move, both of you!” John warned, still not moving from his perch. 

“Wasn’t going to.” The hipster reassured John, his eyes focused on his partner. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret, man, you’re a nice guy I can tell, but you fucked up when you let Feferi get close.”

MC Hammer tightened its grip on Feferi’s hair as a warning, eliciting a wince from her. Sweat was beading not just on his forehead, but his arms as well. “Why do you say that?” 

“Because.” Feferi snapped her fingers, summoning her stand. It placed its finned hands on the tree and began to climb up, tearing off pieces of bark as it did so. As soon as she did, John let go, and tried to propel himself away from her. If she was this blasé about getting captured then it meant only one thing. “You’re in the range of my stand, [November Rain]!”

It was too late to escape unscathed however. Feferi’s stand manifested, a hulking monstrosity that looked like the Creature from the Black Lagoon if it had a visor for eyes, was mustard orange, female, and took steroids. It let out a barrage of fists, slower than MC Hammer's but with more momentum. John's stand matched hers blow for blow, but with each successive hit MC Hammer’s arms shrunk rapidly as John’s own began to shed water in large amounts, leaking out of John’s body like a water balloon that’s been poked several times. Scrambling to get away, his stand kicked out a powerful gust from its arms, trying to force Feferi’s stand away from him. It didn’t deter her stand at all. November Rain countered with an uppercut to MC Hammer’s outstretched hand. Even if his arms hadn’t been weakened that blow would have matched his own’s otherwise. 

Using the momentum from the punch and a well-timed gust, John pushed himself out of the tree, snapping twigs as he was blown away. Another gust was sent blowing downwards to soften his fall, with John curling up into a ball mid-air. At the last second he had his stand turn him around with its legs so he wouldn’t land on his back. Instead, his emaciated arms took the brunt of the fall as he landed in front of the Hipster . 

Against his expectations, he was mostly alright. Well, as much as someone falling from a ten foot drop and landing on almost stick-thin arms could be, but the important part was that he was alive. John managed to get up to his feet, his stand taking a boxer’s stand as he himself stood with his back slightly leaned, arms slack on each side. He wasn’t going down without a fight.

“He knows my name.” Feferi said as she turned on her heel and came towards John, her stand causing the grass around it to stiffen and dry as water leaked out of them. “We’ll have to capture him.”

“Stupid move, putting yourself in between your opponents.” The Hipster said, smirking as he walked out of the arch. 

“I guess you’d know.” John pointed forward with a thin, wrinkly finger.

Space Oddity walked forward, the air around it wobbling as it used its ability. It turned on its heel and landed a sucker punch on the Hipster’s face as its other hand grabbed John by the shoulder, and once again the air around it wobbled. It stepped forward, but instead of bumping into their enemy they were now behind the tree John hid on earlier, several meters away. 

Space Oddity looked up and down at John and asked the obvious.“John, why are you naked.” 

“Wait, you can teleport now?” John asked, ignoring the question.

“Not very far mister Nudist,” Jade answered through her stand. “and you still haven’t told me why you’re naked! And what happened to your arm?”

“Stand attack, Jade!” John pointed to their attackers. “The girl does this thing where she makes you sweat a lot if you get close and I have no idea what the other one does but it makes your chicken nuggets taste like crap.”

“I see.” Space Oddity nodded, speaking with its master’s voice once more.“What’s a chicken nugget?” 

Hand. Forehead. “Jade. Seriously.”

“I’m kidding!” Turns out Stands could blush, and when they did, they blushed green. “I’m just trying to calm you down with a joke! I know what a chicken nugget is.”

Did she? Maybe after this he’ll try to find out if she did. “You know what’d make me feel better? Kicking their asses.” 

“Well why didn’t you say so?” Jade shrugged nonchalantly. “Can you fight with your arms like that?”

“I’ll manage.”

“You’ll be alright as long as I’m here.”

While they argued, Feferi took her time walking towards them. Her piscine stand seemed to have the power to manipulate water, as everything around it except its master seemed to be losing substantial amounts of it. The water wasn’t evaporating, Jade noticed, which crossed out heat as its method of draining water, at least in some cases. It could be some form of osmosis, albeit at an accelerated rate. 

“You must be wondering how my stand works, aren’t you?” Feferi stopped behind the tree, sighing. November Rain pressed a webbed hand on the trunk.“Well, you’re about to get a VIP ticket to a demonstration!”

Around November Rain the water shed earlier began to pool at its feet. It seeped into the tree at a rate that wasn’t natural, the water being absorbed directly into the trunk. Up above the branches began to wither as water seeped out of it. The liquid formed streams across the grooves on the wood, seeping back into the tree. Its trunk became swollen, like a luggage bag from a tourist going home that was packed with too many souvenirs because the owner neglected to get a spare just in case. November Rain balled its hand and punched the tree. Filled beyond capacity, the tree buckled, and burst from the force of the blow.

The Hipster got up from the ground, his hand on the bridge of his nose covered in blood. He had crawled back to beneath the arch, where for some reason he felt safer.“You show ‘em Fef!”

John would have been skewered by dozens of flying splinters or been thrown off his feet by a flood of water had it not been for Jade’s stand. Space Oddity activated its power immediately, creating an alternate pathway for the projectiles coming their way. Instead of hitting them head-on, it came out six meters away, straight at the Hipster. 

The normal response to such a development would be to run or evade. To John and Jade’s surprise, The Hipster stood his ground, covering his nose with his hand as he twisted his torso to the right. Instead of skewering him the shards paused mid-air before being propelled towards them. The water was treated to the same effect, though by the time it had reached John and Jade the torrent had lost its punch. As for the shards…

Space Oddity spun on its heel with a twirl, spinning to John’s side to block the attack. It put its arms forward as if pushing the shards away, which is what Jade intended. Instead, like earlier, a few of the shards paused once more, before spinning around the space around Jade’s stand and stabbing into John’s shoulders. One had even impaled his forehead.

“Hah! You can’t hurt me! The great Eridan Ampora’s [Painted Black] is invincible!” The Hipster now known as Eridan boasted. John would probably start musing loudly that his name was fake if he wasn’t gritting his teeth right now.

“John!” Space Oddity turned to pull out the shards, but stopped when it saw Feferi and November Rain approaching again. The air around Space Oddity rippled as it redirected space around it again, but this didn’t stop John from losing water extensively. The effects of Feferi’s stand didn’t need to pass through Jade’s to affect John. 

Snarling, Jade’s stand took John by his arm and walked backward, moving John to the edge of the garden. They had underestimated these two, and were now paying the price. Space Oddity began to pull the wood shards out of John’s shoulders, wincing as blood dripped out of his wounds “John, I’m going to get you out of here, okay?”

“No.” John placed a hand, his hand, on Space Oddity’s shoulders. Despite November Rain’s attack his grip was still strong, and the look in his eyes that Jade saw, that fire…

He was furious. They had humiliated him by stripping him naked, and then dehydrated his arms and stabbed his head. He waved Space Oddity off, and biting his lip, he summoned MC Hammer and had it pull out the remaining shard on his forehead with one pull. Blood dripped down to his glasses, but he didn’t care. “We’re kicking their asses. Then we’ll make them tell where their buddies are. And we’ll kick their asses. Then we’ll kick the next asshole’s asses, until they stop fucking with us, and with anyone else.”

Jade was honestly taken aback. She had never heard John express himself this way. In a way, it was worrying. Personally she wanted to get John away from here and regroup with the others. But there was something about John’s proposal that appealed to Jade as well. It angered her that she couldn’t defend John from their attacks. How dare they hurt her friends? “If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you. In fact” Space Oddity cracked its knuckles. “I’ll join you.”

“Heh. The more the merrier.” John smiled a cocky smile. It looked out of place on his face. 

Feferi was once again approaching, her stand’s powers in full activation. Her pace was still slow, but relentless. “A close range stand, with the power to rapidly move water in and out of living things. Posssible maximum range, three meters. Likely has superhuman strength, like MC Hammer, but low speed. Alternatively, she can’t move quickly if she wants to keep her stand’s effects up.” Space Oddity stepped forward once more. “I know how to beat November Rain.”

“Oh, do you?” Feferi chuckled. “I’d like to see that.”

November Rain’s power was already taking effect judging from how John was sweating excessively again. Since MC Hammer lacked the strength to fight something with November Rain’s strength, it was up to Space Oddity to stop it. Jade’s stand ran forward, balling its fists. Feferi barely gave her any attention, focusing instead on getting close enough to John to incapacitate him via dehydration. 

“What can your stand do?” November Rain sidestepped Space Oddity and rushed forward, intent on taking down John. Feferi knew that the blow would just be blocked by his stand, but as long as it made contact then her stand’s effect could be used faster. “It’s not even strong enough to beat mine. All you can do with it is defend.”

Once John was down they could take on Jade at their leisure. Its ability may have been powerful, but only if you attacked Space Oddity directly. The user had to be closeby, so it would only be a matter of hunting Jade down. This way of thinking was, however, very limited. The power of a stand was just as dependent on the creativity of the user in using the environment and its abilities to adapt to the situation.

Take for instance one peculiar trait of some of the University benches. Realizing the ubiquity of smart phones, laptops and other electronic gadgetry in modern daily life, the University President had decreed the addition of electric sockets all over the school. Charging stations, he had argued, are vital in ensuring that the learning tools of today could be readily used all the time. The man was so earnest about this that no one had the heart to tell him what the students used their electronics for more often. Some of these sockets were even installed directly to the side of the stone benches, and in one unexplained instance, a large rock near the school zen garden.

One such socket could be found at a bench in this garden. Space Oddity’s ability to redirect space by connecting different points to each other was a two way road. November Rain’s ability to manipulate water made it so that the liquid always pooled around it. November Rain was a close range stand. 

It doesn’t take long to put two and two together. 

Feferi screamed, falling to the grass as she was electrocuted. Even as she and her stand convulsed uncontrollably they still tried to reach John. However, one thing MC Hammer had that November Rain didn’t was mobility. Taking in a deep breath, John propelled himself upward, escaping the electrocution Feferi currently went through. Normally he would wince at such a gruesome predicament, but John had bigger fish to fry.

Or he would, had the person he was targeting stayed in place. The second the electricity surged through his partner Eridan seemed to have run away, leaving her to her fate. John snarled in frustration, punching the ground in anger with his stand. He’ll get that smarmy coward next time, he promised himself.

The Speedwagon Foundation responded swiftly, covering up the incident as an ‘unfortunate accident’. Thankfully the attack had once again been done at an early time, with no witnesses. Feferi was quickly sent to the nearby hospital, while John received some first aid. The medics, sadly, neglected to bring some extra clothes with them, but they did manage to procure one of the medics’ jackets for John to use as a makeshift loincloth.  
It wasn’t helping that much.

Jade accompanied John as they hurried home at a brisk pace. Already people were gawking at him and his bare ass, much to Jade’s amusement. 

“It’s not funny!” John muttered under his breath, because the only way this would be worse is if people saw him talking to himself. “I almost got killed!”

“You almost got killed again.” Space Oddity covered its mouth, but that didn’t hide Jade’s cheek to cheek grin. “Naked.”

“Jade.” John rolled his eyes, wiping the sweat from his head with a sleeve from his jacket-skirt. His arms were starting to look normal, but he needed to rest. “Jade please. Gratuitous nudity is a dead trope in comedy. I won’t have my friends liking something that cliché. Besides, I really could’ve died!” He repeated his point empathetically.

“You could have, yeah.” Space Oddity looked solemn, but only for a moment. “But you didn’t! So now that you’re safe we can both have a big laugh about it.”

There was no arguing with her. John was too tired for it anyway, so instead he just heaved a sigh and said quietly. “Hey, by the way…”

“Mm?” 

John looked at Space Oddity, at Jade’s face. She already knew what he was about to ask. It was why they were meeting today in the first place. After what happened though, John didn’t have the energy for any possible drama. 

“Nah, never mind.”

He could see the relief flush into her face and she quickly redirected the conversation. “Hey John?”

“What?”

“Have you always had a tattoo on your back?”

“Oh.” John stopped walking, and touched the mark on the upper left portion of his back, down the nape of his neck. It was shaped like a star, and stood out on his somewhat pale skin. “It’s a birthmark. Every Joestar has one, apparently.”

“Huh, I thought it might have been another stand effect or something. Interesting though!” Jade nodded and then pointed forwards. “Not as interesting as that though.” 

In front of them, still walking on the street with his hands, was that weird sweaty guy from John’s dorm. Neither he nor Dave actually knew his name, and they really didn’t care to find out. He stopped walking when he saw John, and backflipped himself upright. Sweaty looked him up and down, before offering the towel he had balanced on his head.

“Uh, no thanks.” Ew, just, ew. John didn’t know where that had been and he above all else, did not want to right now. He didn't think his mind could deal with that information on top of everything else today. 

Sweaty guy nodded once and simply placed a hand of camaraderie on his shoulder before continuing his jog, though he ran normally now. 

“So…” Jade turned around and watched him grow smaller in the distance.

“Jade... Don’t…” John's tone was one of a man begging for mercy.

“You’re not the only nudist on campus, huh?”

“Tights Jade. He was wearing tights.”

She looked back again and adjusted her glasses.

“Well. Are you sure?”

John pulled the jacket off, balled it up and screamed into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a break during memorial day, but we're back! Feferi wasn't initially in this chapter but I felt it would make more sense if she was part of the group looking for Sollux. 
> 
> Comments, as always, are appreciated.
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: November Rain  
> Stand User: Feferi  
> Destructive Power: B  
> Speed: C  
> Range: D  
> Durability: B  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: C  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a piscine humanoid. It can cause water to be quickly absorbed or expelled from living objects.


	13. Dave: Time to kick ass

Friday evenings were, by silent consensus, hangout time at Jade’s. She had the biggest room, her building had the fastest wifi, the food was free and plentiful, and it allowed them to technically fulfill their obligations to the Speedwagon Foundation as Jade’s guards. Truly a win-win situation if there ever was one, save for one detail that John’s friend, one David Strider, currently complained about.

“I’m telling you man, they should like, pay us to do this. It ain’t right, us workin’ for free.” Dave said while he absentmindedly brushed a few stray noodles off the red suit he was wearing.

“Wasn’t it your fault that I don’t have actual guards in the first place?” Jade pointed out as she glared at Dave for his sloppiness. They were having instant ramen for dinner, delicious and cheap and a college student’s best friend. Jade preferred her ramen prepared the classical way, but she had to admit the instant ones tasted well enough.

“Let me remind you that in all instances we were defending ourselves.” Rose pointed out. She too was eating ramen, but unlike Dave, she did not scatter bits of noodle on the floor with each slurp. 

“True, true.” Jade crossed her arms, nodding. Or rather her stand did, seeing as her physical body was still effectively comatose. “But they did apologize and promised me they wouldn’t do it again.”

“Huh. Don’t recall them doin’ any apologizin’ to us.” Dave pointed his chopsticks at Jade, and because it was Dave his chopsticks were custom-made ones made from stainless steel and painted bright red. “We’re the ones who almost got murdalized, seems to me, seems to me that we should be getting apologies instead.”

“Here, here.” Rose placed her ramen cup on the foldable table and tapped its sides with her (normal) chopsticks, as if it were a wine glass. “Although they did hurt our dear friend Jade’s feelings by trying to kill us, and displeasing the almighty Jade Harley is an offense more grievous that the deaths of us petty paupers.”

“Godamn, Rose.” Noodles stuck to the bottom of Dave’s lip in between slurps. “Nine outta ten, gurl.”

“Harumph.” Jade crossed her arms even more, elbow resting atop elbow. Rose was kidding, probably, if her coy smile was any indication, but it still stung a bit. “Maybe I should’ve torn your hearts out like I planned to do in the first place!”

“Come on Jade you could do better than that.” Dave paused. “Wait can you go all kali-ma on us with your freaky teleport magic?”

The air wobbled around Space Oddity, Jade’s stand. It stretched out its hand and made a show of clenching it several times.

“Man sure is a good thing that someone with a super powerful stand like that is owned by a nice lady who is super hot and not like, a total psychopath. Who is still super hot but like, you can’t appreciate it because she’s trying to murder you.” 

“Flattery won’t spare your life, Dave.” Jade stuck her tongue out.

“You underestimate her, Dave.” She closed Lovin’ Spoonful, which she’d summoned just to perform that action. “Our friend is more dangerous that she seems, isn’t that right John?”

They all turned their heads to their friend, or Rose’s laptop, rather. He was at his dorm, also partaking in the same brand of ramen noodles as his friends, albeit sans the benefit of a widescreen t.v. to watch tonight’s movie. “I mean, yeah, I guess Space Oddity really saved my ass.”

“Your flat ass.” Jade snickered.

“How flat was it?” Rose asked, her tone one of interest. “If you cannot provide an exact measurement, approximations will be fine.”

“Well…” Jade cupped her chin and tapped it with a finger thoughtfully before shrugging. “Cardboard flat? It was pretty dark so I couldn’t eyeball it.”

“How…underwhelming.” Rose said, sounding both amused and disappointed. “Especially for a Joestar.”

Jade really wasn’t going to let this die, was she? John cleared his throat and made an attempt to steer the conversation away from his rear. “Anyway… did you guys start the movie yet?”

“No, we were waiting for you.” Rose told him as she got up to doublecheck the plug connecting her laptop to the television. “We can start anytime.”

“That’s good, at least.”

Since Eridan escaped, new precautions had to be taken. John couldn’t hang out at Ogre Building anymore, at least not with the others with him. The fact that Jade had appeared to save him had been a fluke and they'd taken the enemy by surprise. Next time things might not go so well, and since the enemy could be tracking him right now, watching his every move, having John stay home surrounded by others (sort of) seemed like one of their best options. Whoever was in charge of the enemy group could be waiting for the opportunity to nab John and make him talk, make him reveal... something. Exactly what, they had no idea and thinking about it, they still don’t know why this gang of stand users was out recruiting to begin with.

Well, John didn't bother putting a whole lot of thought towards thinking about it. All this business with stand users and conspiracies was cutting on more important matters, like watching movies with his friends. The fact that he couldn't be with his friends wrankled him slightly, but the fact that they were watching a classic film smoothed that over.

“Huh.” Dave straightened his back as the film started. “The Road Warrior. Something actually good.”

“Even a broken clock sometimes.” Rose nodded sagely.

“Good job John.” Jade congratulated. 

John couldn’t even be mad at them roasting him. 

Meanwhile, another group of stand users met at a clandestine location somewhere in Doughty. To ensure protection, they had chosen an area far from the prying eyes of the Foundation, where they can discuss their next move safely. It was hard to find such a place in a town that those bastards practically owned. But they didn’t control everything, and for a man of immense cunning like Eridan Ampora, there were places that not even the Foundation can reach.

“Hey.” A little girl pulled at Eridan’s scarf. “You’re really bad at this!”

Jaggers, Win!

Eridan paid her no heed. He was doing important work, something a mere child wouldn’t understand.

“Hey!” The girl repeated, pulling at this scarf a little harder. “Lemme have a turn! Maybe I can beat that guy.”

“Doubt it.” He muttered, pressing the buttons harder and faster. Sweat was beading on his brow. “Plus I’m up against a super skilled player that a little brat like you wouldn’t be able to beat.”

Jaggers, Win!

The girl disappeared behind the console. Soon he heard laughter, the squeaky obnoxious kind only toddlers can do. “You’re fighting a five year old!” She shouted between giggles.

“Let the kid play.” Another voice said to him. This one came not from the girl’s mouth, but from a growth coming out of her ear, a mass of flesh and dead skin surrounded by an eye. 

“Eridan.”

Jaggers, Win!

Eridan punched the console hard. Because he barely performed any form of exercise, this ended up hurting him about as much as his pride was. “Whatever.” He mumbled, because the only thing worse than children making fun of you for being bad at videogames was children making fun of you because you talked to yourself.

Rather than continue humiliating himself and not because he’d run out of quarters, Eridan shuffled away to the bathroom. Once Eridan was alone, his left nostril bulged, solid snot stick out. A sticky mass of eyeballs and dead skin began dripping out, forming into a flower pattern on the floor of the bathroom. 

“You lost Feferi.” The same voice from earlier said to him.

“We slipped up. Shit happens.” Eridan said. 

“Shit happens.” The voice repeated. “Yeah, you tell them that won’t you?”

“Whatever.” Eridan scoffed. 

“Eridan.”

“Look, I’m not stupid I know how fucked up our situation is.”

“If you know that then why did you abandon Feferi?”

“I know a lost fight when I see it!” He shouted. “What was I supposed to do?”

The voice sighed. “Look man, there’s six of us left, and that bitch is here.”

Eridan paused, cold sweat dripping down his head. “Her? Here?”

“...Yes.” The voice confirmed after some hesitation.“ We might have to use [her].”

“Seriously? Are you trying to kill everyone here? I thought we were recruiting?”

“Things have changed. If we don’t find it, that might just be what we’ll have to do.”

“Give me another chance!” Eridan pleaded. “I can find and save Fef!”

“And Sollux.”

“And that asshole too.” Eridan added. 

“By yourself? You already lost with Feferi.”

“Fucking hell, don’t you trust me?”

“After what happened? No.”

“Look, let me do it.” He pleaded. “Let me save her. I get it. I fucked up, so give me a chance, please.”

“By yourself?” The voice repeated.

“Yes. Just. Just don’t let her out.”

There was some silence again, before the voice spoke. “We won’t have to, if you can find what we’re looking for. Even information to its location’ll do.”

“I will. And I’ll bring back Feferi too.”

“And Sollux.” Eridan grunted and wished that this conversation was taking place over a phone so he could just hang up. 

Meanwhile, all good things must come to an end. The movie was over and it was time to go home. For Dave, that meant taking food from Jade’s pantry so his good friend John had something to eat once he returned. Dave pointed out that John was old enough to feed himself and that he was in fact eating with them while they watched that movie, but Jade wasn’t having any of it. He wasn’t able to join them due to security reasons, so she felt that she had to do something to make up for it. After all, she let Eridan escape too.

“It’s like you’re babying him, you know.” Dave grumbled as he picked out some of the better choices found in the pantry. “Oh, he likes these tiny chocolate-filled panda heads.” 

“It’s the least I can do.” Jade placed her arms on her hips, letting out a huff. “And he does? I don’t remember him getting any before.”

“Trust me.” Dave reassured her as stuffed his bag full of the stuff. Once he would’ve been embarrassed to take advantage of her generosity like this, now Dave freely took as much as he could carry. It wasn’t like she ever ran out. “He’ll thank you later.”

“I can ask him on the phone.” Jade offered. “It won’t take long.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Dave shrugged as he zipped up his bag. “It’s fine. Not like he’ll be eating this when I come back.”

Jade was dubious, but it wasn’t like Dave would lie to her to get the stuff he wanted over John’s preferred food. That would be both silly and juvenile, and Dave was only one of things. “If you say so.”

“You know what I never see in this place?” Dave remarked as he and Jade left the pantry and headed out of her room. Rose had gone ahead already, since she always had morning classes, unlike Dave who was lazy or Jade who was in a coma. “Doggie biscuits.”

In retrospect a question like that was long in the waiting. To people with a sense of humor like Dave’s it should’ve been the first he asked. What was truly surprising about it was that John hadn’t beaten him to to the punchline. Jade sighed, pinching her nose. “Dave just because my stand has dog-like characteristics doesn’t mean I eat like one too.”

“You drink like a dog with your stand.” He pointed to her mouth. “No shame in bein’ a furry.”

“I am not a furry!” Jade protested. “The kind you’re thinking of, anyway.”

“Hey, hey, what you do in the privacy of your room is nobody’s business.” Not that she could do much, but voicing that remark was crass even for Dave. “Plus, stands are a reflection of your soul, right? What does it say about you that yours is kinda part dog?”

“About as much as your stand says about yours.” Jade placed her hands on her hips and blew a raspberry at him. “Isn’t that right, birdie boy?”

“Don’t you be changin’ the subject here, Jade.” Dave said. He didn’t think she’d bring his stand up. 

“Guess it takes a furry to know a furry, huh?” Check and mate, Strider.

“See that’s where you’re wrong." Tenacious D appeared behind Dave, its garish pixilated hat held facing downwards in that pose solicitors and charming orphans use before asking for money. “As you can see, my stand is part bird, I.E: no fur. Not a furry.”

That was a weak answer, and they both knew it. Anything that was vaguely animal and vaguely human automatically was furry. “Semantics, Strider. Just accept that you’d been owned by a coolteen like me.”

“It ain’t over yet. Not by a long shot Harley.” On the whole, Dave was someone who let bygones be bygones. However when it came to pointless discussions like this one, Dave would fight to the bitter end with every dirty trick in the book to ensure a victory. “But it’s like one in the morning and I need my beauty sleep.”

Jade was getting tired too, and tried to stifle a yawn. Her stand’s physical form faded for a second, a sign that she couldn’t keep up its form any longer. “Yeah, you better get some rest. With your bad taste in magical girl shows that’s the only thing you have going for you.” 

Neither of them had really forgotten that argument, especially since no one had really won it yet. Dave found himself filled with righteous fury, but tragically not the energy to argue any further. He really needed to get some shuteye. “You're lucky I'm tired because this ain’t over, Jade. We are havin’ words tomorrow, you hear me?”

“Or in your dreams.” Which was a perfectly acceptable place to argue about your friend’s bad taste in anime. “Either way, bring it, Dave.”

Oh, he would. This wasn’t over. Jade had the arrogance, the arrogance to claim Homura Was Wrong. Evidently even the best people have awful flaws. He had already rewatched the series back to back, so next time he’d be ready with a checklist. Assuming he remembered to bring it. But first, Dave needed to get back to his dormroom.

The Speedwagon campus was generally a safe place to walk around in late at night. Enough guards patrolled the area that incidents were near unheard of, but even so Dave kept his guard. The school was large enough that it couldn’t be completely watched over by guards, and that wasn’t factoring in the gang of stand users. Those guys were dangerous, and even if they’d beaten everyone they fought so far, one slip-up could cost them. They only had to win once, after all.

A cold breeze swept pass Dave, prompting him to pocket his hands. He’d worn a set of black silk pajamas, styled to resemble a suit covered with disc symbols. This one was in fact twice as expensive as the red felt suit, so he was careful not to mess it up. That meant watching the ground he walked to make sure he didn’t step on or brush against anything gross and smelly, or take the long route whenever he was about to pass through a pathway where the sprinklers were still on.

As usual during Friday evenings people were lying with their faces on the floor. It was the end of the weekday, and people are drunk. College does that to you, especially the med students. Of course, parties rarely happened at their dormitory especially since there weren’t a lot of people living in their dormitory. Come to think of it, Dave rarely saw the other tenants of this building, besides that creepy sweaty dude at their floor. 

Were they not actually there, or were people avoiding him and John for some reason? It was probably the former. No one would go out of their way to avoid people in such a manner. Yeah, definitely. And if on the off-chance that they did, it’s then they were missing out on the friendship with the future Madonna of the Paleontology world. In fact, Dave wanted to get a good look at these bozos, so he can remember their faces when they come up to him and ask for autographs on their ammonites, which he’d refuse to write on of course what kind of real fossil lover would dirty their wait this ain’t a student it’s an adult. 

Tenacious D was by his side at once, turning the man to his back. He considered that maybe this guy was just drunk, but what caused this guy to fall on his face was probably connected to his mangled hand. Dave wasn’t studying medicine, but even he knew that the human hand shouldn’t have metal bars poking out of it. A gun, or pieces of it was next to his hand. Dave knelt down to see if the man was breathing, but stopped mid kneel, recoiling. No way was he still alive with his throat split open like that. From the badge on the man’s shirt Dave identified him as a guard from the Speedwagon Foundation.

Great. He only knew of one scenario where a Speedwagon guard would be found dead in front of their dorm. Dave quickly messaged the others of what he’d found, but didn’t wait for a reply. He had to check upstairs in case John was already attacked. He went inside and ran towards the elevator, but stopped before going inside. The elevators made a sound when they opened, which could alarm the enemy. There was little recourse except to use The Stairs.

Dave hated stairs. Oh sure they were necessary, but if Dave could avoid using them he would. In the household stairs claimed a thousand lives per year on average. Stairs without lighting were especially vulnerable. He climbed up the stairs slowly but surely, using Tenacious D’s power to summon Daves ahead of him. None of them ended up cracking their heads on the stairs, so his immediate future was good for now.

Finally he reached the third floor, which ominously had the lights closed. He doubted that was because someone had flipped the switch, because there was glass all over the floor. The only source of light came from their room, whose door had been apparently blown open. He took his shoes off and approached cautiously, keeping his back to the wall as he siddled closer to their room, stopping at the doorway. 

“Where is she?” He heard an unfamiliar voice. 

“Fuck O-hyaaaaargh!!!!” He heard a familiar scream. 

“Not the answer I wanted.” 

Another Dave appeared on the other side of the doorway. This Dave glanced inside, trying to see what was happening. Inside he found John on the floor in his pajamas, with a scarf and trenchcoated man stepping on his throat. Behind the man was a caped figure that wore a golden helmet, its right arm crossed diagonally across its chest and its left bent forward, hand pointing downwards towards John. 

“「Painted Black」, reverse his breathing.” The man ordered.

Dave saw wind steadily come out of his friend’s throat. Acting on instinct, he summoned another Dave clone to appear inside the room. Instead, he saw the third Dave pop out of the doorway, blown back by some invisible force. 

Eridan's head jerked up and swiveled around warily “Someone else is here. I had my stand use its power on the doorway.” Tenacious D had managed to grab this Dave and pull him out of the light coming from their room, so when the man turned he saw nothing. He didn’t move from place, instead stomping on John’s stomach harder. “One of your friends, are they?”

His friend continued to struggle, but whenever he tried to move his arms Painted Black would bunch up its fist and punch down, hard. “Go to hell!” John half screamed. “I’m not sa-ngraaaagh!!!” More air began flowing out of his mouth and nostrils. It stopped, eventually. 

“So, you won’t say where Fef is, eh? Not to me, the Great! Eridan! Ampora!” Each word he punctuated with another stomp. “You godamn bastard. You’re fucking scum. You know what? I’ll just keep taking the air out of you. If you won’t tell me where she is, fine. Just tell me where that thing is.”

“What…” John managed between breaths. “Thing?” 

“Are you lying to me?” Eridan paused, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Or do you really not now?”

“Know…know what?” John struggled to inhale enough air to get words out.

“Fucking hell, you’re useless.” Eridan sighed and shook his head. “Well, not completely useless, isn’t that right mystery man outside the room?”

Dave froze. He’d already been noticed, but he hoped that Eridan would continue talking until he revealed what his little team was looking for. 

“Alright, you got me.” He said, without moving from his spot.

“Who are you?” Eridan demanded.

“Beloved mass hallucination Christopher Walken.” Was the snappy reply.

“Wrong answer.” 

“Da-aaaargh!” 

“This douchebag must really hate you, huh Joestar?" Eridan smirked as he watched John try to breathe. “Let’s do it again. Who are you?”

“Dave Strider.” 

Eridan rewarded his honesty by stomping on John again. “Nice to meet you, Dave. Why don’t you come in?”

He placed one foot under the doorway, and found that it hadn’t been bounced back like his last clone. “Alright, alright I’m going in.” Dave walked inside, keeping his composure. “’Sup bro, our friend brought you some dinner.” He pointed to his backpack. 

John was too tired from having the air torn out of his lungs.

“I’ll make it short. Are you a stand user? 

“I know of stands.”

“Where is Feferi?”

“That girl Jade electrocuted?” That was the wrong answer it seems, since he Dave felt the air coming into his nostrils become hotter and hotter. “Dude! We really don’t know! You think the Speedwagon Foundation will tell us rank and file shlubs?”

“True, neither of you seem smart enough to be trusted enough with that information.” Eridan grinned, pointing a finger at Dave. “You wouldn’t happen to know where that Thing is, would you?” 

“Depends.” Dave cupped his chin. “Which Thing are you talking about?”

“You don’t know either, do you?”

“Lotsa things are things, man.” Dave pointed out. “Gotta be specific.”

“ The 「Arrow」. Do you know where it is?”

“Oh, that 「Arrow」.” Dave nodded. He took his backpack off and dropped it to the floor. “Yeah, I know where it is.”

“Tell me.” Eridan demanded with a predatory grin. “Tell me or I’ll kill your friend.”

“Aight. Wait here while I go get it in the bathroom. Unless you want to go get it yourself?” 

“No.” Eridan shook his head. “You get it. If you don’t come out of the bathroom in five minutes there will be consequences. Grave ones.”

“Will you chill out man?” Dave chided as he went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. “I’ll get your stupid 「Arrow」.”

Eridan watched him enter the room. He was pretty sure that these idiots did not have the Arrow, but he wanted to make sure. It was a bluff, but there was still the possibility of it being a double bluff. After all, what better place to hide a leaf than in a forest? It would be the last place anyone would look, and everyone knew that, so that would be the first place you’d look. But since everyone knew that too, it looped back to being the last place the thing could be hidden. The logic was sound.

Merely two minutes had passed, but it felt like an eternity. For all Eridan knew that bastard could be planning his counterattack already. He couldn’t give him the time to prepare. If the Arrow was inside, then he’ll just kill them both and look for it himself. Eridan took his foot off John’s gut and entered the bathroom.

Dave was there, legs crossed while he sat on the toilet. He held his phone against his ear, talking to someone. “Yeah, he’s still here. Hurry up will you?”

“Who did you call!?” Eridan ran towards him and reached for the phone.

Tenacious D appeared before him, sword thrusting forward. Painted Black appeared just as fast, flourishing its cape to shield its master. “Backup, duh. Should be here in a few minutes.”

“You dare!?” 

“O’course I dare you bastard.” Dave stepped forward, smirking. “You trashed by room and kicked my friend’s ass. Gonna need backup if your stand can beat MC Hammer.”

“You think you can beat Painted Black and its power of reversal?” 

“Nah.” Dave pointed to the doorway. “I just need to get John out of the way.”

At the edge of Eridan’s eye he saw another Dave grabbing John, dragging him out of the room. With Painted Black at a deadlock with Tenacious D he couldn’t stop them, at least that’s what his enemy expected. “Idiotic. My stand’s power is unbeatable! Unbeatable!”

“It ain’t that hot.” Dave smirked. “I already figured out its weakness.”

“Really? I hope you like the very air you breathe burning hot.” Eridan snarled, activating his stand’s power. He could see Dave wobble in place, as no doubt he was already under Painted Black’s effects. “See! You idiot, you think you can beat me-argh!!!!”

Behind Eridan was another Dave, who had just succeeded in kicking him down below. Painted Black faltered in its blocking, and ended up getting skewered through its shoulder, the blow reflected on its master’s as well. “What the....Fucking… how?”

“Well, wadda ya know. Something that bastard taught me wound up useful.” The Dave before him stepped forward, yawning. He had a bored but focused expression on his face. “Your stand’s effect only works on things if you notice ‘em. Voluntary actions.” Before Eridan could make a remark he had Tenacious D twist its sword, eliciting a scream instead. “Nasty stuff, but pretty useless on people with good 「Instinct」.

“’s why you talk shit so much. So they think you can’t do shit like that.” Dave pointed to Painted Black. “And when they do, this thing does its magic. Simple stuff, really.”

“W-wait.” Eridan pleaded, clutching his arm as he fell to his knees. “Let’s negotiate! You want to know where my buddies are, don’t you? I’ll tell you all everything, everything! Just, just-”

He was interrupted by Dave’s fist to his face. Then second Dave’s foot to his ankle. “Sorry, man I ain’t paid to negotiate.” Tenacious D pulled its sword out of Painted Black’s shoulder and stabbed it through its other shoulder. “They don’t pay me at all in fact, so I think I’ll just kick your ass, ‘k?”

When John came to, he was in a stretcher by an ambulance. Dave and Rose were standing next to him, both of them holding a mug of coffee in their hand. 

“-an Arrow, was that what he said?” Rose yawned. “Interesting. I wonder if Jade knows of this Arrow.”

“Maybe. We can ask her this morning.” Dave sighed. “This shit’s messed up, ain’t it?”

“We need answers, something.”

“Yeah.”

John didn’t speak. Couldn’t, really. For whatever reason, this Arrow they were talking about felt familiar to his dazed and half conscious mind…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while since I wrote Dave in a fight, about a month, more than that? His stand's pretty indirect in combat when it comes to its effect, though I've intended it to function a bit like Silver Chariot. 
> 
> Next chapter, we're going to get deeper into the [Arrow]. Of all of JJBA's mcguffins it's probably the second most well-known, but you have to wonder though why it needs a bow with it. It's the arrowhead that gives the stand effects after all.
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Painted Black  
> Stand User: Eridan  
> Destructive Power: C  
> Speed: E  
> Range: D  
> Durability: C  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: Reverses the expected properties or effects of an object or phenomenon when passing through openings. The user must consciously think of his target while doing so, and the target must be consciously aware of what the object is supposed to do


	14. John: Know Your Roots

Doughty at nine in the morning was much hotter than it should’ve been, given how chilly the evenings were here. Despite having developed a habit of waking up early since entering college, Rose Lalonde had never gotten used to the temperature fluctuations. The only blessing granted to her today was that she didn’t have to stay out in ninety-degree heat, since all of her Saturday classes were located conveniently in one building. Now, given that her friend had just been mauled by an enemy stand user one would not blame, and perhaps would even encourage that she drop everything and attend to him, but Rose Lalonde was a practical woman. Nothing she could do at the moment would help John at the moment, so off to class she went. 

Besides, she already had done something for John, and that was to send a certain hipster paleontologist in the making to meet with a certain mysterious comatose patient and ask her what the hell was going on. Before she had been content to let Jade keep her secrets, as she delighted in this kind of mystery, but no more. One of them had been attacked, badly. What was once a possibility was now reality. They had to know what was happening, why this was happening. 

 

Dave peered out from the blinds of the dormitory window. More people seemed to have been around their dormitory, and not just undercover Speedwagon Foundation guards. Groups of students could be seen passing by the dorm, pausing just a second longer to look at its façade before moving on. Word had gotten out of last night’s incident, no matter how much the Foundation tried to suppress it.

He turned away from the window, sighing as he took a good look at his room. Last night’s scuffle had made a huge mess of their room. His jars of preserved ‘specimens’ had been shattered, their contents crushed. Most of his crows had been stomped hard, guts and feathers scattered around the floor. His collection of ammonites had been destroyed so completely that they were indistinguishable from normal, non-fossilized rocks. The turntables were the only things that were spared, and even then the electrical cords had been cut in the fight. 

He swept everything up with a broom and put it in a sack. There was still a lot of cleaning to do here, from replacing the bed sheets cut apart, to replacing the door that Eridan’s stand had apparently torn out of its hinges. Well, it wasn’t his problem now. Chances are the Foundation’ll move them to a different room where no evil stand users with ugly purple scarves can get them. He lifted the sack up, putting it over his shoulders and went out of the room. After dropping it in the floor trash chute he headed out of the building to have a little heart-to-heart with a friend.

 

John dreamed. It was starting to get annoying how frequent the dreams were becoming. He was expecting to be back at the field of flowers, or something nonsensical and confusing. A bunch of squids who kept flashing back and forth between cutesie and macabre would be probably involved for some reason or another. He certainly wasn’t expecting to be back in his room, in Oregon, on the day of his thirteenth birthday. 

It was four thirteen in the afternoon. Relatives from the other side of the country had come for this occasion. Some had even come from outside the country. John rarely saw his other relatives if at all; at most he’d overhear his Dad talking to them, sometimes in harsh tones. Festivities were still ongoing, but John had been sent upstairs to change clothes after a mishap involving pies and some of Dad’s weird harlequin statues. Currently he was trying to pick something from the closet that would fit perfectly with everyone; his family had a tendency to be impeccably dressed, and he didn’t want to stand out. Besides the green suit Dad had prepared though he didn’t really have anything good to wear, so he was left at a dilemma. 

Someone knocked on the door, even though it was already open. “Found something yet, Jojo?” An elderly voice called out to him. 

Snickering, he made a show of being embarrassed, covering up his pudgy chest. “Grandma! Come on!”

John’s grandma made a ‘tut-tut’ noise, tapping the bridge of his nose. “I’ve seen nakeder, dear.” She approached her grandson, putting her hands on both cheeks and kissing her forehead. “Bigger muscles, too. Don't fret. Yours will get there too, once your Joestar genes kick in, hehe.”

“Hehehe, aw, Grandma, gross!” John wiped his forehead, but didn’t try to move her hands. He wouldn’t be able to anyway. “You really think I’d be big too, Grandma?”

Grandma closed one eye and turned her grandson’s head, looking into his ear. She blew into it gently, sending a jolt of electricity through his body. “My stars! Why, at the rate you’re going you’ll be bigger than your great-grandpa! Maybe as large as his grandpa.”

“I won’t let you down, Grandma.” John smiled at the old woman. He always felt half his age around her, but he was never embarrassed by that. “But, I still can’t find anything to wear.”

 

On the floor, by his laundry bin was the frosting covered suit jacket. Grandma picked it up, folding and resting it on her arm. “This measly stain? Oh that Dad of yours, making such a fuss. I can clean this easy.” She bent down, wincing as she heard something crack and placed a hand against her mouth. “Want to see me clean this up with a magic trick?”

John’s eyes lit up. He loved Grandma’s magic tricks. “Yes! You’re the best Grandma Joanne!”

“Don’t I know it?” The old woman grinned. Sparks of electricity began dancing on her fingertips “Watch closely.” 

He couldn’t though, since he woke up just before Grandma did her trick. Typical. Why did good dreams have to end so abruptly while the weird ones kept going on and on? Later he was going to ask Jade about it, she being the local dream expert. There weren’t any tubes or wires sticking in his arms, which was a relief, but John felt that he couldn’t really move his legs and arms, not without feeling exhausted. He could manage a twitch of the fingers, but anything beyond that proved difficult. Still, beyond general exhaustion and a few minor wounds he was pretty much fine. He’ll probably be out at the end of the day, after some rest.

“You’re finally awake.” An unfamiliar voice said. “A good morning, Jonathan Joestar.”

John turned his head to the left. He saw a woman, thin and tall and clad in a white suit. Something about her seemed familiar. Though her suit looked spotless from a distance, upon putting on his glasses he saw that the featureless suit had words sewn on it in white thread the same shade of white as her suit. “It is said that…as…is that many?” He slowly and haltingly read from it, furrowing his brow in concentration.

The woman looked down on her suit as if she’d only realized something was written on it, then closed her eyes and put a hand upon her chest, reciting from memory. “It is said that as many days as there are in the whole journey, so many are the men and horses that stand along the road, each horse and man at the interval of a day’s journey; and these are stayed neither by snow nor rain nor heat nor darkness from accomplishing their appointed course with all speed.

“It’s a quotation from Herodotus, on one of the ancient Achaemenid government’s most important services to its people, and indeed, of all services of any government.” The woman clenched a fist to her heart, tears welling up as she began to sing. “Oooh say can you see…”

“The mail?” He arched an eyebrow after she’d finished singing. She was pretty good truth be told. Who knew people could be so passionate about the mail.

“Yes, the mail.” She pulled a handkerchief out of her coat’s chest pocket, also white. After wiping the tears from her cheeks she regained her composure. “Forgive me. I am very passionate about the postal service.”

“Aren’t we all?” John managed a smile. She seemed nice, but something about her made John wary. “That aside, I don't think you told me your name. Who are you again?”

The woman smiled and extended a hand. John managed to lift this arm long enough to accept it. “I’m sorry for barging in like this. My name is PM, and I work for the Foundation. I was sent from Austin to help with the town’s stand-user problem. And check on my old ward, of course, since that bastard had the gall to lose and jeopardize her safety.” Her gaze had gone steely cold when she'd mentioned "that bastard".

But that explained why she was familiar! She must be the woman in the picture with Jade and Slick. 

“Uh, sorry about that, I guess. Me and my friends kind of beat him up after he tried stabbing us to death.”

“Yes, I know!” The woman took John’s hand and shook it hard. “Thank you for breaking his bones and rupturing his spleen. Thank you for shredding that hideous suit of his. Thank you for making this world a better place. And thank you, thank you! for keeping him alive." Her grip suddenly squeezed John's hand painfully. "So that I may have the chance to finish him myself.” 

Well this was getting awkward real fast, wincing as she released his hand John hastily changed the subject. “PM? Sorry if it’s too personal, but what does that mean?” 

“Nothing.” She shrugged. It looked like she was used to this question being asked. “It is what was written on my birth certificate, and I will not change it.”

“So you weren’t named.” John said slowly. “You were initialed.” 

“It happens more often than you'd think.” PM rolled her eyes. “But you should be familiar with unusual naming, right, Jojo.”

“Don’t call me that.” MC Hammer manifested behind him without being summoned. 

“Why, do you have a problem with that?” PM crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knees, fingers steepled. She acknowledged MC Hammer’s presence with a look that told John it wouldn’t be a threat to her at all. “That strikes me as strange. Your grandmother actively encouraged that we call her Jojo.”

“Wait…you knew my grandmother?” John asked, MC Hammer disappating back into the air.

“Of course.” PM rested her chin on her fingers, giving him a stern look. “Your grandmother worked with the Speedwagon Foundation many times.”

It was shocking. As far as John knew his Grandma had ran a bakery at New York until she retired. At least, that’s what Dad had said. “With the Foundation? Doing what?”

“You really don’t know?” It was PM’s turn to look surprised. “You’re a Joestar, John. Your family has been fighting evil for generations.”

“Uh, are you sure lady?” This was starting to sound ridiculous. The fighty ghosts John could swallow, but him coming from a bloodline of crime fighters? “My Grandma was a baker. My Dad’s an office worker. I think I have an uncle who’s a biologist in Florida, or something? Saying that we've been fighting evil for a while...I mean, my Dad doesn’t even know I have a stand, but you’re kinda implying this stuff isn’t really new to us.”

PM looked at him with continued disbelief. “He never mentioned anything about this to you, really? Astonishing. Truly astonishing.”

“I mean, if you say it's so, I can't think of a reason to doubt you but. Why, though?” John sighed, lifting his head up to look out the window. “Why wouldn't they tell me?”

“In some vain effort to protect you I suppose. Protect you from the fate of Joestar bloodline.” PM answered. “But you cannot fight the destiny of your blood, Jojo.”

“Do you know more about my family?” He asked. “Or I guess about everything, I suppose.”

“The Foundation tells you about it in a special orientation for new Employees.” PM nodded. “It started you see, with the actions of one man… of him, 「DIO」...”

 

It seemed to Dave that there were more janitors than usual at the building. Tall, muscular janitors who were most certainly not carrying assault rifles in their cleaning carts. Considering this was Texas hiding the guns seemed silly, but to each his own. Nobody paid attention to the lanky Texan kid passing through them, heading to a door at the far end of the farthest hallway, opening the door with a key of which there were only six copies. Neither did they care when he went into another hallway, this time requiring a retina scan. Lifting his shades for the briefest of seconds needed, he watched as the second door slid open. Security was tight, it looked like.

Jade’s room looked largely the same as it always did. Dave found it reassuring, especially after what had happened with their room. Considering how many people were outside he was half-expecting this place to be fortified. It felt good to be wrong on that notion. 

His friend continued to lay in a coma, with no sign of her stand anywhere. She was still asleep then. That would’ve hit a snag on Rose’s ‘request’ that he ask her about some things, since it was hard to communicate with someone incapable of moving their body. Well, incapable of moving right now. As he pulled up a chair from the side of the wall he noticed a small cylinder with a rounded end on top of the chair. It was a pinning down a piece of paper which read;

Hi Guys! If you need me, just open the top and waft it under my nose! You can pull my mask off, just be careful!

Dave picked the cylinder up and did as instructed. It revealed something smooth and maroon, reminding him of a really bad deodorant. It stank like one too, unsurprisingly. If he had to be specific, it smelt a lot like raw meat, maybe even dog food. He carefully pulled up the glass oxygen mask on her face off, just enough so he can jam the edge of the cylinder in the space it caused.

As he withdrew the cylinder, a green aura emanated from Jade’s form. It extended around her, coalescing into Jade’s stand, Space Oddity. She tucked a star-filled lock of her stand’s hair behind a set of human ears, which was surprising. Dave figured that since Space Oddity already had dog ears on her head that she didn’t have human ears, yet here they were. “Good morning, Dave! I’m surprised you’re up so early!”

“Jade it’s ten in the morning.” Dave rubbed the edge of one of his eyes, stifling a yawn. “Plus, well, somethin’ happened so I couldn’t really get much sleep in the first place.” He proceeded to fill her in on what happened last night.

“Oh.” She lowered her gaze and stepped back, taking a seat next to her real body. “How is John?”

Dave took a seat as well, placing his arms behind the back of the chair and crossing his legs. “He’ll live.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It ain’t your fault that John got hurt bad.”

“I guess, but even so-“

“Jade it’s fine, it ain’t your fault.” He repeated. “But if you feel like you gotta make amends, then do you mind fillin' us in on anything you know about the 「Arrow」.”

“You know about that?” She averted her eyes from Dave, fingers tapping her knees. “Well, it was only a matter of time.”

“Must be somethin’ nasty if these guys want it that bad.”

“It is.” Jade confirmed. “It’s properly called a Stand Arrow. Under normal circumstances, if you learned about the Arrow then you’d have to…disappear.”

Dave nodded. “Going Vito Corleone on us, huh? Give us the Tupac treatment.” 

One of Space Oddity’s ears flopped down. “Isn’t Tupac dea-“

“That’s what the government wants you to think.” Dave interrupted, waving a hand. “But we’re gettin’ out of topic. So, what about the Arrow makes it so dangerous?”

“The Arrow can kill anyone instantly.” Jade sighed, frowning. “But, if you have a strong enough will, then it will awaken your stand instead.”

An item that could give people powers… Dave could see why people after them would want something like that, and be willing to do whatever it takes to get it. “And lemme guess, you happen to know where it’s hidden, then? Is that why they put you in some secret government prison in the middle of like, Texan Area fifty one?”

“Um, sure?” Jade raised an eyebrow. “Are you alright, Dave?”

About as well as someone who hadn’t had a wink of sleep in over a day and currently was running on energy drinks. “Yeah, forget what I said. Haven’t had my mandatory beauty rest yet so’s my normally brilliant though process ain’t at its best right now, but I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so…” Jade was dubious, but respected her friend’s decision to destroy his body by not getting enough sleep. “But yes, that’s correct. I know the location of the Arrow.”

“Makes sense.” Otherwise they wouldn’t bother going after a girl in a coma. Well, maybe not that Eridan guy, he seems like the kind of sleaze who’d try to attack her for some asinine bullshit. “There anyone else who knows where it is ‘sides you?”

“No one else besides me.” Jade paused. “Not since my Grandpa died. Not even the Foundation knows where it’s hidden.”

“Huh, really.” That explained even more why they kept such a close eye on her. “Never told anyone else?”

“Nope!” Jade raised her stand’s legs to the bed and wrapped her arms around them. “Grandpa made me promise not to tell anyone else.”

Dave thought about what Rose would say in this situation. He was asking Jade about it at Rose’s behest after all. “Not even the Foundation? I kinda expected them make you spill the beans in exchange for keepin’ you safe.”

“The Foundation is very respectful of my Grandpa’s wishes.” Jade answered. “They’re good people.”

It was the same thing she said before, during their first face-to-face meeting. Now, if Dave did what Rose would do again he would pry further until Jade told her everything. But Dave didn’t like getting into the personal stuff if he wasn’t sure the other person was comfortable with that. Honestly, despite being one of the more open people he knew they didn’t really know all that much about her past. If she was to tell them about it then it should be done on her terms.

“Aight, cool.” Having decided not to press her further, Dave shifted the conversation to safer, less personal things. “So, since you’re technically awake when your stand is out, does this mean you can see us with your real eyes. Or do you have to use your magic furry eyes for that?”

“Oh, my real eyes can see just fine, but it looks unfocused, kinda like…” She cupped her chin, eyes closed in deep thought. “A foggy camera lens? But I used to wear glasses so that might be it…”

“Mmm, I feel that.” Dave was into photography too, until life got busy and he only had time for two hobbies. “What about your ears? They workin’?”

“They do! I think most of my bodily functions are more or less functional, except for my ability to move.” She paused. “But lately, I’ve been practicing, and now I can finally move my big toes for a few seconds!”

“Hot damn, you’re good. How’s about a demonstration?” It was a better way of passing the time than playing detective for Rose. 

Jade’s stand pulled up the lower half of her bed sheets, just enough to show her feet. “Sure. Now, look very closely…”

 

“So what you’re saying is.” John said slowly, making sure the words came out clearly. “That my ancestor from Victorian England fought his evil step-brother who turned himself into a vampire with super powers thanks to an ancient mesoamerican mask. To defeat his step-brother he gained the power to channel the sun through breathing properly, which he learned from an Italian vampire hunter and his masters from Tibet. Helping them out is a street thug who ended up founding the Speedwagon Foundation and my ancestor's future wife.”

“That is exactly what happened, yes.” PM confirmed, completely serious. “Indeed, Johnathan Joestar would have died along with everyone else in the ship, where it not for the quick intervention of his Madame Erina.”

“And ever since my family’s been involved in all kinds of weird shit.” Had John been told of this earlier, he would have laughed at the whole thing. Now it just made everything make sense. “Dad never told me anything about my ancestor.” Or anything about his family, really. Especially after…

“I cannot speak for Mr. Joestar’s reasoning for concealing this to you.” PM nodded. “But you are a Joestar. As I said it is the destiny of your bloodline to fight evil.”

“I just wanted to go to film school. Make some friends, get kicked out after a college prank gone too far, make it big as an indie director and produce Nicolas Cage’s inevitable big comeback film.” John said wearily. “But that doesn’t explain why your foundation knows so much about my family.”

“Our founder, Robert E.O Speedwagon owes everything to the kindness of Johnathan Joestar.” PM explained. “Ever since he saved his soul on that faithful evening in Ogre Street he has vowed to assist him and his descendants any way he can.”

"Gee, does that mean I don’t have to pay my college tuition here?” John joked. “Wait a minute, do-“

“I wouldn’t know.” PM shrugged. “You should ask your father.”

Right, Dad. He was going to have some interesting questions for him. Questions like ‘why didn’t you tell me about family’s past’ and ‘do you have magic powers too like apparently everyone else in our family’. And besides that, there was the apparent matter of his destiny, his 「Fate」. That everything that happened to him now was a matter of course and that more would come. 

“So, what now?” He wondered. “I have to fight some great evil like apparently everyone else? What if I don’t want to?”

“Whether you want to or not is unimportant.” PM stood up, crossing one arm behind her back and pointing the other at John. “Events have gone beyond your control, and will continue to escalate further and further. How will you react to these events, is the question you should ask."

“On that note, I’m afraid that I must leave. I have other responsibilities that must be attended to today.” PM bow courteously, then turned on her heel and walked out the door. 

“Can I ask you more about my family sometime?” John requested. 

She stopped, and turned her head. “Of course, when my duty permits me. But I believe Miss Jade will be able to tell you more. She grew up hearing about these adventures from her Grandfather.”

Wait. 

What.

She knew? Jade knew, and he never told him? John didn’t know what to make of this. Why would she not tell him, then? Nothing about it made sense. Why would she conceal this from him? What else did Jade know that they didn’t?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot! This'll be the first time jojo characters are referenced in-story (the first of many). Let's just say that a few things went vastly different in the timeline of jjba thanks to Johnathan surviving.


	15. John: Be Surprised

Hospitals did not agree with John's nerves. Brief visits for checkups were fine by him, but overnight stays were problematic. The smell of antiseptic made his nose itchy, the food tasted weird and he refused to use the showers some of the overnight rooms possessed. But worst of all was the boredom. In the age of the internet that typically wasn’t a problem, but when John had been brought to the hospital he hadn't have any electronics with him, not even his phone. 

His previous estimate that he’d be out by evening had turned out to be wishful thinking, so at the moment John was lying in bed, empty-mindedly flipping through the channels for something to watch. He gave up after looping back to the first channel, less than a minute into picking up the remote. “ ‘Vow To Serve The Joestars’ my ass. Didn’t even get me cable.”

It was about nine in the evening and there was nothing else to do. Sleep wasn’t coming to him since he’d been dozing off more or less the entire afternoon. With no other activity that interested him and restlessness increasing by the minute he decided to check the place out. He got out of bed, double-checking to make sure he had his underwear on underneath his patient gown (a lesson he learned after the first run-in with Eridan) set out to kill some time.

As far as hospitals went, Doughty’s was a solid three on the creepiness scale. It was probably the cool blue wallpaper, the bright lighting and the lack of creepy-looking doctors shuffling around the place carrying knives with them. There wasn’t much else to see, besides the odd night-shift nurse giving him a stare down for being up at this time of night. Besides that however he wasn’t sent back to his room, so John continued on his merry quest to kill some time.

This exploration continued until he bumped into someone familiar to him, a young woman from one of his classes, if his memory served him right. She was short, barely reaching his chest and wore dark green overalls studded with photorealistic cat faces. Pink fingerless gloves covered her hands, and a beanie adorned with cat ears concealed most of her short brown hair. Bright green tattoos resembling whiskers were printed on the dark skin of her cheeks.

“Heya John!” She pointed a finger at John. “How’ve you been?”

Her name came to him quickly. “Uh, hey Nepeta.” He nodded. “I’m doing okay, though obviously, could be better. What’re you doing at the hospital?”

“Ah, well, a friend of mine didn’t exactly agree with the sushi we had for dinner, so I’m staying here for the night until he gets purrmission to leave.” She answered and nudged him. “Hey, hey, I bet you’re wondering why I’m a-ok while he's in here, aren’t you? Aren’t you?” 

“Sure, why not?” He shrugged with a small sigh. It looked like this was going to be a bust too. Nothing to do after all.

“Well I’m glad you asked!” Nepeta curled one hand and placed it next to her cheek, winking. “It’s because I eat raw fish every day, like the most majestic family of animals in the planet! Can you guess what family of animals I’m referring to?”

John wiped his glasses on the gown as his classmate peered up at him cheekily. “Rabbits.” Duh. Rabbits are great.

Nepeta puffed her cheeks in a pout, placing both hands on her hips. “Hmph, well everyone’s entitled to a wrong opinion.” She rolled her eyes, in a snarl reminiscent of a cat. “But the POINT is, that if you eat raw food all the time you become strong. I even eat my steak raw, fyi.”

“E.Coli.” John deadpanned.

“Oh pshaw, we have modern medicine for that.” She scoffed. “So what are you doing here, John?”

Nepeta was one of his acquaintances, since he didn’t really know her well enough to consider her a friend. Most of their interactions occurred at the classroom, in his introduction to philosophy classes. She wasn’t that bad, but of course John didn’t know her much. That automatically disqualified her from knowing the truth, so he went with a believable lie.

“I was attacked by bats while taking out the trash this morning.” John was a bad liar, or needed some time to think about his fibs.

Nepeta was easy to trick at least, or just humored John’s story. “Did you kick their asses?”

“No, they’re bats.” Well, MC Hammer had the speed to take out a swarm of bats, but this story posited he didn’t have cool powers. He totally could take on a swarm of bats, for the record. “Bats fly around in the air. Kinda hard to fight them.”

“Pshaw, you’re just not trying hard enough.” Nepeta scoffed. “Well, it’s been fun to see you outside of class but I’ve gotta go back to my friend’s room. He's probably bored by now. One can only do so many push ups before it gets old.”

“Yeah that’s fair.” It was a nice five minutes spent, but John didn’t want to hold her up. “I'll see you in class.”

John continued his walk around the hospital all by his lonesome. Talking with Nepeta reminded him that none of his friends had visited him yet, at least while he was conscious. It wasn’t that troubling to John, really, but the fact that he had no means of communication with them was a little disheartening. Just a little. Certainly they had their reasons, but being informed of what that is would’ve been nice. Some company would be really good, especially since for the parts of the hospital he was headed.

If the section he was at earlier rated a three, then the hospital annex he wandered into right now was a solid six. John was certain this was a different building, since the hallways looked older, the lights were fewer and dimmer, and he saw even fewer medical workers. Those that he did see looked way too big and muscular to be ordinary nurses, and John avoided being seen by them whenever possible.

Common sense told him to go back to his room, check the television out for anything interesting then go back to sleep. Boredom triumphed over common sense in this situation though, so he continued on with his wandering. John was sure he shouldn’t be here, but everything interesting gave out this aura that he wasn’t allowed to know these things. A tiny part of him repeatedly reminded the rest of John that this was dangerous and could lead to disaster for him but he didn’t care, such was his boredom. Yep, definitely his boredom was to blame. Not the lack of visiting friends, of that he was sure. 

Sneaking around this place was proving to be surprisingly easy. Not that John intended too, but it seemed to him that the guards at this place were incredibly bad at their job. Every time he was about to pass one of them they’d turn around and walk the other way. Although, it could be that thing PM said before about Joestar destiny and such. Maybe this whole ‘destined to fight evil’ deal also meant that he could be incredibly lucky at times.

Granted, maybe he was only being lucky right now until he came face to face with whatever evil he was destined to fight. If John were a cynical man, he’d believe it. He wasn’t though, so he ignored that thought. No point in making himself feel anxious with weird thoughts. He’d let this near-empty building do that for him. 

It took John venturing all the way down to the first floor for one of the guards to finally be alerted to his presence. As he walked down the stairs a burly man in scrubs went up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hold it sir, this is a restricted area. What are you doing here?” The man asked with a voice you could only get by chewing gravel.

“Uh.” John turned around. He was actually taller than the guy, and for a second he considered stooping down in deference to authority. Instead, he went with what his gut told him. “I was sent by headquarters?”

He didn’t look like he was buying it. The hospital gown probably wasn't helping. “What’s your name?”

Tell the truth, is what his gut advised. “John Joestar, sir.”

The man narrowed his eyes. “Lemme see your back, kid.”

“Uh, sure?” He’d been asked to do weirder things. John turned to his back and pulled down the upper portion of his patient gown. 

“Oh!” The man’s eyes lit up, as did his voice. “I can’t believe this! My apologies Mister Joestar!”

Milk it, said his gut. “Yeah that’s me! John Joestar!”

“And here I thought Miss PM was joking when she say that he was going to inspect this place today!” The man clasped his hands together. “Well, good evening sir, I’m the head guard. I presume you’d like to see the subjects?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m here after all.” Not because he didn’t have cable, nossir.

“Follow me then, sir.” He walked down the hall, waving to a few men and women in scrubs. All of them looked ready to pounce, relaxing only after a nod from the man John was with. “If you don't mind me asking, you are a stand user, correct, sir?”

“Yeah, are you?” Behind John, MC Hammer materialized into existance.

“Oh no sir, none of the people here are stand users.” The guard explained. “We have to keep the… the subjects heavily sedated so they can't use their powers.”

The blood in John’s veins ran cold. He could understand the logic to that action, but it didn’t make it any less worse. “Nasty.”

“It is, sir.” The man nodded in agreement.

“Really?” John raised an eyebrow. “You know, thinking about it me and my friends could’ve pulled guard duty, now that I think about it.”

“Perhaps so, but you would be sacrificing your education if you did, sir!” The man shook his head. “And in any case our bosses forbade it. Miss Harley’s protection is of greater priority.”

“Yeah I guess.” Again with Jade. There were a lot of things he didn’t know about her that his gut told him was important. “Where is Miss PM anyway?”

“I actually don’t know. She’s supposed to be here for guard duty.” The guard paused and frowned slightly. “But I'm sure we’ll be fine, as long as you’re here sir.” 

John was pretty sure none of the rooms here were occupied. He was proven right when they entered a patient room near the end of a corridor. It looked a lot like his room, except that if you pushed a button under the bed a cabinet would open up and reveal an elevator. It only took them a minute or so to go down to a hidden basement, but the sound of the elevator rumbling downward got on his nerves. 

The elevator doors opened up to what looked like another hospital corridor, completely silent save for a beeping coming from each room. Here the guards no longer donned scrubs, but Speedwagon foundation uniforms. Each one clutched an assault rifle in their arms, standing at the ready next to each door. There were six of them, two for each room. All the doors were made of steel and had glass windows at the center. With the head guard’s approval John peered into one of them.

The room beyond looked just like any other patient room. He could make out Sollux, the stand user Rose went up against a few weeks back asleep. A few tubes were poking through his arm, ending on a couple of IV bags. One of those bags must’ve been the one that applied sedatives. 

“Dreadful, isn’t it sir?” The guard said. “We’ve got no other option besides the sedative.”

“They still won’t talk about their friends huh?”

“No sir. We got close with the one with the scarf but then he started ranting about how his girlfriend will never love him if he ratted their friends out.”

John pitied them. This wasn’t a way to live. “How long are they going to be kept here?”

“Miss PM said they’ll be transferred to a different facility next week with her overseeing the transfer.” The guard explained. “Where they can be kept humanely without compromising safety.”

John had had enough of this. The necessity of keeping these people in a virtual coma didn’t stop him from feeling uncomfortable with their treatment. Even if they had tried to harm him and his friends this was still troubling to John. Well, except for Eridan anyway. He was a complete asshole through and through so John was honestly fine with him getting sedated like that. 

He headed back up the first floor, the head guard saluting him as he resumed his vigil. The brief encounter with the defeated stand users still left a bad taste in his mouth. He could probably just sleep it off once he got back to his room, but he wasn’t anywhere near tired yet. Maybe there’s something good on the television once he got back, like a marathon for an old film series or something similar. He could even look for Nepeta and her friend and hang out with them until sleep finally came to him. Anything would be better than wandering around the hospital like a weirdo, especially now that it was starting to get drafty. These patient gowns were not made for comfort.

This time around there was no need for John to sneak around, not that he needed to that much in the first place. Most of the guards ignored him now, allowing him to pass by without much fuss. He wondered how many of them were just like PM and the head guard, who seemed to know a lot about his family for people who were ostensibly working for the organization his ancestor’s best friend started. It was kind of flattering, but also kind of creepy. 

And it was also, now that John had time to think, rather overwhelming. A multinational conglomerate knew all about his family and would probably drop everything they did if they asked. His ancestor Johnathan, the man he was probably named after must’ve been a really great guy. It was strange then, that his father rarely mentioned their family besides Grandma. PM had suggested that perhaps he was just trying to protect him, since according to her their family was always fated to fight evil or something. John was pretty sure that meant his family tended to have short life spans. You didn’t fight evil without a price after all. Braveheart taught him that.

Any further musings on the nature of his family’s 「Destiny」 ceased upon climbing the top of the stairs. He reached the third floor of the annex, where one could find the passageway connecting the building to the main part of the hospital was located. Just a few more steps and he’d back to the well-lit and non-creepy parts of this hospital, where no evil creature would jump him. There was one of the guards in scrubs he’d seen earlier though, slumped against the wall with blood pooling around her and a handgun by her side.

Crap. This destiny thing was not as good as PM made it sound. John approached the guard cautiously, keeping himself at arm’s length from the woman. He nudged her shoulder with an outstretched hand, his eyes looking around for any sign of the attacker. “Hey, who did this?”

The woman raised her head up and looked at John with bloodshot eyes. She tilted her head and opened her mouth far, far wider than a normal mouth was capable of. John winced when he heard the sound of jaw bones snapping. “P-please…please… so…so very thirsty…”

Her eyes rolled up to the back of her head as she lunged forward, hands clawing at him. MC Hammer appeared behind John at once and clasped both hands together, hammering down on her shoulder. The woman bent over, and as she did John’s stand kneed her in the gut, sending her flying.

At first John wanted to yell an apology for what was certainly an overreaction, but then the woman managed to get up, as if the clearly dislocated shoulder of hers was but a minor setback. She shambled forward, dragging a leg that John could now clearly see had been cut. She snarled, chewing on her thumb until she bit off its tip. “Meat…blood…please… feed me…”

Being a nice, neighborly person, John complied. MC Hammer surged forward, lifting the woman up by the arm and then slamming her onto the floor like a ragdoll. He followed it up by having his stand stomp on her arms and legs until they were too damaged to be of any use. She was still alive and trying to crawl towards him, but he wasn’t surprised about that. Intriguingly the woman ignored the presence of MC Hammer, since her eyes were focused on him when he beat her down. That meant that the woman was under the effects of an enemy stand.

And she wasn’t alone. John could hear a gurgling sounds and moans from beyond the hallway. More people were affected by this mystery stand. Logically John should focus on tracking down the user and taking them down, the quickest way to cancel out the effect of a stand. Taking logic into account again, that would also mean risking the lives of others as he left them to fend for themselves while he was off hunting for stand users. 

Weighing his options, John went with the latter. While leaving his first assailant in the hallway seemed like a bad idea, he was pretty confident that she wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. He rushed back to the hospital’s main building, sweeping around the floor he was currently on. The second victim he found was a nurse, or another undercover Speedwagon guard he couldn’t tell. This one twisted its head around like an owl, the sound of bones not made for such an act cracking making John flinch. This one was about to enter a room until he spotted John.

“Help…hungry…” He moaned, shambling forward. Or backwards, what with the guy’s head doing an owl impression.

“Who did this to you?” Poor bastard. What kind of sickening stand could do this to people? 

“Woman...hungry…please…” The man broke into a run, arms twisting to the opposite direction as it howled for blood. 

A woman, huh? John was reminded of that belief, that stand users attracted other stand users. It was a hunch, but could the user have been Nepeta? It was a wild and baseless guess, but it was all John had right now. In any case, he had to take this thing down first. This he was able to do quickly, what with MC Hammer being both completely invisible to non-stand users and extremely fast and strong. A swift uppercut followed by a series of rapid jabs took the guy down easily. 

Seeing the guy attempt to get back to his feet even after that beatdown, John decided that the only humane thing to do was tie him up. Since he didn’t have any rope with him at the moment he had to make do with a length of metal he had MC Hammer pull off of a conveniently parked bed. Just as well since he doubted that normal rope would hold this guy for long. Now that that was done John proceeded to rush to the next source of blood curdling moans he heard.

That would be the next floor down, based from the panicked screams he heard. Not one, not two, but six people in scrubs were moaning indistinctly, slamming their fists bloody against the walls. One of them lacked an arm, taken from another of their kind who was currently chewing on a sticky red mass on the floor he’d rather not look at too closely. 

Hunger for human flesh, drastic decrease in intelligence, excessive moaning… it was pretty clearly what the enemy stand user’s power was. It was disturbing. Stands are supposed to reflect the nature of its user, and what kind of macabre person would have a power that did this to human beings? Whoever it was John needed to put them down, fast and hard. 

A zombie licking the wall by the stairwell saw John at the corner of its eye. It stopped what it was doing, and ran up the stairs, moaning hungrily. “Meat…blood…please, let me have some!”

Well he couldn’t have John’s. Rather than wait for the creature to get within his stand’s range, MC Hammer used the tried and tested strategy of punching a whirlwind towards its target. The burst of wind was powerful enough to send the zombie flying, crashing against one of its kind that had only now realized that there was closer prey nearby. 

The other zombies quickly ceased what they were doing upon seeing another of their kind struck down. Even the one John had attacked had recovered quickly, or at least ignored its broken arms. With a loud wail they began to run up back up the stairs, heedless of the fact that John would simply easily beat them back with another whirlwind. But John wouldn’t even need to do that.

As a pair of whirlwinds began to form around MC Hammer’s arms, something small and light brown jumped up to the head of one of the zombies. With his stand’s enhanced eyesight he saw that it was a cat, of the Thai cat breed, or the Wichianmat in the language of its origin. If John was a smart, sensible person like Rose and was knowledgeable of the intricacies of Cat Fancying, then he would know that modern Siamese cats in the west are genetically different from their ancestors now, and so the original had been renamed to avoid confusion. But even though he wasn’t he didn’t need to be an expert cat fancier to know one thing.

Cats didn’t explode.

A corona of yellow light dissipated from the cat with a loud bang, like a grenade going off. The zombies screamed in pain as the light touched them, burning their flesh. Some were clawing at their faces in an attempt to remove the light, but to no avail. In seconds the creatures had been destroyed, the half-melted portions of their heads dripping down their bodies like sludge. The cat was completely unharmed, and was now idly licking one of the zombies. Each lap of its tongue caused a portion of the zombie’s flesh to melt off.

John was alarmed and brought his defenses up. The cat was dangerous. It had done in seconds what would probably take John minutes to accomplish. MC Hammer kept its gaze on the feline with arms up in case it decided that he was an enemy too.

That didn’t happen, as the cat promptly ignored him and jumped up into the arms of its master who had appeared from the other side of the hallway. She was surrounded by other cats, all of whom gave off the same electric aura the Thai cat did. “Oh there you are! What are-“ Nepeta stopped, and stared wide-eyed at John.

“Hi.” John hestitantly waved to Nepeta. He could probably remove her from the list of suspects responsible for this zombie outbreak. Probably.

“Uh, John.” Nepeta pointed to where MC Hammer was standing. “Why is there a tiny tornado in front of you?”

That was… surprising. He had MC Hammer cancel out the twister he was going to use before the cat bomb went off, which made Nepeta let out a sigh of relief. “I dunno, why are there zombies running around the hospital?” John remained where he was, in a slightly defensive stance.

Nepeta continued to walk closer to John, her cats following closeby. She didn’t seem to notice his stand’s presence at all. “A vampire! That must be it! ”

A vampire. Well, it’s not as weird as stand users, to be fair. “Huh, a vampire. Not what I was expecting to be honest.”

She gave him a look of brief bafflement. “They’re dangerous monsters! We need to take it down quickly before it creates more zombies!” 

“What about the other patients?”

“I already called the police, although they won’t be of help against a vampire.” Nepeta bent down and picked a cat up, kissing it on the forehead. Currents of yellow lightning passed from her lips to the cat’s forehead. She repeated the action with each cat until all of them had been infused with that energy. An energy that looked familiar. “You better get out of here, my friend and my cats will handle this.”

“No way, you need me and my windy thing.” As a demonstration John generated another small twister in MC Hammer’s hands and fired it at a stray zombie, knocking it halfway down the hallway. 

“Okay fair enya-uff, that does look useful, you can stay.” Nepeta jokingly conceded. The cats around her dispersed, some heading downstairs and others remaining at this floor. Two of them stayed behind with Nepeta. “But we really need to find that vampire now!”

“I think.” John began, realization dawning. “I think I know where that vampire might be.”

A swarm of undead creatures showing up at a hospital near a secret stand user holding cell? John watched enough movies to know what that meant. He and Nepeta ran as fast as they could to the Annex building, where the vampire would most likely be. As they neared the building they both heard the sound of guns firing and people screaming, followed by a very loud slashing sound. Of all the things their enemy could send against them, a vampire was the last on John’s list. 

They reached the first floor in time to see a woman standing over a circle of bloody corpses, looking out the windows. She was pale, almost luminescent. She stood as tall as John, but lacked his bulk; rather she was thin, inhumanly so. The woman was clad in a platinum grey turtleneck and a flowing dress seemingly made up of differently colored lengths of cloth that was accented by a bright red sash tied to resemble a butterfly’s wings. Her face was serene, spotless, marked only by a pair of green teardrop tattoos beneath each eye. Not a single drop of blood could be seen on her body, despite being surrounded by nothing but.

She turned her head to face them, and smiled. She had fangs. Big ones. Sharp ones. The woman extended one long, inhuman finger and pointed it at them. The corpses around her rose and screeched as one with their master.

“WRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Surprise is Vampires!


	16. John: Be Disgusted

Like high school, basic physics and most of recorded history, Hollywood was mostly wrong about Vampires. Every culture had a variant of the ‘blood drinking monster’ story, and all of them  were  wrong where it count ed . While they did get a few things right, like the blood drinking, the hatred of sunlight and the nigh-invulnerability, the stories missed out a lot of important details regarding the characteristics of these undead denizens of the night. 

  
For one thing, there was the origin. True vampires in reality were caused by peculiar Stone Mask, a Mesoamerican artifact capable of bestowing mystic powers onto those who donned it. Vampire underlings can still be created via bite by another one, provided the progenitor vampire was powerful enough. And that was another thing. Vampires did not really need to use their fangs to drink blood, as they can use their hands for it. They had mastery and control over their bodies in ways impossible for a normal human, stands notwithstanding. Garlic and holy symbols also didn’t work on them. Most importantly, unlike vampires in stories real vampires could be killed with the power of Hamon.

  
That was what you called the energy emanating from Nepeta’s cats that she’d imbued in them herself. John had no idea how it worked, but if it kill ed zombies way faster than his stand d id, he wasn't about to complain . There’ll be time to ask about it after they went the full Belmont on this one.

  
A zombie swinging an assault rifle around like a club was the first to get within John’s range, and promptly received an uppercut from MC Hammer for its trouble. Two more  followed  close behind it, swinging their bodies to the side so the first one wouldn’t hit them. The momentary stop was all John needed to step forward with a barrage of fists from his stand. Since they weren’t stand users they made no move to block the attack,  as they couldn't see it.

Blood was spilled and bones were shattered, yet even then the zombies managed to rise up, ignoring wounds that would cripple a man several times over. They shambled back to their feet and attempted to rush John again, despite the tactic having failed already. Nepeta wouldn’t give them the chance.

While John was attacking she had attached something on the knuckles of her gloves. On each glove were four short claws that made a slight curve at the end. He couldn’t tell what animal it belonged to, but since it was Nepeta it was likely feline. She bent her right leg forward and brought both arms up next to her head, palms facing forward. Nepeta met the attacking zombies head-on, the claws on her knuckles bursting with energy.

The first zombie attempted to rip her neck out with its teeth, using its size advantage over Nepeta. She turned that advantage against it by lunging into the monster’s rush, slicing it in half with her hamon-empowered claws.  


A second attempted to go at her from Nepeta’s side, but she was nimbler, side-stepping the creature and hitting its face with the flat of her shoe. Evidently her claws weren’t the only things infused with hamon, since its face began to melt off. The third one couldn’t even begin to attack her, having already been finished off by one of Nepeta’s cats.

  
“A stand user and a hamon user, together. A deadly combination.” The vampire compl i mented them , applauding. “Both close range combatants.”

The thai cat from earlier hissed, hairs raised and sparking with hamon energy.

“Adorable cats not counting, of course.”

  
Unconcerned by how quickly her zombies had been killed, the vampire moved towards them at a leisurely pace, grinding the nails of her thumb and forefinger together. The nails were long and painted dark green, and had more in common with knives that anything part of a human body. John and Nepeta kept up their guard, arms raised in a fighting stance. John went in front of Nepeta to block any incoming attacks with his stand. Nepeta’s were claws bristling with hamon energy. The vampire didn’t seem threatened at all, stopping within John’s range.

“My name is Kanaya.” She smiled again, showing off those sharp fangs. “I’m a vampire.”

“Uh, hi.” Nepeta waved to the vampire, which earned her an annoyed aside glance from John.

  
“I’ll ask once, and once only, that you free my friends and tell me where the 「Arrow」 is.” The vampire requested , politely . 

“And what if we do?” John asked. There was no way he could allow that to happen but he needed to keep her within MC Hammer’s range.  


“This hospital does not become a bad zombie film.” Kanaya answered.

John simply couldn’t help himself. “Define bad zombie film.”

Kanaya rapped her knuckles on her chin. “Everything after the Resident Evil movies?”

  
“Oh wow, really.” John deadpanned dismissively . “Those movies. You think those movies are good.”

  
“Milla Jovovich.” She declared with defiance , stepping half a pace closer . 

John snorted. “Yeah sorry not even Leeloo can save a veritable pile of shit with boring acting and sub-par graphics.”

“Milla.Jovovich.” Kanaya repeated with a scowl.

“Video. Game. Movies. Are. Never. Good.” Except Streetfighter, the first one. Anyone who dislikes that movie has no soul. "Not since the great Jeanne Van Damme stopped doing them."

“We are at an impasse.” Kanaya said, glaring. “I suppose releasing my friends is out of the question, then?”

  
“I mean, you already killed a bunch of people and turned them into zombies.” John pointed out. “I don’t see why we should  both ignore that fact [i]and[/i] give you what you want .”

   
“I suppose a girl isn’t allowed to defend herself from people trying to shoot her.” Kanaya crossed her arms, huffing. “How unfortunate , but it seemed that it can't be helped . If it's any consolation, I a m sorry for what I’m about to do.”

   
What annoyed John about that was how Kanaya looked genuinely remorseful. It smacked of hypocrisy, especially after she had gleefully ordered her zombies to attack them. You can’t play the reluctant monster card after you showed your targets how much you were looking forward to having their hearts for dinner, lady 

John glanced at Nepeta once again and moved his head ever so slightly. “At least that makes one of us.”

The Vampire moved first, veins popping out of her arms as she made for a lunge at John, which he thought of was pretty stupid on her part for three reasons. First, while vampires were much faster and stronger than normal humans they still weren’t fast enough to out speed a close-range power type stand, within its optimal range. Before her claws could make contact with John, MC Hammer grabbed both of her arms and squeezed with enough force to snap bone.

Second, while they were almost impossible to kill without the ripple MC Hammer was still strong enough to do serious damage to her, which John did by commanding his stand to squeeze harder.

Third, catgirl with vampire killing powers and equally anti-vampire grenade cats.

Nepeta surged forward, flanked by both cats. Both felines released a wave of energy, a burst of hamon that caused what’s left of the first zombies around them to burst into flames. Not content with the anti-undead equivalent of burning the whole place down to kill a spider, Nepeta punched forward with one hand crackling with energy.  


It was a strong combination, stand and hamon and cat. Anyone else wouldn’t have lasted a minute, especially out in the open like this.   


 

Anyone who wasn’t Kanaya Maryam.

The fingers on her bent over to the back of her hand, and with a flick cut off both appendages. The motion was packed with a surprising amount of force that propelled her dismembered limbs forward, one spinning fast towards John and the other Nepeta. MC Hammer immediately acted out of instinct and blasted out a gust of wind to deflect it. A gust of wind powerful enough to throw Nepeta off her feet and send Kanaya flying.

Just as she intended.

With her prodigious strength and superhuman reflexes Kanaya was able to adjust herself mid-flight, landing on her feet after being pushed back several meters.  


So did Nepeta, who was able to skid to a halt on all fours. John’s knee-jerk reaction might have prevented them from beating Kanaya, but John wasn’t about to risk their necks just to be surprised when her dismembered arms turned out to be dangerous projectiles that would’ve killed them in an instant. He’d underestimated his enemies too many times before to make that mistake again.

But while he might have saved them from a mutual kill, but it also saved Kanaya. And worse, it meant that they’d wasted the cat bombs, which were a one-time thing. Nepeta could recharge them, but it was doubtful that Kanaya would give them the opportunity. She was fast. And besides, the cats ran off as soon as the vampire had dodged their attack.

“A stand of wind. How potent. I can see why you defeated my friends.”  


John frowned. “Sorry, but the baddie flattery thing isn’t my thing.”

Kanaya laughed, holding her arm against her face. “You will be difficult. I must admit, I am rather at a disadvantage in this fight.”

The stumps of Kanaya’s arm began to wobble, blood continuing to trickle down. With a loud squelch a long slender spike of bone protruded out of both stubs, glistening with blood and oil. Veins ran down the length of the spikes, pulsing with her heartbeat. A low buzzing noise emanated from the blades as they vibrated at an increasing rate.

John almost retched. Nepeta did in her mouth, spitting out a glob of brownish bile from her mouth. Those blades looked sharp, and given that Kanaya was a vampire probably allowed her to drink their blood. The vampire moved in a slow, focused stride, her eyes never leaving Nepeta.

She was strong and confident of victory. Her posture, her expression that betrayed no emotion, all of it showed that. When she got within range Nepeta lashed out with her claws, hamon energy bristling. She went for a hook to Kanaya’s stomach. Kanaya stepped out of the way with contemptuous ease, swerving to the left. She spun on her heel with one arm extended and the other raised in a ballerina’s pose, almost catching Nepeta in an arcing blow. Her small size played to Nepeta’s advantage as she ducked under her blades. The hamon user slid forward, gritting her teeth as the side of her arm was grazed by Kanaya. Still, it wasn’t cut off like it would have if she hadn’t dodged.

As the two clashed John flew up above Kanaya, held aloft by MC Hammer’s wind powers. He landed behind her, his stand appearing behind him. MC Hammer struck hard and fast, not allowing Kanaya a moment of respite. A barrage that would’ve crippled a normal human merely winded her, and not that much by John’s reckoning. He tried to have his stand grab her again, but Kanaya ignored John, dancing around him, somehow amble to discern his stand’s location.

Though powerful, MC Hammer couldn’t land any lasting blows on Kanaya. Her main target therefore was the one who could. Blood spattered blades buzzed towards Nepeta, prompting her to roll out of the way or be skewered. Vibrating bone swords that might as well be chainsaws gouged deep cuts into the floor.

“Good job.” Kanaya said. “For one clearly a novice in the hamon arts, you have strength and power. Normally I’d have decapitated someone by now.”

“Hey how’d you know that?” Nepeta asked, getting up to another boxing stance. “I only started at the start of semester, but my friend says I’m a natural!”

“Experience.” She answered. “But yes,  let’s keep dancing, shall we?”

Kanaya dashed forward, blades crossed against each other. Even after the blows she’d already received the vampire wasn’t even tired yet. By contrast Nepeta was visibly panting, her body drenched with sweat. The energy from her claws was a tiny spark compared to what it had been earlier. She was running out of gas. John himself was a little winded, but he could still keep up with their enemy, but not much longer.  


MC Hammer intercepted Kanaya again, Blowing out a gust of wind to try and push her away. All it managed was to slow her down, but not enough to kill her momentum. It was enough though, to allow Nepeta to close in from the vampire’s side. Pouring all of her hamon energy into her claws, she struck fast and hard, raking Kanaya’s side.  


Kanaya bit down a scream, staggering to her right. That successful blow took a huge chunk out of her, literally. Pieces of her side were melting off, smoke rising from the slash marks Nepeta left on her. For the first time in the fight they landed a blow that mattered, but it wasn't enough to take her down. With a flash she sliced herself with her blade, cutting out the parts of her body affected hamon. As soon as she did the wounds began to heal, but not at a much slower rate than when she had attacked earlier.

And yet, despite the terrible blow inflicted on her, Kanaya was smiling.  


“That was marvelous, the two of you.” Kanaya complemented. She was really committed to this ‘friendly enemy’ act she was playing. “But you both have made a grievous error.”

“What’s that?” John asked, annoyed. She was really getting on her nerves.

“You turned your backs on my hands.”

And that was when Kanaya punched a hole through their stomachs.  


Tunnel vision was strictly speaking, a medical phenomenon wherein one’s peripheral vision is greatly reduced due to a variety of medical issues, such as glaucoma, hallucinogenic drug intake or cataracts. There is another definition for tunnel vision, which describes an event wherein one is extremely focused at the task at hand to the detriment of all others. It was usually happened in intense situations, like say, a vampire attack.

Kanaya’s clawed appendages came bursting out of John and Nepeta’s bodies, scattering blood and gore on the ground. They skittered over the floor climbing up Kanaya’s body up to her arms, where they impaled themselves on her blades. Flesh knitted together, blood vessels snaking around her fingers as they lapped up the blood up. All the while Kanaya wore a content, dream-like expression on her face, eyes glazed and mouth curved in a content smile.  


“Still..hungry…” She said, licking her lips. Her hands had more or less reconnected with the rest of Kanaya’s body, though her bone blades had not yet been retracted. “Ate too much already…no…”

Wobbling in place, Kanaya suddenly slammed her face onto the wall. It left her face covered in blood, but her eyes were once again focused. “No… that’ll have to wait. They matter more.”  


The two remaining zombies, who had been all-but forgotten during the fight, reappeared. They were accompanied by a third zombie, who once had been the head guard. All three stopped before Kanaya, pointing to the door they had emerged from. “Excellent. Free my friends and take them up here.” She commanded the former head guard.

 She gestured to the other zombies, then to John and Nepeta. “They’d been found. Guard these two.”

Both Nepeta and John were on the ground, barely conscious. Blood continued to seep from the holes on their bodies. Nepeta was trying to do something with her hamon to patch the wound, but she couldn’t muster enough of it. John’s vision was blacking out, but he fought to stay awake. MC Hammer still stood, but was much diminished in bulk and strength after the attack. It was barely half its original strength.

“Now.” She bent down over John, holding his face on the tips of her nails. “Would you be so kind as to tell me where the 「Arrow」 is?”

“My friends,”

“Have troubles of their own.” Kanaya interrupted. “Trust me on this. They’re not coming.”

John’s snarled defiantly, commanding MC Hammer to throw a punch at her. The blow landed, crumpling a portion of Kanaya’s cheek. If it was meant to show that John was still able to slug it out with her, then Kanaya wasn’t very impressed. MC Hammer becomes vastly weaker when John has difficulty breathing, and a fist-sized hole in your gut could certainly do that.  


“Defiance. Admirable.” Kanaya smiled, stepping back and rubbing her face where John had hit him. Already the flesh was returning back to its original shape.  


“Hey.” Nepeta called out weakly. “Hey!”

Kanaya turned, sighing. “What is it?”  


“You forgot about my friend.”

On cue, bullets raked the windows from outside, cutting through a zombie standing near John and Nepeta. The creature screamed, clutching its heads and falling to its knees. Several burning holes could be seen expanding on its face as if they were struck by acid.  


The other zombie shambled away from its comrade’s side, ducking under the windows in case another barrage ensued. Instead of more bullets, a large, muscular arm burst out of the concrete wall and grabbed the zombie by the neck, lifting it up with ease. A surge of hamon emanated from the arm into the monster, causing it to explode violently. As he pulled his arm out the wall collapsed, allowing him entry.  


Their savior was a man. He was tall and muscular, even moreso than John. His skin was glistening, the tips of fingers dripping with a translucent oil. Hamon radiated from his body, sparks of energy crackling across his flesh. A pair of square shades hid his eyes, reminding John of his friend Dave. Unlike Dave however, this man’s shades was in poor condition, the glass covered in cracks and its arms held together by tape. Also unlike Dave, who prided himself in his choice of suits, the man wore simple clothing, the simplest in the world in fact.

A loincloth. And one that left nothing to the imagination.

Their savior was John’s dorm mate, the weird sweaty guy.

  
Well, who knew! The world still held surprises for John Joestar. Unfortunately, it seemed that they were all awful ones.

“Equius!” Nepeta cheered right before she started hacking gobules of blood. 

  
“Nepeta.” Equius rumbled , the first time John had actually heard him speak more than a grunt . “I had just finished cleared the rest of the area of all undead scum when I happened upon your beloved cats, Mick and Keith. I knew that they would never leave your side in an emergency unless the situation was dire, so I am here to save you.”

  
He noticed John, and nodded. “Good evening Mister Joestar. I am here to save you as well , I suppose .”

“How surprising! Another Hamon user.” Kanaya clicked her tongue. “It would seem I must work harder tonight.”  


Despite her casual tone, the vampire kept her distance. The second Equius burst into the scene she was already running towards the door where the enemy stand users were held. Her priority was freeing her friends, not fighting a dangerous foe. That there were hamon users in this town at all was an unexpected development, let alone one who was clearly an experienced practitioner.

Rather than pursue the vampire, Equius prioritized the wounded. He ran towards them, leaving oily footprints in his path. How he wasn’t just sliding around from that much oil covering his body was beyond John.  


He knelt over Nepeta, pressing both hands over her wound. With a soft grunt he released a wave of hamon through her body. When he took his hand off, the hole had miraculously closed up. Nepeta tried to get up, but was clearly still exhausted. She managed to get back on her feet, but had to lean against the wall while she caught her breath.

He went over to John, and was about to do the same, hand hovering above the hole in John’s stomach. “Do not worry. This is not witchcraft, but a technique passed down for generations in the mountains of Tibet.”  


“I will channel the energy of the sun through your body so it may rapidly heal the wound, but it shall use up much of your fat reserves. I would recommend you eat fatty foods after we extinguish the vampire scum.” He explained as he placed both hands over the wound, and took a deep breath. Equius’ hand felt gross and slimy, and John had to resist a shiver since he was pretty sure the oil on his palms were dripping down into the hole.

But despite that, it was working. The pain in John’s gut went from horribly unbearable to excruciating, but manageable. Once the hole had been completely covered John was actually able to stand up, albeit with the help of his stand. MC Hammer placed its arms under his armpits and hauled its master up on his feet.  


Equius looked surprised. To him, he just saw John rise up like a marionette’s strings being pulled.  


They didn’t have time for exposition, so he cut to the chase. “I have a magic punch ghost only I and other people with punch ghosts can see. It lets me do wind magic.” MC Hammer created another whirlwind around its arm as a demonstration. “The vampire lady’s in league with a group of bad magic punch ghost users who want to do bad things, and she’s here to free her gang imprisoned in a secret Speedwagon Foundation facility under the hospital.”

“I understand.” Equius nodded. “I shall assist you in purging the evil and wickedness that plagues our fair university.” He extended a hand. A greasy, greasy hand.

John accepted it, surprising himself by not looking disgusted. Equius…seriously that’s his name? Equius seemed reliable, even if he was, well, him. Naked. Greasy. Sweaty. Breathes really loudly, though now that he knew how hamon worked that may have been intentional. He looked over to Nepeta, who was able to stand unaided now.

“You can sit this part out, if you want.” He told her.

“Nyaw way!” Nepeta protested. “I won’t let you guys go into the lion’s den without me!”

There was no stopping her then, not that John wanted to. Kanaya’s probably freed them all now. They should still be weak from their imprisonment, but underestimating their enemy could lead to disaster. John needed to throw everything they had since these people were willing to kill if it meant escape.

As they went into the room leading to the stand user holding facility, John couldn’t help but think of Kanaya’s words. She wasn’t alone in this attack. Right now, his friends are being assailed by other stand users, or even another vampire. Or a vampire stand user, given how these things go. His friends were all very powerful, but even then he couldn’t help but worry. Considering how they already trounced three stand users from this gang, they were no doubt going to send the big guys to take Rose, Dave and Jade on.  


He had to have confidence in them. He had to have faith. John hoped against hope that they were fine.

Rose Lalonde was not pleased.

Today had been an exhausting one. She’d spent all of it at school, catching up with all the work she missed due to her escapades in the supernatural. At the very least, she was able to use these experiences to her advantage, basing much of her current freeform writing homework on Dave’s account of his battle with Eridan. A lot of it seemed like hyperbole to her, but she did keep some of the more believable parts of the story. After all, realism was necessary in all fictional works, a great author once said.

But the evening would try her patience even more. When she arrived at Jade’s place she found Dave doing his best reenactment of Quentin Tarantino with their comatose friend’s body. This was, in itself not that strange, nor was it her place to disparage her friends for their antics. She disparages them anyway, but that wasn’t why she was cross tonight. It was the fact that Dave failed to pry the necessary info from Jade, despite repeated messages from her asking if he had done as she requested.

  
She had intended to talk with the two of them regarding what was really happening, but she didn’t have the mental energy for it. It’ d been a long day, and she needed her beauty sleep. It would be better for everyone involved if they approached the situation fresh and relaxed, so back to her dorm room she went.  There’s no rush, she could question Jade all she wanted tomorrow. 

Some distance away a hooded figure sat at a bench, a cellphone in hand. “I see her. Yeah. Kan’s already at the hospital. I’ll take this one on. Look, I can handle one fucking stand user, all right? Yeah, yeah. Good luck.”

The figure pocketed his phone, and watched Rose pass by. After she was out of sight, the figure stood up, and tailed Rose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Equius finally makes his debut! Technically he's been around for a while but he only gets to be relevant now. 
> 
> Vs. Kanaya'll be wrapped up next chapter, and then we switch viewpoints to one of the other kids. John may be the main character, but I really want everyone to have their time in the spotlight.


	17. John: Bring it Down

On John’s first day in film class, his professor had asked him a simple question: what is your favorite genre of film?

Contrary to the question, the answer was much more complicated to formulate. Statistically on paper, comedy was his favorite given the genres of his preferred films. But it was more than just that. John loved practical effects, especially the ones used in action films. It just happened that finding good actions that used practical effects was harder to find than a good comedy. So he told the truth, that he was unsure of his favorite. After everyone had answered, their professor told them his favorite film genre.

It turned out that their introduction to film studies prof was a big Horror buff. "Horror", he explained, his toupee sliding down his forehead as he spoke, "made the best and most comprehensive use of one of the basic elements of storytelling." He had paused, one can infer for dramatic purposes, "anticipation." He argued that even the most comprehensive and thoughtful stories fall short if it didn’t manipulate the audience’s desire for the story. He also said that it was a double-edged sword; make your audience wait too long or rush to the conclusion and you risk losing their interest, or even worse, make them dislike the story.

Relatedly, in the present, John was really getting annoyed at how long the elevator was taking. He and his companions were milling around, waiting for their elevator to arrive. They’d discounted the possibility that Kanaya had damaged the elevator, since she and her allies needed it to get back up to the first floor and escape. The only conclusion he could come up with was that the elevator was simply that slow. So they had little choice but to wait.

“Mister Joestar,” Equius began after an somewhat audible inhalation. “do you work out?”

Great, small talk with the oiled-up weirdo. As if the vampire wasn’t bad enough. “Uh, no.” He answered truthfully enough. “Why do you ask?”

“That is astonishing.” Equius replied, his tone unwavering. “I would think with your build that you lift.”

“Come, on you’re pulling our leg!” Nepeta chimed in, wrapping a hand around one of John's arms before being shooed away. “No way you don’t work out with arms like those!”

“Not joking, really.” John said, exasperated. “I don’t work out.”

The other two considered this for a moment, then...

“Let me examine your arms.” Equius demanded, pointing an oily finger at John’s shirt. 

“No.”

“Your chest?”

“No!”

“How about your exquisitely toned legs?”

John narrowed his eyes. “Are you a pervert or something dude?”

“Mister Joestar, I can assure you I am not.” Equius stepped back, appalled. “My appreciation of the human form is not sexual in nature.”

Now John was practically squinting. “Me and Dave saw you looking at weird fetish porn the other day, dude. Nothing wrong with that but you were doing it in public and you were kinda covered with sweat.” Plus he smelled like a bag of trash drenched in sewer fluid.

To his surprise Equius looked a little ashamed. John was sure he’d be completely blasé about that revelation. “That was not pornography, but a catalogue of tasteful art depicting the beauty of the human form through the ages. As for the sweating, I am afraid that I am still not used to the temperature of the United States. It is quite different from my native Nepal.”

“And the vibrating?” 

“An expression of my joy.” Equius swallowed. “For you see, the catalogue in question contained a copy of the great Leonardo Da Vinci’s Virtuvian man. It is my favorite piece of artwork. I vibrate with the purest of intentions.”

“Ok, I believe you.” Vibration of purity. First time John’s heard that excuse. Equius sounded sincere, but so did Dave when he was talking bullshit. 

You don't look like you do." Nepeta accused with a knowing leer. "Mew're doubting Equius aren't you?"

John shrugged. "Oh come on, Nepeta, don't tell me mew believe him- fuck you've got me doing cat puns now."

"Nyathing wrong with cat puns, they're the best kind there is." Nepeta stuck her tongue out at him. "Exactly like how there's nothing wrong with Equius' love of tasteful nudes."

Equius nodded sagely. "Do not disparage mister Joestar, my bosom buddy. I blame modern culture for corrupting the youth of the world with its association of nudity with the very worst smut." He shoved his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose decisively

The way this conversation was going was definitely somewhere disgusting and mind scarring. So when the elevator finally dinged John felt like the knot in his stomach had been untied. In truth, that was because of Equius’ amazing healing powers patching him up after their earlier vampire fight, but the metaphor still stands.

Equius was the one to enter exit. Nepeta went after, then John. John looked up to the elevator roof, expecting a sudden zombie ambush. Nothing showed up however, even as the elevator closed and went down the shaft. The lack of an attack was probably Kanaya playing mind games, to unnerve them as they awaited the obvious.

If that was her intention it certainly didn’t work. As soon as the door opened the first thing that came out was not human, but a stand. MC Hammer came flying out, releasing a tornado surging forwards. John heard the zombies’ screams before he saw them as the wind blast send the creatures flying to the other side of the passageway. 

Like before Equius was first into the fray. He was the only one relatively unscathed after all. The hallway was occupied exclusively by zombies, about four to six if John counted right. It was hard to tell since they were all mostly in a pile at the other end of the hallway. What there weren’t any of were stand users or vampires. 

Most likely they were hiding out in one of the rooms, no doubt intent on sprining a trap upon them. It was the likeliest move they would pull, but one that carries high risks. John’s stand was strongest at close range, and there was little doubt of Equius and Nepeta’s hand to hand combat skills. In fact baring Kanaya those two were the only ones who could fight ably even without stands. And the zombies, but they won’t be problems for long.

Equius walked a few steps closer, then turned to his side, extending one arm forward. His other hand was on his chest, while his right leg was crossed behind the other. Trails of hamon-charged oil came rushing down his extended arm, forming a viscous glob of the stuff at the tips of his fingers. With a contemptuous flick of the wrist the glob was fired out at a surprising speed, breaking up into smaller, faster orbs that were comparable to bullets. The results were instantaneous: the pile of zombie bodies quickly became a puddle of zombie juices.

“Golden Shower Overdrive!!!!!”

…the name could use some work though. John thought, mentally cringing.

With the zombies taken care of, it was time for them to make a decision. Behind one of the six doors in this hallway the enemy stand users were hidden. John was certain that only one door would hold all of them, as everyone besides Kanaya would be too weakened by their stay in prison to fight well, if at all.

“We just need to pick check each one right?” Nepeta said, approaching the door to the right, giving it a light tap with her knuckle. “Yoohoo, anyone home?”

“I do not think that they will respond to that, Nepeta.” Equius said monotonously. He was at the moment applying more oil on his body.

It was gross, and John was trying not to blanch whenever the buff hamon user shivered with each rub of his skin.“Everyone, stay behind me.” John called out. “I’ve got a quick solution for this dilemma, but you have to stay behind me, understand?”

Nepeta shrugged, but complied with a skip to her step. Equius hadn’t moved from his spot as he was busy reapplying his oil and was already behind John, and he was fine with not being able to see that. John called his stand forth, and commanded it to do what it does best: blow enemies away with a combination of pummels and concentrated whirlwinds. 

The first door buckled and bent in the first seconds of John’s attack. The next few seconds he fired off two swirling vortexes from MC Hammer’s fists that sent the door flying, revealing…nothing. Wrong door. But there were five more to go, and the enemy wasn’t going anywhere. 

Door number two, the one adjacent to the first didn’t yield any results either. Nepeta took it upon herself to watch the other doors and their backs in case Kanaya tried to ambush them. Door number three was also empty, thus proving the old adage wrong. As it turned out, it was number four that held their enemy. The sudden yelp when the blown door hit someone was kind of a giveaway. 

John was the first into the breach, his stand in a boxer’s stand as he jumped through the doorway. Before he could do anymore Kanaya threw the metal door back at them. John was still weakened from their earlier encounter with the vampire but MC Hammer was still able to grab the door before it struck him, the force of the throw making his arms hurt like hell but he managed to stand his ground. Good thing too, as there was barely enough space for Nepeta and Equius to squeeze through from behind him and make for a frantic charge towards the vampire.

Globs of hamon-charged oil flew out of Equius’ hand, but Kanaya was fast and saw the move coming. She pivoted to the right, dodging each shot. The move brought her within proximity to Nepeta, who lashed out with a one-two jab aimed for the throat. Kanaya crossed both of her bone swords in front of her, taking the blow head-on. 

By themselves Nepeta’s punches couldn’t possibly hurt Kanaya, but charged with hamon her blades began to crack. She lashed out with one of the blades, thrusting it forwards and forcing Nepeta to back off, just in time for MC Hammer to hit her with a whirlwind strong enough to send her flying towards the wall.

Kanaya struck the wall hard, practically embedded on it. After a moment, she pulled herself off of the wall, dust and chips of concrete covering her back. “You’re all quite persistent, aren’t you? Unfortunately, your persistence will not help. Quite the contrary actually, as you can see. ” She gestured to the room around them, arms outstretched.

It was a small room, now that John noticed. Maybe a little wider than his upstairs, but this room was completely bare except for the bed and the IV drips that administered the sedatives used to hold the stand users here. Completely bare. Of anything. 

Like the stand users they were guarding.

Kanaya grinned as she watched realization dawn on them. 

“Where are they!?” John demanded.

“A lady never reveals her secrets.” 

The vampire pointed a bone sword at John, which convulsed violently at her command. Like her hands before the tip blade was launched out of her arm, but unlike before, John knew this trick now. MC Hammer swiped it off course with a swing of its arm, but as it did so Kanaya went for another charge towards John. 

Equius was the one who intercepted her this time, taking the vampire head-on. He first went for a swing to her head, hoping to kill her instantly. Kanaya bent her back at an angle that should’ve snapped her spine, narrowly dodging the attack. She thrust her sharp nails upwards, fingers vibrating at speeds that would’ve let her cut through steel. Equius leaned out of the way just in time, turning what could’ve been a lethal blow to his neck into having a chunk of his shoulder sliced cleanly off. He punched down towards her prone chest, but Kanaya rolled out of the way before it could connect. 

She rose up from her position in time to sidestep another attack from Equius, and one from Nepeta coming from behind. The two Hamon users were fighting in unison now, each blow coordinated seamlessly. While she was able to dodge or parry every attack they were wearing her down, and slowly moving her to a corner where her superior agility wouldn’t be of use. Even if Kanaya could take on each of them by herself, she couldn’t defeat them all while working together. 

John wanted to help, but knew better than to interfere in the fight. His blows wouldn’t do any lasting damage anyway, so he decided to go after the other stand users. He commanded his stand to pummel the wall until it broke, creating an entrance to the adjacent room. It looked exactly the same as the other ones, except for the hole in the wall. No, not the one John made, another one, that lead to the sewers.

Meanwhile, Kanaya was almost done. Cornering her had been a smart move, and now she was unable to do much of anything besides block their attacks. She managed to score a few blows, like a quick slash through Nepeta’s left arm and a jap that pierced through Equius’ side, but each hit was answered with twice that number. 

“Burning-“ Nepeta ducked under a quick swing from Kanaya, and jumped forward on her hind legs.

“-Flash-“ Equius met a stabbing thrust with a straight punch, focusing his hamon onto his fist alone. All the oil on his body began to dissipate into steam as an immense heat came off his body.

“-Overdrive!” Nepeta’s tackle and Equius’ punch threw Kanaya to the wall again, the blow strong enough to cause a crater on impact.

The vampire’s skin was glowing as more and more of her flesh melted off slowly. One good blow to her head and it was all over for Kanaya. That was the consequence of fighting alone.

Of course, Kanaya wasn’t exactly alone. 

The wall she had backed herself into faced the same direction as the one with the hole in it in the next room. It shattered inward as a pair of webbed, muscular arms burst through and hugged Kanaya, pulling her away just as Equius was to land the final blow. 

“Got you!” Feferi said as her stand November Rain pulled Kanaya away from the hamon users. 

“This wasn’t part of the plan!” Kanaya screamed. “Why didn't you escape?”

November Rain let the vampire go, but the damage done to her was more severe than it looked. She could barely stand, not without aid, which Sollux provided. He looked thin and emaciated from his time incarcerated. They all did. “We will, but not without you, Kan.”

As Sollux placed Kanaya’s arm over his shoulder, a twister blew from the other side of the sewer. Weakened by weeks spent hooked up to sedatives it was a blow Sollux wouldn’t be able to survive, had Kanaya not taken the brunt of it.“MC HAMMER!” 

The two were blown off their feet, landing in the muck some short distance away. John walked methodically towards them, one eye on Feferi. November Rain’s effects were dangerous, but they needed physical contact with her stand. If he kept out of range he should be fine. Feferi knew this, and tried to close the distance between them, her patient gown dirty with muck as she ran towards him.

“You thought I’d be too weak to fight didn’t you? Well you’re wrong! I used November Rain’s ability to [purge] the drugs in my body and rapidly absorb the IV drips they use to keep us alive! I’m as strong as I was when we first fought!”

She was right about that, but unlike the first time he knew what he was getting into. MC Hammer generated a small twister under his feet that launched him upwards, allowing him to jump over Feferi and go after the others. Feferi may be able to fight, but Sollux wasn’t. If he was then he’d be shooting them with White Stripes already.

John continued flying, kept aloft by his stand’s wind powers as he bypassed Feferi. She tried to have November Rain grab him mid-air, but her attempt was stopped by a piece of rubble being thrown at her. Equius and Nepeta had rejoined the battle, the former running towards Feferi and the latter rushing to join John.

“Keep your distance!” John shouted to Equius as he landed in front of a fleeing Kanaya and Sollux. The burns on Kanaya’s body had stopped melting her body now, but even then she still looked weakened from her wounds. MC Hammer appeared before him and attacked with a barrage of fists.

Despite her wounds, Kanaya could still fight. She pushed Sollux away and took the brunt of the attack. Arms raised, she took the attack head on, her blade arms taking the bulk of the damage. John didn’t let up, intent on taking up her time until Nepeta closed in to deliver the finishing blow.

Taking John’s advice, Equius kept his distance, firing more globs of oil by flicking his wrist. But unlike with Kanaya, his attacks against her were more hesitant. Hamon wasn’t supposed to be used in violence against the living, he was taught. The oil bullets were slower, but still fast enough that Feferi would be hurt badly if they struck. His hesitation made all the difference, as November Rain was able to block the oncoming blows easily, while allowing Feferi to get closer.

Another problem was range. Underground, with only the light from the rooms the only illumination it was difficult to gauge distance. Add to that the fact that Equius can’t even see her stand, much less its range and it was clear that Feferi was steadily getting the upper hand. 

Equius’ attacks began to increase its pace as she closed in. For a split second November Rain disappeared, allowing a few globs to connect. Unlike before when the globs tore holes through its target, these ones merely caused bruises. 

It wasn’t enough. The reason those attacks connected was because Feferi allowed it; she had unsummoned her stand to have it manifest near the very edge of her range, allowing her stand to grab Equius in the gut. It was a slow attack that he could’ve blocked, had he the ability to see and make physical contact with stands. 

The effects were near-instantaneous. His feet began to swell, followed by his legs. He was starting to feel dizzy as his body rapidly absorbed the sewage around him. As he watched the sewage flow towards Equius realized what was happening, but it was too late to stop it. His breathing become more and more labored by the second forcing him to focus his energy on purging the filth from his body. It wasn’t enough to keep all of the bacteria away, or the water for that matter, which itself was damaging as he became overhydrated.

Feferi allowed herself a smile as she watched Equius go down. She had used his nudity against him, and she was pretty proud of that. Rippling muscles couldn’t save you from a stand attack. She turned away from him and proceeded to run towards her allies, when she tripped and fell into the muck. She tried to move, but her chest hurt too much from Equius’ earlier attack and her feet felt like they were encased in stone.

They might as well have been. Equius redirected his hamon from within to without. He held a length of solidified sewage in his arm, a rope of filth that extended towards her enemy. The hardened sludge covered her legs, kept that way by a contact surge of hamon from Equius’ body. November Rain attempted to break the chain, but even thought it could do so easily, Feferi didn’t have the energy. 

The blow to her chest may not have tore through her chest like with the zombies, but the oil bullet hit hard enough to cause internal bleeding. Even so, Equius only had enough power to keep this chain intact, nothing more. Both of them were out of the fight.

While Kanaya and John fought, Sollux watched as Feferi was taken down. He screamed in frustration, as he was unable to fight, too weakened by captivity. Not wanting to waste her sacrifice, he turned and ran. Kanaya noticed it too and broke off with John and turned tail. She grabbed hold of Sollux’s waist, still strong enough to carry him despite her wounds, in doing so however, she would be unable to effectively block their attacks.

“Oh no you don’t!” Nepeta leapt towards them, claws sparking. Kanaya won’t able to dodge this attack, exhausted as she was and with Sollux in her arms.

She wouldn’t have to.

Nepeta yelped in surprise as her body bent and flew the opposite direction, crashing into the floor head-first. John ran towards her and helped her up with MC Hammer, brushing off the muck on her head. “What just happened?”

“We’re not leaving her here!” Eridan screamed as limped forward from the shadows. His stand, Painted Black was active now, but looking at how he could barely stand and how his eyes were so unfocused he couldn’t keep it up long. 

Kanaya stopped running to scoop Eridan up, but he pushed himself out of her grasp. “We need to go now! Don’t waste her sacrifice.”

“No!” Eridan swatted her hand away. “Use the flesh bud on me!”

Kanaya’s eyes widened, but she didn’t argue. Nepeta and John were still coming at them, and they needed to get away fast. “Very well. Please come back alive with Feferi.”

She pulled off a chunk of flesh from her hair, a long, squidlike piece that violently trashed n her hand. Kanaya stabbed it into Eridan’s stomach, burying the bud deep into his body. She nodded to him respectfully, and continued to run with Sollux.

Eridan began to walk towards them, his steps uneven and his gaze unfocused. His stand was right behind him, its effects active. His breathing was labored and hard, and it looked like he wasn’t really seeing them anymore. “Give…me…Fef…”

John pulled back, with Nepeta right behind him. Whatever it was that was implanted into Eridan it was giving him the stamina to use his stand, even if it wasn’t doing his body any good. Nor was it doing his brain any favors. Eridan could’ve used his stand against John to make him asphyxiate, but he wasn’t, focusing its effect on repelling things that were coming against him.

Any attacks John used would be thrown back at them, if launched directly. Painted Black’s effect activated when it was in the middle of a closed border, and apparently being in an underground sewer meant that everywhere was as technically a closed border. It wasn’t fair, John thought, but what he was about to do wasn’t fair either.

Gathering up a fierce tornado around his stand’s arms, they continued to back away until Feferi and Equius were only a few meters away. Eridan turned away from them and began to amble towards his friend, giving John the chance to strike. He fired the tornado against the enemy stand user, not against Eridan directly, but on the ceiling above them.

It was the largest tornado John had ever generated, large enough to need both arms and to completely cover his stand. Winds comparable to a class three tornado on the Fujita scale tore through the stonework above, removing the border needed for Eridan’s stand to be active. It also sent tons of stone crashing down on him

“Give…Fef…” He muttered, not even noticing as he was buried under the rocks.

John closed his eyes, and turned away from the pile of rocks Eridan was buried under. He wasn’t getting up after that. He and Nepeta went to Feferi and Equius, who were both unconscious from their wounds. Wordlessly they carried the two back to the surface, where they were immediately contacted by Speedwagon operatives.

Technically they won, but it didn’t feel like it. Even if Kanaya only managed to escape with one prisoner, a lot of people died in the process, even if they weren’t exactly people anymore. John could only hope that his friends had managed to come through in their battles tonight.

\---

Dave and Jade had been half way through another episode of Card Captor Sakura (the only magical girl anime they did not have strong opinions of) when Dave's cellphone had started playing a hauntingly tragic violin cover of Hotline Bling. It was the only fitting ringtone for Rose Lalonde.

“We have Rose Lalonde. Give us the 「Arrow」 and you’ll get her back.” A voice Dave didn’t recognize said on his phone before hanging up.

“Oh no.” Jade looked at Dave.

“Well shit.” He said, summing things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that the fight with Kanaya's over. It went longer as planned, especially since I hadn't intended to involve the other trolls, but it worked out pretty well.


	18. Dave, Jade: Face the Foe.

The morning after was sobering for John Joestar. After that harrowing battle with Kanaya last night he thought that the morning after would at least give him a break. Like everything else in his life recently, he turned out to be wrong.

First, there was the immediate aftermath of the battle. No patients had been killed, but several hospital staff members along with Speedwagon Foundation guards were. They’d been turned into monsters and had to be put down, though John wondered briefly if there was a cure for their condition. Regardless, it wouldn’t look good to the press that one of their hospitals was attacked by zombies, so a cover story about armed robbers had to be invented. It didn’t sound convincing.

His allies during that battle, Equius and Nepeta were effectively out of commission. Thanks to their mastery of hamon the two were recovering much faster than a normal person could, especially Equius. When they finally checked on him after finishing Eridan off he resembled the bloated corpse of a man who died from drowning sans the most important part. He looked less disgusting now, but that was subjective. Nevertheless, he still needed time to recover, as did Nepeta. Besides, while formidable, their abilities were at a disadvantage against stand users, so that wasn’t much of a loss.

John couldn’t say that however, about their other loss.

Rose was missing. According to Dave and Jade they last saw her leave Ogre Building at around nine to ten in the evening. Several hours later they received a call from her phone that she had been taken, and would only be freed in exchange for the 「Arrow」. They hadn’t heard anything about her since. 

In a situation like this, it was only natural to fret and worry. John was too tired for that though, and slept for the better part of the morning. He thought that he should perhaps feel guilty about that, but honestly none of them would be doing Rose any favors by being anxious and dithering. As a matter of fact, she’d disparage all of them for it.

Dave didn’t see things that way, evidently. When John met up with him again at a diner outside of school he looked haggard and exhausted, but you wouldn’t notice it at a glance. His preternatural ability to look calm in the face of any situation and the shades helped, but there were signs, if you had known him long enough. 

For instance, he was much chattier than usual. “…so that’s why I am one hundred percent certain that my sociology professor is in the fucking yakuza. Ain’t no other explanation for why the guy’s such a tightass piece of shit who fails the most perfect paper on the face of the world.”

It was kind of annoying really, even if John understood why he was doing it. “Bro. That is, a really stupid leap of logic, even for you. And besides, isn’t Professor Miguel from Bolivia?”

“Shit man, don’t dunk on your best bro like that. ‘Sides, it’s 2016. It’s all about inclusivity, now, you know? Sheesh, it’s like you don’t even listen in his classes.” Dave retorted, waving his half-empty cup of coffee in his face. By John’s count this was his fourth cup.

Not like he could blame him. Dave’d been up all night looking for their friend. When John had entered the diner he'd been nodding off and almost falling face-first into a plate of pancakes. With a sigh, John rubbed his nose stared at Dave's breakfast. “Have you considered that maybe submitting a paper consisting of shitty j.peg photos with no words is why he failed that paper? I mean, they weren’t even very good pictures, and I’m talking about those ‘so awful they warp back to good’ kind of art.”

Dave waved his cup again, this time at a passing waitress to ask for a refill. “I’m heartbroken man, really I am. I figured an artsy fartsy dude like you who wants to make it big with your deep, thoughtful films would understand.”

Oh lord not that reasoning again. “Okay, first off man, that is an awful stereotype regarding filmmakers, we’re not all out of touch socialites thirsting for drama. I for instance, just want to direct the next great Cage movie. Or Mcounaheigh. Second, MAYBE back in, I dunno, 2009 or 2010 your shitty art would seem like a breath of fresh air. Nowadays, you’d probably get a few laughs out of it for at most ten minutes until they get bored and forget about it. Thirdly, if you really wanted to mess with Miguel you should done something creative, like fill his office with gorilla prints or something.”

As he was about to speak, Dave watched John grab a pancake from his plate and sandwich what was left of his omelette in between it, watching with a mix of horror and jealousy as his friend ate an impromptu breakfast taco. “Harambe jokes. Seriously. And you say that I’m unfunny and out of touch.”

Even John would admit that wasn’t his best material, but you couldn’t expect Einstein to churn the theory of relativity without breakfast first. “Cry me a river, Strider, it’s ten thirty and I just woke up after being nearly killed by a vampire. While fighting with Equius.”

Dave pursed his lip upon the mention of the hamon user. Weirdo he may have been, Dave still had standards. “Yeesh. Whod’ve thought a sweaty nudist and his furry friend would be a skilled vampire hunter, huh?”

“Never judge a book by his cover.” A woman in white said as she sat on the chair next to John. “Wisdom and salvation could be found in even the worst of books if you look hard enough.”

PM, the Speedwagon Foundation’s troubleshooter when it came to stand-related problems had been absent last night when her abilities could have made a clear difference. She’d been called to the Pharmaceutical factory outside of town after it was reported to her that strange phenomena had been happening nearby. It had turned out to be a trick to lure her away while the attack happened. By the time she realized this was the case the attack on the hospital was over.

“Good morning, children. I sympathize with has happened with young Miss Lalonde. We shall use all the resources at our disposal to find her.”

For a woman who’d just been told that the facility she was supposed to protect had been ransacked while she was away on a wild goose chase, PM was quite calm. “Did you find her phone yet?” John asked with a hush. 

“We have.” PM confirmed with similarly hushed tones. “It was found in a trashcan outside of the university, partially destroyed.”

John leaned over the table, hand pressed against his left cheek. “Fingerprints?”

PM beckoned a waitress over to give her a cup of coffee. After getting her cup she joined John in a huddle over his half-eaten breakfast taco. “None. We have no leads, at least until they contact us again.”

“Hey my guys,” Dave dipped his head over, mimicking John. “Maybe a public diner ain’t the best place to be talkin’ about this.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. You can never tell when an enemy stand user is listening in. So they took what’s left of their meals to go and headed for one of the university’s gazebos. It was too risky to have them meet at Jade’s, even if trying to hide that secret may be a moot point now. 

It wasn’t exactly as secluded a place as they preferred, but it was their best option. They were generally empty at this time in the morning, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t be watched. Still, the significant amount of gardeners who were most definitely not Speedwagon Foundation guards would deter eavesdroppers.

John moved into the gazebo and took a seat, taking a swig of some coffee he had ordered to go. He liked his coffee bitter with no sugar or cream.“How about here?”

Dave as it turned out preferred to sit on the table, phone out. No coffee for him, rather he had a half-empty bottle of apple cider in his other hand. “Good enough.”

PM meanwhile, chose to stand. “Back to business. Have either of you received any further calls from Ms. Lalonde’s captors?”

John gave Dave a look, the two of them shaking their heads at the same time. They haven’t heard anything since the last call.

“They will call again.” PM circled the gazebo, arms crossed. Her eyes were set outside, watching for signs of espionage. “They have not given details yet, but I believe I will know most of their instructions.”

John nodded. He had a good guess too. Only one of them would meet with Rose’s captors, in some secluded part of town. The trade would be at night, probably with their identities concealed. A double-cross was likely, especially now that their enemy’s long range stand user was free.

“We’re really giving them the 「Arrow」?” Dave put his phone away, fixing his sunglasses. He usually pushed it by the rim, with both hands. “I mean, Rose is important and all, but so’s the magic stand arrow.”

“A fake may be prepared, but stand users have an instinct towards this.” PM explained. “One of them will realize what is happening eventually. A fight would break out.”

If a fake wasn’t feasible, another, simpler option came to mind. They could always just get Rose back the old fashioned way, relying on brute force and hoping that their stands would be stronger. Obvious problems aside, it was starting to look like the best option available. At the moment they simply didn’t know enough to come up with a good plan.

They all knew this, but didn’t want to voice it. Brute force would not guarantee that they would win, or that any of them would even survive. The only other option that came to mind right now was also the most unthinkable one.

“So,” Dave stretched his arms upwards, yawning. “Worse comes to worse, we may have to give ‘em the 「Arrow」.”

John took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.“Would the Foundation even be willing?”

“Of course not.” PM said in between sips from her coffee. “But ultimately, the choice will be up to the guardian of the 「Arrow」.”

It didn’t take long for John to guess who that was. “Jade?” 

PM nodded. “It is her decision to make, ultimately. She is the only person who knows where the Arrow is in the first place. We cannot stop her if she decides to give the Arrow away.”

Well that settles that, then. John emptied his cup and threw it towards the trashcan. It missed completely and hit a squirrel. Grumbling, he stood up and picked the cup back up, disposing of it properly. He turned on his heel, arms crossed against each other pointing downwards, right leg crossed behind his leg.

“I’ll go to Jade’s room and ask her about the [Arrow]. Will any of you come with me?”

“I cannot, for I must go search for the enemy stand users’ hideout once more.” She took a whiff of her coffee, enjoying the soothing aroma of fresh Arabica. “Pray, give my regards to my former ward.”

“Sure. What about you, Dave? You coming?”

His friend nodded. Then nodded again. Then Dave tried to stand up, if shimmying to the left edge of the table and dropping down on to the floor counted as standing. “’ll catch up.”

Not if the proceeding snores were any indication. His friend deserved some shut-eye after staying up all night looking for Rose. MC Hammer picked his dozing friend up and dropped him gently atop the table. He could bring him back to their dorm, but that would mean taking a detour and John didn’t want to waste any time. 

 

Ogre building today didn’t have as many heavily armed guards about today. People were beginning to talk, especially after last night’s vampire attack. Rumors of the school not being safe anymore had caused the Foundation to do some damage control, so the guards had been spread out around the University, and that included the undercover ones. 

He waltzed in to his friend’s hidden room, suppressing a yawn. Dave wasn’t the only one who needed more sleep. Ironically, he thought, the next person he was meeting had too much of it. Jade wasn’t asleep when he entered the room, something which wouldn’t be obvious to anyone without the ability to see a stand.

Space Oddity, her stand, sat next to its mistress’ on the bed, serving as her eyes, ears and mouth. She had a sad smile on her face, even if her real body was still expressionless. “Hello, John.”

“Hey, how’ve you been?”

“Well enough, but I can’t say that about Rose.” She looked away from John. “This is my fault.”

John sat on Jade’s bed, next to her stand. He understood why she felt that way. “Nah, not really. I’m pretty sure it’s the kidnappers’ fault.”

She shook her head. “Don’t try to make me feel better about this John. If I hadn’t befriended her, or any of you, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Nothing wrong with making friends, it’s not your fault people want to get take a mcguffin from you.” Comforting people was not John’s strong suit. He patted Space Oddity’s shoulder, but it felt awkward. 

“Do you remember that dream? The one I asked you not to tell anyone?”

He couldn’t forget something like that. John nodded.

“That was my fault too.” 

Well…he couldn’t exactly say anything about that without bringing out some painful memories, so he kept silent.

“Ever since that day, I’ve kept the 「Arrow」. It’s a terrible weapon, like a nuclear bomb.” She continued. “And like a nuclear bomb, you can’t just get rid of it. It’s too powerful to simply be destroyed, and too dangerous to be used. And if you do use it, everyone gets harmed by the fallout.

“But some things are more important. Like my friends. I want to have faith that everything will go well. That we will save Rose.” Space Oddity vanished, reappearing on the other side of the bed. It touched the scar above her forehead, tracing the stichlines with green fingers.

“You’re giving them the Arrow?” John asked, realization setting in.

“We have to save our friend, John.” That was all the reason Jade needed. 

“I guess that’s a pretty good reason to give people nuclear weapons, huh?” John smiled, his left eye twitching.

Jade was silent for a second, until she began to laugh with her stand. That was a relief for John, who worried that joke may have been out of line. “Oh, I’m pretty worried about that, but I have faith! Our enemies picked a fight with a Joestar, so they should be worried more.”

And just like that the relief was gone, replaced with much awkward laughing from John. “Yeah, that’s right. That’s me, a Joestar with a magic evil-fighting destiny. That you, uh apparently knew all about before we even met.”

Space Oddity disappeared once more, but didn’t reappear again. John was worried that Jade had fallen asleep, but his worries were unfounded. What troubled him instead, was when he saw her actual, physical hand move slowly, inch by inch, towards his. He had never seen Jade’s physical form move before, and the surprise made him take her moving hand a little harder than he intended.

Jade’s head tilted slightly to the left to face him, her eyes focused. “When we…get Rose..back,” she uttered, steadily and with pain in her voice. “I’ll tell you everything. Everything grandpa told me…like his father told him…but first…”

“We get Rose back.” John finished.

Managing a ghost of a smile, but not much else, Jade nodded and went to sleep. Using her physical form must’ve been very taxing for her.

Come to that, he needed some rest too. He tucked Jade back under her bed sheets, and ambled out of her room and back to his dorm. The door still wasn’t fixed, but honestly John didn’t care. He drifted into blissful, peaceful sleep not long after falling face-first onto his bed.

A loud remix of the ghostbusters theme from his phone roused John from his sleep. It was probably Dave calling to complain about being left at the gazebo.

“Is this one of Rose Lalonde’s friends?”

Or it could instead be the enemy stand users. 

“Yeah, it’s one of her friends. I know who you are. Where is she?” He demanded.

The voice that answered him sounded synthesized, but vaguely female. “Fine. Alive, for now. Bound and gagged, but otherwise fine. Tomorrow at eight in the evening you will bring the 「Arrow」 at Hayes park, outside of town. If you bring the police, or the foundation’s toadies, we’ll kill her, do you understand?”

“How do we know she’s still alive.”

The voice cackled. “You’ll have to trust us, don’t you, John Joestar?”

“Gee whiz lady, I sure would love to trust that a bunch of kidnappers with super powers,” John paused, sighing deeply. “but well, you kidnapped my friend.”

“And you killed one of ours.” The voice hardened. “So that makes us even.”

It didn’t surprise John that they knew about Eridan already. At this very moment they likely had eyes on him. “He was kind of trying to murder us at the time.”

“To save one of our own.” The voice retorted. “Have the 「Arrow」 at the allotted time and place. Fail, and we kill her.”

John was thinking of a further retort to say, but the voice hung up. That was somewhat of a relief since he couldn’t think of anything clever to say. If Dave had been the one called, he'd probably have flipped off the windows. He made a few messages to Dave and Jade, informing them of what just transpired and requesting the latter to tell the details to PM. Once that was done, he threw his phone to his bed and went inside the bathroom to wash his face.

Everything was moving too fast. It was the first time he had ever been in a situation like this. Hands lathered up with some soap, he rubbed his face gently, so he wouldn’t damage his skin. He was beginning to wonder lately if there was another reason for why Grandma lived at the other side of the country. Had she done things like he was doing right now, and never told him? If Grandma Joanne did, he wondered what she thought. 

Grandma Joanne was always kind, loving and mischievous. She was Betty White in every role that great actress has ever played since her 60s. In situations like these, Grandma would be calm, soothing, and already two steps ahead of everyone since she’d already thought of a solution hours ago while baking. Dad would smoke his pipe, try to talk it out like reasonable adults, and then go in swinging if diplomacy didn’t work. He didn’t know enough about his other relatives, but their reactions were probably similar.

He was neither his grandma nor his father, or the other Joestars he’s barely heard of. He was sure that they probably had some brilliant plan already thought up that’ll save the day. He didn’t. At least, he hadn’t thought of one just yet. 

To do that, John needed some inspiration. He returned to his room, wiping his face with a towel. John went over to his mostly-intact laptop and turned it on. Somehow it had survived the worst of Dave’s fight with Eridan. He connected it to its charger, placed the machine on his lap and booted up his video player program.

“Come on George Clooney, don’t let me down.”

 

It was amazing how subjective time could be. Twenty four hours could go by like five minutes. Of course, the reverse was also true. What felt like forever could only be seconds in the physical world. That was how Dave and Jade in her stand form felt as they waited for the exchange to begin. By PM’s decision only two people would meet with the kidnappers.

Dave checked his wristwatch, a silver plated Seiko watch, one of their older models from the sixties refurbished and updated. Swiss watches may have had prestige, but most people couldn’t tell the difference anyway. It always got a laugh out of Dave when people mistook the old watch he got from a pawnshop for a Rolex ten times the price he got this one for.

So far, it was only twelve fifteen. They were early. He and Jade sat on a bench by themselves, the only illumination coming from a couple of flickering light poles that shone a dirty yellow. The place was completely devoid of people, and not without reason. Hayes Park was to be the centerpiece of a new private neighborhood outside of town proper almost a decade ago. Then the recession hit and more or less killed the area. While Doughty had more or less recovered, this area was still largely abandoned, with newer development centered south of the town. Besides a few low-income apartments at the edge of the area few people ever came here.

It was a good place to make the exchange.

They weren’t the only ones who were early tonight. A small car parked in front of a half-finished house across the park. One person left the vehicle and approached. It was a woman, of average height and fair complexion. She had long, messy red hair that reached below her hips. Looking at her made Dave feel underdressed; he decided to go with an orange long sleeve shirt with black trilobite prints down its sleeves and dark red pants for the exchange. The redhead wore what could charitably be called an overdone Spiderman cosplay over a green flannel shirt. Even her jewelry, which she wore copious amounts of, had spider motifs.

“Psst, Jade.” Dave whispered as she approached. “You think this lady’s a lesbian?”

Jade was genuinely puzzled. “Why?”

“Flannel. It’s fashion for ‘I’m a girl who likes girls’.” He explained.

“That’s presumptuous! Rose doesn’t wear flannel!” 

“Point taken.” Although Rose was probably an outlier and shouldn’t be counted. “But she’d definitely fuck spider people, won’t she?”

Jade was silent for a second before speaking. “Fifty-fifty, I guess?”

Any further discussions on the matter would have to wait for later, now that the woman was within earshot. They stood up, Dave’s stand Tenacious D appearing behind him while Jade’s stand form held on to a briefcase tightly. 

“Heeeeeeeey.” The woman greeted mockingly. She had an arrogant, cocksure grin that was very punchable. “Only two of you, huh? And the other one won’t even show herself!” She pointed to Space Oddity, Jade’s stand. “Fucking coward, hah! Well, whatever. Got the goods?”

“Where’s Rose first?” Dave asked. “In the car?”

“Nah.” The woman grinned. She took outa small tablet and held it up. It lit up and began playing a video depicting a blindfolded and shackled woman in a dark room. “This here’s a live feed of your friend enjoying our hospitality. We’ll free her once we get the 「Arrow」.”

Dave snorted. “That ain’t in the deal, Charlotte. How’re we supposed to trust you that you’d really free Rose if we can’t see her?” 

“And how can I be sure that’s the Arrow you got there, and not a fake?” The woman countered.

Dave’s face was stone. Jade’s was the opposite, and showed her outrage clearly. 

“This meeting is about trust.” Jade growled. “You broke that trust first by not bringing our friend along, and you accuse us of the same to cover your ass!”

“Heh, that’s some believable righteous indignation you got there.” The woman sneered. “But it don’t change a thing. Open the briefcase.”

Jade stepped forward, holding the briefcase before her. She unclasped the lock and opened the case. Inside was a small stone arrowhead, decorated with a beetle design just above its shaft. 

“Looks like the Arrow, alright.” The woman reached out to touch it, but Space Oddity’s power activated and made her hand touch her own back instead. 

“Not till you free Rose.” Dave warned, his stand’s hand resting on its blade’s sheath. 

“Prove it’s real first.” The woman looked around, then pointed to a figure slumped on the sidewalk near the woman’s car. A homeless drunk, the common denizen of Hayes Park. “Prick the man with the Arrow. If he dies from a small wound, or awakens his stand, it’s the real deal.”

“You’re a fucking bitch you know that?” Dave said bitterly. 

The woman shrugged, keeping her arrogant grin. “It’s him or your friend.” 

He looked to Jade, who was barely keeping her tears in check. Killing people wasn’t in their nature, but what choice did they have? 

The three of them approached the drunk, who still lay passed out on the ground. With a nod from the woman Jade knelt down, the Arrow in her hand. 

Before she brought it down, Jade turned her head back. “Uh, excuse me, miss…” 

“Serket.” 

“Serket. Can you show me the video of Rose once again?” Jade requested. “I want to see what I’m doing this for.”

Serket snorted. “What a wimp. Alright, here you go.” She opened the tablet again.

After looking at the video for some time, Jade faced Dave and asked him a question. “What time is it?”

He looked up his watch. “Twelve thirty four.” 

“Ah.” Jade stood up, and placed the Arrow back in the briefcase. “That’s interesting! Because the time stamp on that video is three hours late.”

“So what?” Serket. asked, but she was already stepping away when Jade returned the Arrow to its briefcase. 

“It’s also a day old.” Jade grinned. 

So did Dave. “Godamn, Rose Lalonde is a fucking badass.” Tenacious D unsheated its sword and pointed it at Serket. “Deal’s off.”

“Like hell it is!” A blue aura surrounded Serket, a powerful energy that made the two of them stand back. The enemy brought their heaviest hitter for this exchange. “It ain’t over till the fat lady sings! Scissor Sister!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad to be able to write the other kids again because the beta kids are the best. Also Vriska, who isn't the best but you can't really get rid of her.


	19. Rose: Sympathize

Rose opened her eyes, and saw only darkness.

Well, that was to be expected when you had a blindfold on. She tried pulling it off her face, but found that this was hindered by the minor issue of her hands being bound behind her. They rattled rather noisily when she attempted to struggle out of them, the sound grating to her ears. Even her legs had been bound as well, but not as tightly as her arms. At least the chair she was chained against was quite comfy; it was an old recliner, faintly smelling of mothballs. Part of its cover had been torn, so she could feel the foam underneath.

She stamped on the floor with one foot, making a loud, creaking noise with each step. A wooden floor, and a bare one to boot. It was cold, but that was to be expected since it is autumn. She could hear water dripping down from a distance, hitting the floor with a faint, constant drumming that accompanied the equally constant hum gurgle of water moving through pipes. There was a good chance that she was underground, in the basement of a house or the backroom of an apartment.

Rose wasn’t good with figuring out the time (that was more Dave’s thing), but she estimated that she’d been out for five, six hours at the very least. Her friends wouldn’t be wondering where she was just yet, assuming that they hadn’t been contacted by the enemy stand users.

While there was a chance that these were but the regular type of kidnappers, occam’s razor had to be applied to the situation. The ambush that brought her down earlier was completely supernatural in nature. Rose recalled being assailed by a low, piercing sound, like Slick’s stand in sound form, but without the physical stabbing. Oh, the stand the sound came from was red. She remembered that clearly right before someone hit the back of her head, finishing the job of rendering her unconscious. 

Most pertinent of all was that she couldn’t use her stand. Oh, she'd been able to summon Lovin’ Spoonful’s pen wand while assailed by the sound, but the din somehow prevented her from emitting light and thus counter attacking. Rose already had several theories for how the sound suppressed her stand’s ability, but rather than testing them out, it would be much easier to just ask the user.

She heard the door click open, but what really signaled the presence of another was the return of the sound. It was accompanied by a distinctive smell, like raw seafood left out in the sun too long. Besides the smell, she also heard two pairs of footsteps instead of one, accompanied by profanity and grumbling.

“…I can handle myself, you shithead.” An unfamiliar voice complained. It sounded like a man trying to affect a tough-guy voice, or probably someone with a sore throat.

The other voice was known to Rose. After all, she’d beaten its owner before. “She’s a wily one, you stupid fuckface. Don’t let yourself be tricked by her.”

“Hello Sollux.” Rose greeted. Somehow, he escaped whatever secret prison the Foundation hid him away in. “I presume you’ve been granted parole? What of your friends?”

Sollux ignored the jab. “Just give her the breakfast burrito so we can go eat ours, Karkat.”

“You’re already eating yours.” Karkat pointed out. 

“Dude all I’ve had to eat for the past week and a half was gruel and whatever shit they put in IV drips.” Sollux protested in between bites. “Gimme a fucking break.”

Karkat chuckled, amused. “God, prison sure made you into a hardass, Sol.” Rose couldn’t see, but she was sure he hardened his expression after that small spot of mirth. “What about Eridan? Feferi?”

“I don’t know.” Sollux’s voice also went cold. “Eridan asked for a flesh bud before trying to save Fef from that asshole pretending to be Aang.”

“That dumbass.” Karkat sounded tired, and with a friend like Eridan, who could blame him? “Always trying to impress Fef.”

Not a parole then, an escape, and one John had been involved in. Given where John had been the night before, the prison had been hidden somewhere near the hospital. It was a stupid move on the Foundation’s part, but she wasn’t in any position to criticize. From how Karkat spoke, it seemed that this ‘flesh bud’ had been fatal. Interesting.

Not as interesting as the smell of that breakfast burrito. Rose herself was famished, not having eaten since yesterday afternoon. “Uh, gentlemen? A word? Might I ask how I’m supposed to eat in this state?”

“We could always shove the burrito down your throat.” Sollux suggested.

“Goodness, really? I do hope that isn’t innuendo.”

“Sollux, kindly shove your burrito in your mouth.” You could hear the look on Karkat’s face. “I’ll handle this.”

Sollux grumbled, but acquiesced to Karkat’s request. Once the door slammed shut, Karkat went behind the recliner and pulled the blindfold off, then unlocked the cuffs on her arms. Her legs were still bound tightly to the chair, so escape was still unlikely. Just to be sure, Karkat summoned his stand.

It was a humanoid stand, one with exaggeratedly long, paper-thin arms. They stood out even more thanks to its bulbous shoulders, with red skin that had a plastic-like quality to it. Rows of short red horns poked out of its head, with two curved horns where its eyes should be. Its legs were banded with horizontal yellow stripes, but otherwise looked the same as any other stand’s. 

It was an utterly unusual looking stand, especially compared to its user. Karkat looked exactly like a stereotypical college student, with baggy clothes, baggier eyes, and paler skin than normal. The messy hair was also expected, even the tomato sauce stains on his black sweatshirt were not out of place. Thinking back to the previous fights, he was the complete opposite of what they'd come to expect a normal stand user to look like. 

Karkat tossed the burrito onto Rose’s lap before pulling out a chair next to the door. It seems she’d been right about her being held in a backroom. “Eat.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “No drinks?”

He pulled a water bottle from his sweatshirt’s center pocket, placing it by her feet. “Satisfied?”

“Such a gentleman, unlike your friend.” It was cold, so she somewhat meant it. She ate the burrito quickly, thankful for a warm meal. “Have you known him long?”

“None of your business.” Karkat barked. “…but yeah, known most of them for years.”

“That’s good.”

“What about you and your buddies?” 

A curious one, was he? Rose saw no problem in sharing, just like Karkat saw no problem in sharing information she could possibly use. “A few months. We met at around the time we gained our stands.”

Karkat nodded. It seemed like he understood. “Same for me.”

“How did you get your stand?” She inquired. “From a dream? Or was it something else…like, perhaps the Arrow?”

“Finish your food.” He answered abruptly.

Karkat didn’t talk after that, continuing to watch over Rose as finished her burrito. Once all that was left was the wrapping he grabbed it and the bottle away, and bound her arms again. He was about to put the blindfold on, when Rose spoke.

“Is that necessary?” She asked. “What do you suppose I’ll do, shoot lasers from my eyes?”

“Hahaha, look at me being a brainless dickhead who believes everything you say.” Karkat paused, and looked at her. “Wait can-“

“If I could, then a paltry silver neckerchief won’t stop my beams of ultimate destruction.” Rose pointed out. “That’s a good brand of neckerchief by the way, I applaud your taste.”

For that comment, Karkat blindfolded her tighter than before, but not as tight as he could have done. Quite likely she was granted this mercy for that same comment. With that task done he left the room, though traces of the stand's sound still lingered in her mind. 

Somehow, the sound was disrupting her stand’s ability. She could summon Lovin’ Spoonful’s wand in her (bound) hands again, but it couldn’t generate light at all. The book she managed to make manifest on her lap, but it didn’t shine like it normally did when she commanded it to release a flash. In fact, the longer she focused on using her stand’s ability, the louder the sound became. 

She gave up not long after. There was no point in tiring herself out on a fruitless situation. She could use her time better by figuring out an alternative method of escape, one that didn’t rely on her stand’s laser abilities. Granted, that was easier said than that. The chains were made of quality steel, and no amount of struggling would do her any good. In the few minutes she spent not being blindfolded she saw a bolt cutter as well as several other construction tools, any of which could be used for a hasty escape. Provided, of course, she had a humanoid stand that could be used to grab any of them. That also presumed she would escape scrutiny from the security camera they had conveniently set up next to the door.

There wasn’t much left for Rose to do, except to think. Obviously, she’d been taken hostage in order to acquire to the「Arrow」. Unless of course she’d been taken by the enemy stand users so they could exploit her writing skills for a cash-making scheme, flooding the literary market with high quality alternate history stories involving the exploits of Harrison Ford, wizard super-spy. That’d assume they had good taste of course, which she highly doubted. 

Knowing her friends, they’d likely take her back with some hare-brained scheme. Possibly Dave and his tendency towards lateral thinking would come up with it, but John had a streak of mischief in him that could be turned into cunning when needed. Jade was more straightforward than the two, but she was good at keeping secrets, much better than the boys. That she’d had Rose fooled for a time was testament to that.

Rose was still sore about that, truth be told. Jade hid a lot of things from them, things she was certain were of great importance. None of them really knew what was going on, and that she refused to tell them anything carried some troubling implications for her? Could she be manipulating them all along, having strung them along with her story of loneliness and longing?

It all seemed plausible to her. Even before she gained her stand, Rose had always tended to be distant to others. She had friends, but none that she could truly consider to be close, not the way the three goobers were. Jade was someone who genuinely enjoyed her work, even the ones she’d intentionally written as bad, and her earnestness had been disarming. Even her attempts at sarcasm were easily rebuffed by answering them as honestly as possible. That alone troubled Rose more than Jade’s omissions, if she was honest with herself.

Rose reviewed her thoughts, and began laughing. 

“That is, the stupidest thing you have ever theorized, Lalonde.” She told herself in between breaths for air. “Mistaking kindness for sinister scheming, truly I’ve lost it.”

But did she really? The seed of doubt wouldn’t leave her mind. It sounded plainly ludicrous, no matter how you looked at it, but still she couldn’t help herself but to wonder. She’d fought a man with knives for shadows, and met a friend who ended up eating frozen chicken nuggets due to the pretentions of a demented hipster. She’d been privy to a conspiracy by a multi-national conglomerate to protect the keeper of a magic relic which gave people super powers. Another friend was increasingly convincing her that Christopher Walken didn’t exist. Considering all that, a betrayal from someone she thought of as a friend was sadly possible.

Her fit of laughter had evidently been loud enough to disturb her captors. She heard the click of the door, and Karkat shouting loud enough to be heard from across the block. 

“WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON!? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR HEAD YOU FUCKING MORON!?”

With his return came an increase in volume of the ear-piercing sound. Karkat’s stand floated right behind him, partially translucent in the way stands were when not completely summoned. It was interesting to Rose how his stand seemed to have been vibrating in sync with its user. Similarly, Rose noticed how certain objects around the room vibrated with each shout from Karkat, judging from all the noise the tools were making. 

“Oh, nothing.” She lied blithely. “Might I request to use the bathroom? It’s not like I can escape with two of you standing guard. Or guarding with Stands.”

“No.” 

“You would have me urinate on this lovely recliner? I thought you were a gentleman.”

“Piss off.” He groaned, his voice wheezing slightly.

“I most certainly will, at this rate.” 

Karkat took in a deep breath then slowly released it in a sentence. “No. Don’t test me.”

“Hey Karkat.” Another voice interrupted. It was feminine and harsh, but Rose couldn’t make out anything else on account of the blindfold. “Could you stop being an idiot for one second? Stop fraternizing with the enemy if you know what’s good for you.”

“Shut up, Vriska. I’m just doing my job and being a nice, friendly, guard dog, like you asked you asinine cockmongler!” 

“Oh, asinine.” The voice identified as Vriska jeered. “Look at that Terezi, the failure’s expanding his vocabulary? Isn’t that adorable? Look how badly he wants to turn you on, Terezi, look and laugh! Did the effort he made in flipping through the dictionary for five minutes make you moist?”

“Vris, shut up.” Another female voice interjected. This one sounded disappointed. “Karkles, she’s right. Vriska may have been a huge bitch about it, but she’s right. Try not to talk to Rose as much, please?”

Karkat sighed deeply.“Oh, typical. Of course you side with her. How godamn predictable and expected of you. And by the way! I didn’t have to look up that in a dictionary!” 

“And don’t you deserve a round of applause for that?” Came Vriska's sing song mocking response.

“If you don't shut your stupid mouth in the next minute, I am going to gut you, Serket!” Karkat snarled. Rose could already feel the vibrations from Karkat’s stand becoming more intense.

“Oh by all means, bring it, shrimp!” Vriska replied with relish. Hostility exuded from the corner of the room she was standing on. “I can take you on easy, even with Scissor Sister gimped by your weakass stand!”

“Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Watching you idiots bumble around used to be fun. Used to.” Terezi said.

Rose heard the sound of a cane being tapped on the hardwood floor. “Look, we can mess around after we finish this job. “ Terezi continued. “Vriska, shut your trash chute for a few hours, please. We have other matters to take care of.” She heard further cane tapping, and a somewhat satisfied grumbling coming from Karkat. “And you just relax, okay Karkles? You’re doing a very important job.”

Vriska snorted. 

“…contrary to what some people believe.” She sighed. “We’ll be back soon once we’re done.”

Now she heard footsteps as her kidnappers exited the room. Rose managed to make out one more thing from Vriska as they left. “Don’t know why I have to go with you to report to him.”

A boss. Now that was something interesting. It would have been a reasonable assumption, but it was still nice to have actual confirmation that these stand users were on someone’s payroll. While this fact implied that there may be even more stand users coming, it always helped to know more about your enemy. Even better if they didn’t know that you know. Of course, the information wouldn’t help them if she continued to be captured, but one step at a time.

For the rest of the day, Rose passed the time as a captive by sleeping. She couldn’t really do much else besides that, and in a way sleep allowed her some level of freedom. As a plus, there was also the chance that she enter the dreams of one of her friends through the effects of Jade’s stand. If she could contact them in such a manner, then Rose would be able to speed up her rescue.

No such luck. Her dreams that afternoon had been the typical swirl of indescribable colors and half-remembered memories that she may or may not have invented. Normally this would make for great inspiration for her works, but again, being kidnapped was not conducive to the writing process. The exception would be when concocting a story about kidnapping, but bound arms made it difficult to write.

As if things weren’t bad enough, Rose really did need to use the bathroom right now. More than a day had passed already, and the human bladder could only take so much. Soiling herself was beneath her dignity, but at some point even dignity was off the table. Of all the things that could happen to her in this situation, perhaps this was the worst.

But not all things were that bad. The door opened once more, Karkat returning back to her prison. Without a word or even a whine he uncuffed the chains on her legs and made her stand. Karkat tied another chain to her hands, and used it to pull her up. He tugged the chain once and walked out of the room. Rose followed obediently. 

When her blindfold was removed, she found herself standing before a toilet seat. Karkat closed the bathroom door behind her, though she still could feel the presence of his stand even if its master could not be seen. Not wanting to waste an opportunity, relative privacy be damned, Rose did her business.

Relieved, she was blindfolded and yanked back to her prison. The only thing that would be better is if they’d free her, but one step at a time. Karkat went through the motions and tied her up once again, nice and tight. Tonight though, he didn’t blindfold her like usual. Nor did he leave her alone and lock up the room once the task was done. Instead, Karkat took a folding chair from outside and sat down right in front of her, his eyes never leaving Rose once. 

Best to break the silence before it became awkward. “Good evening, Karkat. I would say ‘What lovely weather we’re having’, but as you know.” she pointed a finger to herself.

“Keep that trash chute of yours closed or Evanescence will blow your head off.” He warned, sans the vitriol you’d expect from such a threat. “We’re not friends.”

“I shall honor the compact between hostage and kidnapper.” Rose promised.

Karkat didn’t respond to this, and waited ten minutes of awkward eye contact before he spoke again. “Mind if I bitch about my friends to you?”

“Feel free.” As if she really could stop him if she didn't want to anyways, but this would probably be informative and potentially amusing.

“They’re dicks.” He began. “Literally the worst people you will ever meet. If you mashed up a bowl of cowshit, bearshit, horseshit and snakeshit together into one shitman, defender of the shittyverse, he still wouldn’t be shitty enough to be any of the assfuck dongleberries that are my friends.”

“I’ve met some of them, so I can see where you’re coming from.” Granted they were trying to kill her or her friends but that clearly was a big minus for Karkat’s friends. 

Karkat rubbed his forehead, groaning. “No, you really have no idea. They’re all dicks. Especially fucking Vriska. And Terezi. And Eridan. Also Sollux, sometimes. Basically all of them, they’re all awful. Well, maybe not Fef, but she’s awful by association. Kanaya’s not bad either, but she’s like asleep most of the time so bluh.”

Rose smirked. “And what does that make you, if you associate with them.”

“Oh, I’m a jackass, I’ll admit to that.” Karkat admitted. “You won’t find a more pretentious piece of shit this side of the western hemisphere unless fucking Oscar Wilde came back from the dead to write another shitty novel. But I’m nowhere near as bad as fucking Vriska, and maybe ‘Rezi on a bad day.”

“My, that does all sound dreadful.” Rose nodded. “But how awful are they specifically?”

Instead of a clear, concise answer that would allow her insight into the minds of the remaining enemy stand users, Karkat started spazzing out like a salmon scooped out of the river by the claws of a grizzly. Combined with his screaming, which sounded like an elephant seal giving birth to a rhinoceros, he made for quite a spectacle. This continued for a good ten minutes until someone began banging on the ceiling. He promptly stopped this most telling of reactions, but continued grumbling nonetheless.

“I suppose actions speak louder than words.” Rose surmised. “And you’ve never considered leaving them, perhaps to start fresh somewhere else?”

Karkat bit his lip, looking away. “No. Sometimes. Maybe. They’re… they’re not always that bad. Even fucking Vriska can be pretty fun to be around with. But, lately…”

“Since you all as a group decided to pursue the 「Arrow」?” Rose guessed.

Karkat’s silence was confirmation enough.

“Surprisingly, I know how you feel.” Rose sighed. “My friends have been… 「problematic」 as of late. Protecting the 「Arrow」 has caused a strain for us as well.”

Karkat snorted. “Maybe you should just give it to us already.”

“Why not?” Rose smirked. “It’d save us all a lot of trouble.”

“Hah, yeah it would wouldn’t it?”

“My friends and I can finally be in peace.”

“Eridan wouldn’t have kicked it for nothing.”

“Would you like me to tell you?”

And that was the end of their conversation. Karkat’s face paled, and he rushed out of the room without a word. 

The next time they spoke, it was four in the morning. Rose had fallen asleep not long after Karkat left, but like always the sound of the door clicking open and the noise from his stand were an effective alarm clock. He was wearing a black hoodie this time, but more importantly he had a pistol in his hand. A glock pistol, if the brief conversation she once had with a non-Dave Texan native provided her with accurate information. From how his hands were shaking, he wasn’t used to holding it. 

“I gather you’re taking me to the exchange site.” Rose guessed. 

“Shut up.” He got the neckerchief out again and blindfolded her. “Make a noise, any noise, and I’m blowing your brains out.”

She nodded, making a show of being fearful of his weapon. Considering that at best Lovin’ Spoonful was but a shiv while she was under Evanescence’s effects there was some genuine fear to her act. Although, it was unusual that he’d have cause to use that, if one took into account his earlier threat that Evanescence would be used for any brain blowing. 

Doughty was often cold in the evenings, and tonight was no different. Rose was quietly snuck out of their safe house, which had turned out to be a place outside town, in one of the abandoned planned neighborhoods. She was made at gunpoint to enter a small car, one of those tiny electric ones that barely fit two people. It was right next to a much bigger vehicle, which Karkat spat on. 

Once she was inside they drove off. When they were a few miles away, Karkat began to talk.

“You’re taking me to where you’re hiding that damn「Arrow」.” He demanded.

Rose raised an eyebrow. “And what makes you think I’ll do that?”

“This gun, for one.” Karkat fired back. “But you sound a lot like me, even if you’re all frou-frou about it. You want this to end too, don't you?”

“…Very well. I’ll show you.”

Desperation could lead people to do crazy things. Karkat, for instance, was willing to take a bet that Stockholm syndrome had kicked in for Rose. It was as outrageous as it was unlikely, but this is what desperation did to him. That and mistrust, and perhaps fear as well. Karkat didn’t think his friends’ plans were working. It had already cost them one of their own. He didn’t want to lose any more friends, as much as he may claim to dislike them.

The car drove for a few more miles driving around the area in circles until they were out of the town border and into the highway. They stopped at a rest stop, the ones often used by truckers and other people driving through the interstate highway. Conveniently, there was a  
gas station here owned by the Speedwagon Foundation.

“The best place to hide something is in plain sight.” Rose told Karkat as they got out of the vehicle. She had been uncuffed and unblindfolded, but Rose did not make an escape. Not with Karkat’s gun aimed at her, and not when he had his stand. 

“It’s here? Isn’t this place too far from the University? That was an hour-long drive!” Karkat complained. “And where’s Jade Harley? She’s supposed to be the key to all this shit, isn’t she?”

“A necessary bluff.” Rose explained smoothly. “As for Jade, she is the only one knows where the「Arrow」 is, at least until she divulged this secret to her dear friends.”

It didn’t look like he was buying it completely. If it had turned out that Rose was lying to her, then he could always maim her with the gun and drag her back to their safe house. Rose took him inside the gas station store, which looked like any other. She motioned him to follow her to the cashier, a young woman who really needed some sleep. 

Rose leaned over the counter, and tapped the cash register. “This ‘ere’s a stick-up. Give us all yer cash or my buddy right ‘ere’ll shoot you up good.”

“What!?” Karkat and the Cashier shouted, though the latter was slower to react. 

She made sure to say that as loud as possible, to attract the attention of the other customers in the store. This being Texas, many of them had guns. Even the cashier, who was now pointing a pistol at Karkat’s face while she slowly and most assuredly called the police.

“What the hell is this, Rose!?” Evanescence was out, still releasing that stand-weakening sound. 

“Exactly what it looks like.” Rose said, smirking. “A stick-up!”

Some customers continued to mill around, but others were approaching the counter and were making their weapons looks very visible. Karkat looked agitated, moreso than usual. Unconsciously he brought his gun out, but wasn’t aiming it just yet. Not that he needed to anyway, when he had the power of a stand.

Karkat roared furiously, throwing his gun away. Evanescence rose up in the air, its shoulders vibrating with every second its master voiced out his anger. Metal around him began to vibrate in tune with Evanescence. The vibrations intensified, with each second, until every gun, every large piece of metal in the station shattered or exploded.

Some opera singers were said to be able to shatter glass with the sound of their voices. It’s said that the brown note was a sound that forced humans and other life forms to void their bowels. This is done not because of the volume of the sound, but through acoustic resonance. This was a phenomenon wherein vibrations at varying frequencies affected certain objects when struck by the sound. Evanescence was a stand that could emit these vibrations around the area. It could even emit vibrations that disrupted the usage of stands. 

It wasn’t a perfect stand though, and possessed several weaknesses. The stand’s power was tied to its user’s mood, it had a limited range and precisions, and most importantly it couldn’t use more than one sound at once. Couple that with a very moody and easily baited stand user, and it was rather limited.

Rose had figured out and used all these to her advantage, and used Lovin’ Spoonful’s light absorption powers to make a quick and quiet getaway.

By the time Karkat had realized what had happened, he was too shocked to speak.

Neither could Rose, when after a day of walking thirty miles she found Jade’s body covered with ants,and an item that could only be the 「Arrow」 being warped away by a halfway-manifested Space Oddity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was basically the longest one I've written so far, beating the last one by like 600 words or so. I don't really like making chapters excessively wordy, but I felt that since we're introducing a lot of stuff here that it was fine. 
> 
> I cannot take Karkat seriously. He tries so hard, but for me it comes of as more hilarious when he messes up, in a sad sort of way.
> 
> Stand Name: Evanescence  
> Stand User: Karkat Vantas  
> Destructive Power: B  
> Speed: D  
> Range: C (ten meters)  
> Durability: C  
> Precision: D  
> Development Potential: E  
> Ability: Can generate different frequencies in an area around it, created from its shoulders. It can only generate one type of a frequency at a time, and its ability is more tied to its user's mood than with other stands.


	20. Dave, Jade: Aggrieve

Turn the clock back, eight hours…

Four people had gathered at Ogre Building, in Jade’s room, to review the plan for tonight’s deal. Sitting to the left of a circular fold-up chair was Dave Strider, obnoxious hipster. Across him was PM, a woman who had been initialed, not named at birth. A short distance to their left was Jade Harley, comatose furry. And kneeling before a television checking the plugs connected to his laptop was John Joestar, self-proclaimed film buff and provisional brains of the operation.

They had just finished watching a movie, though with all the fast forwarding being done by their de-facto leader it was hard to understand what it was about. Since the movie in question was Ocean’s Twelve, generally considered the most confusing and needlessly complicated movie in George Clooney’s beloved trilogy, it wouldn’t have made much sense regardless. Still, Jade and PM did not get the point of why John was showing this movie in the first place.

Being more exposed to John’s thought processes, Dave could make a guess. “So we’re going to beat a French douchebag and let him steal a fake gaudy egg we planted weeks ago that we’ve been bustin’ ass to steal too to trick the guy ‘cause we stole the gaudy egg already.”

“Exactly.” John pointed the television remote at Dave. “Except the fake egg is the Arrow, the French douchebag is the mystery stand gang, and the real egg is Rose. And we haven’t stolen Rose yet.”

Dave raised a hand. “Can I be Andy Garcia in this metaphor?”

“Oh, oh!” Jade called up. “I’ll be a Don Cheadle, if that’s the case!”

“Miss Jade, why would you want to be the demo man?” PM asked, her face stone cold. It didn’t look like had she enjoyed the film.

“He has an accent! Grandpa’s always sad that I never got his accent.” Jade explained, smiling.

“I just want to meet Oprah.” Dave added helpfully. 

How did it come to this? John didn’t want to play the straight man of the group. He yearned to join in and make himself out to be the perfect Casey Affleck. He wanted to argue with Dave over incredibly important topics like what brand of clothes Clooney was wearing right now at this scene, or make stupid jokes with Jade that she may or may not get while Rose shook her head disapprovingly. 

But Rose was not here, and so the task fell to him. Someone had to be the responsible one. It had only been less than a day and already he was tired of it. He found a newfound respect for Rose at this moment, whose shoes John were finding to be difficult to fill. Mostly because his feet were too big and those heels would kill him, but the point stands. With a sigh he tuned back in to the conversation, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“….and that’s why Oprah is secretly immortal.” He heard Dave say. 

“But what about Keanu-Oh!” Jade stopped mid-sentence and regarded John. “We’re going off-topic. Can you repeat the plan for us, John?”

Thank you Jade. Instead of playing a new movie John opened up a handy powerpoint presentation. “Alright, here’s phase one. Jade, Dave, you guys’ll be the face of the operation. Space Oddity’ll grab hold of Rose once they get her out, and we’ll use Tenacious D as a distraction with its speed. As for me and miss PM in phase two…”

Now turn time back to the present…

Phase two didn’t matter. Not anymore. It stopped when Rose had turned out to have escaped on her own. For phase two John and PM were supposed to sweep through the buildings around the area, hunting down Sollux, the enemy stand user’s sniper while also disabling their mode of transportation. PM and John’s stands were supposed to be suited well to that task, especially with their knowledge of the area gleaned through multiple building plans.

But Dave could be wrong. Maybe John and PM could still stop Sollux from putting a molar through his skull. That’d be swell. Jade’s Space Oddity could be a defense against him as well, but he couldn’t count on her having his back all the time, not against their current enemy. 

Serket called her stand Scissor Sister. It was an apt name. Similar to Space Oddity it was a feminine stand, but the difference ended there. For one thing, Scissor Sister was much larger and muscular, its proportions barely human. It had an almost-human face like Tenacious D’s and Space Oddity’s, marred only by the six smaller eyes on its forehead, lined up in between a crest that ended in a two-pronged yellow horn. It had navy skin with zigzagging lines of lighter shades of blue running down tree-trunk like legs and its many arms. 

And that was another thing. Scissor Sister had four arms. A single one was larger than Dave’s head. And it was fast. In the blink of an eye it threw a pair of punches at Tenacious D, blows powerful enough to tear large chunks of concrete off the street. Dave calculated that he was just a fraction of a second faster than Scissor Sister, saved only by the relatively short distance the stand had to travel to strike him.

Jade went on the move as soon as she successfully warped the hobo away, her stand running at full speed towards Serket. The air around Space Oddity, seemed to wobble for a second as it activated its effect. It punch its arm forward, phasing through its warp field to appear behind Serket’s head. A swift blow to the back of the head should finish this fight quickly.

But their enemy was faster, or just plain lucky. Serket saw Space Oddity’s arm emerge out of nowhere, tilting her head to the side just in time so only her ear was hit. She grit her teeth, but the attack merely stung instead of inflicting a grievous wound. Scissor Sister returned to its mistress quickly, just not fast enough to grab Space Oddity’s arm. Her arm escaped in the nick of time, before Scissor Sister’s fists could close in on her arm and snap it like a twig.

Space Oddity’s power was dangerous, and it rendered it nigh-invulnverable. But it wasn’t impossible to damage. Its physical form was roughly equal in strength and durability to an average human being. If she was struck by something with supernatural strength like most stands the results would be messy. But they’d have to find a way to pass through its field first.

Dave run forward, his stand poised to stabbed at their enemy when it got close enough. Serket smirked and didn’t even move in place. Scissor Sister clashed with Tenacious D head on. Dave’s stand swung its blade in a vertical slash, blocked by Scissor Sister bring its upper arms up, the blade practically bouncing off its thick arms. Its lower pair of arms jabbed twice in rapid succession, hitting Tenacious D on its sides. Another Dave appeared out of thin air behind the first Dave to keep him from falling on his feet, while a third showed up behind Serket, attempting to sweep her under her feet with a low kick.

“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. Without looking at the third Dave at all she brought her foot down, stomping his leg before it even connected. It was followed up by Scissor Sister reappearing behind her, repeating the same move with even more force. “I don't know what you were expecting but the great Vriska Serket won’t be beaten by shitty copies of an already shit asswipe!”

Dave Three screamed in pain, cracking into pieces like glass. Dave One swayed in place for a moment, recovered near-instantaneously. The split-second Vriska used to destroy the third Dave gave Tenacious D an opening, going for a horizontal slash this time. Scissor Sister grabbed its mistress and pivoted, swinging itself into the direction of the sword with one arm raised over its head and another over its hip, fingers splayed open. 

Unlike earlier where the slash was shrugged off, this one was blocked less effectively. It wasn’t a deep cut, but the blow to her lower arm was strong enough to be reflected on Vriska herself. Blood was dripping down her sleeve, but didn’t look severe. It did make Vriska’s sneer narrow a little bit, and prompt her to strike with even more speed and strength. The ensuing barrage of fists made Dave’s eyes dilate, and as the first fist struck he swore made it seem like his life was flashing before his very eyes…

But instead of his chest caving in, he found himself staring at length of star-light on hair. Space Oddity had pulled him away at the last moment, using its ability to rapidly [skip] forward in rapid succession. Dave could see dozens of fists pass through harmlessly the warp field Space Oddity generated, gouging out even more holes in the ground. 

Using a few more rapid skips with her stand, Jade managed to put themselves behind the doors of an abandoned building a short distance away. Both Daves leaned against the wall, breathing hard. Losing one clone gave him a painful migraine he managed to power through, but that single punch that connected hurt worse. Scissor Sister was that powerful.

“Fucking hell, she’s as strong as John.” He bit his lip, stifling a groan. “Maybe stronger.”

“I believe that.” Jade agreed. “Should we leave Vriska alone and try to escape? Rose is free.” She held up the briefcase in her stand’s hand. “And this is a fake Arrow anyway.” 

Outside, they heard Vriska yelling at someone angrily. “What the shit, Terezi? Why isn’t Sollux blowing their brains out!? The hell? There’s more of them!? I don’t give a shit that the Foundation’s White Suit is after his ass, he should’ve been giving me fire support!"

Her voice became muffled, obscured by the sound of wood being pulped. Dave poked his eyes at the edge of a window and saw that she’d taken her frustration out on the house she’d parked her car against. She held her hand against her left ear, which from a distance looked swollen. The light outside was too dim for him to see, but Dave could guess it was the strange growth John told them about during his encounter with Vriska.

“Sounds like we got them outnumbered right now.” Dave said. “Normally I’m all for fighting again in another day-“

“But if we beat them here and now we won’t have to fight again!” Jade finished. 

It was decided, then. They needed to fight and win right here, right now. John had probably come up with the same conclusion. Winning here and now would end their problems, at least with this gang of evil stand users. For all they knew another evil gang of stand users was just waiting for the opportunity to attack them, but entertaining such thoughts wouldn’t help them beat the one they fought right now. 

Jade teleported them out of the building and back onto the sidewalk. Vriska saw them just in time and ran after them, snarling. Space Oddity continuously skipped forward, keeping their distance from her. But even with an ability as potent as hers Scissor Sister was faster. It held its mistress in its arms, flying a short distance towards them.

“Bullshit.” Dave exclaimed in disbelief. “She can fly?”

It took no time for Vriska to close the distance, and unleash a blistering barrage of punches at Space Oddity. Jade managed to skip them to the left just in time, the blows missing them completely. Snarling in frustration, Vriska spun on her heel and charged again, undeterred. Before she could strike with another barrage of fists, Tenacious D’s sword appeared in front of her, slashing down in conjunction with her charge. 

Scissor Sister was still frustratingly faster. It went down on one knee and caught the blade in between its upper hands. At the same moment its lower arms punched upwards, attempting a repeat of the attack earlier. This time Space Oddity was by Dave’s side, which made all the difference. Scissor Sister’s secondary fists passed through its harmlessly, emerging behind Vriska with its momentum unhindered.

“Oh please.” Vriska tutted. “You really think that’ll work against Vriska Serket?”

Before hitting herself, Scissor Sister pulled its arms back, letting go of Tenacious D’s blade at once. She redirected her fists downward instead, punching down on the ground in quick bursts. Earlier she had done the same, unleashing enough force to shatter stone. Now it went beyond that, tearing a hole into the sidewalk with enough force to reach the water pipes underneath and break them in half.

A jet of water rose out of the hole from the impact Vriska caused. About half of the waterspout phased through Space Oddity’s warp field, emerging behind the enemy stand user instead, along with a fist from Vriska’s stand. 

“Fuck!” Vriska cursed, jumping across the street with assistance from her stand. “Godamn it, this isn’t fair! You can't do this to me, Vriska!”

Jade stuck at a tongue out at Vriska petulantly. In truth, she was a little nervous. Scissor Sister’s speed was frightening, moreso than its strength, which was above average even for stands. Vriska’s fierce attack was a screening, as she continued to search for a hole in her defense. Already she knew a way to counter Space Oddity’s primary method of attacking Jade’s enemies, and had the reflexes to exploit it to boot. 

Now it was her turn to run. Without turning her back on Dave and Jade she fell back towards the park. They could guess that she was trying to lure them in to Sollux’s range, where he’d be able to snipe at them, or another stand user, possibly the one with the macabre flesh growth stand that they used to communicate. It was risky, but with Space Oddity’s ability, Jade could protect themselves from any trap their enemy had set up.

Using her skipping ability once again, Dave and Jade raced towards Vriska. She was slowing down as they reached her, which meant that they were about to step into a trap. Their surroundings were mostly overgrown grass on dirt to the northeastern end of the park, overlooked by several half-finished three story blocks meant to be apartments. 

Dave gave Jade a split-second glance and nodded to her. He let go of her shoulder, running the rest of the way towards their target. A Dave clone appeared out of nowhere once more, approaching their target at the direction opposite of the first Dave. 

Considering them to be nothing more but pithy distractions, Vriska focused her attention on Space Oddity. Another barrage of fists was unleashed on Jade with speed and ferocity they hadn’t seen before. Scissor Sister’s fists were a blur, fast enough that Jade struggled to see them. Her stand’s eyes were at the level of a normal human’s, but she was certain that even with superhuman senses it’d be tough to keep track of her punches. Now it seems that Vriska was trying to see if she could overload the field her stand could generate, hoping that sheer force would be enough.

If that was her intention then Vriska was sorely mistaken. Her attacks continued to phase harmlessly through Space Oddity’s field, emerging around her and accomplishing nothing but tearing out dirt from the ground. It was a fierce barrage nonetheless, which made Space Oddity back away unconsciously. Once Jade realized what she was doing though, she stopped and stood her ground.

The two Daves flanked Vriska while she attempted an attack on Jade. Tenacious D struck Vriska with a barrage of its own, lashing out with a blistering storm of thrusts from its sword. In less than the time it took to blink Scissor Sister redirected its barrage against Tenacious D. It was time she would pay for losing, as Dave’s part-avian, part human stand could match Scissor Sister when it came to speed. Dave got a few stabs in, as evidenced from the blood welling around Vriska’s shoulders.

The other Dave came at her from the other side, brandishing a switch knife in his hand. Screaming in rage, Vriska turned on her heel so she was back to back with her stand. Other Dave’s attack went high, aiming a thrust to Vriska’s neck. She hunched down and moved forward, arms raised around her in a boxer’s stance. 

Other Dave’s attack only managed to cut through a few stray locks of hair as a result, and allowed Vriska the opening she needed to deliver a gut punch against Other Dave. Now it was clear to him that Scissor Sister’s strength was definitely a reflection of its user’s. She grabbed her hair with his other hand and kept her head down, giving him the opportunity to drive his knee through her face. Other Dave expected Vriska to keep going and tackle him down to the ground, so he flipped the direction his knife faced to stab down into her back.

He wouldn’t be able to. Scissor Sister’s power, besides its amazing strength and speed, was its four arms. One of its upper arms ceased in contributing with its punch duel against Tenacious D to grab Other Dave’s outstretched arm and tear it off. Original Dave’s arm numbed, his arm sharing the pain with his clone’s body. The pain was reflected on Tenacious D as well, its thrusts slowing. A few punches from Scissor Sister were able to get through, the force enough to throw Dave off his feet. 

Space Oddity appeared behind him at the last second grabbing Dave before he fell. Scissor Sister didn’t let up, continuing to strike with undiminished force. Had it not been for Space Oddity’s effects it would have crushed Tenacious D. Jade found herself even more worried as she watched Scissor Sister cease its attack. Vriska had taken a lot of wounds already. On top of the injuries inflicted by Other Dave, the sheer volume of stabs from Tenacious D had done its work on Vriska’s hands. They were covered in blood, and if she hadn’t shown them still moving it looked as if her fingers had been chopped off.

She looked at her mangled hands, and scoffed. Scissor Sister tore off a piece of its mistress’ clothing and wrapped her fingers with it. The result looked like a pair of mittens you’d wear for the holidays, except the red paint wasn’t red paint. 

“That godamn stand of yours. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair.” Vriska pointed at Space Oddity. “Why is it so powerful? It’s because of the [Arrow] isn’t it?”

Space Oddity didn’t bother answering that statement. She helped Dave up to his feet, his arm resting on her shoulder. No wounds could be visually seen on his body, but from the wheezing sounds he was making was enough to convince Jade he wouldn’t be able to stand up to another direct hit. 

“Quit complainin’.” Dave wheezed. “Shit, you don’t see me bitchin’ ‘cause of a few broken ribs,” he let out a whimper. “and a coupla torn arm muscles, if I reckon right.”

“You sure know a lot about combat, Dave.” Jade whispered into his ear. The way he was fighting tonight, it was as if he had prior experience, that he had instinct. She herself was an accomplished markswoman before her accident, a skill that lent itself well to calculating where to redirect attacks coming at her. 

“First aid trainin’, is all it is.” Dave said unconvincingly. This may have been a serious situation, but the Dave she knew wouldn’t give such a frank and plausible answer, at least if he wasn’t comfortable with it.

“Just give it to me!” Vriska yelled once more. Blood was dripping down her nose from when Dave kneed her, and bent it at an awkward angle. It made her voice sound more nasally than intimidating. “We can all go home and forget this ever happened if you just give me the [Arrow]!”

Something small and fast flew towards Jade. It passed through Space Oddity’s warp field several times, ricocheting from one end to another until it lost momentum. From a distance atop a building a human head with a rail for its lower jaws hovered mid-air. Already it was lining up another shot, looking for a hole in Space Oddity’s defense.

It was Sollux’s stand, White Stripes. That it was finally attacking them had worrying implications for John and PM. Quite likely they had been incapacitated or preoccupied in some manner. 

“Back-up, finally!” Scissor Sister manifested before Vriska as she paced leisurely towards Dave and Jade. Lengths of dead skin started slithering out of her ear, stopping only once a single bloodshot eye emerged from her ear hole, covered in a teal-colored gel. “What took you so long?” She said, communicating with Sollux through their third ally’s stand.

While Vriska continued her conference with Sollux, Jade began whispering to Dave once again.“We need to get away, Dave.” 

“We can still take ‘em.” He attempted to push himself back up form Space Oddity’s shoulder, but only managed after another Dave appeared next to him, taking up the slack. 

“Have you seen yourself!?” Jade hissed, pinching his ear. “We need to go, regroup with PM and John and get out of here!”

“Just a minute.” Dave requested. Tenacious D manifested once more, and on its body Dave’s wounds were reflected. Dents marked its arms and legs, and the small wings on its back were in tatters. “It’s comin’, aight?”

Jade could certainly stall Vriska and Sollux nigh-on indefinitely, it was something she could gladly do. But not with a badly injured Dave next to her in need of medical attention. She was worried that if the fight took any longer his wounds get worse. “What’s coming? Is it coming soon?” She asked.

Despite everything, the grievous injuries, the possibly dead friends and the two killers hounding them, Dave was laughing. It took Jade a few seconds to realize why. “Phrasing! God, always wanted to say that.”

“…maybe I should leave you here to get punched to death.” Jade groaned. 

“Fine by me.” Dave smirked. “I got a ride home anyway.”

A loud horn reverberated through the park. A dark blue semi, the kind used only for hauling lumber or compensating for something was rumbling towards them at a hundred miles an hour. Dave Two was behind the wheel, giving a thumbs up to Original Dave as he barreled on towards the fighting stand users. 

“…that’s my car.” Vriska stared, wide-eyed. “YOU BASTARDS STOLE MY CAR!” 

“Hells yeah I did.” Original Dave said, limping out of Space Oddity’s protective field. “Dave Dos nabbed durin’ yer water show.”

Enraged, she ran towards Original Dave, set on pummeling him to death. She could easily dodge the car at this distance, but Vriska would rather finish Dave off, surmising that his clone would disappear if she succeeded. She was fast enough to land at least one strike before Jade could bring up Space Oddity’s field, and one hit was all she needed.

While that was true, she wasn’t fast enough for what happened next. Dave Two wasn’t targeting her at all. Instead, it drove towards Space Oddity, accelerating even faster. It passed through the stand’s warp field, appearing right up above Vriska, a few meters away. Had it appeared just a few seconds later, or had she not been charging towards Original Dave, she might have been able to use Scissor Sister to roll out of the way, or even destroy it before impact.

She managed four punches from each arm before being crushed.

Jade gasped as she watched Dave Two crawl out of the wreckage. Shards of glass and metal were sticking out of his bloody body, but his expression continued to be as stoic as it was before. He managed one more thumbs-up to Original Dave and Jade before disappearing in a thousand pieces like the other Dave clones.

As for the Original Dave, he was at his limit. His other clone had disappeared as well, the fatigue and injuries finally getting to them. He slumped to his knees, panting but satisfied. 

At the same moment White Stripes lined up a shot, intent on avenging Vriska’s defeat. It wouldn’t be able to fire, as a gust of wind came bursting out of the third floor window, along with Sollux, John and his stand, MC Hammer. Despite the height John managed to land safely, thanks to his stand’s wind powers. He extended the same courtesy to Sollux at least until the second story.

Like Dave, John looked like he’d been through hell. There were visible holes on his arms and torso, along with the dirt and grime you’d expect from a nasty fight. He looked a lot better off than Dave did, but not by much. “Dynamite. Basements. Stairs.” He kicked Sollux’s chest, eliciting a pained groan from him. “Campers.”

“Good to see you too, bro.” Dave deadpanned. “Where’s Jade’s babysitter?”

Before John could reply, Space Oddity fell to its knees with a noticeable metallic thud, dropping the suitcase in its hands. It bit down a scream, its arms trembling. Half of its torso had disappeared, as did its starlight hair.

“Jade!?” John ran towards his friend, clearly distressed. 

This has never happened before. Space Oddity was nigh-invincible, if focused solely on defense. That something had somehow hurt Jade seemed inconceivable to him. 

“Shit, shit shit!.” Dave cursed, crawling towards her. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This couldn’t happen.

“That’s far enough, the two of you.” Came a voice from everywhere.

In a circle around Jade, matter that looked like dead skin began to emerge from the ground. The third stand user. They formed petal patterns, most centered on an eye, but a few surrounded a fanged mouth. It was from these mouths that the voice spoke.

“Those things…” John said in horror. “They got PM somehow. She said something about going after the user while ripping those things off of her, then left me to deal with Sollux.”

“My name is Terezi.” She introduced. “And you are correct, Mister Joestar. The Foundation’s pet dog is actually with me right now, at the apartment building to your right. But she’s preoccupied by my stand’s effects. She’ll get me soon I suppose, but if she does, then your friend won’t survive to smell the dawn.

“Jade Harley, heiress to the Speedwagon fortune and keeper of the Stand Arrow.” She continued. “I know the Arrow in that suitcase is a fake. I know you are the only one that can retrieve the true Arrow. Do it now or be killed.”

Jade made a rude gesture in reply. “Not even in your dreams.”

All the flesh flowers with mouths began to laugh. “Gutsy! I like that. Alright.” The flowers with eyes turned to look at Dave and John. “Convince her, please. Convince your friend not to commit suicide with 「More Than A Feeling」.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, they're screwed. Turns out the Star Platinum level punch ghost isn't the most dangerous stand here.
> 
> Anyway, stand stats!
> 
> Stand Name: Scissor Sister  
> Stand User: Vriska Serket  
> Destructive Power: A  
> Speed: A  
> Range: D  
> Durability: A  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: C  
> Ability: No outstanding abilities. It is simply a very strong, very fast and very durable stand that possesses four arms instead of two.


	21. Jade: Explain

For her own protection, Jade Harley had been hidden from the world for the past four years. In keeping with her grandfather’s last wishes no amount of money had been spared when it came to keeping her safe and secure. Several powerful stand users had sworn to protect her, as well as the dangerous relic she had been charged with protecting. How ironic it would be, that it was Jade’s stand, touted for being practically invulnerable and allowed her some facsimile of a normal life would lead to her imminent demise.

Space Oddity’s strength laid not just in its peerless defense, but its infinite range. Whereas stands with long range are typically weaker than those with a short range, Space Oddity’s abilities remained at maximum potency even from afar. She was able to do so because technically, a part of Space Oddity was always by Jade’s side, even if the rest of the stand’s body was far away. Using its ability to ‘connect’ space, her stand’s feet were actually stepping on the floor of her room at the same time that she was walking around a different location. It was similar in concept to a deep-sea diver’s suit, or a remote controlled car.

Disrupt the ‘signal’, or ‘puncture’ the suit, and you could get do serious damage. When Space Oddity fought earlier, it had unknowningly stood over an ant’s nest. Terezi’s stand, which could somehow take control of the insects, simply marched hundreds of them into the little portal between her feet. 

Dozens of the creatures had already chewed through the tubes connecting Jade to her life support devices. Even more of them crowded around her face biting into her flesh. A single ant would’ve been a nuisance at worst; in these numbers, they were absolutely deadly when directed by a single intelligence. 

“Tick, tock, tick tock.” Terezi said with a sing-song voice. “I’m getting impatient.”

Back at the park, what had been an assured victory became a stalemate. Dave was in no shape to continue fighting, but neither were Vriska or Sollux either. PM was nowhere to be seen, apparently still hunting Terezi. 

As for Terezi, she continued to stay in her hideaway, completely untouched. She was inside a room somewhere near the park, an underwise unremarkable place save for the elaborate phone system surrounding her. It was a garish thing painted with every color of the rainbow that resembled the old phone wire system used in the thirties. The machine would periodically have more parts manifest, more wires connecting to green phone jacks. Besides the system was a jar that housed a single ant, chewing on a sugar cube. Though you’d need a magnifying glass to see it, the same growth of dead flesh hung out of the insect’s antennae, the same with the other bugs making a meal of Jade.

“Make with the sappy inspiring speeches, boys.” She cackled. “My friends are getting hungry!”

John didn’t like being called out like that, but Terezi was right. He got back on his feet and approached Space Oddity, clasping its shoulder. “Jade, come on! Don’t throw your life away! We can always take it back again!” 

Space Oddity looked up to John. Half its face was missing, with the rest of her features distorted, as if her stand was made up of silly putty. It attempted to pull his hand away, but its fingers disappeared. “This is fine John. All of this is fine.”

She smiled, and that was the worst thing for John. It should have looked forced. This should have been a difficult choice. Tears should have been welling from her eyes, and she should have been shaking with fear. She wasn’t. Jade was happy that this was how she would die. She was satisfied, perhaps even relieved that she would die this way.

Terezi "tsk'd" but made no other move and did not call off the ants.

No horror story, no atrocity brought a chill to John more than his friend’s willingness to die for her cause. Every movie, every book John had read always made out such self-sacrifice as this noble deed, to be mourned but honored. “Cut the crap, Jade!” John snapped. “Don’t do this! This won’t save anyone!”

“Yes, it will.” Jade countered calmly. She should have been mad at him, not understanding. It didn’t feel right. “If I die, they don’t get the [Arrow]. Maybe this is for the best. I should have destroyed it years ago, after all the grief it already caused. I’m so sorry, John.”

MC Hammer appeared behind John. He turned away from her, and proceeded to punch every flesh flower around them. It was a fruitless effort. More of the disgusting things bloomed than John could destroy, and it wasn’t even halting the damage Terezi was doing to Jade. 

“Welp, knew this would happen.” Dave was dragged back to his feet by a pair of Dave clones, his stand by his side. Tenacious D unsheated its blade and rested its tip on his throat. 

“Dave!” MC Hammer rushed forward to John’s friend, but its progress was blocked by a third clone appearing in its path.

“Oh, a good idea!” Terezi praised. “She’s willing to pay her own life for victory, but perhaps she won't be so eager for a phyrric one!”

“Sorry bro but I am going the full Shakespeare on this one.” Tenacious D pressed its blade lightly, drawing blood. “Let’s make this a package deal, eh Jade?”

“What the hell are you doing!?” Jade shouted, her calm quickly turning to horror. “John, stop him!”

“One more step and my handsome mug gets it.” Dave warned. 

“Dave…”

“Then don’t do this. Give ‘em what they want. That thing might be important, but your life ain’t worth it.”

“I’ve sacrificed too much already to fail now!” She cried. “Years of trying to do the right thing, to keep the arrow from others!”

“I guess that’s true.” John agreed with a heavy sigh. “A few months of being friends with losers like us isn’t worth as much as all those years you spent being alone.”

“John…” More parts of Space Oddity disappeared, returning back to Jade’s room. Only about a third of its body still remained at the park.

The rest of the stand limped over to her real body. With the damage Terezi’s ants had already done she didn’t have the energy to warp the insects away, but it did have the energy to retrieve the [Arrow]. Space Oddity waved its hand over its mistress’ face, fingers touching the scar on her forehead. Its fingers plunged into her skull, eliciting an unconcious gasp from Jade’s body. With care, she pulled the Stand Arrow, the real one, from the only location where it could be stored safely; Her own mind.

Space Oddity became whole again at the park. Dave still had Tenacious D’s blade aimed at his throat, despite John’s best efforts to take the weapon away from him. She opened her palm, showing the [Arrow] to all. It was, as the name suggests, an ordinary arrow at first glance. A closer look would reveal fine lines carved into its head, a stylized bird head at the back of the arrowhead, and Mesoamerican glyphs etched into the shaft. 

Everyone’s eyes were on it. The [Arrow] had an energy about it that was irresistible. Terezi was pleased. “Well then! Vriska, get off your fat ass.”

The wrecked car was suddenly thrown into the air, landing on the street with a loud thud. A bloody, mangled Vriska Serket raised her head up high, an arrogant smirk on her face. Her stand, Scissor Sister looked just as injured as its mistress, with three of its four arms twisted and broken. Nevertheless, she still had the strength to hit back if they tried anything stupid at this point. 

She smiled, flashing bloody teeth at John and his friends. “Well, will you look at that! Looks you boys wimped out! Thanks for not checking if that killed me, you awful hipster and you disgusting furry!”

Vriska carefully took the [Arrow] from Space Oddity, taking great care not to break it. She limped over to Sollux, who was conscious now but had probably broken his back from that fall. Not really at a hundred percent herself, Vriska had to use her stand to pick him up. She limped back towards the sidewalk, where on cue another car appeared, a beat-up old rental van with no discerning features besides its age. It was opened up quickly from the inside, but Vriska threw Sollux in like a sack of potatoes before John could see who else was inside. Whoever the driver was they didn’t even wait for Vriska to close the door once she had boarded to drive off. 

“We’re going to get you, you know that.” John promised Terezi, speaking through her stand. With the battle over the dead masses of flesh were already rotting away into nothingness, her voice getting fuzzier. “This is just the middle of the movie, since everyone knows that’s the only time the villains win.”

“Maybe this isn’t a movie.” Terezi disagreed with some amusement. “Maybe this is a game, and you just lost.”

“Then we’ll get you at the next fight” John countered.

Terezi was cackling again. “Pretty big assumption, thinking that we’ll give you a rematch.”

John had something else thought up for that jab, but the last of Terezi’s flesh flowers wilted away before he could speak. That was just as well, he supposed. He was exhausted. They all were. Dave was face-down on the grass, his clones gone. Space Oddity had returned to its mistress, it's power spent. John could only hope Rose was alright after her apparent escape. PM too.

They'd lost. Oh sure, they kicked tons of ass but that didn’t matter. In the end the enemy still took the prize. And they bloodied John and his friends just as much as they trashed them. No matter how he looked at it, this was a total defeat. Dwelling on it wouldn’t help them out any further though, so he banished all thoughts of tonight’s battle. With a sigh, he helped get Dave back on his feet and together they limped back to the University.

The day after was bright, pleasant and peaceful. It had no right to be. As far as Rose Lalonde was concerned, there should have been clouds everywhere. It should have been downcast and cold. After experiencing defeat that was what should have happened. A bright sunny sky and perfect weather did not pair well with the sense of gloom that clung onto her like the aftertaste of a jackfruit smoothie. Her expression did it's best to project an air of storminess in place of the weather.

Of course, that was one way to look at recent events. There was another equally valid and accurate interpretation which, if chosen, would make the good weather they were experiencing today completely appropriate. Yes, they had outmaneuvered and defeated by the machinations of the stand user Terezi, but even so, they hadn't been completely defeated. Even now, Rose supposed, there was a silver lining to all this.

Their friend Jade had woken up for the first time in four years.

She climbed up the elevator to the third floor of Ogre Building, where Jade’s room could be found. Even if the Arrow was gone there was still a sizable group of guards keeping watch over her. After all, Jade was the heiress to the Speedwagon Fortune, the only remaining relative of Jake Speedwagon, adopted son of Robert Speedwagon. Keeping her alive was very much still their job.

Someone else had already beaten Rose in visiting her friend, and that person would definitely regret not leaving before she arrived. Jade was awake and petting two very large dogs, one white and one black, whose heads was currently resting on her lap. Except they weren’t dogs. They were people wearing dog heads. Two of the most dangerous people in the university, in fact.

“Who’s a good boy, who’s a good boy?” Jade asked. Her voice was still weak, but it held the same joy it possessed when she spoke through her stand. 

“I am.” Slick whined. “I’m a good boy.”

“Yes you are!” Jade patted his head, before ruffling the head of the other person. “And who’s a good girl? Who’s a good girl?”

“Me.” PM said with satisfaction. “The defender of mail is a good girl.”

“You sure you are?” Slick sneered. “If you weren’t an incompetent idiot the girl wouldn’t have had to have sacrificed the [Arrow].”

“Well, you horrible little sadist.” PM fired back. “After this we could go out back and see who is truly the incompetent one, shall we?”

Jade hit their heads with a rolled up newspaper before the situation could get any worse. From how Slick and PM reeled back it looked as if she was going to scold them, but today Rose saved them by existing, thus taking the attention away from them.

“Rose, hello! I love what you’re wearing!”

It wasn’t anything special, just a plain purple long sleeve paired with some red jeans with holes cut in the shape of skulls on its knees. Still, it felt nice to be appreciated for her good taste in clothes. “Thank you. I’m glad to see you moving your physical form again.”

Jade had abandoned the patient gown she’d customarily worn for a loose fitting white top decorated with blue atom disk symbols on its shoulders and around the waist, the sleeves cut open in places and tied together in red ribbons. It was paired with a knee-length skirt that had lengths of red cloth running down it, longer than the skirt itself. Rose thought she looked good in it, even if her clothes were made for someone two sizes bigger. 

“So,” She began, pushing her ‘dogs’ heads off her lap. “Where are we going today?”

Rose extended a hand to Jade and helped her up to her feet. Her fingers were thin and bony, giving off the impression that they’d snap off at any moment. Like her clothes it made for a sad contrast between her weakened physical form and her vivacious attitude to life. “I don’t know, to be honest. John said he had something planned to celebrate your recovery.”

A pang of regret ran through Jade. The only reason she’d ‘recovered’ in the first place was because she’d given the arrow up. She’d failed in the task she’d taken up four years ago, but her friends didn’t seem to think so. Quite the opposite in fact.

They left Jade’s room together, Rose by her friend’s side with every step. Slick and PM stood behind them, though with the former he had to move around in a wheelchair. Jade insisted on walking without assistance, but they were closeby just in case. Her steps were slow and deliberate, her legs wobbling with each movement. Eventually she began regaining control, and with that came a confidence with each step. 

Twenty minutes pass, and they leave Ogre Building. Jade takes a deep breath, relishing the wind in her hair as a breeze wafts by. It was sweet, thought Rose, seeing her like this. And it looked like the boys agreed too. 

John and Dave had just arrived from their dormitory, more or less patched up after their battle. While Dave looked impeccably dressed in his green leather pants and sleeveless blue jacket, John continued to look like John. Rose disapproved immensely. For goodness’ sake, at least accessorize. Dave had a pair of earrings shaped like the first letter of his name set with diamonds, which, while gaudy, was better than John’s choice of clothes. Style had never been his strong suit, but some effort from him would have been nice. 

“David. Johnathan.” Rose greeted with a nod. 

“Rosalyn. Jadediah.” Dave nodded back.

“I trust we’ll be going somewhere excellent today?” She asked, doubtful.

Dave shrugged and pointed a thumb at John. “Yeah, I don’t know where this goofball is taking us either.”

“Lovely.” She flashed a smile at John. “You’re overdressed.”

“Let’s just go, ok?” John snapped. Most of his good clothes had been ripped up in combat or the local Laundromat not being able to tell when something’s dry clean only. “Oh, uh, are they coming with us?” He pointed to Jade’s guard dogs.

Slick spat to one side. “After the mess you incompetent fucks got into, you think I’d trust the girl’s safety to you all?”

“Slick!” Jade scolded. “You promised you’d keep going to physical therapy, and you have a session today!”

“Those idiots ain’t doin’ me no good, girl.” But Jade wouldn’t have it. Try as he might he couldn’t really say no to her. 

“Miss Harley will be safer without a psychopath who can’t cook OR properly stamp the mail such as yourself nearby.” PM said smugly. “I myself would love to join our ward, but unlike some people I have other functions besides being a glorified beatstick.”

“Funny that you keep disappearing whenever the girl needs you, and you do jack shit when you’re there.” Slick fired back. “Ain't that something?” 

As the two began bickering, John and the others quietly slipped away before they were dragged into that mess. That those two had yet to tear each other’s throats out was nothing short of miraculous. If Jade was to be believed they still harbored feelings for each other but that was wishful thinking at best. People get divorced for a reason, and these two had a long list of them.

They went out of the University grounds the long way, giving Jade ample opportunity to see the place that been her home for the past two years with her own eyes. She loved every second of it, taking the time to stop and point at things that particularly interested her, which was everything.

“Oh, John, look!” Jade pointed to a large man benchpressing a smaller woman, who herself was doing ab crunches while being lifted. “It’s that nudist from before! Hello!”

A collective groan came from both John and Dave. The ‘nudist’ was Equius, one of the few people who lived on the same floor as they did in their dormitory. The smaller woman was Nepeta, Equius’ best friend and apparently a professional cat breeder, if all those felines surrounding them were any indication.

One of the cats, a Persian, approached the four, quickly followed by Equius and Nepeta. Rose knelt down and took the cat in her arms, stroking its fur slowly. Cats liked Rose. “Good day. I trust you two are making your weekly gain quota?”

“Good day, friends of Mister Joestar. The pursuit of the ideal physical form is unending, but we have made wondrous progress this day.” Equius extended a sweaty hand, which Jade took eagerly. “I trust you have not been assailed by vampires as of late?”

Stand users yes, vampires no. Kanaya had been absent during the battle at the park, and Rose did not get so much as a glimpse of this denizen of the night. She was probably still recuperating from the wounds inflicted by the two bodybuilders, who according to John were the only people capable of permanently killing the undead. 

“Well we don’t have holes in our necks so that’s a no.” John chimed in before Rose could say any more. “Great to see you guys and all but we’ve got places to go bye.”

Jade was currently cooing a Scottish fold that was dozing off in Nepeta’s arms when she had the best idea. “Would you like to join us?” 

They couldn’t say no, and because Jade had been the one to ask them, neither could John. So that was two more people joining them on their excursion. They say the more the merrier, but John could do with not having Equius breathe down his neck, asking him if he would like to study the hamon arts and join him and Nepeta in their weekly workouts. That Dave couldn’t help but snicker at his discomfort did not help at all.

Large as the university may have been, there were only so many places of interest that Jade hadn’t seen already through her stand’s eyes. She was more interested in being outside, being able to feel and see with her own physical senses. So they had gone outside campus, which they were going to do anyway. 

Doughty was as nice a place to live in as any, if one didn’t mind being regularly mobbed by half-drunk university students trying to finish their projects before the deadline. Jade was enjoying seeing so many people around her, but she couldn’t talk with any of them much to her disappointment. Bafflingly, she wasn’t repulsed by Equius’…equiusness, and was actually enjoying his company instead of being slightly disturbed by his general aversion to non-skintight clothing and the smell of sweat permeating around him while he breathed like a man with asthma problems. 

Soon enough they’d seen the entirety of downtown, which wasn’t much to begin with but was quaint in its own way. It was time for them to go to the location John had planned to bring his friends to. He lead them down the end of main street, taking a left on the first intersection and then a right at the second one. After a few minutes they had arrived.

“…Dude.” Dave was rendered speechless.

“Really, Joestar?” Rose shook her head.

“Uh, guys?” Jade asked. “What’s so bad about an Olive Garden?”

“Look it’s all I could afford, okay!?” John blurted out with exasperation. “And it was on short notice so this is the best I can do!”

Dave pinched his nose. “John I could probably whip up a better lasagna than anythin’ these people can do any day.”

“And we are willing to pitch in, dear leader.” Rose crossed her arms. “You needed but to ask.”

“I don’t think they’d let my cats in…” Nepeta said sadly. Only Equius didn’t seem to have a negative reaction, which only served to sadden John further. 

Nevertheless his friends followed him inside, since everyone was getting hungry anyway and whatever opinions Dave had on the place’s Italian food everyone could agree they made the best breadsticks. As they all took their seats around a private table John had reserved this morning, they spotted more familiar faces inside the cheesy Italian restaurant.

Tavros and Aradia were there as well, seated at the booth across their table. It seemed like they’d only arrived as well, given that they didn’t have anything on their plates. The two of them were busily poring over some papers, but Tavros glanced up long enough to notice John. 

“Uh, um, hi.” He waved awkwardly. “Fancy meeting you guys here.” 

“Sup.” Dave waved back. “Doin’ some DnD?”

“Yes we are!” Aradia said. “What about you guys?”

“Oh you know, just chillin’ at a mediocre Italian eatery, nothin’ much.” 

Well, they had to invite them now. The more the merrier, Rose argued, though John’s wallet would’ve said otherwise. He could only hope that Jade would help with the tab, since despite her earlier reprimand on it John doubted that Rose and Dave would give a single penny if they can help it. Everyone was chatting with everyone else at least, having some much needed good time after what had been a week of hell and conflict.

Rose was engaged in a conversation with Aradia, that judging from Equius’ reaction was probably risqué. He in turn turned to speak with Dave, who was doing a much better job of hiding his unease towards the sweaty weirdo. In fact, if John didn’t know better he was actually enjoying talking with him, even if Equius didn’t seem pleased with Dave’s copious swearing. Tavros and Nepeta were locked in a heated argument, though that only really applied to the latter; Tavros seemed to dither and backtrack about everything, which is probably what annoyed Nepeta more.

The appetizers came in first, as always, but that wasn’t what made everyone on the table go silent. It was the sound of glass being tapped by a dining spoon. All heads turned to Jade, who was seated next to Rose and across Dave. “I’d like to thank everyone for coming here today,” She gestured towards John, “and to John especially, for arranging this occasion.”

“Those four years must’ve been hell if an Olive Garden sounds great.” Dave whispered to Equius, who seemed to agree with him more out of politeness than empathy. 

Jade must’ve not heard him, or ignored Dave’s jab. “I haven’t been this happy in a long time, and it’s all thanks to my dear friends.” Her tone became somber at this point. “But I’ve been hiding too many things from all of you. Some of you might think that I did that because of a request from the Foundation, but in truth, I was afraid. Afraid of what might happen if you learned the things I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t trust any of you with the truth. I’d like to rectify that mistake, here and now.”

In her seat, John noticed the corners of Rose’s mouth shift upwards.

“My parents were scientists, but they died when I was a year old. My grandfather was the man who raised me. His name was Jake Speedwagon, and his father Edward adopted him after Second World War, when Erina Joestar found my grandpa as an abandoned baby in London after the blitz.”

A few eyes turned to John, but from his expression it seemed that he didn’t know who that woman was. 

“They told Grandpa everything about their struggles with a man named [Dio Brando], of how he transcended humanity to become a vampire and battled his brother Jonathan Joestar, who defeated him with the aid of my great-grandfather and Johnathan’s Hamon mentor, Baron Zepelli.”

At hearing the mention of his art Equius swelled with pride, an action that kind of disturbed Dave since he was sweating more than usual and it was getting on his arms. He did his best to scoot away from Equius without seeming to, whispering an apology to Rose who he was now chair buddies with.

“But even after their climactic battle in England, Dio, in the form of a disembodied head, survived and tried to kill Jonathan while he and his wife Erina went on their honeymoon to America. He would have succeeded too, if Erina hadn’t come back and attacked Dio’s head before he could kill his brother. But that’s not where the story ends for the Joestars! 

Johnathan’s son, George, fought in the Great War, but died in battle. His son, Joseph, was also a great hero who saved the world before the Second World War, though his Grandfather Jonathan, and his dearest friend Caesar died fighting beings that were basically the Aztec gods." She paused, reflecting on her speech and said in a more normal voice. "I never did learn what killed Jonathan, but I suppose it must’ve been a pretty tough enemy." She took a small sip of water and continued on. "After that battle Joseph had two daughters with his mother Lisa Lisa’s apprentice," ('Thank god' Dave breathed which earned him kicks from under the table from all who heard), "Suzie Q. Their names were Holly, the elder sister and Joan, the younger and who was our good friend John’s grandmother.”

John’s focus went from the breadstick in his mouth to Jade’s words. He didn’t think he’d actually learn something about Nanna. A pang of anger erupted from him right then. Some part of him wanted this information to be given to him and him alone, but it wasn’t like he could stop Jade from saying the story. Well, he could, but he didn’t. This story wasn’t being told just for his sake after all, even if it was about his family history. Besides, he did feel some pride in learning about the family history. It wasn’t everyday that a billionaire heiress who was your friend regaled your other friends with stories of your family members being total badasses.

“Holly settled down in Japan with a violinist, but Joan took more after her father, who was quite the trickster! She became a master of hamon and traveled the world sometimes on adventures with my Grandpa. But in the late eighties, something terrible happened. Holly’s son Jotaro became gravely ill. It had turned out that Dio returned to the world, after biding his time for decades and that he'd obtained the power of a stand.”

Everyone looked tense upon the mention of stands. It was the first time that they were mentioned in her story.

“Dio’s return gave the living Joestars of the time stands, which was made possible when he stole Jonathan’s corpse, which was stuffed and preserved by the hands of both my great-grandpa and Erina. Apparently it’s a family tradition.”

Eyes focused on John, who was just as surprised as everyone else. He was starting to think there’s a reason why Dad never mentioned anything about the family. Learning that interesting tidbit did not ruin anyone’s appetite though, because a bowl of penne was still a bowl of penne and no amount of gross mental pictures of an old woman and his ancestor’s best friend performing a step by step taxidermy session on said ancestor’s corpse could stop their collective appetites.

"As you know, to gain a stand you need willpower or the process will kill you. Jotaro, Holly’s son, had a gentle heart and couldn’t control his, and it threatened to kill him as a result. So Joseph, his daughters, and John’s father teamed up with other stand users to defeat Dio in Egypt!”

The world stopped for John. His father had a stand. Of all the things he could’ve learned, his father having a stand seemed the most improbable. He was, well Dad. Quiet man. Nice, if weirdly fixated with his pipes and clown statues. It did make several moments in their lives make more sense, such as the Event At Rhode Island that Dad refused to speak of ever again. Almost as shocking was the mention of Grauntie Holly, who John mostly remembered as a name and a sympathetic face during, well…

“They traveled for a long time and fought many battles, but in the end, they defeated Dio. It was a hard battle, and many lives were lost. John’s Nanna was grievously injured, and while she survived she…”

Jade trailed off, unsure about whether she should continue this part of the story or not. Out of consideration for John, she quickly transitioned to a more recent section of the story. Dave placed a sympathetic hand on John's shoulder. No one else requested Jade go back either, they couldn't without making the situation awkward. Clearing her through Jade began again, breaking the awkward silence for which John was quietly thankful.

“Well, after that they learned of how Dio gained a stand. It was all due to one of his minions, who had uncovered the existence of the Stand Arrows. Most of the Arrows were found and destroyed, but one remained under my Grandpa’s protection. The Foundation kept it safe, until four years ago…”

Jade sighed, and took off her glasses. She touched the scar on her face, feeling a pang of pain from the old wound. “Someone attacked me and my Grandpa while we were in a shooting competition, trying to get the Arrow. I ended up paralyzed completely, aware of my surroundings but unable to interact with anything. In desperation, Grandpa took the Arrow and used it on himself. It…it didn’t work. It killed him. The trauma from that act awakened my stand. I felt guilty for what happened to him. I wanted to make amends, wanted to protect other people, so I hid the Arrow in the only place no one would be able to acquire it.”

She tapped the scar on her head. “My mind, my subconscious. With my stand this was completely possible, but it caused problems. My body couldn’t heal properly, so I was left comatose for years. But it was worth it. For years, nobody found it, at least until now. The rest well, you already know.”

Well, not everyone but John and Rose quickly filled them in so no one would be left out. Her story finished, Jade hurriedly ate her order, the chicken parmigiana. She devoured her meal like someone who hadn’t eaten in years, which to be fair she was. Jade got a free pass on manners even if the way Rose’s nose crinkled indicated that she thought otherwise. Dave meanwhile complained incessantly that the Scampi was undercooked and that the sauce wasn’t creamy enough, but it didn’t stop him from his stuffing his face. A bad meal always tasted better when it was free after all.

“There is something you left out.” Rose said curiously. “The identities of your attackers. Who would be so brazen as to attack you and your grandfather?”

“I’m sorry, but that’s one thing I don’t know Rose.” Jade replied. “Some of Dio’s minions escaped. They could have spread knowledge of the Arrow, and with thorough investigation those people who seek the Arrow would end up trying to get through the Foundation. But well, anyone who would dare try could only get so far if they had a stand of their own.”

“How interesting.” More mysteries popping up when others are answered. Rose expected as much. “It’ll make hunting the other stand users much more difficult.”

“We know their names and identities now.” Dave pointed out. “Findin’ them won’t be a piece of cake, but these guys can’t run and hide forever.”

“How surprisingly optimistic of you, Dave.” Rose smirked. 

“Well so long as we got our fearless leader we ain’t got nothin’ to worry about.” He pointed a thumb at John. 

“Yeah!” Jade agreed. “He is a Joestar after all. With John around we don’t have anything to worry about!”

As the others conversed, mostly about himself, John stood up and excused himself. Mostly it was to use the restroom, but just as much if not moreso he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Learning more about his family, especially was always an experience for him. Somehow being considered as their leader felt like they were putting a weight on his back. It wasn’t as if he did anything leader-like, besides be himself. He also couldn’t help but think that all this leader talk only came about because of Jade’s story about the Joestars. He knew they meant well, but it was suffocating. 

But there was something about his friends’ trust in him that was reassuring. It wasn’t entirely because of his bloodline, because besides Jade no one else was familiar with his family history. And it’s not as if they made him call the shots on some really difficult stuff that he wouldn’t be able to fix. They were his friends, and for things like that John was confident that they’d have his back. 

Perhaps ruminating over his role in life wasn’t a smart thing to do when you’re walking, because quite often it left people too deep in thought to notice surroundings. John accidently bumped into the back of a man leaving the bathroom. 

“Oof! My bad.” He apologized.

“No need to worry, my son.” The man said soothingly and with a smile. He had a deep, rich voice, the kind you’d expect to hear when talking to a close confidante who’d always give you good advice. He was a tall man, with dark skin that made his short white hair and exquisitely white suit stand out beautifully. A green cross ran down the center of his suit, with two smaller crosses of the same color on his sleeves. “I should have been looking where I was going.”

Apologies exchanged, the man bowed his head respectfully and left the bathroom hallway. There was something about him that struck John, but he couldn’t tell why. He was still thinking of that man by the time he got back to the table, and it took one of Dave’s esoteric theories on famous stars to snap him out of it. 

Of course, when you’re discussing if Steve Buscemi had a stand or not, everyone had a strong opinion. John was against it, personally. If any actor would have a stand, it’d be McConaughey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This'll be the last big exposition chapter. It kinda dragged along since I had to explain so much stuff, but now that that's done we can finally get into 'shit just got real' mode, especially when a certain someone has finally shown up in the story.
> 
> Also, I still love writing beta kid interactions, that is also another reason why this chapter's so long.


	22. John: Defend Yourself

John tapped the paper in front of him with his pen, deep in thought. Calculus was not his specialty at all. Most mathematics wasn’t really, and he wasn’t certain why he needed to learn it for a film degree. A well-rounded education was fine and all, but when John was directing National Treasure Three he wouldn’t have to answer John Stamos a question about how to get the tangent of a cosine of an integer. 

Deciding that staring at the paper wasn’t going to achieve anything, he decided to take a break. He made a beeline for the dormroom’s cupboard and fished out some chips for him to snack on. There were still a few assorted the Korean food stuffs courtesy of Jade, which was a good thing since he was feeling too lazy to do any cooking today. Really, John would rather like to laze around for the rest of the afternoon. The way the past week had been going that’s all he could do anyway.

Almost two weeks had passed already since their last big stand battle. Things had quieted down at the University, back to essentially normal college life, but there was still this air of palpable unease amongst the group of friends. The enemy stand users were doing a good job of laying low, so much so that if it weren’t for a brief Vriska sighting at downtown last Tuesday they were convinced that they had left town already. That there was evidence of them staying had made the situation tenser than it should have been.

They’d lost the 「Arrow」 . Logically, there should be no need for them to stay. Rose suspected it was due to Feferi still being in Foundation custody, but another underlying reason they hadn’t discovered yet was just as likely. What made it worse was the existence of the enemy’s 「Patron」, the man or woman who charged these stand users to go after the 「Arrow」 in the first place. They were another mystery in an increasing number of unknown factors. 

What made it worse for him was that he was completely unable to help in the search in any meaningful way. His best friend Dave had his stand, Tenacious D. With its ability to create clones of the original he was able to cover a lot of ground when it came to looking for people. His other best friend Jade had resources he couldn’t even fathom as heiress to the Speedwagon Fortune, and she was making good use of it as well. His other, other best friend Rose had neither a stand adept for hunting people down like Dave, or access to a practical army of private investigators like Jade, but she was the cleverest of them all and that was arguably more important than what Dave and Jade had to offer.

And what about John? Well, he had an encyclopedic knowledge of B-movie trivia a tough stand with windy powers, and…that’s it. Oh, no, he also had the Joestar family name. Now that the brief high that came with people gushing about your awesome ancestors had left John he was starting to feel nervous about living up to such high expectations. As he learned more of his ancestor’s achievements he began to think of it as a tremendous burden.

He could always call Dad to try and get the closest thing to a first hand account he'd be able to fine. But John felt awkward about giving his old man a call. 

His father was a quiet man by nature and John respected that, but the things he chose to be quiet about was information John felt he deserved to know. Like how Dad had went on his own adventure with his mom and aunt when he was his age, for instance. Or how that adventure lead to something that harmed his Nanna. On an academic level John understood that perhaps he wasn’t told for his own protection, but on an emotional level such reasoning did not soothe him in the slightest. 

John finished his snack in a record two minutes. He must’ve been hungrier than he thought as he threw the empty bag into the trash and got up, wiping his cheese-covered hands with a discarded shirt on the floor. Unsanitary as that may have been it was Dave’s shirt so it was fine.

With no work to be done (he ignored the paper on his desk) and his mood not really up for some film binging, the only course left to him was to leave his dorm room and wander around. That might make him feel better about this unceasing feeling of uselessness. He grabbed his essentials and put on his usual clothes, save for a new jacket that his friends chipped in to buy for him. It was sky blue, the same color as his stand MC Hammer. It had white stars inlaid on its cuffs, and a hood that was shaped similarly to his stand’s head. It was a button jacket, with the buttons being stylezed ‘J’s the color of brass. The stitching and cloth used was superb, and if one looked at its inner portions John’s name can be seen stitched into the lining. 

Even he had to admit that it was a very swanky getup. John put his foot down on a fashion overhaul however, no matter if the others were willing to pay. He had a Look, and no one had the power to mess it up. With his Fancy Jacket on, he walked out of the dorm room, which now had a brand-new reinforced metal door to replace the one Eridan had broken down.

Only five minutes out and John knew going out for fresh air was a good idea. It was another pleasant afternoon, probably the fourth this week. Just enough heat, just enough sunlight, and a refreshing autumn breeze to boot. Nothing could ruin this day not even-

The thought froze in his mind. John summoned his stand over himself like a suit, and with its enhanced eyesight he scanned his surroundings. No enemies came into view, but even so he felt the need to be vigilant. Even if there were no enemies around, Equius could still be, ceaseless in his quest to convince John that maybe he should try working out and lifting giant weights with the coolest Nepalese Nudist in the western hemisphere. 

Somewhat secure in his belief that neither homicidal maniacs nor fitness-obsessed were hounding him, John went back to enjoying this wonderful day. He walked down the sidewalk with a skip to his step, whistling as he watched the clouds drift lazily up above like he was. All in all it was a great day of peace, relaxation and oh fuck that was Sollux.

He wore a short sleeved shirt with red and black stripes underneath a spiked jacket and a pair of pink and white corduroys whose pants legs were ripped up. The skinniest metal fan on campus twitched his glasses (one of those pairs where each eye was a different color, one red, one blue) and looked around. He didn’t seem to have spotted John, since he continued his merry way without care.

So much for a nice, quiet day then. John quickly messaged the others about his find while following the enemy stand user from a distance. Luckily for him the town was pretty busy at the moment, so John was able to blend in with the crowd. Sollux could do the same, but good luck trying to escape the enhanced eyesight granted by MC Hammer. With that power on his side he followed Sollux into a familiar restaurant.

It was the town’s only Chinese place, an eatery John remembered well. It was here that he had uncovered the existence of a conspiracy of stand users, and it was somewhat fitting that he would find yet even more of the enemy’s activities. Rather than follow him inside, John stood across the street, pretending to be window shopping while he watched Sollux from afar. He wasn’t meeting anyone there, and had only come to pick up an order of food. Thank goodness for magic stand super senses.

Once he was done with buying his orders, Sollux left. John followed immediately, making sure to continue keeping his distance and hiding with the crowd. He constantly updated his friends of his progress, and they in turn continued to inform him that they were on the way.

Continue to keep us updated. We cannot lose this lead. It goes without saying that caution will be imperative, but if necessary you may kick his ass hard, fearless leader.

gj derpstar dont do anythin’ stupid last thing we need is you going all lone wolf on us, getting’ your ass kicked and me havin’ to bail you out with my kickass super fightin’ skillz like last time

:o you found one of them, before all the detectives we hired did! good job john :D! don’t let him get away! 

He wouldn't, because he was a Joestar, and even if John had trepidations about living up to his legacy he was going to get the job done. Plus Sollux was getting sloppy and was hardly even looking around for possible threats anymore, not that he couldn’t blame him. Being relegated to deliver boy duty was a tedious and mind-numbing job after all, necessary it may have been. Why they didn’t stock up in advance and stay in whatever backup bolt hole they were hiding in was beyond John. It was a risky move and all for what smelled like really spicy Szechuan chicken.

John pinched his nose, covering his mouth with the sleeves of his jacket. It wasn’t because of the smell coming from Sollux’s order, but something even stronger. The acrid stench of industrial refuse and smoke was irritating to his nose. They came from the nearby power plants south of Doughty. Rather than be part of an urban sprawl or be bordered by more natural elements the town gave way to an industrial zone that was the third-biggest employer for the people of the town, after the Speedwagon Foundation’s pharmaceutical factory and the University itself. Most of the industrial zone’s workers lived in other nearby towns, where the rent wasn’t as high due to the presence of a University bringing up the town’s property value.

The enemy stand users’ new hideout must’ve been here, since rather than continue walking down the road like he’d been doing for the past hour and a half he went right and entered a conveniently unguarded gate that lead into one of the factories here. 

John’s eyes narrowed. He was starting to think this was a trap. He could always hang back and wait for the others, but that might run the risk of Sollux getting away. Of course if this was a trap he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, but if it wasn’t then he’d be making a big mistake in losing this opportunity to capture another enemy stand user. Jade had just messaged him that she was going to be here in fifteen minutes, but that was time enough for Sollux to escape. John had to make a decision here and now.

He decided to go with his gut instincts. John followed Sollux inside, using MC Hammer’s enhanced eyesight to watch for any other enemies or wandering factory workers who might be put in harm’s way when he inevitably engaged Sollux. No one else besides them could be seen as far as he could see, which confirmed John’s suspicions of a trap all the more. 

Nevertheless he went in, taking the bait. It was too tempting, and John felt that he had the strength to take him on. After all, he already did, and during his prior fight with Sollux at the apartment the only thing that was remotely challenging was how White Stripes’ constant firing made his movement slow to a crawl. 

The factory interior looked different than what John had expected. It was a wide and spacious, with smaller pathways in-between hulking mechanisms and production lines. Catwalks lined the walls, with a room that was basically a box welded into the building hanging over the area. Every now and again a pipe would hiss as steam was pushed out of the exhaust. The low rumble of machines operating was a constant background noise, which only served to unnerve John. Most workplace protocols dictated that heavy machinery be shut down or put on low power at the end of the work day, to minimize accidents when no one was around. John still couldn’t see any workers, but still the machinery continued to be active. What could have happened to this factory’s employees?

He had a feeling he was about to find out. A voice began to speak through the loudspeakers, one that he instantly recognized as Sollux. “So, you did follow me, huh? Pretty stupid move if you ask me.” 

“Well I’m getting backup pretty soon and I knew what I was getting into so it balances out.” John shouted. He must’ve hacked the system to use those loudspeakers, but John was reasonably confident that he was nearby. 

“True, true.” Sollux sighed. “So do you mind if you and a friend of mine had a quick chat before they arrive?”

A friend? John guessed it was either Terezi, who seemed to be de-facto leader, or maybe even their gang’s hidden benefactor. “Yeah, and let you line up a shot with White Stripes? You think I’m that stupid?”

Sollux was about to speak, but his voice became garbled and surprised. Someone else had taken control of the loudspeakers. “I dunno man, you fell for this pretty obvious trap, didn’t you?” 

It was Vriska, the woman who tried to scam him some time ago. Of the stand users they were up against, she possessed the strongest stand in terms of brute force. From Dave’s account her Scissor Sister was apparently MC Hammer’s equal. “I’m guessing you didn’t come up with this since last time you tried to trick me it kinda fell on your ass. Literally.”

“Think you're oh so funny, don’t you?” She said harshly. “Whatever. Let’s get to brass tacks. Shockingly, we’re inviting you to our crew, and you’re accepting this amazing opportunity to work with Vriska Serket. Perhaps I will even allow you the privilege of falling in love with a dazzling specimen such as myself.”

It took some time to process that, at least seemed it did to John. Externally, barely half a minute passed before he reacted. Internally, his mind was in shock for what had seemed like hours. That was… not the kind of proposition he expected to hear. Only one response could perfectly encapsulate what John thought of her ridiculous request. 

John almost bent over, letting out the hardest laugh he’d ever laughed. He almost lost his breath from how long and hard he laughed, so much so he had to force himself to stop before MC Hammer weakened. Without a good supply of air his stand’s overall strength suffered, and he was going to need his strength for what’ll come next.

He heard some hearty snickering join his laughter. Sollux found it as ludicrous as he did, it seems. “Sorry about that, but Vris wanted to try her ace manipulating skills on you. Seems like she’s taken a shine on you Joestar. Don’t fall for it.”

“Yeah, she’s a regular Emperor Palpatine, that Vriska.” John snorted. “Dude she tried to kill my best friend why would I want to go out with her?”

“You never know.” Sollux was still snickering, but it seemed that he wasn’t interrupted by an angry Vriska, like John was expecting. “She’s actually way sneakier than she sounds, she’s still stewing over that whole ‘drop my car on my head’ deal to get shit done. Anyway, the offer still stands. Want to join up with us?”

“Nah.” John shrugged. Despite all the blood spilled by both sides, John didn’t really begrudge them for having the audacity to ask him to switch sides. “You guys haven’t even given me a good reason to join up.”

“Fair, fair.” Sollux agreed. “The pay’s shit compared to what the Foundation can offer, we don’t really have a swank crib like your dormroom, and I’m pretty sure one of us wants your blood for taking out Eridan, but we can offer you something worth your while.” 

John’s eyes darted around, searching for any sign of White Stripes. The airborne stand hadn’t shown up, but it could be hiding behind a machine. “I’ll bite, what do you got?”

“We won’t kill your friends, which we can easily do now.” He can see that happening. With the 「Arrow」 in their possession, they could easily create an army of stand users to overwhelm his friends with sheer numbers. “And you’ll get to meet a swell guy if you sign up.”

“Ben Stiller?”

“Nobody that swank, sorry, but he’s a pretty cool dude. Just as cool as Stiller.” Sollux argued.

“No dice.” No Stiller, no deal.

“Yeah, I figured.” Sollux sighed. “Guess we’ll have to do this the hard way.”

Something small and fast sped towards John from a space a hundred meters to his left. Even with his stand’s enhanced eyesight John couldn’t see at a three hundred and sixty degree angle, but he didn’t have to. A circle of wind surrounded him at that moment, blasted down from above by his stand. It was strong enough to make the shot veer off course, hitting the ground instead of his skull.

Immediately he ran towards the direction of the shot, catching a glimpse of Sollux’s grotesque stand ducking into some pipework. John could’ve used a jet of wind from his stand to boost his speed, but he needed MC Hammer’s power to defend himself first and foremost. While White Stripes may have been a long range stand that could operate a considerable distance from its master, Sollux still needed to be close enough for it to operate at the power level it needs to do any damage. 

The next shot came as he was running between a conveyor belt and what resembled an overgrown boiler to John. The tooth ricocheted off a glass meter to strike him at his side, or it would have. The temptation to punch the tooth away was great, but John continued with the tried and tested strategy of blowing it the fuck away from his face. 

John stretched his left elbow downwards, while his right arm rested atop his elbow, the fingers on his right arm held in a ‘V’ sign. MC Hammer copied its master completely, releasing a downward aimed burst of wind that deflected the next tooth. It shattered on impact to the ground, but astonishingly to John that didn’t stop its momentum. The broken shards of the tooth flew everywhere around him, still maintaining the same speed it had possessed earlier. None of the shards hit John, thanks to another omni-directional wind move via MC Hammer. 

What the shards did hit, was worse. One of the shards struck a boiler with more than enough force to penetrate the steel it was made out of. The force caused a critical reaction, the heat and pressure the machine was subjected to finding a sudden avenue of release. It exploded, taking out most of the factory’s other mechanisms with it. A shower of water immediately fell on them, but it would take more than sprinklers to stop the fires being caused.

Once again, John was saved by his stand. The very second the explosion occurred it unleashed a pair of cyclones from its fists, allowing him to escape the worst of the sudden ambush using both the force from his stand and the exploding boiler. He landed on the floor fifty feet away, rolling into a ball and stopping only when MC Hammer managed to grab hold of an outstretched pipe.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Sollux called out from the loudspeakers that weren’t destroyed. “If I eat enough sweets I get cavities and the cavities cause White Stripes to create ammunition that does that neat shattering trick.”

“Oh fuck I am not going to be beaten by something so gross.” John called out. “Dave would never let me hear the end of it when they rescue me.”

While the attack may not have killed him, it did do a lot of damage. His hair and jacket were singed, the flames put out only by the wind generated by his stand. The heat from that explosion burned his skin, but not as badly if he took a direct hit. Small chunks of scrap metal were embedded on his back, but thankfully none deep enough to cause a crippling wound. John was able to pull out one piece of shrapnel from the back of his neck with MC Hammer when he immediately released another gust of wind around him.

A third shot almost hit his leg, but he managed to deflect it upwards with a powerful gust. The tooth cut through some metal piping that ended up falling over him. If that was Sollux’s real target it was a stupid move in John’s opinion. MC Hammer effortlessly punched them away, doing no damage at all compared to Sollux’s last move. Quickly his stand grabbed hold off a couple of stray chunks of metal, holding one of them in between his stand’s left thumb and pointer finger. 

John fired the first shell the moment he saw White Stripes pop out from behind some pipes. A single flick of the thumb from MC Hammer had enough speed and force to send the scrap metal flying like a bullet. White Stripes fired at the same time as MC Hammer did. In terms of speed and force they were roughly equal, but in one important aspect their ranged shots were not.

A thin shard of metal could not hope to match the strength of ammunition created by a stand. John’s shot was destroyed easily, but at the speed it was going it still managed to deflect another shot that would have killed him had it hit. The tooth hit the roof, tearing through some piping before disintegrating completely. 

Not wasting time, MC Hammer fired off another jet of wind from its arm, intended to send John flying towards the half-skull, half-drone stand that Sollux possessed. With the increasing heat coming from the fires the previous explosion caused he could easily generate enough lift for an incredibly fast rush upwards. The only downside was that John couldn’t really change his direction.

It was a weakness Sollux exploited completely. White Stripes was already lining up another shot, one that it could assuredly hit. MC Hammer was completely focused on making its master fly, and if John tried to block with another wind attack he’d have to stop mid-air, a move that would either cause him to plummet to the ground or be hit by the follow-up shot.

White Stripes fired, and John had to make his choice. He picked a third one, which was arguably the worst choice to make. He fired only one wind jet at the incoming shot, continuing to propel himself forward with his stand’s other arm. With the wounds John suffered earlier and the steadily increasing amount of smoke making breathing difficult MC Hammer would not have the strength to reliably protect or propel itself. 

The defensive gust only managed to change the direction from his chest to his gut. Blood dripped down John’s mouth from the force of the blow. From wherever Sollux was hiding he was smiling, satisfied. “Gotcha. You’re tough Joestar, so you’ll survive a fall like this. I mean, I did, after all.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” John grinned. “But can you handle a drop, but can you handle something dropped on you?” 

Factories like these were built to be sturdy and handle some damage, but they weren’t built for stands combat or winds powerful enough to propel a man who was at least six feet tall and weighed over two hundred pounds. The shots John deflected, for instance, punched through not just piping but even portions of the roof. Combined with the heat caused by the fires around them weakening overall structural integrity, and that powerful gust earlier, it was only a matter of time until part of the roof would collapse.

Like riiiiight now.

On top of White Stripes.

John found Sollux lying inside a half-open crate, bloody and barely conscious. MC Hammer was right behind John, ready to drag him out of this factory before it collapses in on them.

“Damn it. Caught again.” Sollux said, coughing. “Well shit. Looks like I got no choice.”

And that was when Sollux unleashed his second stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo plot twists. We're moving pretty close to the final act, so to speak. The villains' plans finally getting revealed, and things gearing up for the big confrontation. The one thing I'm uncertain of now is the bodycount at the end. This is both a jojo and homestuck story, which means lots of people dying (though for the latter when was that ever a problem) so I'm unsure who I'd want to kill off. I suppose that's a bridge I'll get to so to speak.


	23. Dave: Freak Out

It was a humanoid stand, yellow and possessed of three long fingers on each hand. A mask in the shape of a snake’s head with three eyes covered its face. A pair of jagged horns jutted out of the chin, twisting around each other to resemble a beard. It made a creaking sound like an old wooden floor being stepped on with each movement.

“Bet you didn’t see that coming, didya?” Sollux smirked despite his wounds.

Whatever powers it may have had, John wasn’t going to give it the opportunity to use them. MC Hammer struck fast and hard, crushing its face with a barrage of punches before it could even strike. The last thing John needed right now was to go through yet another battle with Sollux after having just beaten White Stripes. 

By the time the others arrived Sollux’s face was a swollen mess. Neither of his stands was moving now, so John had stopped hitting the other stand user. He left the defeated stand user to the custody of the Speedwagon Foundation, who carried him into an ambulance. Hopefully their new stand user prison wouldn’t be somewhere innocent people would be put in danger by a vampire and her roving horde of zombie minions.

“Will you look at this.” Dave whistled, pointing a thumb at the burning factory. “Really did a number on the place, didn't ya?”

“I’m certain that this place is insured, Dave.” Rose commented. She was covering her nose with a handkerchief, to keep the smoke out. “For all we know, John may have helped the owners make a quick buck if profits have been going down as of late.”

Fire trucks were already putting the flames out, while from a distance, workers from nearby factories watched the spectacle. The lack of workers in the factory still bugged John, but it was ultimately not his problem now. What worried him more right now was Sollux’s ability to have two stands it was nothing he’d ever seen before. With nothing else to do here, they boarded a car and drove back to the University. Rose had a license, as it turned out. Dave, being Dave, called shotgun.

He told the others what had happened. Everyone had a concerned look on their face, even Dave. Facing an enemy would multiple stands was a worrying prospect, adding even more unknown factors into future battles. The thought of facing someone like say, Vriska again when she wielded a multitude of abilities was a worrying one. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard something like this happen before.” Jade said, biting a finger. It was rare to find her out of her element on matters Jade was an expert in. “Not in any of grandpa’s stories. Sollux’s second stand may have been caused by the effects of another stand. Or maybe it was thanks to the Arrow that he was able to use another stand.”

“Applying occam’s razor, that is the most probable cause. If this was a prior ability of his then he should have displayed it before.” Rose agreed. She let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. “But we could still be wrong. Again, we don’t know enough about the situation right now.”

“Mhmm, that’s true.” Jade nodded her head. “We have other problems too, besides the possibility that our enemies are twice as powerful now. John, did Vriska really proposition you to join their group?”

Dave snickered, much to John’s annoyance. “Can’t believe they tried a honey pot on you, John. Of all people. Man, they must really be desperate.”

Since John couldn’t punch Dave’s arm, he settled for kicking his seat from behind. It didn’t stop Dave from laughing at him. “They did, and it’s kinda weird. I mean she didn’t even try to put some effort in it Vriska just passive-aggressively threatened me while also flirting with me.”

“What we have here is a classic Tsundere.” Dave said. “But you know, more murdery.”

“Wouldn’t that make her a yandere, though?” Jade asked. “Because of the murder.”

“Nah see Vriska ain’t obsessed with ‘im as far as I can tell.” Dave explained further. “She’s just using her natural charm and going for the murder thing as backup. When we find her secret shrine where she keeps a bust of John made up of his chewed-up bubblegum then we can put the yan in her dere.”

“Hehehe.” Jade grinned. “I bet Vriska would want John’s yan in her dere.”

Dave shrugged. “I’d give that a six out of ten Jade, could be better, could be worse.”

John whined and looked at Rose imploringly. She continued to keep her eyes on the road, but from her smile John seriously doubted that she would’ve intervened on his behalf. In fact he was certain she would suggest something even worse just to beat one-up Dave. What great friends they were.

Jade placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, smiling. “But seriously, though that is pretty weird. We initially thought they were recruiting stand users to throw at the Foundation until they acquired the Arrow. But if they’re still trying to get stand users to join them, they must be after something more. “

Dave yawned, resting his head against the car window. He’d skipped out on an afternoon class when he called and with nothing else to do a nap sounded really good right now. “I reckon if they’re goin’ for the ‘conquer the world’ route they’ll need more than four or five people with punch ghosts. ‘Sides, stand powers are supposed to be hella rare, aren’t they? Could be they’re just tryin’ to gather the ones who already have ‘em on top of makin’ more.”

The thought was evidently worrying Dave. Usually his accent became more pronounced when something disturbed him. Everyone knows about it, but none of them were sure if he was aware of this tic himself. It was an unusually straightforward way of showing emotion from someone so roundabout about everything. 

It worried all of them. If Vriska’s group was still looking for more stand users, it meant that stealing the Arrow wasn’t their only objective. Hell, it might have only been phase one of some wide-reaching, nefarious plan that they were soon about to unleash on an unsuspecting world. It brought a new urgency to their search for the enemy stand users.

At the moment however, there wasn’t really much they could do besides wait. Wherever they were hiding it was someplace beyond even the Speedwagon Foundation’s reach. It was unlikely that that would be the last time they’d try to recruit any of them, which really was kind of ludicrous. After all the repeated murder attempts the fact that they were still trying to get them into team evil was laughable at best.

The car arrived at a parking garage inside the school, driving up a ramp and stopping at a spot designated by a Speedwagon Foundation symbol. It wasn’t surprising at all that this was just something on loan from the Foundation, but having a free, reliable method of transportation was something any college student could appreciate. Everyone went their separate ways after they arrived at school.

 

Terezi Pyrope watched the group dispersed, metaphorically. Actual sight was impossible for her, being blind and all. Sollux's defeat was somewhat expected, if she was honest. That was why they had a backup plan in place when it happened. It took her a few minutes of fumbling around her pockets, but eventually she fishes out a white flash drive from the recesses of her pants. She pushed a snake-shaped switch on the side of the drive, causing the port to rise upwards. Grinning to herself, Terezi stabbed the flash drive port into her neck, and got to work.

 

Elsewhere, someone blonde, skinny and talkative was doing the complete opposite of getting to work. Dave Strider reclined inside a gazebo, stretching out his legs while he readjusted his earphones. He’d been lying around being a useless asshole in that gazebo for what to him felt like hours, but which he knew for a fact was at most forty, forty eight minutes. While his excellent choice in music (e.g., none of the stuff John listens to, or the weird shit Rose is into) was a great help in creating a disconnect between how long he felt he’d been lazing around and how long it’d actually been. The only problem with that, in his opinion, was that after a while it got boring.

So he decided that the only sensible way to stave off boredom was to wander around town, being a useless piece of shit all day. Doughty didn’t exactly have a collection of oddballs that’d make for good street theater, but you never know. As long as it wasn’t another hostile stand users wandering around making a ruckus he wouldn’t mind if the most interesting he saw was a freaky wart on some old man’s nose. 

Half an hour in to today’s aimless vagabonding, Dave found something rather unusual. It was located at the town’s only art gallery, which was generally agreed to be a pretty cool place if you happened to find surrealistic paintings of oil derricks being charged by horses riding humans. Today they had something new for the people of Doughty, which merited at least five minutes worth of their time if there wasn’t anything else going on, like Dave.

The current exhibit was a series of graphic novels made by some Egyptian comic book artist. Dave was actually pretty interested in the stuff, even though these days he was more interested in webcomics being published online. As he looked at the comics on display, Dave felt a pang of nostalgia. The art style was a mix of surrealism and cubism, which happened to be up Dave’s alley.

Once upon a time he’d dabbled into creating comics of his own, but a few years into making art he just stopped. To this day he wasn’t certain why. Perhaps he’d grown bored of it, perhaps his other responsibilities got in the way, or a mix of both. It didn’t really sadden him, though. Dave Strider thought himself a man of many talents, and art certainly wasn’t the only thing he was good at. 

He was pretty handy with making music remixes too. Music was another childhood passion of his, and unlike art he still practiced his skills from time to time. Not as much as before, but his love of spinning records never really went away nor did most of his skill. In fact he’d initially planned on paying through his paleontology degree with his music rather than rely on what his bro had saved up for it, but a certain billionaire friend had evidently taken care of that.

Speaking of, the one interest of his that never really went away was his love of fossils. When he was a kid he thought dinosaurs were the shit, and that was belief that had never left his heart. But in his heart of hearts he knew that it was an extension of a more macabre interest in all things dead. The collection of dead crows that he once owned until some asshole hipster broke all of them in a stand fight was one example. 

Well, it didn't take long for Dave to finish looking at the exhibit so he decided to leave, maybe get himself something to eat. As he exited the gallery, just at the corner of his eye, appearing for the briefest of seconds, was a man Dave hadn’t seen in years.

He immediately ran back into the gallery and totally did not spend twenty minutes inside the bathroom with a pale look on his face. When he eventually collected his wits, he called on the one person he felt he could to about this.

“Yo, it’s me.” He said over his phone. “Can we talk?”

“Dave. This is surprising.” Rose replied. “I’m free right now, so sure. What do you wish to talk about?”

Rose Lalonde was not someone you should trust with your issues, in Dave’s opinion. She was fascinated by the inner demons of other people, as seen by how much she wanted to poke Jade’s not too long ago. She liked reaching in to people’s heads to dissect their thoughts until she could reduce them to small chunks for her perusal. And maybe that’s what he needed right now.

He sighed, looking at the door in case John would suddenly barge in and he’d have a reason not to continue. After a minute of waiting that didn’t happen, so he figured he might as well get this over with. “So, hypothetically, Rose, if say some guy,”

“Yes, some guy.” Rose repeated. 

‘So, say some guy had a really shitty childhood.” Dave swallowed. “Like, anime rival levels of crappy backstory. And say, that guy, who’s the best, like, uh, saw someone who may or may not look exactly like the horrifying bastards who made the first eight years of his life totally awful. Hypothetically.”

“Well if that was the case.” Inside her room Rose summoned up her stand’s pen and began jotting down notes. “Then I would say that this hypothetical overrated fangirl bait of a man should be more specific on the hows of his shitty childhood, wouldn’t you say so?”

Dave bared his teeth. This was exactly what why he was reluctant to talk to Rose about this. “Really bad Rose, really bad.”

“No dancing around the subject, Dave.” Rose quietly jotted down the word ‘afraid’ right below ‘sarcasm as a defense mechanism’ on a piece of paper. “If you don’t speak your mind now then bottling it up and waiting for the [right] time to share would only torment you further.”

Fine, have it your way, Dave grumbled. “Never knew my folks. It was always me and my brother. We kinda went from different foster places ‘till someone put us in like, this place for kids like us. Really snazzy place. Thought we hit the jackpot until…”

“It turned out too good to be true, didn’t it?” Rose finished. “What did they make you do?”

“They made us beat each other up.” Dave lied down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Since I was the smallest kid there, you can guess who they went after first.”

“I believe we shouldn’t talk about this on the phone.” Rose said. “Are you free tonight? We should talk about this face-to-face.”

“Right now all I wanna do is get some shut-eye, Lalonde if it’s all the same you.” 

“Fair enough. You should tell the others.”

“Uh-huh, maybe, when I’m ready.” 

“Equally fair, as long as you tell them.”

“Hey, Rose?”

“Yes?”

“So which anime rival were you thinkin’ of when, you know,”

Rose sighed in exasperation. At least his melancholy’s subsided, she mused. “Vegeta, for the melodrama.”

“Hell yes. Hell fucking yes.” He hung up.

Impressive how quickly he bounced back, Rose thought, amused. She idly traced a finger around the rim of a wine glass on her desk, considering how else she could spend her evening.

 

Elsewhere, Jade smirked, an action her stand mimicked. She had just done something very naughty on a whim; she had escaped Slick's watchful eyes using her stand's abilities under the pretext of having to use the bathroom while they were having a leisurely walk around town. When her bodyguard eventually found her again he would certainly give her an earful, but for now she wanted to enjoy a bit of freedom after a week of stiffling but understandable surveilance by her bodyguard.

It had been less than five minutes into walking around Main Street when Jade found something that intrigued her. Several people were minding their business, going about their day completely oblivious of how growths of dead flesh were growing out of their ears. Terezi’s stand.

This was the first sighting of her ability since their last battle. She was around, and Jade was determined to find her.

When Jade set out to hunt down Terezi, she was under no illusion that it would be a difficult task. Of all their enemies, she was the one who remained elusive, who had been able to avoid revealing herself while still succeeding in striking at them with ruthless efficiency. Even so, she had vastly underestimated how difficult that task would be, especially considering how successful she’d been in laying low for so long. 

...Or not. She found Terezi walking away from downtown, the sound of her cane tapping the ground clear to Jade's ears despite the distance and the number of people walking around. She was surrounded by a significant amount of people afflicted with her stand, but they looked blissfully unaware of the growths coming out of their ears. Determined to not let her get away, Jade followed.

“My, my, looks like the princess can throw down with the best of us.” Terezi said through a passerby afflicted with her stand's effects. She was on to Jade, but for her it was too late. She was committed to hunting Terezi down and defeating her here and now.

“No ants today?” Jade asked.

“Oh please, I’m no one trick pony.” Terezi laughed. “And I’m not here to kill you, not yet anyway. I’m here to have little chat.”

“Is this about Sollux and Feferi?” Jade guessed.

“Partly.” Terezi frowned. “Are you still keeping them in an artificial coma?”

“They don’t tell me anything about that, sorry.” Jade said truthfully. Had John not accidentally stumbled upon the stand prison at the hospital she doubted that they ever would. 

“I expected as much.” Terezi continued to say through the growths of her stand. “Can’t have the Foundation’s golden girl be exposed to the bad side of life, can we?”

Annoyed, Jade puffed her cheeks. She wanted to make a retort, but in all honesty there was a grain of truth to that. Grandpa may have been rather cavalier when it came to raising her, but her two guardians PM and Slick more than made up on that. Between those two keeping a close eye on her and the rather isolated childhood she spent, she’d never really done anything like this. The closest had been when she was ten, when she successfully snuck out of their home one evening. Even then, it had turned out that Slick was following her around the entire time, never letting her out of his sight.

Even at a young age she understood why it had to be that way, but that didn’t make it any less irritating for her that she was coddled so much. They even set up opportunities where she could be ‘independent’, but really her every move had already been anticipated and planned out in advance in such a manner that she would only notice it afterwards that maybe things have gone too well for her. 

“What’s your point?” Jade grumbled. “Just get on with it already and say your piece!” Her mood had gone from joyfully free to guarded to pissed off in the space of about twenty minutes.

“Temper, temper! Seems I’ve hit a sore spot.” Terezi cackled. “And here I thought you were the sweet one. I guess being told the truth that none of your accomplishments amount to anything since it was arranged by your trust fund lawyers must get on your nerves. That’s probably why you’re so chipper all the time, aren’t you? Never had to handle stress your entire life, I bet.”

It wasn’t that much of a sore spot, if Jade was truly honest, but Terezi also happened to be one of the people who tried to harm her and her friends, and an enemy pushing your buttons was bound to rile her up. “If you don’t get to the point soon I’m leaving.” Jade warned. “I’ve got better things to do than chat with the bad guys.”

"What a shame. I bet if we actually had a conversation we'd end up being best friends." Terezi cackled again. It was really starting to get on Jade's nerves. "Alas. I hope you can keep up."

Terezi lead them away from downtown, into the suburbian areas of Doughty. They went pass that as well, doubling back to downtown before heading away again into the direction of the University. For a brief moment she lost sight of her as they were met head-on by a mass of students, but Jade was able to sidestep them completely. Space Oddity’s power acted like a sieve, letting the people pass by her without them colliding with her. When the crowd passed Terezi was some distance away, but still close enough to be within eyesight. It was a distance her stand could easily surmount with its ability.

Confusingly she made a right at a crossroads and walked towards a different exit to the university. This was starting to get on Jade’s nerves, as well as worrying her. This might not be a trap at all, but a goose chase while some other enemy stand user achieved a secret goal somewhere else. She had to end this now.

Space Oddity manifested by its mistress’ side once again. Jade teleported forward, tired of waiting for the two of them to be alone so she could make her move. The side street they had ducked into was close enough to the parameters Jade desired for her attack. All she had to do was get close enough and…

A horrible buzzing sound rang through Jade’s ears. Rather than skip the last ten meters between her and Terezi, Space Oddity merely caused her to skip one meter forward. Jade immediately remembered what Rose had told them of her escape, how she had to contend with an enemy stand user capable of tapping into frequencies that messed with the abilities of other stands with his ability Evanescence. She had been very adamant at how loud and easily irritable its user Karkat was. 

Jade was pretty sure that Terezi did not fit Rose’s description.

A red stand with huge, round shoulders and long stick-like arms appeared behind Terezi. Its  
shoulders were vibrating at great speeds, generating the frequencies that blocked out her stand’s abilities. 

At the same time, the exit to the side street had been blocked. A swarm of rats scuttled out of a manhole, using their bodies to block the path. Flesh growths sprouted from their ears. Space Oddity could probably allow her to outmaneuver the swarm, but Jade wasn’t certain she could create a warp field all around her body like usual, not with the sound from Evanescence disrupting her abilities. Even if she could skip forward by a meter there were enough rats to overwhelm her from behind.

This didn’t make sense. The [Arrow] could grant stands, yes, but it couldn’t take the stands of others and transplant them into other people. This unusual effect must have been the work of another enemy stand, one capable of removing the stands of others. 

Terezi could see what Jade was thinking, and smirked. “Are you surprised? Bet you’re thinking, ‘this must be the work of another stand’, aren’t you?” 

Jade growled in response. She skipped forward one meter, determined to get close enough to strike Terezi. Her head felt like a spike was being driven through it as she got closer, but the pain wasn’t much compared to what she had endured before.

“My, you’re a tough one.” She cackled, tapping the ground with her cane with each laugh. 

“You know, you’re probably the trickiest opponent I’ve ever had to face, with a stand as strong as yours.”

“Thank you! You’re not half bad yourself!” Jade complemented as she was gnashing her teeth. Terezi baiting her got Jade into this predicament, so a change in demeanor seemed appropriate. “But we both know who’s walking out of this victorious, right?”

Terezi grinned, spinning her cane around as she walked leisurely towards Jade. She was having way too much fun right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ergh. This was originally two chapters, but I eventually realized that it'd ruin the flow of the story if added one more than was necessary so apologies if this isn't really as good as the other ones. But eh, what's done is done.


	24. Jade: Fall

Jade and Terezi were in something of an impasse at the moment. On one hand, Terezi and her unseen partner had Jade pinned down. The stand switcheroo she had masterminded allowed them to catch Jade unawares. Using Karkat’s stand, the frequency manipulating Evanescence, she had successfully disabled the bulk of Jade’s stand Space Oddity’s abilities. In addition, her partner had successfully used Terezi’s stand More Than A Feeling to summon up an army of rats to harry Jade, preventing her from doing what few options were left after Evanescence had done its worked.

On the other hand, they were at a limited timetable. During the last battle with the Speedwagon Foundation heiress they had exploited a weakness that no was quite likely no longer there. No doubt Jade’s security was much tighter after Terezi had successfully attacked her, in the most secure location possible no less. While they had been able to exploit her desire to avenge herself on Terezi this time, they were under no illusion that her bodyguards will locate them in no time. Further, Space Oddity was still able to skip one meter. Now, whether she could create a shield around herself was another question.

Luckily, they had the resources to see if it was possible. 

“Now!” Terezi ordered. 

Behind Jade and her stand the rats surged forward, some even trampling on the others in their mad rush to get to their target. There had to be dozens of them at least, perhaps even more. If Space Oddity had been a more physically inclined stand then even with Evanescence’s effects Jade could have beaten down the swarm of rats before they could overwhelm her. But that wasn’t the case, as Jade’s stand was physically no different from an average human being in terms of physical power. Its strength lied in an ability that was match by few, but with Evanescence’s powers she couldn’t access the majority of her abilities.

But not all of her powers were sealed. The first wave of vermin found themselves charging upwards and into the rats that were following behind them. Still they continued their mad rush, barging in to the other rats and blocking the way. Worse, a few began biting into the other rats, which set off those they had bitten to bite back. The result was a mess where Terezi’s partner had lost complete control of the rats as they were whipped into a frenzy of violence. Their inexperience with Terezi’s stand was evident.

As this happened Jade herself continued to walk forward to Terezi. Her stand could only defend her from behind right now, lest the rats overwhelm her by sheer numbers. The best option she had for dealing with Terezi would be to fight her physically, without the use of Space Oddity. It was a tall order, admittedly, since Terezi still had Evanescence in her arsenal. Add to that the fact that Jade’s body wasn’t at its peak, and the chance of her efforts bearing fruit here and now were pretty slim. 

 

Still she fought on. Her movements would have been faster here, but Jade was reliant on her cane to walk. But she was close now, and with Terezi’s partner still wrangling control of the swarm of rats Jade had a window of opportunity of her own. It was only a few seconds long, but if she could pull it off then her chances of defeating Terezi would increase ten-fold. 

As she closed in on her enemy Jade had realized where she was, and more importantly what time it was. This gave her an idea that would give her an opportunity for victory without having to risk directly attacking Terezi, but she still needed to be pretty close. Space Oddity moved in front of its mistress, despite the noise being generated by Evanescence making each step feel like agony. 

Close proximity to the frequency manipulating stand must increase the potency of its ability, so it was doubly imperative that they pull this move now, before Terezi decided to humor her and move in close enough to completely disable her stand. Jade’s head felt like it was being split in two as the sounds coming from Evanescence continued to increase in volume and intensity, but she was almost there. One more step and… Now.

A wave of heat erupted from the wall adjacent to the left of Terezi. Evanescence caught the full blast of the attack. The damage was reflected on its user, as Terezi’s skin began to blister and she howled in pain. Much of the skin of her hands became red as the burns intensified, causing her to almost stumble and fall on her face. 

The location of their current battle was a small alleyway between two buildings. The one to the right of Terezi was a store that had once sold an assortment of decorative knickknacks and curiosities of a western theme. The one to the left was a spa, the only one in town. It wasn’t a very large place, but business was booming in part because of the fact that the spa held the only sauna within thirty kilometers. The locals enjoyed the sauna, seeing it as a great way to relieve stress. Because of that, the place’s electricity bill was quite high, in part due to the need to keep the furnace on at all times.

And as it happened, Jade had remembered where the furnace was when the spa owner had given her, Dave and Rose a tour last week, after they had bought John’s new jacket. (They didn’t actually use the spa though, but that massage she had was just what the doctor ordered)

All Jade had to do was cause the heat from within the furnace to be fired out, a feat made easy by Space Oddity’s effects even in its weakened state. And the thing with heat, the thing that most movies seem to forget, was that it could get everywhere. In the movies one could stand next to a lava flow with the worse thing happening to you was a little sweat. In real life, the excess heat emanating from the lava would cause some very grievous burns. Because of that, Space Oddity was able to inflict damage without being close enough for Evanescence’s effects to fully disable her stand.

The attack didn’t come with a cost. Since the heat went everywhere, Terezi wasn’t the only one injured. Jade’s arms were red and raw, blistering at the same rate as Terezi’s skin. The heat had done a number on the two of them, perhaps even worse for Jade given her weaker constitution. But despite receiving worse burns that would probably prevent her from getting much use of her arms she had one advantage over Terezi here.

She could use her stand completely, while Terezi was using the ability of someone else. An ability she was not familiar with. More importantly, an ability that was primarily tied to its user’s moods.

The injuries inflicted on the blind stand user had unsurprisingly driven her into a state of fury. The frequencies it began to release were no longer the ones that disabled stands. It continued to be an ear-shattering noise though, but rather than disable stands it was one that shattered glass. Both Jade’s and Terezi’s glasses cracked, forcing the two to discard them before the shards got into their eyes.

Which was a bad decision for Jade, seeing as her vision was not exactly the best. At most, she could clearly see objects within ten to fifteen meters of her with passable clarity. Beyond that, she could only make out the blob-like outlines of objects. Still, it was better than Terezi’s condition, though only relatively.

Whereas Jade still had a modicum of sight, she doubted that Terezi could see anything with her eyes. They were milky white, with faint traces of blue near the center. Jade couldn’t help but wonder if she’d been born blind, or if something befell her that took away her eyesight. Given how unusually experienced in combat she and her comrades were, Jade had a nagging feeling that it was lost in some horrific stand related accident. Or perhaps it was something more mundane since that was just as likely. 

Whatever the reason for her blindness, it certainly didn’t stop Terezi. She rubbed her ear with a finger, more out of the novelty of doing that act after accidentally releasing that defeaning noise. Then she cackled, and placed a hand on the top of her cane. Slowly she pulled out a blade, a short one half the size of the cane being used as its hilt. She pointed it theatrically at Jade. “Oh, you are going down, rich girl. Karkat!”

Behind Jade the pile of rats had finally formed up into a vaguely ordered formation. Most of the creatures were bleeding and badly cut up from when they had bitten into one another. Some were even dead, but the rest had finally been put back into the control of their stand user. One of the rats stepped forward, and from the flesh growth in its ear a harsh, raspy voice spoke. “The hell, Terezi? Don’t tell me you want to get into that shitty ‘this is my battle’ bullshit?”

“You understand me too well, Karkles!” The whimsy in Terezi’s voice was still there, but by and large anger had replaced it. “Nobody gets the best of Terezi Pyrope!”

“That’s some shit I’d hear from fucking Vriska, not you!” Karkat yelled. At once the rats charged forward, intent on taking Jade down and ending this battle once and for all.

With the sheer number of creatures under his control Karkat could most certainly do that. He didn’t need the refined level of control Terezi had with More Than A Feeling to simply overwhelm Jade with numbers. That presumes of course, that Space Oddity didn’t already have the full breadth of its powers back since Terezi was too agitated to focus on creating the stand-disrupting frequency. 

Wait, that’s exactly what happened.

The air around Space Oddity wobbled for a second, before returning to normal. Jade’s ears were still ringing from the force of sounds unleashed by Evanescence, which compounded the damage she’d done to herself with the risky move to displace the heat from the furnace. Despite her wounds, she could feel her strength returning to her again, now that the sound was gone. And with the return of that strength came the peerless power of her stand. 

The first wave of rats to reach Jade was never seen again, disappearing as they made their mad dash towards her. The warp field to her back had been linked to the furnace. She felt a little guilty for killing these animals that had only been mind-controlled, but Jade needed to get rid of them fast. She still needed to take care of Terezi before she regained her composure and use that stand suppressing frequency again.

In front of her Evanescence was releasing another frequency, but it might as well have been hitting air. The frequency it was releasing was another powerful one, though this one was not the same as the glass shattering noise from earlier. Instead it was a deep bass, the kind that could be compared to granite grinding against granite. Whatever the sound was, it couldn’t possibly penetrate Space Oddity’s nigh-impregnable defense. The warp field Jade’s stand generates allowed her to redirect everything, so long as it occupies space. Rather than hit her, the sound phased through harmlessly and struck the swarm of rats instead.

As she saw her attack redirected, Terezi smirked. Jade wondered why she still exuded such confidence, until she looked down to where Evanescence’s true target was. The frequencies she had unleashed with her borrowed stand were the same released by earthquakes, albeit on a scaled down level. The walls around her, and the ground beneath Jade shook violently, and while the risks of the former falling down on her was minimal due to Space Oddity’s power, the latter was much dangerous.

Theoretically Jade could create a bubble of space around her that would make her completely impervious to harm. Now she no longer needed to create a field around her stand’s feet so it could be used to walk around at a distance, since her physical form could move freely once more. But a complete bubble of impenetrable space carried risks with it. She would be cut off from oxygen by creating such a bubble, for instance. Besides that, she was simply not used to using her stand in such a manner; there had never been a need before.

Jade was pulled off her feet, falling to the ground. Blood welled from head from when it hit the pavement, with the sidewalk around her cracked. The frequencies from Evanescence continued to be released, and at the rate it was going would cause the ground beneath Jade’s feet to completely shatter.

But she wasn’t beaten yet. The air around her and Space Oddity rippled once again as she changed the direction the warp field was pointing at. Suddenly Jade ‘fell’ into the road. The new warp field had been aimed below her, a quick attempt on Jade’s part to escape the miniature earthquake. She reappeared just above Terezi at that moment, but rather than fall on the blind stand user, the field Space Oddity created brought her higher above her enemies. All the while, the air around Space Oddity continued to ripple as she constantly readjusted the field.

More than a little annoyed by her enemy’s constant attempts at escaping her attacks, Terezi readjusted the frequencies Evanescence was generating. Rage wasn’t working against her. In any case, that wasn’t Terezi’s preferred method of combat anyway. Instead of the frequencies that generated earthquakes, she now attacked Jade with something more potent. The stand-disrupting frequencies were unleashed again.

“Shit!” Jade cursed. She received a full on blast aimed directly at her, which had evidently worked. Instead of continuing to rise upwards as she fell, gravity had once again been implemented the way it was supposed to. She fell to the ground, and for a second it seemed like it was the end for her, until something miraculous happened.

The swarm of rats falling out of the sky and on top of Terezi, the control placed on them completely gone.

Jade still fell face-first to the ground, but rather than be splattered on the pavement the worst injury she received was a minor head wound. Space Oddity’s effect had not really been dispersed. It would have, if the warp field it generated still exited at a distance several meters above her, allowing the frequencies to hit her. Instead, the frequencies had been phased through a different location. 

So she aimed it at something else, namely the substantial number of remaining rats still under Karkat’s control. Or rather, was under his control. Jade had realized that there was another reason for his hesitation in merely swarming her, beyond his likely mediocre skill at using More Than A Feeling. If he got too close to Jade, the rats would be within the range of Evanescence. If they were struck by the effects of the stand’s frequencies, then they would return to their feral instincts, likely worsened by the after-effects of More Than A Feeling on them.

Which is exactly what happened. 

Terezi waved her cane around and had Evanescence handle the rats directly, but it wasn’t what her borrowed stand was built for. Much like Space Oddity, its physical abilities were mundane. She rapidly changed the frequencies Evanescence was using, from stand disruption to a softer, more soothing sound. Had she attempted something more powerful on the rats they would likely go berserk. The rats around her ceased trying to bite her face off as the siren’s song did its work, calming them down.

Too bad it didn’t work so well on vaguely canine stands.

Space Oddity’s fist emerged below Terezi’s chin in a swinging uppercut. A second blow followed as Jade’s cane emerged at the back of the blind stand user’s feet, dropping Terezi to the ground. The air rippled around Jade and her stand once again as she teleported herself over the fallen stand user, the butt of her cane pointed above Terezi’s neck.

“Make a move,” Jade warned hesitantly. “And this goes through your throat.”

Despite it all, Terezi was defiant, cackling till the end. “I’d like to see you try you spoiled brat! You’re too soft for that, not like your other friends!”

Jade wouldn’t get the chance to see if she could really go through with it. A hooded man ran towards them, yanking something teal out of his neck and jabbing a small blue stick in its place. Immediately something large, muscular and four armed emerged from behind him. Scissor Sister.

A torrent of punches would do jack squat against Jade, but Scissor Sister was still fast enough to pull Terezi into its arms. 

“Karkat, damn it!” Terezi yelled at her savior. “I had her!”

“Fuck no you don’t, Pyrope!” The hooded man pulled his hood off to reveal a face with a sickly palor, cold sweat dripping down his face. His left eye was twitching, and a patch of skin below his neck was colored black. “I told you she was too fucking strong! We should just focus on Joestar! He’s our only target anyway!”

Terezi hit his head with her cane. “Damn it Karkat! You idiot!”

He merely snarled at Terezi, before turning to face Jade. “We’ll be back, you furry fuck!”   
With that said they left, making use of Scissor Sister’s speed and strength to jump up the rooftops and escape from there. By the time the police and the Foundation had finally arrived, they had escaped. The Foundation covered up the fight between the three stand users as best they could, but the localized tremor would take some tin-foil hat wearing to sound even remotely plausible. 

They weren’t the only people to greet a tired Jade. Slick was there, along with Rose and Dave. There was a conspicuous lack of John, which greatly worried Jade. After what she had just learned, they needed to get to him as quickly as possible. But first, she had to endure some berating from her guardian and friends.

“I’m starting to think you have a death wish.” Rose commented with a sigh. “Has your newfound mobility gotten into your head and prompted you to throat caution into the wind?”

“Too harsh Lalonde.” Dave chided, but he turned to Jade and tsked. “But she has a point. Even us poor people got these things called cellphones too, you know?”

“Did you kill them?” Was all Slick asked.

“No, sorry. I threw an uppercut at one of them, though.” Jade answered.

That pleased Slick well enough. “Aim for the neck next time.”

Part of Jade felt somewhat disappointed that the comments thrown at her weren’t really that disparaging. She felt like she deserved to be berated more for what had been in hindsight a mostly ego-fueled hunt for a dangerous foe. But at least something came out of it, as she had seen the methods they used to create multiple stand users and their next target, which they explained promptly.

“Troubling.” Rose said. “I suppose we can write off ‘world domination’ from the enemy’s objectives, and write in ‘depraved cult ritual’ instead.”

“You don’t know that maybe going all murder culty with John’s like the secret to ruling the world.” Dave suggested. “You made a big fuss about how important his bloodline is after all.”

“Well, whoever’s the mastermind of the Stand Arrow’s theft, they must be someone intimately familiar with the Joestars.” Jade mused. “What’s important now is that we keep John safe.”

Dave nodded. “Like what, a bodyguard, that kinda shit?” 

“I suppose we serve that role already, especially you Dave. You live with him after all.” Rose pointed out.

“Not by choice.” Dave shrugged.

“Yeah, but Dave can’t be everywhere with him. Neither can any of us, really.” Jade said. He could be attacked at any time, so they needed someone who could protect John around the clock. “We need a better alternative, someone who isn’t hampered by any other duties…”

All heads briefly turned to Slick, before turning away just as quickly. No, that would be disastrous. There was little doubt that Slick was good at his job, but he wasn’t exactly someone John would want to be around him all the time. John, Rose and Dave all thought he still held a grudge after their big fight with him and the only reason Slick hasn’t tried to gut any of them was because of Jade. One other option remained to them, though.

PM. She was one of the Foundation’s strongest stand users, more than capable of protecting John against many threats. More importantly, she was also better at handling social situations than Slick was. Despite her having certain tendencies towards loud outbursts whenever the subject of the mailing system is brought up, she was more or less a level-headed person compared to her scruffy, knife happy counterpart. She also actually liked John and his friends, as opposed to mostly tolerating them because Jade asked him to. 

Currently she was overseeing Sollux’s transfer to the Foundation’s new stand user holding center, but she’ll be back soon. There wasn’t any doubt that she’d accept this task. Beyond doing her job to the best of her ability, PM would also enjoy the opportunity to protect a Joestar. Assisting the Joestars was one of the main tasks of the Foundation, and to be allowed to uphold this duty was something that could be considered sacred for someone so loyal to the Foundation. 

The only problem was if John would actually want protection. They doubted that John would want someone watching over his head all the time. Now, it wasn’t like he’d actually reject their suggestion, far from it. But just because he would not visibly object to having a bodyguard doesn’t mean he would not be uncomfortable with it. While his comfort will always take a backseat to his safety as far as his friends were concerned, it was still important to all of them that John would not dislike having a bodyguard.

Ultimately this was all just speculation. With John, the easiest way to find out his thoughts on something was by asking him. Which they could do right now, as John approached his friends with several plastic bags in tow. As it turned out, the line at the Chinese restaurant was a lot longer than he expected it to be, especially when his Szechuan chicken needed half an hour before it would finish being cooked. But he got the food, with enough for everyone to have a share. Post-victory eating was always fun. By the looks on his friends’ faces though, now was not the time for that.

"Good evening, John. We need to tell you something.” Rose placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and explained what had happened, the battle between Terezi and Jade, as well as Karkat accidentally revealing their true intentions to them, and what they needed to do from here on out.

“…oh.” John’s shoulders slumped. This wasn’t what he expected to hear when he was told that Jade had just beaten a dangerous stand user, specifically the one who kicked their ass last time. “Well, just my luck that I’m the new [McGuffin] now.”

“Don’t worry John!” Jade reassured him. “We’ll all be here to keep you safe and sound. Especially PM!”

“Well, at least it’s not that guy.” He pointed a thumb at Slick. “I’d be kinda worried if it was him to be honest.”

Slick merely snorted, and wheeled his chair the out of John’s sight. 

“So you ok with havin’ some lady followin’ you around all the time to make sure no one jumps you?” Dave asked, eyebrow raised. 

“I guess.” He shrugged. “I mean Miss PM’s pretty nice so that’s ok by me.”

“Good.” Rose said. “Unlike with the [Arrow], we will ensure that nothing will happen to you. You’re going to be the safest guy on campus, John.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo fighting, and more Team Terezi messing up.
> 
> Also, stand stats
> 
> Stand Name: More Than A Feeling  
> Stand User: Terezi  
> Destructive Power: E  
> Speed: C  
> Range: A  
> Durability: D  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: C  
> Ability: Generates fungi that can be spread via touch. Once the fungi grows the user can use the senses of the infected as if it were their own, or have the infected use the senses of other infected.


	25. John: Be Lonely.

Four days, thirteen hours, ten minutes and twenty five seconds later, John continued to be safe. Since the last two attacks perpetrated by Sollux, Karkat and Terezi things have been relatively peaceful at Speedwagon University. No one had tried to threaten John or his friends with murder, nor were there any sightings of the enemy stand users. Once again they had become frustratingly invisible, despite the best efforts of the Foundation.

It was really peculiar how they were able to hide so well now. The search for the enemy stand users’ new hideout was twice as thorough as the previous hunt had been before, but their efforts were still mostly fruitless. Many hypotheses had been made for how they were able to hide themselves so well, ranging from Terezi using her stand’s ability to deter would-be investigators, to the exceedingly isolated possibility that their hiding spot was actually a turtle possessed of a stand that had a pocket dimension inside its shell. Whatever the case, however and wherever they were hiding now, finding them looked impossible.

No one was more frustrated about this than PM, a tall woman in a white suit currently serving as John’s bodyguard. During the last stand battle between the two groups John’s friend Jade had learned that he was the current target of the cabal of evil stand users. Why they needed him was a mystery, but a much smaller number of theories than the hideout conundrum had been brought up, the most obvious one being his bloodline.

John groaned, frustrated at both his recent predicaments and this really boring movie he was required to watch for film class. It was an indie film about a man who had recently learned that he had inherited a large sum of money from unknown relatives and currently had trouble with practically everyone because of it. That the mediocre film he needed to watch happened to be relevant to the current state of his life right now annoyed him even more.

“Yo, dude.” His roommate and best friend Dave called from his bed across the room. “Mind not getting’ too into that porno you’re watchin’? Guy’s gotta study.”

“I wish it was something half as interesting as that.” John grumbled. “How’s things over at Goldblum central?”

“Meh.” Dave shrugged. “Somehow I ain’t lagging behind on my classes, so I can’t complain. You?”

John answered with continued grumbling. As of late his grades had been suffering due to the stress this business with stands was causing him. He wasn’t going to fail anything, but it could still be better. “This sucks.”

“So you are watching something lewd. Shame on you, John Joestar.”

He wasn’t going to dignify that with a verbal retort, so John blasted his friend’s face with a gust of air with his stand. “Well I’m not the one guzzling piss all the time, like some snippy people I can mention.”

Dave looked at the cabinet next to the head of his bed, where an open bottle of apple juice stood next to some half-eaten cinnamon buns. “Not fallin’ for that again, Joestar.”

“Sure you just haven’t gotten used to the taste, Strider?” John stretched his arms and lied down on his back, yawning. “No shame in that man, I won’t judge.”

Dave looked at the bottle of apple juice again with some hesitation. “Godamn it John. Is that any way a Joestar should act?” 

“Well apparently my great grandpa was kind of a sneaky dick, so yeah.” John shrugged. 

“Whatever.” Dave closed the textbook he was reading and headed into their bathroom, taking a few clothes from his closet along the way. When he emerged he was clad in a dark purple suit trimmed with red. The collar of the suit was curiously shaped like the outstretched wings of a crow. “Well, gotta go. Unlike some people I know, I have a social life.”

John didn’t actually know where his friend was headed today, but he wasn’t really interested enough to ask. If Dave wanted him to know where he was going he’d tell him. Besides, even if he was curious it wasn’t John’s business to snoop into the affairs of his friends, unless they dropped some interesting tidbits about it or if there was nothing else for him to do. Recents events have taught John the importance of privacy and not prying into other people’s lives too much.

Once he’d double-checked that he had the right silver cufflinks on the sleeves of his suit, Dave opened the door out of their room, to be met with the gaunt but powerful face of John’s bodyguard, PM.

“Good evening, mister Strider.” She greeted with a nod. “Leaving for a night out at town?”

“You got it.” Dave nodded. “It’ll just be you and Joestar ‘till I get back.”

“Enjoy yourself, young man.” PM smiled. “Make sure you are not followed on your way back. Remember to take the route I had recommended to maintain the security protocol.”

“Yes ma’am, have fun, but not too much.” He turned his head to John and made an ever so slight twitch of the corners of his mouth, before leaving John with his erstwhile guardian.

John rolled his eyes, shooing his friend with a dismissive wave of his hand. Truth be told, he wasn’t as annoyed at PM’s…thoroughness as he thought he should be. She understood John’s boundaries and respected them, even if at times said boundaries seemed to shrink or be more or less non-existent. She was likely channeling her frustration at not being able to find the enemy stand users’ hideout into protecting him. 

Having PM as a guard turned out to be a little more frustrating than John expected it to be. PM was dedicated to her job. Very dedicated. So much so that she moved from whatever apartment she lived in here at Doughty to live right next door to him and Dave. She followed him everywhere, always at a respectable distance, always from somewhere where she could see him. Yesterday he saw her sitting on a branch, watching him from a window as he took a class. The day before that she had evidently infiltrated one of the school’s commissaries because she definitely did not look like a Mister Lennon von Harrison, not with a fake moustache like the one she wore. He was starting to think that maybe it would be better to have Slick as a bodyguard. At least when he glowered and casually threatened random students while brandishing a butterfly knife he wouldn’t do it while standing atop the roof of a building.

That isn’t to say there weren’t any benefits, though. John got a kick out of watching PM inspect Dave with a magnifying glass every time he went back to their room, just in case he was an enemy stand user in disguise. There were other moments like that too, such as PM double checking Rose’s skirt in case the rhinestones on them had turned out to be micro bombs ready to set off at any time or that one time she tackled Equius to the ground because he mentioned that he was suspicious of him.

Even then, the good only slightly outweighed the bad. John supposed that since he hadn’t been attacked since PM began standing watch over him that it was working, so perhaps he should just grin and bear it. Perhaps.

With no friend to complain to or be complained at John was able to power through the rest of the movie and finishing taking notes on it. He even managed to finish reading up on his non-cinematography related schoolwork, even his history books. For the first time he had actually managed to make progress with his studies! This called for celebration. Normally he would call his friends for some fun-filled hangout time where they did nothing but watch good movies or watch hilariously bad ones and start nitpicking at everything they didn’t like about that movie. Tonight though he knew that they were all too busy for awesome movie times. Rose had mysteriously called her activity for tonight ‘The Affair’, Dave was off doing weird Dave stuff, while Jade was apparently doing something that required he not be there. 

He didn’t hold it against his friends. John could perfectly have fun without them. In fact, he already knew what fun activity he was going to partake in tonight. Yes, it was going to be great, and his friends would regret that they had not come with him to the Best Night Ever. 

John got up, changed into his Fancy Blue Clothes, and stepped out of the room and went towards the elevator. Behind him PM followed, as he expected she would. Well, that was fine with John. After all, on the Best Night Ever, you needed someone to be there and stand witness, and who better than your bald bodyguard who happened to have a magic punch ghost(and one you you’ve never seen before, so it was also a mysterious punch ghost)?

He stopped just outside their dormitory to consider his options. There were a lot of cool, rad places that an up and coming man of the world like John could go to on this fine evening. He could watch a movie at the theater, calling upon his veritable army of friends to accompany him on such a fun romp around town. He could go to one of the town’s nightclubs, of which there were a disproportionately high number of despite Doughty being (or because) a university, also another great place to call on his army of other friends who were available and not off being happy without him. Alternatively he could eat at Olive Garden. Everyone loves Olive Garden. Really, John’s options were practically limitless. The world was his oyster, and why share your reasonably priced shellfish with anybody else?

John opened his phone up, and checked his contacts. There was… nah, not Jimmy. Jimmy was kinda weird and not in a fun way. He could ask Chang who… nope. Not Chang. They barely talk outside of math class, and he didn’t want to ruin a healthy acquaintanship based on their mutual desire not to fail Professor Ghiriga’s class. What about…nope. Nah. Not that one. Certainly not Sherry, or Foo. Foo was too cool for him, too cool for school. That left him with…

Of course! How could John forget those guys? Aradia, Tavros and Nepeta were his friends too. They had all dined at Olive Garden together, and nothing welds a disparate group together than reasonably priced, slightly greasy pasta. He should have thought of them sooner. He quickly messaged each and every one of them, asking if they would enjoy a friendly evening of doing…something. The sheer number of fun awesome things John could be doing with his life still continued to overwhelm him to the point of indecision. Maybe they would have options for him though, he hoped.

It didn’t take very long for them to reply. First to heed his call had been Tavros. He didn’t really know the guy much, but by all accounts he was a stand-up guy, if a little on the shy side. Surely he would-

Uh, sorry John. I’m DMing tonight.

Oh. Well, that’s fine. Messaging him had been a spur of the moment thing. John   
half-expected that he might have something else to do tonight, preventing him from joining John for a night of great times. Perhaps the next messager, Aradia, would accept.

Hi! You caught me at a bad time John, I have a paper due in two days and I’m kind of rushing to finish it. Maybe next time.

Well, that was a shame. John should have expected as much. The history department was a pretty big deal in this University. It was a merciless course that spat out the weak and unfit. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ended up causing her to fail because he wanted to hang out. So that left-

Hey John, it’s meow, Nepeta! Poor Purrcey the Persian is sick and I have to keep watch over him, so I can’t leave the dorm room. Mew should ask Equius, I’m sure he’d love to join you. Have a nyanderful evenyan!

Some of those cat puns sounded way too forced. Well, them’s the breaks. John could only hope that Purrcey the Persian would get better soon. Nepeta did love her cats very much, so he couldn’t begrudge her in trying to prioritize their care. That’s what he would do if he had a pet at school. 

Sadly, with Nepeta being too busy as well that left John with no one to go have fun with tonight. No one at all. It was a saddening thought that he’d have to go alone, without any friends to spend his time with, but John was a big boy now. He can have a good time by himself, if he wanted to. And besides that, he wasn’t really alone. PM continued to stand at a respectable distance from him, right leg crossed over her left with one hand at her hip and another bent over behind her shoulder. She was probably pretty fun to hang out with.

Eventually John decided on having dinner at one of the town’s many steakhouses. This being Texas there was no end to those types of restaurants, but curiously enough John had never eaten in any of them before. Well, he’d have no better time than right now to try one. He left the University on foot, finding himself looking forward to that steak dinner despite the lack of good friends to enjoy it with.

To be precise, there were four steakhouses in Doughty. One of them was too expensive for him, while two more had a blatantly stereotypical cowboy theme that completely annoyed John with how excessively cheesy it was. Even the people who were clearly locals had been affecting an atrociously exaggerated Texan Accent. That left John with only one steakhouse, which thankfully did not have a long wait time. In a matter of minutes he had found himself seated at a booth table, with PM watching over him at the table adjacent to his position. 

In terms of ambiance, this steakhouse was much better than the others. The expensive one tried too hard to seem sophisticated; they even had a valet dressed up in a ludicrous butler costume. The kitschy tourist traps went the opposite way to the point of absurdity. This one struck a fine balance that pleased John aesthetically. And the price wasn’t half-bad either.

As for the food itself, it wasn’t that bad at all. John figured that it’d be sub-par, but whoever cooked his sirloin steak did it just right, the beef being soft enough that he would have thought this was wagyu and not the regular angus beef you could get practically anywhere. The white gravy that came with it complemented the beef as well. Really, all that was missing right now was his best frie-

John put his silverware down and called for the bill. He’d had enough food for tonight. The service got to him fast enough, and once he’d paid the waiter in cash John quickly left the restaurant. He felt ridiculous, brooding over this. They were his friends, but they also had lives outside of hanging out with him. They didn’t need their fearless Joestar leader all the time.

He sighed, summoning MC Hammer. The stand of wind gently tapped its master on the back of his head. Fearless Joestar leader indeed. This entire business was really getting to him now. First they had to fight to protect some magic arrow that they ended up losing anyway, and now it turns out he was part of a super special magical bloodline, complete with a secret order ran by a conglomerate dedicated to protecting him. And because of said bloodline he was now the target of a group of demented stand users who need him for their freaky blair witch cult ritual.

John really didn’t want to go back to the dorm room right now, but at the same time he wasn’t in the mood to do anything else tonight except sulk. So he went the long route, walking back to the university through the entrance farthest from his dormitory. It was easier for him to keep his mind out of these thoughts if he was moving around. Part of John’s mind told himself that this was a great way to get ambushed by Terezi or Vriska, but he reassured himself that as long as PM was around no one was going to dare attack him.

Assuming of course, that PM wouldn’t just disappear the moment he turned his back to her. 

John was apprehensive. There was no way PM would just up and vanish like that. He’d known her to be someone completely dedicated to her job, especially if that job was protecting a Joestar. For the past few days she had never been more than a hundred meters away from him. She would not simply disappear without a trace, not without telling him. 

Common sense told John that maybe she just went to the bathroom in one of the public stalls, and will be back soon enough. John told common sense to shove it where the sun does not shine. Knowing PM she would at least tell him first or maybe wear one of those adult diapers so she need not have bothered with actually using the toiletries. Knowing this school, the public toilets continued to be rancid, disgusting cesspools of ick. They had been since he first came to this university, and they still were the last time he used one. No way PM would use any of the public toilets.

Once again common sense tried to eke out a win. There were a dozen other possible reasons for why his guardian was nowhere to be seen. Once again John decided to deny them all, since when had common sense ever done him any good ever since he got in bed with all this stand related crazy? The only time common sense was ever right was when he used it to assume the worse. Like PM being ambushed by an enemy stand user.

It was the only rational explanation. PM may have been reputed to be a stand user on par with the vicious Slick, but she was still only one woman. The enemy had powerful stand users even if their numbers had been reduced greatly. After all, it only took three of them to beat Slick, so it was entirely likely that she could beaten herself. On a somewhat related note, it struck John as weird that he had never really seen PM in action, and since she’d been here something always came up that would conveniently prevent her from intervening.

Currently John was at the center of school, at the university’s park. He was completely out in the open here. There were a few gazebos here and there, and if John hurried he could reach one of the university buildings. A few of them still had their lights on, as the students who had evening classes continued their work. But it could also be a trap, meant to lure him into a false sense of security. The moment he rushed into one of the buildings he would likely end up being jumped by the same people who’d done in PM. But if he stayed out here, he’d be more of a sitting duck. Even if Sollux had been beaten there was still a chance that they had a stand user with a powerful ranged attack, especially since they have the Arrow.

So John hurried into one of the gazebos and opened his phone. Quickly he messaged all his friends of what had just happened and where he was. Even if there was a tiny chance that PM really was just using the bathroom it was better to be safe than sorry. If Dave was going to bother him for the next month or so about crying wolf then at least that meant he had a month or so of not having his heart ripped out and offered to whatever dark god these stand users worshipped. His safety was important not just to himself but to his friends. It took less than ten minutes since he had he messaged them for their replies to start coming in.

Stay where you are. Help will arrive soon. Astonishing how you keep getting into messes like these, really. Try not to set the park on fire like the factory.

fuck fuck dont do anythin Jade or Lalonde would do be smooth sensible fucker and wait the shit for your best buds and their kickass stands

:0 were on our way! Im going to start calling every stand user we know after this call so please don’t do anything rash! if you have to fight then fight smart, and fight hard John! I know you can hold on, no, even win!

John smiled, but continued to hold his breath. Help was on the way, but they weren’t here just yet. So he needed to be prudent and do what his friends said. No heroics. Dying in vain trying to fight these unseen stand users would neither be heroic nor just. Even though part of him (the part he was already considering was his [Joestar part]) wanted to fight, another part told him to not be stupid and wait for reinforcements (confusingly, he also considered this aspect of his personality to be the [Joestar part] as well).

So John continued to wait. By his reckoning only three minutes had passed since he hid inside the gazebo and began waiting for his friends. He was ducking underneath the table at the moment, his stand MC Hammer out and ready to intercept any enemies that came his way. A direct attack was unlikely since he was dealing with stand users, but no move, no matter how devious could hope to match a full powered whirlwind attack from his stand. But even then, he wasn’t sure the attack would be any strong. The tension was starting to get to him, making his breathing ragged and uneven. He needed to calm down if his attacks were going to do any damage.

“Mister Joestar.” A voice said from behind him. “What are you doing underneath the table?”  
John jumped up, startled. Ordinarily his head would have bumped into the table over him but since his stand was out he instead caused it to completely flip over thanks to a surprise whirlwind. He scrambled onto his feet, taking up a boxer’s stance that was mirrored by his own stand. “PM!? Where have you been?”

That had been startling, to the say the least. PM simply appeared out of nowhere beside him, bent down on her knees with one hand on the table looking worried. When John had flipped the table over she stood up and patted her knees, looking at him like he’d said something completely idiotic. “Apologies, Mister Joestar. I had entered one of the university’s public bathrooms to wash my hands when I received a phone call from Miss Jade asking how you’ve been. I apologize for not telling you were I was.”

Oh. Well John felt stupid. Maybe deep down he only panicked that way out of some suppressed psychological desire to call the attention of his friends, who lately he felt weren’t really there for him. Oh well no harm done here, he will just have to tell Dave and the others it was a false alarm and-

Wait.

Wait a minute. 

Something didn’t add up.

“When did you call Jade?” He asked.

PM raised an eyebrow. “Ten to fifteen minutes ago, Mister Joestar.”

“Ah, okay.” 

“I understand your fears Mister Joestar but there is nothing to worry about now. Please call off your stand, you are safe now.”

“Yeah, I will be.” He took a deep breath, and steadied himself.

And that was when John blasted PM away with a whirlwind, along with most of the gazebo. PM and most of the plaster tiles landed in a heap a few meters away. Slowly he backed away from the ruined gazebo, keeping his gaze set on the ruined gazebo.

PM’s story didn’t add up. The last time John saw her had been roughly twenty to twenty six minutes ago, when they had passed by the university library, which was closed for the night. From there to their current location in the park right now there were only three public toilets, each one quite close with each other, and more to the point, located beyond the library. 

And that wasn’t even getting to the damning part. If she really did receive a call from Jade a few minutes ago then his friend would have messaged him about it after he had told them of her disappearance in order to allay John’s fears. More to the point, Jade would be too busy calling everyone else to call PM. That meant only two things to John; that this PM was a fake, disguising herself with the effects of a stand, or the real PM had been mind controlled somehow.

Either way, he wasn’t going to wait around to see which was which. And neither was PM going to either. He saw a couple of wooden posts dislodge themselves from the pile, but nothing came out of the ruined gazebo, at least not outwardly.

Instead, an arm appeared from underneath him and tried to grab his leg. Reflexively he flew upwards on a whirlwind caused by MC Hammer before it could grasp him. He saw the arm sink back into the ground, curiously causing no earth to be moved around by the movement. John landed on top of a willow tree, hiding underneath its many branches. Whatever that arm was it was undoubtedly the effect of PM’s stand. From where he crouched right now he was cautiously confident that it won’t be appearing here without him seeing and blowing it away.

On that John was right. So instead of an arm coming at him, it was a pair of grenades rolling out of a small holes at the end of the portion of the tree trunk right next to the branch John stood on.

The explosion was deafening. MC Hammer shielded John from the bulk of the blast, firing off a swirling vortex to redirect most of the explosion. It wasn’t enough to prevent John from falling out of the tree and have most of the tree fall on him. The only sound John heard before fell unconscious was PM’s voice, which had now gained a robotic tone.

“Duran Duran.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's fucked?
> 
> This'll likely be the last update of the year because holidays, I hope you all enjoy this one.


	26. Rose, Dave, Jade: Aggrieve

John Joestar had been kidnapped.

The enemy stand users had gotten to him. Everyone who was available had gathered around what was left of the gazebo John was hiding in. The only indication that their friend had even been here, besides the property destruction usually left in the wake of MC Hammer doing its thing, was his cellphone, found underneath all the rubble. It was frustrating. They had struck at a point no one had seen coming. Never had they expected there to be a traitor amongst them. 

“She’s not a traitor!” Jade insisted. “It must have been Terezi! Her stand can control people, maybe they got to her!”

“This don’t look like freaky meat flower mind control Jade.” Dave pointed out. “Shit you were just tellin’ me when we were runnin’ over here that Terezi’s mushroom things don’t last that long.”

Jade yanked Dave by the collar and pulled him close, glaring into his shades with unconcealed anger. “She. Is. Not. A. Traitor.” 

“Well whatever she is she kidnapped our fuckin’ best friend!” Dave shouted back, gritting his teeth. "If that ain't traitor bullshit I don't know what is."

Rose walked over to the arguing pair and placed a hand on both of them. “Enough, the two of you. We couldn’t have known this would have happened. PM’s loyalty was absolute.”

Except, in retrospect, it wasn’t. How many times had she suddenly disappeared without warning, just when they needed a powerful stand user around? PM was supposed to be guarding the stand prison at the hospital during the vampire attack, but she conveniently disappeared, apparently having been distracted by a wild goose chase in her search for the enemy stand users’ hideout. When the Arrow was taken, PM was attacked by Terezi’s stand and had been taken out of the picture. The possibility of her mind having been tampered wasn’t out of the realm of impossibility, but whether by her own will or by that of another PM still kidnapped John.

“This is my fault.” Jade said quietly. “I took their bait. When Karkat blurted out that they were after John, I suggested that PM guard him.”

Dave shook his head, taking their sullen friend’s hand into his and squeezing it lightly.

That wasn’t true. All of them had agreed that PM would make a good bodyguard for their friend, not just Jade. The possibility that the attack on John and Jade had all been a ploy to plant that suggestion into their minds was quite real, but ultimately irrelevant right now. Their focus needed to be finding John.

A familiar mist surrounded the area where the battle had been fought. When John had called his friends about the attack, it wasn’t just her, Dave and Jade who came. Tavros and Aradia were with them, the latter summoning her horned stand Sabaton. The mist it generated had the ability to create constructs from the mist based on whatever had destroyed the objects it touched. At the moment, it had generated a swirling corkscrew in the air, a pair of grenades, and an arm that was quite likely PM’s.

It wasn’t much, but it at least confirmed that the battle here had been between John and PM. Any leads acquired were welcome. Jade approached the arm that Sabaton had constructed to take a closer look. When she did, there was a pained expression in her eyes.

“Is it your friend PM’s?” Aradia asked.

“It’s PM’s.” She confirmed. “The tattoos on the skin are the sign that her stand, Duran Duran, is active.”

Rose joined her friend. Creating a light with her own stand Lovin’ Spoonful, she could better see the tiny cursive writing on the hand construct. It was in latin, and covered the entirety of the [skin] without leaving even a tiny space of skin unwritten. This was the first time Rose had ever seen a stand like this. 

“What is the power of Duran Duran?” She asked Jade. “We need to be prepared to battle her.”

“Okay.” Jade nodded. She was understandably dismayed with recent events, but carried on regardless for John’s sake. “Duran Duran is PM’s stand. It’s an ability that is bound to her skin. It allows her to enter any opening and pass through them no matter the size, but if I remember correctly passageways that are too small may hinder her path, even trap her if she isn’t too careful. Anything she touches she can also drag into the entrances, but I don’t know what would happen if she let go while you were inside.”

“I see. Thank you Jade.” Rose summoned the book portion of Lovin’ Spoonful and wrote it down. Since stands were a manifestation of the user’s soul it meant that Rose would remember Jade’s words perfectly if it was written down on the book. She’d been thinking of ways to apply this ability in combat, but not all stands have to be indestructible punch ghosts. “This will be useful information should we find ourselves facing her in combat.”

“I think we’re jumping the gun here everyone.” Dave said, crossing his arms and looking at John’s phone in Jade’s hands. “Shit, we don’t even know where they are. Fightin’ PM and whatever secret evil stand fucker is out there’s one thing, but findin’ them in the first place is another.”

That was true. So far, searching for the enemy stand users’ hideout had been a complete goose chase. The closest they had ever gotten to finding them had been when Rose was taken hostage by Karkat, and even then they were unable to capitalize on this fact. By the time they arrived at the old hideout there was no trace of Vriska and her group to be seen, though looking back they should’ve been thankful that they hadn’t left a bomb behind set to go off on their faces or something of the sort.

“Hah! Knew it!” Said a loud voice. Everyone turned their heads to look at the newcomer, a man dressed up in an old, tattered black suit and an eye patch sitting on a wheelchair. Slick, Jade’s other bodyguard.

“That fucking bitch turned didn’t she? I always knew she would.” He smiled maliciously, savoring every second of this. At least until she saw Jade turn away and cover her face. Then he changed his tune, but only slightly. “But, well, yeah maybe not. Knowing her she’d never do this by her own will. That woman is awful, but she won’t do anything that’ll worry the kid. Least not willingly.”

“Thank you for your input, mister Slick.” Rose rolled her eyes. “I suppose you are here merely to gloat, or is there some other reason why you’d wheeled yourself out of your quarters tonight?”

“That’s a lot of words you’re using just to say fuck off, girl.” Slick spat on the grass. “But I’ll have you know I won’t be here right now when I could be getting myself drunk off my ass for no reason.” He beckoned Rose to come closer, which she did not for safety reasons both hers and Slick’s. “I can track her.”

Despite his shades and the darkness of night the surprise on Dave’s face was evident. “Wait shit, how? Don’t tell me you got a tracking device on her?”

Slick’s smug grin widened. “ ‘Course I do. I always make sure I know where that bitch is so I can avoid her. Been doin’ it for years!” He laughed hard before hocking a glob of phlegm to the ground. The autumn night air was not agreeing with him. “She always thought I was too stupid to pull somethin’ like that on her holier-than-thou ass, but I showed her!”

He pulled a small black box from his suit’s inner pocket and held it up. A circular green screen lit up, showing a blue blip pinging at the top. The screen also showed a rough outline of the area, and with the push of a short knob below the screen Slick was able to zoom the image out, to the point that it covered the entirety of the town and beyond. “Right now she’s at the low-income tenements where you kids fucked up and got the kid hurt. Seems like those snotty brats are holed up there.”

It was astonishing that the enemy stand users would set up their new hideout so close to the old one, but then again Rose could understand the logic behind this. Since PM had been compromised, and she lead the efforts to find their hideout then they could set up anywhere they pleased. It still struck her as odd that they would have their new base near the old one, so there was the possibility that this was merely a way station of sorts, until they could reliably transport John to their real hideout. 

Whatever this place was though didn’t matter right now. PM was there. If they could beat her they should be able to undo whatever mind control was placed on her and find John. There was no time to lose. Rose, Dave, Jade and Slick boarded the car the Speedwagon Foundation loaned them and sped off to the building PM, and hopefully John was.

Hayes Park continued to be Doughty’s messy, run-down underbelly. The damage they had caused a few weeks ago was still there, though at least the debris had been cleaned up. Scaffolding lined the ruined apartment where John had previously fought Sollux, and the street still had cracks on it from Vriska’s attacks. The broken water main had been repaired, but it looked like a rush job that’d likely break down again in a few years. 

After the last battle Rose and John had returned to Hayes Park at several occasions to assist in the search for the enemy stand users. Their efforts were fruitless, but before they had a likely mind-controlled PM with them. Now that that factor was gone Rose was certain that their chances would be much better.

The apartment complex they tracked PM in was another ‘abandoned and closed-off’ one, which didn’t mean anything to the people who lived in this part of town. Still, the building, which was basically a square cube of wood and plaster surrounded by a metal fence, looked eerily empty from the outside. No signs of homeless people living in it at all. Rose hoped this was so, since having non-stand users around in a battle could be troubling at best, especially with the unscrupulous Slick with them.

Rose sighed. Aradia couldn’t come with them here, as she had other things to attend to. She understood. This wasn’t really her fight after all, but perhaps they could have convinced her otherwise. Rose was half expecting Jade to go off on an inspiring speech about friendship and working together to help those in need, with Dave peppering in pithy one liners between each sentence and her making sarcastic remarks. Instead they quietly thanked Aradia for helping out and quietly went off to Hayes. 

At least they still had Slick with them, who was a powerful stand user and someone familiar with PM to boot. As long as they could stop him from ‘accidentally’ killing PM in the fight then his presence here was a welcome one. Plus he wouldn’t give up the tracking device not even to Jade so they had to let him come with them.

Dave summoned his stand, Tenacious D. The moment it manifested beside him another clone appeared behind the fence and opened the gate for them. 

They waited for a second for something to happen to Dave’s clone. When it didn’t wind up dead or worse, the rest of the group proceeded into the building with caution, the clone going in first. It might have been callous to use Dave’s copies these way especially since the original felt a modicum of what the clones did, but it was the smartest way to go about with this search.

Summoning Space Oddity beside her, Jade used her stand’s ability to slowly open the door into building itself from a safe distance. It may have seemed exaggeratedly cautious to open a simple door this way, but against a dangerous opponent with the ability to hide anywhere it did well not to take any risks. When no enemy came down on Space Oddity’s arm to break it, the rest of the group went inside the building.

As expected, this apartment was a run-down unfinished edifice that had not been torn down yet because no one could be bothered to. It only had two floors, with half-finished rooms stretching out before them until they reached a stairwell that lead upstairs. The stairwell didn’t even have any railings and the wooden boards that made up the stairs themselves were clearly scavenged from sections of the building itself. Rose tried to flip a light switch on, but nothing happened. A cursory look to the ceiling revealed that they hadn’t even put in the light bulbs when the building was abandoned, even though a few lengths of wire cris-crossed the pipes above them. Rose pondered using Lovin’ Spoonful to light up the way, but decided against it. Wouldn’t want PM knowing they were here after all.

Slick looked down on the tracking device in his lap and pointed up. PM was upstairs. “Go up.” Slick whispered. “Can’t go with you punks on account of bein’ put in this thing by some awful children.”

“Fuckin’ stairs.” Dave hissed. “Always fuckin’ stairs.”

Tactfully ignoring both of their complaints, Rose nodded to Dave and Jade. With the pen portion of Lovin’ Spoonful pointed upward, Rose took the lead. A direct attack from their enemy was unlikely, but in the event that PM would try to get up close and dirty then she’d get a face full of laser from Rose.

The second floor looked much like the first, but slightly worse in some places. Here most of the rooms didn’t even have doors, and on the floor here and there the wooden panels had been ripped up, revealing the skeletal frame of the building underneath. A cold breeze wafted from windows that hadn’t even had their glass panels fitted in yet. One by one, they inspected the rooms, Rose always taking point while the other two followed close by. 

“Where is she…” Dave muttered. “Can’t be hard to miss a 6 foot tall woman in a white suit inside a shitty apartment building.”

“Yes, it is strange.” Rose agreed. “Unless…”

She looked up to the ceiling again. Maybe it was her eyes playing tricks on her, but Rose thought she saw one of the wires bulge up. She couldn’t be certain if what she was true, but in this occasion where they had fewer cards to play it paid more to act fast. She pointed Lovin’ Spoonful upwards and let loose a single ray of light. 

It cut through the wire and most of the ceiling. Jade shielded her eyes with her arm and instinctively brought up a warp field around Space Oddity. It was as a good thing she activated her stand as quickly as she did, since a grenade fell out of the wire and exploded over their faces. Space Oddity’s ability caused the explosion to be transported just outside the building. It blew out a chunk of the second floor’s wall, but thankfully not any of the load-bearing portions of the building. 

“She’s in the walls!” Rose called out as she tore several pieces of paper from Lovin’ Spoonful’s book form. “Stay together!”

Another bomb rolled out from underneath them. The resulting explosion sent chunks of wood flying towards them, but once again Space Oddity’s ability blocked the bulk of the attack. PM continued to be unseen, still hiding within the pipes and wires that lined the building. If they couldn’t flush her out, she could continue attacking them to their leisure, or even ignore them altogether and set about bringing the house over their heads. While they were safe as long as they stayed close to Jade, they couldn’t attack either.

Dave knew that all too well. Quickly he summoned several clones of himself, fanning them out. Each one carried a copy of the pocket knife he’d taken to carrying around everywhere since he gained his stand, intent on cutting the wires up and stopping PM from evading their attacks. The first of his clones had managed to hack the wires closest to them apart when an arm came out of the wire he’d just cut. It pulled the clone in, disappearing from sight.

“Where are they?” Rose yelled to Dave even as she aimed her pen at another of his clones, in case that one would get dragged away as well. Tenacious D’s ability gave Dave an ill-defined link to his clones, so they could reliably track PM this way.

This mental link with his clones had its downsides mainly that Dave himself can feel the pain of his clones. With how he was gritting his teeth and the way he clenched his fists tightly his clone was not having a good time. “Over there!” He pointed to a section of wall that hadn’t been destroyed yet.

Rose wasted no time, firing a lance of light towards the location of PM and Dave’s clone. It tore through wood and metal piping as seamlessly as it had before, and she knew it would do the same to PM when it hit. If it hit. She was a fast enemy after all, but Rose was certain her attack won’t miss.

And it didn’t. They all heard a scream come out of the burst pipe, and something fall out. It was the Dave clone PM had nabbed, its stomach torn open. They all suspected that she might use the clone as a human shield, but even if she did so Lovin’ Spoonful’s laser would cut through both of them. 

A moment later they realized why that hadn’t been the case. PM’s arm came out of the Dave’s sleeve and fired off a bullet at them. Using Duran Duran’s ability she had hidden inside the Dave copy’s clothing at the last second, decreasing her mass and protecting her from the beam Jade immediately stepped in front of Rose and blocked the attack with Space Oddity, redirecting the shell away from them.

“You should’ve used the bullet against her.” Rose said, her heart raising at that close call. PM had easily exploited the few seconds Rose was out of Space Oddity’s defense to fire her attack to launch her counterattack. 

“I know. Sorry.” Jade tried to look resolute, but Rose could see the sadness in her eyes. She didn’t want to fight PM at all. 

“Ugh, I’m starting to think Slick was right about her.” Dave said. His clone had dematerialized by now, and the pain he experienced from being hit by Rose’s beam was plain on his face. “Shit, that hurt.”

Where the Dave clone had been, PM stood, arms crossed over each other and legs bent slightly forward . She looked the same as she always did; tall, proud and undoubtedly intimidating. Tattoos covered the entirety of her skin, each letter glowing in a faint red light. Both of her hands had a set of bronze knuckles on them, inlaid with quartz crystals that spelled out MAIL and TIME on her right and left respectively. She held a pistol in one of her hands, aimed straight at Rose’s head. What was striking about her appearance though were her eyes; they were unfocused, looking through them rather than at them. It seemed that Jade’s insistence of her being mind-controlled was true, which would doubtlessly annoy Slick if they all lived through this.

“Quit whining and fight, Strider.” Rose nodded to Jade, and threw several pages from her stand’s book form through Space Oddity’s field.

The pages right above PM, exploding in a wave of blinding light. The light did not seem to bother PM all that much as she stared right towards them. Instead of closing her eyes and shielding herself from the light, PM bent down and jumped forwards into the pages, and more alarmingly allowed her to pass through Space Oddity’s defensive field and land right on top of them.

Specifically, right on top of Tenacious D’s blade.

Dave grit his teeth as he voicelessly commanded his stand to thrust the blade through PM. He had successfully wounded her with a cut through her side, which he followed up with even more slashes from his stand’s sword. As the third blow bit through flesh, PM disappeared, leaving only the coat of her suit floating in front of Dave. Realizing what she’d done with her stand Duran Duran, he aimed the next attack on the sleeves of her coat, but it was too late. 

Several bullets sped out of the coat sleeve. Tenacious D quickly shifted from offense to defense, defelecting the shot so it would merely graze through his ear rather than through his head. His copies, who had rushed towards them when PM attacked, weren’t as lucky. Neither was Rose, who lacked the defensive abilities Jade had or the speed Dave possessed. A bullet pierced through her shoulder, burying itself inside her flesh.

Once the bullets struck, PM slipped out of her coat and continued her attack. She struck Tenacious D with a swift liver shot, a blow that sent both Dave and his stand sprawling on the floor. The tattoos that formed Duran Duran evidently allowed PM to make physical contact with stands. Space Oddity’s arm appeared behind PM, attempting to catch her unawares with a rabbit punch. The more experienced fighter turned on her heel and allowed Space Oddity’s punch to break her nose instead. It would’ve been easy for PM to block that attack, but if she did then she would not have had the chance to launch a counterpunch at Jade’s stand through the field it created. The blow was too fast for Jade to cancel the field, and when it struck her stand’s face Jade was almost thrown off her feet.

Dave and Jade’s attacks may not have taken out the enemy stand user, but it allowed Rose to step back and fire a blast. At this close, there was no way she could miss. PM knew this too, so as soon as she drove Jade back she quickly jumped into a small hole on the floor. Rose could see a small bump rise on the wood, speeding towards her. The beams from Lovin’ Spoonful went wide as their user tried to get a clear shot of the onrushing PM, who was able to use the remaining pipes and wires not destroyed by Dave’s copies to run circles around Rose. 

More bullets came out from underneath the floor, but none of them would hit Rose. It was hard to get a good shot of someone when you were speeding around them while underneath a floor, even if your target happened to be holding the only light source in the entire room. She was also likely out of bullets, as during Rose’s last attack she ended up slicing her pistol in half. If PM wanted to hit Rose then she needed to get out of the pipes and get up close and personal.

Rose knew this, and so stood at the very center of the second floor. From where she stood she could fire at PM the moment she emerged, though whether she could hit her was another question she was about to find the answer to. Rather than burst out of the floor to attack, PM came at Rose through the pipes, bursting out of them with her fists pointing downwards as if she was making a dive.

Exactly where Rose wanted her to be. 

The air shimmered behind Rose as a pair of green hands pulled her out of PM’s way. Jade stood to the side of a wall, clutching the swollen bruise on her head with one hand while the other was pressed against the wall. PM crashed into the floor, her hands bleeding from dozens of splinters stabbing into her skin. Before she could recover five Dave clones charged, keeping her down on the floor with sheer numbers alone. It wouldn’t hold her long, and in fact she had already begun breaking the arm of one of the clones on top of her, but they didn’t have to hold her down for any length of time.

When Rose was firing at PM, she was not firing wildly as it had looked. The beams she unleashed were actually precise shots, aimed at weakening the structure of the floor at very specific portions of it. The way she had done it meant that all it took was one wrong step for the portion of the floor she was standing on to come falling down. 

The original Dave, standing up from the same spot PM had struck him down, had his stand   
Tenacious D stab into the floor. Immediately it caused a chain reaction as the floor was unable to persist through all this damage, and gave through. There wasn’t enough time for PM to escape into another hole or pipe or wire, and in any case that would have been a fruitless affair. Between Dave’s copies, Rose’s beams and Jade’s hands discreetly cutting wires with her stand’s arms there were no places to hide.

The crash of wood and metal shook the house violently. Rose, Dave and Jade went up to the hole they made, taking careful steps lest the rest of the heavily damaged floor collapse on them as well. Creating a bright light with Lovin’ Spoonful, they stared down into the hole, checking to see if PM was still standing.

Astonishingly, she was. PM managed to get back to her feet, bloody and battered, with pieces of sharp wood and metal lodged all around her body. Even then, none of the wounds seemed to bother her, whether because of the mind control placed on her or PM being that hard to kill was anyone’s guess. Beaten as she was, she couldn’t continue to fight anymore and proceeded to run to the exit.

Well, she tried. A shadow loomed over her, and in the process invisible blades sliced and stabbed through her flesh, mostly her legs. A small black dog, scuttled towards her, its back legs replaced with wheels. The cluster of eyes on its head all looked straight at her. Behind the dog, Slick grinned evily.

“You disgusting fuck!” PM snarled.

“Well, well. Looks like you’re the second ex-wife I get to kill. Ain’t life grand?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the fight with PM! This battle was actually supposed to happen earlier, but circumstances convinced me otherwise. From here on out the story's more or less at the endgame, with maybe 2 non-final boss battles left. I hope you guys look forward to it as much I look forward to writing it.
> 
> Also, stand stats!
> 
> Stand Name: Duran Duran  
> Stand User: PM  
> Destructive Power: D  
> Speed: B  
> Range: E  
> Durability: N/A (As tough as its user)  
> Precision: A  
> Development Potential: E  
> Ability: A stand manifesting as a series of tattoos on its user's body in latin. It gives the user the ability to enter any small opening and travel through them at an accelerated speed.


	27. Dave: Cut

Slick couldn’t actually kill PM, not when they still needed her. Besides, of Slick’s ex-wives PM was the one he hated the least, which wasn’t saying much. So he had to settle for stabbing her legs again and again until she could no longer move. Once he’d made sure that she wasn’t going anywhere, it was time for the fun part, at least for him.

They’d taken PM with them back to the hospital, both so they could recuperate in peace and also because the hospital was the safest place to stash a mind-controlled stand user. So far she’d made no attempts to escape, mostly thanks to Slick’s presence. His canine stand sat contentedly on Slick’s lap, watching PM with all of its eyes. If she tried to move even a muscle then Slick would gouge the flesh from her bones.

From how PM was completely unresponsive to them, it would seem that whatever mind control method used on her was extremely thorough. She refused to speak to any of them, only doing so whenever Slick would taunt her. Then she became quite vocal, screaming profanities at him until Dave would wheel Slick away from her. They stashed her at the former stand prison, which had been more or less rebuilt since Kanaya’s attack. 

“So, how do we go about in curing our Manchurian candidate here?” Rose asked.

Slick lit up a cigar and placed it in his mouth. “I suggest extreme physical trauma. Like with a bat. Maybe one with spikes. Or nails, nails are good too.”

The suggestion earned him an annoyed glare from Jade, but Slick still kept the smug grin on his face. “Slick, please leave the room. We’re in a hospital.”

“Fine, fine. If you kids are still stumped with what to do with her then the baseball bat solution is on the table.” He snickered as he left.

Dave watched as Slick exited the room, relieved. Truth be told he was never really comfortable around the man. Nobody was really, besides Jade, bafflingly. “Aight, now that the psycho’s gone, anyone got any better ideas?” 

“The practical solution would be to seek the assistance of a psychiatrist.” Rose suggested. She could personally take a crack at it, but a professional would be more ideal. 

“Gee, I wonder how long that’d take.” Dave pointed out.

“Dave’s right.” Jade agreed. “They could be doing who knows what to poor John right now. We need another method.”

“Thank you.” An idea came upon Dave at that moment. “So Jade, you know how you could like enter dreams and shit?”

“Yes.” She nodded, understanding what Dave was trying to get at.

“It is an interesting possibility, I must admit.” Rose said. “But that ability was never precise. Even if you tried to fall asleep here and now, that would not guarantee you being able to enter PM’s subconscious. And even then, your ability does not exactly allow you to manipulate her mind." She considered the situation, and added hesitantly "There is another alternative you can do. However, it is rather risky.”

Dave crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, pushing his shades up with a finger. “You ain’t serious, are you Lalonde?”

“Oh. That’s…yeah, that’s also possible. I can do that, I think.” Repeating the same move that allowed Jade to hide the [Arrow] in her mind, but on a different person would be an incredibly risky operation. When Jade used it on herself, it put her in a coma until she finally removed the Arrow. “I don’t think it would kill PM, or put in her in a coma like what happened to me. I think.” [Maybe elaborate a bit more on what would go on, I've honestly forgotten the details]

Judging from Jade’s hesitation, it was clear that this might not be the smartest move to make. Space Oddity’s ability was dangerous enough without having to add in brain surgery to the mix. They had to look for a different method, but for now opening up PM’s mind was looking to be the best option they had. It was not a thought that encouraged Jade at all.

“So, what else can do ladies?” Dave asked. “Shit, without knowing how those bastards reprogrammed PM’s mind we’re kinda short on options that’ll solve things fast and not scramble PM’s mind.”

It was a hard truth to accept, but Dave was right. Besides the stand surgery, their options were limited. Therapy would take too long. Drugs were also a possible choice, but that could be just as dangerous as having Jade operate on her. It was possible that there was a stand user out there with healing abilities, but finding one would be a difficult endeavor at the best of times, while creating a new user with such abilities was impossible without the [Arrow]. But they needed to do something…

And then Rose realized what simple, normal, non-stand related thing they could do. She covered her face with her palm, barely suppressing laughter at the stupidly obvious course of action they needed to take right now. Really, it felt like they were taking stupid pills as far as she was concerned. Maybe the head injuries inflicted upon them by PM was knocking them out of their game. “Does this hospital have an MRI machine? Of course it does. The better question, I suppose would be, where is it?”

MRI, also known formally as Magnetic Resonance Imaging, was a medical technique used to create images of the human body using a magnetic field that allowed atoms to absorb or emit radio frequencies. Since the invention of the method by Paul Lauterbur it had become one of the more preferred methods of capturing internal images of the human body. It was safe, reliable and the scanners could be reasonably constructed without incurring a heavy cost in production. On top of that, the University’s hospital was also equipped with scanners that allowed for real-time imaging of a patient. 

Perfect for when you wanted to know what was inside your mind-controlled bodyguard’s mind.

They watched from behind a glass panel as PM’s unconscious form was placed inside the circular entrance of the scanner. Several monitors hung next to the panel, connected to the scanners and allowing the doctor in charge to see the images in real-time. Since this was a quiet job that needed the utmost discretion they opted for only a nurse to perform the task. Ordinarily such work would need more specialized people, but the nurse had apparently been a skilled doctor in her home country before going to America, and was more than qualified to operate the machine.

The nurse in question, a woman named Paint, adjusted her headscarf as she quietly performed her duties. Besides the nurse, Slick was the only other person in the room, as much as insurance in case PM woke up and went on a rampage, and because part of him hoped that would be the case and he would be able to finish her off. Also because he thought the nurse was pretty hot.

“Is he looking at her ass?” Dave whispered to Rose. “He’s checking out that nurse’s ass in the same room as his ex-wife.”

“As ever, you are a man of tact, David.” Rose shook her head.

“Uuuugh, Dave.” Jade groaned. “Please don’t talk about the man who is the closest thing I have to a father figure like that.”

Dave raised an eyebrow, smirking. “And you’re completely cool with us pointing out that he’s a crazy psychopath who wants to murder his ex-wife?” 

“Well….” Jade twiddled her thumbs. “He’s been doing a good job of not murdering people nowadays. And to be fair PM also wants to kill him, so I guess it balances out? Grandpa always said that was just their way.”

“Lord in heaven, you need better parental figures.” Rose shook her head. 

Minutes pass, and the first images of PM’s skull showed themselves in the monitors. They weren’t exactly the most qualified people in the world to look at these images and identify what was wrong with them, but one didn’t need a medical degree to realize that a squirming, tentacle lump of flesh just below the brain wasn’t normal. 

Rose remembered a detail from John’s recounting of his battle with the vampire Kanaya. In it he described that near the end of the battle Eridan launched a desperate attack on him, Nepeta and Equius. Though emaciated and weakened by his confinement under the hospital Eridan was still able to fight on with the use of something they had called a flesh bud. It wouldn’t take much of a leap in logic to presume that this flesh bud could be used to influence the mental faculties of a person implanted with one.

The problem now then, was removing the flesh bud. When Eridan had it used on him his comrades protested, and it was only desperation that prompted Kanaya to use it on him. If they made a mistake the flesh bud could likely kill PM, or worse. They needed to proceed carefully and swiftly, since from the way the flesh bud was moving at a steadily increasing pace it seemed likely that it was already beginning to kill PM.

Fortunately for PM she was in the capable hands of capable stand users.

Ordinary instruments wouldn’t be able to extract the flesh bud quickly enough to stop it from killing PM. They would need to use their stands. Had John been here they would have used the high precision MC Hammer possessed when John was breathing properly to quickly yank the flesh bud out, but the stand users that were there could do the job just as well. Dave’s stand Tenacious D was even faster than John’s and just as precise with its blade, while with Jade’s Space Oddity they could bypass PM’s flesh to get to their target safely. It was risky, but compared to the other options it was the best shot they had at saving PM.

Nurse Paint wheeled PM into the surgery room, closely followed by Rose and the others. They’d given her a quick rundown of what they were about to do. Nurse Paint was unsurprisingly blasé about being made privy to the world of stand users. Apparently it was a trait that the Speedwagon Foundation looked for in their employees. She prepared the surgery room as she would in a normal surgery nonetheless, demanding that Dave and Jade wash their stand’s arms and blade before conducting the surgery. 

“Well, I can’t say I expected this course of events to happen.” Rose remarked as she watched a pair of stands wash their hands and put on a pair of scrubs each. To Nurse Paint’s eyes it probably looked like a couple of masses of soap bubbles and clothing floating in mid-air.

With their preparations finished, it was time to begin the operation. PM’s body was flipped over so they could get to the flesh bud easier. Even now they could plainly see the flesh bud’s tentacles writhe underneath PM’s skin. 

“Aight.” Dave nodded to himself, and took his sunglasses off. Seeing him without them was a rare sight. He looked at the crimson of his eyes on Tenacious D’s blade before positioning the weapon above PM’s neck. “Ready?” 

“Ready.” Jade repeated. The air around her rippled as Space Oddity’s ability was activated. From her point of view, she did not see PM’s skin, but the fleshy matter of her brain underneath the skull. “Let’s begin.”

It goes without saying that what they were attempting was incredibly dangerous and could backfire easily. Should Dave not cut deep enough a piece of the flesh bud would remain inside PM’s brain, killing her. If he cut too deep then PM would be decapitated. He also needed to cut swiftly, or the flesh bud would react to being attacked by violently killing PM instead of doing so slowly. No pressure at all.

Taking a page from his best friend, Dave took a deep breath and focused his thoughts. Nothing else was on his mind, save for the task at hand. Tenacious D’s arm became a blur, slicing through the target swiftly. It cut through the flesh bud’s tentacles swiftly, aided by Space Oddity’s warp field ensuring that the blade wouldn’t slice into PM’s flesh. 

All in all, the operation took only a minute and a half. Each of the flesh bud’s tentacles had been excised from PM’s brain, and before it could attempt to replant itself Tenacious D yanked it out through the warp field and crushed it in its clawed fist.

“Godamn…” Dave muttered. “Fucking hell. We did it.”

“Holy shit.” Jade blinked. “That…wow. That actually worked.”

“Congratulations, the two of you.” Rose said, impressed. “Now, if you’ll allow PM some room to breath so we can get some answers?”

Of course, since they had just finished surgery PM would not be able to talk to them until she recovered, both from having the blade of a stand inside her mind and the injuries she received hours ago. This being PM on the other hand, it only took her an hour before possessing the strength to speak coherently.

She opened her eyes, seeing herself surrounded by the young stand users that she had been tasked to protect but who had saved her instead. PM had been cruelly aware of what she was doing all this time but was unable to do anything about it. When she finally spoke, she uttered only a name before fatigue, both physical and mental, returned her to slumber.

“Enrico Pucci.”

\---

When John opened his eyes, he expected to find himself in a cage, chained to a wall and watched over by a couple of vicious stand users. He expected to be surrounded in darkness, cold and shivering and mere moments from being killed if he did the wrong thing. Something dangerous. Something dramatic.

He didn’t expect himself to wake up in a small, comfortable room sleeping underneath a thick blanket. It was a nice place, if a bit too Spartan for his tastes. The room was covered with whitewash paint, with only a red picture frame the only color on the walls. Strangely, the frame did not display any photos at all. It was probably a strange quirk of his captors. A black cabinet made of plastic stood open at the foot of his bed, which was just as empty as the picture frame on the wall. On the other side of the room next to the door was a circular table where a single lampshade stood. While it was connected to a socket, the lamp lacked a light bulb to operate.

John got out of his bed and tried to open the door, but found it locked. Well that wasn’t going to be a problem. One of the advantages of having a stand was being able to use its abilities to get out of situations like this. For John, it was one of the small mercies of his life nowadays. While his life was currently a mess rife with violence, crazy people, conspiracies and surprising family secrets, he at least took solace on all the convenience MC Hammer gave him. If it wasn’t for his stand he’d be dead now.

And yet, for some reason, he couldn’t summon his stand.

It was troubling. That he no longer possessed his ability was greatly distressing for John. He may have only had his power for a few months at most, but since gaining MC Hammer it had felt natural that it was always by his side. Even when his stand was not manifested he could always feel its reassuring presence. And now, it was gone.

Angrily he pounded on the door of his room, screaming incoherently. Being imprisoned was one thing. Taking an ability that was literally a part of him was another. He punched, and punched until his fists were sore. Then he switched to his feet, kicking at the door as hard as he can. Thanks to his prodigious natural strength, and perhaps shoddy workmanship on the carpenters’ part, it was working. He could see the wood buckle, the hinges whining as more force was applied to it. With a loud crash the door finally gave way, kicked down by an angry Joestar.

 

Quickly regaining his senses, John realized he had the opportunity he needed to escape. Rushing out of the shattered doorway, he found himself in another empty hallway, as sterile and bereft of any noticeable features as the room he had been imprisoned in. There were no windows either, with only a scant few light bulbs providing illumination. It was impossible to identify where he needed to go to escape. 

Undeterred, John merely ran down the hallway, desperately looking for a way out. Along the way he saw a couple of doors that could possibly lead to a stairwell, but almost all of them were locked and he wasn’t in any real condition to break them down without his anger fueling him. He managed to run for a few more minutes until finally seeing another human being. Well, technically human.

Kanaya Maryam looked a lot thinner, a lot paler than last time. Vampires were supposed to have phenomenal healing abilities so long as they were well fed. From the deep black lines under her eyes and the light swaying of her footstep, it didn’t seem like she’d had a lot to eat lately. Despite that Kanaya still continued to carry herself with grace and dignity, her head held high even as she absentmindedly brushed her arms against the walls of the hallway.

“Mister Joestar.” She said in a tired tone. “Please return to your room. You do not wish to inconvenience our master.”

Master? Was Kanaya referring to their leader? If she was, then this was a great opportunity that John couldn’t miss. Should he be able to take out this ‘master’ of theirs then all this would be over. Of course, to do that he first needed to have a stand. Which he did not, for reasons unknown but probably involved stands.

“You can’t stop me, Kanaya, not with my stand!” John lied. “MC Hammer!”

Rather than be intimidated, Kanaya merely laughed, then backhanded John. The blow was a love tap by vampire standards, so John didn’t end up having a concussion. “Your friend the nudist and the cat fancier were powerful enemies. Even now I still have not fully recovered.” 

Kanaya grabbed John by his arms and dragged him back to his room. This would be humiliating enough, but annoyingly for him the situation reminded him of a movie he once saw, and yet he couldn’t remember the reference. To get his mind off the irritation, he decided to keep talking to Kanaya. “I thought you vamps only needed a quick drink to be back at a hundred percent?”

“Mister Joestar, please.” Kanaya snorted, a look that mixed understanding and disgust on her face. “Do not compare me to a glutton who feasts without abandon. I only kill when needed.”

“Like at the hospital?” 

“I needed a zombie army.” Kanaya shrugged. 

“You sounded more like Alucard than Blade when you tried to tear my stomach out.” John pointed out.

“It is…difficult, to control my hunger when injured.” Kanaya sighed. This wasn’t the first time this conversation had come up for the vampire. “I didn’t want to be a vampire, you see. But that was then, and this is now. I suppose we must live what life gives us.”

“Or unlife for you.” John snorted. They had returned to John’s room, where Kanaya picked him up and laid him down the bed with surprising care. “How’d you become a bloodsucking creature of the night, anyway?”

“You’d best not know.” Kanaya said ruefully. “Let’s just say that not all of us were meant to possess a stand.”

“Ah.” John decided not to pry any further, lest Kanaya decide to drop the nice vampire act and drain him dry. “Speaking of stands…”

“You’ll understand what was done to you soon enough.” Kanaya answered. “But as you’re a smart man, I expect that you can put two and two together before then.” She turned away from John and walked out of the room. Seconds later he heard the sound of wood being torn apart, which turned out to be Kanaya pulling the door out of another room. She put the door in front of the opening to his room, dusted off her hands, and left him alone with his thoughts.

But not for long. While he wasn’t exactly tired, John really had nothing better to do while he was imprisoned. Escape was impossible, at least for now. So he tucked himself into the bed and went back to sleep. 

….Which didn’t happen, even though John gave it his all to close his eyes and count the sheep. It was actually pretty hard to fall asleep as it turns out, when you weren’t tired. So he settled for tossing and turning in his bed, which didn’t accomplish much, but it was something he could do to pass the time. By John’s reckoning, he probably killed anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour. 

For better or worse, he didn't have time to be stir-crazy. Without so much as a knock, Kanaya returned, lifting the door off of the doorway and throwing it to the side. “Follow me. You’re about to meet someone important.” 

“Okaaaay.” Resistance would probably be the more appropriate response to Kanaya’s request, but honestly John would rather not have a broken arm when he went to meet the head of the enemy stand users. 

But that wasn’t where he was lead to. Instead, Kanaya took him to a dressing room. Rows of fabric were stacked against each other on one side, while at the center of the room was a raised dais. Behind the dais was interestingly enough, a sewing machine. 

“Stand at the center.” Kanaya ordered. “Do as I say.”

John did as was ordered, and for the first time in his life he got a custom suit job. Kanaya would take a measuring tape and hold it up against his body, writing notes on a pad before working swiftly with both needle and sewing machine. John had once heard from Dave that his suits needed a few days to be finished. Kanaya was already laying down the finishing touches in twenty minutes.

“I wanted to be a fashion designer, you know.” She said conversationally as she affixed a badge on his suit’s lapel. “Had it not been for certain…difficulties.”

Being turned into a vampire probably made college harder than it should have been, though John couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t just take night classes. Still, he kept his mouth shut and allowed Kanaya to finish up.

When she did, John had to admit that she did a really good job. It was a silver suit with butterfly motifs stitched onto its chest, a little snug than what he was used to but even a man who wasn’t as concerned with his looks as John liked what he was seeing. Kanaya placed a pair of black leather shoes that had also turned out to be vampire designed, which fit him perfectly. John swore she was even considering fixing his hair, or maybe she was just hungry or something. Once Kanaya had deemed him suitably fashionable, she blindfolded John and carried him out of the room.

He couldn’t really tell where Kanaya was going, but he did hear the tell-tale creaking of stairs being stepped on, so it at least confirmed his suspicions that there was a way out. It was warmer and drier up where they were as well, but it was the artificial warmth that a thermostat possessed. He heard the sound of several doors being opened, until finally Kanaya placed him gently on a chair. Once this was done, she removed his blindfold. 

John found himself looking at three people, two of whom standing behind the one who was likely their leader. One of them was a redheaded young man his age, dressed in a black mirror image of his suit. He didn’t look like he was comfortable with his attire, or maybe he just liked scowling at people. The other one was Vriska, who also wore a similar suit to the redhead, and was leaning on a cane. She had the smuggest expression on her face directed at him.

The last person sat in front of him. John recognized the man, wearing the same white suit he’d seen him wear that day at Olive Garden. He looked remarkably young, perhaps only a few years older than he was until he looked at his eyes. 

They were old eyes. It was a difficult concept to describe, but it was the only word John could use for how soft and tired his eyes looked. He regarded John with a smile, extending his hand. 

“Good morning, Johnathan Joestar.” He said with a voice like slabs of concrete. “My name is Doctor Enrico Pucci.”

It was morning? Well that explained why John’s stomach was rumbling. As a big man he had a very active metabolism. And a loud one, if Vriska’s cackling was any indication. “Uh-“

“Not a problem. Breakfast is being prepared as we speak.” Pucci told him, still smiling. “Above all else, I imagine myself to be an excellent host.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been meaning to add a jojo character to the story for a while now, but besides a brief mention of Boingo (he's the artist Dave was admiring at the gallery a few chapters back; he's SBHAJ's author in this AU.) there hasn't been any. Technically though, Pucci is also Doc Scratch, as the guy pulling the Trolls' strings, but beyond that role there's more of Pucci in his personality than Scratch. 
> 
> Dave's role here is pretty much a huge reference to Stardust Crusaders. Also, Miss Paint cameo!


	28. John: Socialize

Enrico Pucci. The name didn’t ring any bells, at least initially. A quick search through the Speedwagon Foundation’s contacts revealed that he was, by the by, a mundane person. Born to immigrants from Sicily, he lived a normal childhood until deciding to enter the seminary at a young age. He later left the seminary and became a psychiatrist specializing in young adult behavior. He then spent the next twenty years working in various child care facilities and in the Texas juvenile system. In the past few months he had taken an extended leave of absence to travel the country. Statements from his associates indicated he was a kind man with a strong rapport with his patients, even managing to quell a riot in one of the facilities he worked in several years ago.

“Well that’s a load of horseshit.” Dave Strider called out fiercely. “He’s a godamn monster.”

Emotional outbursts from Dave weren’t really uncommon. Despite his best efforts it was actually pretty easy to get Dave riled up, but this was different. For one thing, Rose could hear the terror in his voice. “Really? Why would you say that?” She asked, beckoning him to continue.

Dave took a deep drink of the coffee in his hand before continuing. “Shit this is good coffee. I better start going to the hospital cafeteria from now on. But yeah, that bastard Pucci is a piece of work. Worst part is he kept getting away with everything.” 

“What did he do?” Rose asked, though she probably had some idea of what he was talking about. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”

“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout me.” Dave put his mug down and took his shades off. His red eyes were even redder now, though in fairness so where Rose’s and Jade’s. None of them have had any sleep at all. “Worry about John. He’s stuck somewhere with a psychopath who makes kids beat the shit out of each other for fun. A sick fuck who,”

Dave paused, covering his eyes with his hands. “Look. He’s…he’s the kind of bastard who makes you beat a kid half your age and make it sound right. That you deserve to do fucked up shit like that. And the worst thing? He thinks he’s right. Enrico Pucci is the worst kind of evil, the kind who thinks he’s doing good.”

“Dave.” Rose shook her head and placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“How did he get away with it?” Jade, who had been silent until now, asked. 

“No idea. Used to think everyone in the foster home we got sent was in on it.” Dave replied. 

“Maybe they were. Now I think he may have done some stand fuckery to get the cops off his back.”

“It appears our troubles continue to increase.” Rose lamented. “Did the nurse tell you how long until PM awakens, Jade?”

“She said it might take days, but knowing her she’ll be up in a few hours.” Jade said. “PM’s a very tough person.”

“Don’t doubt it.’ Dave said, relieved by the change of topic. “I’m still hurtin’ over the beatdown she gave us.”

“What should we do for now?” Jade asked. 

Rose stood up and stretched her arms, yawning. “We rest. We can’t make any moves right now, so we should regain our strength.”

“Good idea!” Jade said, and promptly fell asleep on her leftovers. 

“That was kinda impressive.” Dave said before promptly following his friend’s lead.

Rose shook her head, smiling for the first time this day. “We have beds idiots, but when in Rome…”

 

While his friends slept, John ate. No amount of dread could ever hope to surmount the hunger of a college student. He ate his breakfast voraciously, and in fairness to whoever did the cooking around here, it was actually pretty good. John hadn’t had eggs benedict this good in a long time. The person opposite him, who was also his kidnapper, looked quite amused.

“Goodness, if I had known you would be this hungry we would have prepared more for you, Mister Joestar.” Pucci smiled. He hadn’t touched his food yet, and had actually pushed his plate forward.

John accepted shamelessly. His dad would be disappointed in him at such disregard for etiquette, but these guys were assholes and deserved it. 

“Satisfied?” Pucci asked as he watched John chug down his orange juice. “What are they feeding you in that University?”

“Not evil.” It was a lame comeback, but John was too busy enjoying himself to care. “Not like you.”

Pucci merely laughed it off. “I assure you that your food is completely evil-free.”

“Eh.” John shrugged and kept eating. 

“I suppose you’re wondering what happened to your stand.”

John put his fork down, watching Pucci wearily. 

“Rest assured,” Pucci pulled a blue flash drive from his pocket. “That it is in safe hands.”

John picked his fork up, and lunged at Pucci. 

“Whitesnake.”

His arm stopped mid-air, caught in the strong grip of a white stand. With its black mask and cruel expression, one could imagine it to be an executioner. Written all over its skin was a sequence of letters that spelled out 「GACT」. 

Pucci laughed once again, commanding his stand to gently put John’s arm down. The flash drive that contained John’s stand was handed to the angry looking man with the red hair. “Such fire in your eyes, my boy! I am glad to see the Joestar spirit burn strongly in the current generation. I imagine my dear friend would find it most delightful.”

Dear friend…did Pucci have other accomplices? Was he yet another bump on the road for John and his friends, with even more powerful enemies waiting to rear their ugly heads? Or was John watching too much anime? Probably both. He continued to keep his mouth shut since Pucci wasn’t finished.

“It was quite beautiful… though he hated your bloodline, he also admired it greatly. He would often speak of how he would never have been the man he became without Johnathan. After all, one cannot have good without evil, no?” Pucci paused, wanting John to share his thoughts.

No luck on that end for Pucci, though. John was way too preoccupied with not liking the guy to care for his philosophizing. Whitesnake crushing his arm didn’t help either.

“Indeed, the two are opposites that give meaning to one another. We humans cannot understand god without the devil. Dio and Diavolo.” Whitesnake placed John’s arm down, but didn’t loosen its grip. “For that, I thank you, Johnathan Joestar.”

Then Whitesnake tightened its grip, hard enough to crush bone. He continued to speak, never raising his voice despite John’s scream. “And I curse you, Johnathan Joestar. I curse you, and your bloodline, for making all that I do necessary in the first place.”

Whitesnake released John’s arm. Pucci watched unimpassionately as his captive recoiled in pain. “But I thank you, Johnathan Joestar, nevertheless I thank you. For through you, I shall redeem your bloodline and bring it back to the embrace of God. Rejoice, for the salvation of the Joestar Bloodline is nigh.”

God? Redeem? What the hell was Pucci going on about? John wanted to say something, but his gut told him not to do anything that’ll provoke Pucci further.

“It is written, in the book of God, whom I love with all my heart.” Pucci rose from his seat, a light seemingly glowing around him. It was pale and beautiful, but sickening all the same. “Again I say, rejoice, young Johnathan! The Lord loves you, and shall purify the world through you!”

John was forced to his feet by both a smirking Vriska and the scowling redhead. If Whitesnake had gripped him any longer he didn’t doubt that his arm would be broken by now. “Fuck you Pucci.” He spat.

“Please take him back to his room to recuperate. I would like young Johnathan to be hale and hearty during the reckoning.” 

Vriska and the redhead dragged him away with considerably less care than Kanaya exercised in carrying him around earlier. The two didn’t say a word or change their expressions at all, until they were halfway down the hall.

“So, what did you think of our glorious leader?” Vriska asked, grinning smugly. “Inspiring, huh?”

“He tried to break my arm and said some really confusing crap about my bloodline.” John said. The pain in his arm was bearable now, and was more of a numb feeling. 

“That’s just his way of saying he likes you.” Vriska reassured him unconvincingly. “Ain’t that right Karkat?”

“Shut your trash chute, Serket.” Karkat grumbled. “Just shut up. Bad enough I had to hear the Doctor act all loopy in the morning without you being a crazy bitch all the time.”

“Language, Karkat. What would dear, sweet Terezi think if he heard you spouting filth around a guest?”

“Fuck off, Serket. Like I care what she thinks. Or what you think.”

“Someone’s crabby this morning.” John said, joining in. 

“If you don’t shut up too I’ll smack you in the face.” Karkat warned, slowing his pace a hair.

“He won’t. He’s a wuss.” Vriska sneered. “No spine, this one. Keeps fucking up too like his buddy Sollux. And that failure, Eridan.”

“Don’t even go there, Serket.” Karkat’s stand appeared behind him, its long thin arm pointed at Vriska.

“Fiiiine.” Vriska rolled her eyes. “They were my friends too, you know.”

“Huh. That’s surprising.” John remarked. Murder attempts aside everything about Vriska Serket was an acquired taste. For some reason John could see himself not really hating Vriska if she hadn’t tried to kill his friends. “You have friends.”

“I am a woman of many talents.” She said, completely surprising John when she didn’t punch his gut. “Not like our crabby friend here.”

“Fuck you, fuck both of you. You know? This is why Terezi doesn’t like you anymore!”

“That’s rich, considering you’ve been white knighting her since we were kids!”

At that point John more or less tuned out her captors. This kind of thought never really interested him, and moreover didn’t strike him as particularly important. If John ever had a stand that that could let him edit every movie in history ever he’d minimize the amount of romance in them to what’s barely needed and replace it with, at the very least, a pie in the face.

He was rudely thrown back into his bedroom/prison. Karkat seemed intent on staying, but Vriska prodded him out with her cane. “Not after what happened with Lalonde, you incompetent piece of shit.”

It looked like Karkat was about to argue further, but decided against it and stomped away angrily, his swearing audible even as he got back up the stairs. Vriska opted to stay behind, and had pulled up a chair from which she could guard John at her leisure. Not that they needed to really, since John couldn’t do much without his stand.

“So,” Vriska began. “What did you think of our boss?”

“Well, he’s-“

“A total nutjob, eh?” Vriska interrupted, sneering. “All smiles and optimism lathered over a core of fucked-up religious insanity. He’s great and I hate his guts.”

What was the term people used again? Birds of a feather? “Uh, religious insanity?” John asked. Nothing about his conversation with Pucci struck him as church-like.

“Oh not right now, but just you wait until,” Vriska stepped back and raised her hands, making finger quotes. “the 「Promised Time 」. Which, according to boss man, should be happening real soon.”

John felt that he was being let in to some very important information. If only he could act on it. “That’s, uh nice? The 「Promised Time 」 thing, I mean.”

Vriska rolled her eyes. “You won’t like it when it happens, lemme tell you. Nobody will.”  
“What will happen anyway?” John asked, fast becoming the world’s expert in pointing out the obvious. 

“Uh. Well.” Vriska paused, scratching the back of her ear. “I actually have no idea. Nobody does. The man’s nuts and won’t tell us nothin’.”

“Sounds to me like he doesn’t appreciate you guys.”

Vriska scoffed. “He’s too fucked up in the head to care about anyone not his [Dear Friend]. Even if he acts all nice and friendly to us. Shit, the sick fuck act’s friendly and nice even if when he’s being a sick fuck, know what I mean?”

“Not really.” Which was partly a lie. It sounded quite a lot like how his friends acted really. Dave had his chill dude shtick, Rose got chattier and more verbose when she feels awkward, and Jade’s cheerfulness could at times feel forced. “So why stick with him then? Is 「Whitensake 」 too strong.”

Again, Vriska scoffed, but John noticed that she was exaggerating it this time around. “I can beat that douchebag with three of Scissor Sister’s hands tied behind its back. It’s my loser friends who have a problem. They’ve gotten it into their heads that he’s a scary nutjob we can’t beat together. So I humor them until the time we don’t need Pucci.”

A time that likely doesn’t include their other friends getting killed or captured. It was kinda sad. “Well, why wait for your friends? Why not off Pucci yourself?”

“Maybe I should, maybe I should…” Vriska grinned maliciously. “But I’ll need help. I mean I don’t, but a clever girl knows how to prepare a backup.”

“Yeah, a real shame none of your friends seem to want to help out.” John pointed out.

“Who said I was talking about my friends?”

Oh. John blinked. Did he just manipulate Vriska into helping him bust out, or was this going to be the other way around? John couldn’t tell, but honestly he had few other options at the moment. “I don’t have a stand right now.”

“Leave that to me. Just be ready when I say so, and trust me.” The last one John wouldn’t do because he wasn’t stupid, but being ready was practically the only thing he was able to do right now.

“Uhuh.” In theory John was all for getting away, but as he thought about it there was a lot of snags in Vriska’s plan to off Pucci. “Won’t your buddies try to stop you what with them being loyal to Pucci?”

“No they ain’t. They’re just cowards. So leave them to me.” Vriska said before turning around and stepping out the door.

John could hear Vriska mutter to herself outside the room, which was all well and good since she was a part of an evil group of stand users and they were allowed to be crazy like that. He didn’t really have any confidence that Vriska would go through with her plans, but who knows. 

Once again he had nothing else to do, and he wasn’t tired enough to sleep. This was a bad thing. Now that he’d experienced both, the only thing worse than being kidnapped was being bored. At least being kidnapped gave him ideas for future cinematography projects. So John resolved to lie on his bed, stare at the ceiling, and imagine the entirety of the ghostbusters series in his head.

He got to Gozer turning into a giant marshmallow man before drifting off to sleep.

 

Elsewhere, someone else had just woken up. PM was finally conscious, free from the control of the enemy for the first time in weeks. Rose was by her side when she woke up, reading a book to pass the time. It was a comic Dave had recommended to her, written and drawn by an Egyptian artist.

“Thank goodness you’re finally awake, madam.” She closed the book and sighed, relieved. “I’ll get Jade. I left her dozing off at the commissary.”

“No time.” She said to Rose, clutching her arm with a cold grip. She was sweating, her eyes in a daze. It was clear she still needed to rest. “The Church. You must go to the Church in the desert! Quickly! You have only two days left!”

 

Back at John’s prison, someone had rudely interrupted his beauty sleep with a kick to the gut. It was a weak kick actually, which John expected somewhat. There was no way they would seriously hurt John in any capacity, not until they were done with him.

He put his glasses on and saw Karkat standing before him, wearing a scowl that evoked his default state of being. He was glaring at John as well, but after talking with Pucci and Vriska he wasn’t that intimdated. John sighed and rose up. He could guess at what Karkat’s purpose in his room was.

“Vriska’s got something planned doesn’t she? She always does.” He added after a few seconds. 

“Maybe.” John shrugged. He didn’t actually commit to anything, but if the crazy spider lady was going to pull something off and it looked like it was working then why not?

“Don’t. Join. Her.” Karkat warned. “Pucci’s too strong. Nothing she can come up with can beat him.”

He may have a point, but John noticed a few things in Karkat’s words. “And you have a plan that can?”

Karkat snorted. “Just stay put and keep playing prisoner. We don’t want you dead, at least.”

There really was something odd about the way Karkat was making his point, but John couldn’t put it on his finger. The best way to put it was that it was a gut feeling. 

“Okay… so you’re saying Pucci and Vriska would want to kill me?” 

“You being dead isn’t part of our pla-“ Karkat just realized he made a mistake. The resigned look on his face indicated it wasn’t the first time. “Fuck you know what forget it. Just don’t do anything Vriska would tell you to do.” 

John shrugged. “Whatever dude, you’re not the boss of me.”

Karkat pulled John by his short so they were face to face, which was a pretty impressive feat considering that John practically towered over Karkat. “If you want to die so badly, then fine! But don’t blame me when your friends find you in pieces!”

“Okay, okay fine, I won’t go for Vriska’s mystery plan that she won’t even tell me about!” John pushed Karkat off him. To his surprise he budged. John was expecting a punch from Karkat’s stand. “Jeez you guys have issues.”

“Blame the holier-than-thou crazy fuck who practically raised us.” Karkat sighed, looking tired. “Listen… for what it’s worth I don’t blame you too much for Eridan dying and my other friends getting imprisoned. We all made shitty choices, I know that. Just...don’t get in our way.”

John watched Karkat leave his room, shoulders slumped. What was it with these people and their uncontrollable urge to speak their heart and soul out to him? Honestly it was starting to get tiring. It dawned on John that maybe if these people got some therapy they wouldn’t be causing so much trouble right now. But really, couldn’t you say that about everything? 

He sat back on his bed, wondering if he should try to pull a Rose even without a stand. It seemed to him that everyone in this…wherever this was had a scheme concocted for their own nefarious purposes. John doubted that any of these plans involved letting him go back to school in safety. But, strangely enough he wasn’t too worried. He was completely confident that his friends already had a rescue plan that wouldn’t end with him getting stabbed to death by crazy stand users. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Insert Kira's theme here* seriously that was the song playing when I wrote most of this chapter. I hope I got a similar ambiance to that.


	29. Rose: Get Honked

There were few things in the area that could be considered a [Church in the desert]. It could have referred to the ruins of the old Spanish mission that was once the center of Old Doughty. One could also consider a center of stone circles several miles in the wilderness that the Native Americans considered a holy site. But the most likely candidate was an abandoned underground facility several miles away from civilization. During the height of the cold war the citizens of Doughty pooled their resources to build an underground bunker that could withstand a nuclear bomb. But since the people Doughty lacked the funding and hired an incompetent contractor it wasn’t exactly a safe place to withstand a nuclear holocaust.

The entrance collapsed five years later. It killed several people and nobody talked about it ever again. The reason it counted as a ‘Church in the desert’, however, was that main funder of this project was the local diocese, who requested a chapel be built into the bunker in exchange for taking the lion’s share of the project’s expenses. In retrospect, it was a good place to hide out. That PM’s search parties never scoured the area around the bunker was also strong evidence for it being the location of the secret stand user base.

Charging the base with everything they had was a risky endeavor, liable to alert Pucci and his minions that something was up and prompting them to make an escape. Besides that, involving non-stand users would be stupid and would rack up a large body count. So a small team of stand users, the best of the best that could be gathered at such a short time is what they needed. 

They did not have a lot of options. Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider and Jade Harley were in the team of course, being the closest friends of John and strong stand users in their own right. Slick was also joining them, as his stand’s sheer destructive power was devastating. The rest of his crew were experienced stand users, but Slick himself had demanded they not join even though Droog, Boxcars and Deuce were not confined to a wheelchair like their boss was. He wanted them at the university, just in case Pucci was pulling a fast one on them and was set to attack the Foundation while they were away. 

It struck Rose as needlessly paranoid, but Slick refused to take any chances. Personally she would have liked to have more allies with them, but she wasn’t the one calling the shots. The enemy had approximately three stand users with them, four if you included Pucci and that didn’t include any unknown stand users held in reserve. There was also Kanaya, the vampire. None of them had a way of putting her down, but thankfully they could count on Equius for that. He was no stand user, but practiced hamon, the only effective way of dealing with vampires besides sunlight. 

That made five people. Rose hoped it was enough. They were about to enter an underground bunker in the middle of the desert that housed a group of incredibly dangerous stand users, some of whom unknown to them and likely possessing abilities they could barely comprehend, with only the element of surprise on their side and even that wasn’t certain. 

If she could find any solace in this endeavor, it was that she had great material for her works on the off-chance that she survived. She received perfect marks for the short story she wrote based on her first stand battle, and that was just a rough draft. Her experiences with her friends were a great source of inspiration for her work, one that lent realism to her stories even though they were much more fantastical than the brooding introspections that were common for students in her class. Oh sure she received odd looks for frequently going to class with all manner of bandages and injuries, but the creative process cannot be stopped. Of course, there was a chance that the story she concocted from this experience would end up being completely awful, but Rose was trying to learn to be optimistic. Maybe it could end up giving her a C at least. 

Three of them had already arrived at the appointed meeting place at the university parking lot’s second floor. It was early morning, around three, four AM. An early attack while the enemy slept was the way to go. It didn’t much bother Rose, who was used to late hours. Nor did Dave look any worse for wear, but admittedly it could be hard to tell with him. While they all knew about his cool guy act, it was still a really good one. It was the same deal with Jade, who maintained some level of pep despite being roused so early. While she and Dave were used to late hours, Rose suspected that Jade always woke up this early before the incident that put her in a coma.

“Mornin’.” Dave greeted. He had a large paper cup in his hand, steam rising from it. “Coffee, anyone?”

“No, thank you. I would prefer not to need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a fight.” Besides, Rose already had her fill of coffee before she came here.

“How much sugar did you put in it?” Jade asked. She too had a cup in hand, but from the smell Rose guessed it was hot cocoa.

“Eh, two packets.” 

“Gross.” Jade frowned. “Proper coffee should always have four teaspoons of sugar minimum! Or honey if you have some on hand. Or caramel. Caramel’s really good with coffee.”

Dave took a long, slow sip from his cup. “See Jade if I wanted to drink liquid diabetes I wouldn’t drink god’s gift to mankind I would get the nastiest ice blended cotton candy from some really suspicious stand at the back of the state fair that set up shop next to the pig exhibit.”

“That actually sounds amazing.” Jade replied with utmost sincerity. “Doesn’t it Rose?”

“Please.” Rose snorted. “The mistake the two of you made was drinking coffee with condiments like a bunch of amateurs.”

“As the rich girl with access to the best baristas in Italy I think I have the correct opinions on coffee.” Jade said with faux-smugness. “And I say coffee without cream and sugar isn’t very good.”

“’s cool.” Dave shrugged. “I mean if you really wanna drink boiled mud so badly I ain’t kinkshaming.”

“Goodness, I had no idea drinking quality coffee was a fetish.” Rose placed a hand over her mouth, feigning shock. “I pity your close-mindedness, as well as your tongues’ inability to identify good taste.”

“That’s enough banter out of all of ya.” A rough, raspy voice said intervening in time before the conversation became heated.

Slick appeared, wheeled out of the parking lot elevator by Nepeta. Following close behind them was Equius, the last member of their motley crew. He had elected to wear something that could be considered passably fashionable. A blue and pink shirt with the sleeves cut off, purple striped pants accentuated with arrow symbols pointing downwards, and blue gloves that were accented with stitches resembling stallion heads at the end of each finger. Silver earrings shaped into the Sagittarius sign dangled from his ears, which matched the blue tie around his neck with a similar motif printed on it.

For once in her life, Rose felt underdressed. Everyone was dressed to kill. Slick was clad in a black suit like always, threaded with red braid that formed little scarlet dogs that lined the edges of his coat. Dave donned a red vest over a yellow and white dress shirt, with sleeves that were cut to on opposite sides in a zigzagging pattern. The vest itself had a large turntable disc symbol at its back, which was cut in half and had two lengths of cloth that ran down his red pants held up by a silver belt with the word ‘STRIDE’ on its buckle. Jade wore a black coat that shimmered with embroidered rhinestones, and had white fur trimmings around its sleeves and neck. Underneath that she wore a loose seaweed green blouse and a knee-length white skirt composed of multiple layers of frills and a green sash around her hip, ending with black stockings that have dark gray dog head symbols attached to its end.

By contrast Rose wore striped jogging pants and a thick purple sweater adorned with yellow spots, because her best wear kept getting shredded by these battles. It made her feel completely out of place. She took solace that her makeup was on point, at least compared to her friends who had opted not to complement their looks with lavender lipstick and having the best eyebrows of them all.

“Nepeta. Good to see you.” She said to the girl pushing Slick’s wheelchair.

“Good meowning, everyone! I’m here to see you off.” She didn’t seem sour over not being invited to join as Rose had expected she would be. She was, however, giving Equius worried glances from time to time.

“Thank you. That’s quite nice of you.”

“Just make sure my best friend gets back in one piece.” Or without his blood drained.

 

They boarded a nondescript black van, the type one expected government agents use for clandestine operations. It would be a useful way to conceal them, but when you’re the only vehicle within the last ten miles within the desert it seemed like an unnecessary measure. With stand users though, nothing is completely unnecessary. Or some things were complex red herrings designed to obscure the machinations of the enemy stand user. They were crazy like that.

It was a thirty minute drive from the university to the old bunker, even without traffic. The townspeople wanted the shelter to be as far away from settled areas as possible while still being close enough that they could get there on time. How they expected to get into the shelters faster than a nuclear bomb could fall on their heads was a mystery. Perhaps they had a stand user for that eventuality.

Asphalt gave way to gravel as they left the main road. The pathway was old and worn with use, maintained very sporradically, as few ever ventured to this part of the area. Besides the old bunker there was nothing else to see in this part of the area really, unless you were some kid with nothing better to do looking to waste some time. Or if you were a group of super powered criminals looking for a place to lay low while you were being hunted down.

A few moments later Rose stopped the car a few dozen feet away from a grass-covered outcropping. It looked completely unremarkable, but up-close one can see that the outcropping had been hollowed out, and that there was a car hidden inside. Specifically, the same vehicle Vriska had used to escape during their last encounter with her. At the right end of the car, hidden by a light grey tarpaulin was an old, rusty basement door. Predictably, it was sealed tight.

Nothing Tenacious D could cut to pieces though.

“Typical. Of course this place ain’t wheelchair accessible.” Slick grumbled.

“We can always carry you if we have to, Slick.” Jade reassured him.

“I am sufficiently strong enough for the task.” Equius intoned.

“I ain’t letting any of you lug me around like some useless sack of meat. ‘Sides I don’t need to walk that far to kill shit.” 

“Right. Just remember not to stab the giant film nerd we’re supposed to save with that fucked up murderbeast stand of yours.” Dave chimed in.

“Sure, sure. I’ll just go after that Pucci fella, eh?”

“Nah.” Dave shook his head, hands tightening into fists. “That sick fuck’s mine.”

Dave was the first one in, walking down a flight of stairs. Rose followed close behind, shining a light with her stand. Whoever it was Pucci charged with cleaning out the debris from the entrance had done a good job; here and there one could see patches of newer cement amidst the old, with several unlit electric lamps hanging from hooks that provided illumination. At a certain point the plain cement walls became painted in soothing whites, and quite recently if the half-full buckets of white paint were any indication. This Church in the Desert had been in use for quite some time.

“Hey, how long have we been walking? Feels like we’re in a Scooby doo chase seen but with no masked white guys trying to kill us.” Dave grumbled.

“Ten minutes.” Rose answered, looking at the watch on her wrist. “Not very long.”

“I think the people of Doughty made a lot of bad decisions with this underground bunker.” Jade said, looking up to the ceiling. “This place is nowhere deep enough to sufficiently protect you from a nuclear explosion. And they could also try to make the place look cuter, in my opinion. Maybe some wallpaper?”

Rose smirked. “Indeed, that is precisely what a fallout shelter needs. The end of the world is no excuse for a lack of style.”

Dave nodded. “Well yeah when the bands of mutants in gimp suits screaming for your blood see what you’ve done to the place maybe they won’t strap you to their buggies and use you for a blood bag.” 

“Fury Road was a good movie.” Jade said sagely. “Probably the best thing John showed me.”

They continued their journey through the tunnels, their chatter turning to silence once they realized they might end up alerting the enemy stand users. It felt like they’d been walking for hours, even though according to Rose’s watch they’d only been walking for twenty minutes at most. The uniformity of the tunnel combined with the darkness was distorting their sense of time. It was worrying, as it was difficult to tell if they were already under attack by a stand user, or if the tunnel to the shelter was much longer than they thought. Rose voiced her concerns to the others.

“That’s not right.” Jade said, eyes widening. “I looked up a copy of the shelter’s floor plan. We should have reached the main shelter by now.” 

“Well fuck.” Dave summoned Tenacious D to his side. “Enemy stand user?”

“It always is.” Slick growled. “You, standless boy, don’t do anything stupid.”

Space Oddity appeared next to its user, the air around them rippling as it activated its warp field effect in case some enemy decided now was the best time to attack. Everyone froze, staying inside Space Oddity’s protective field as Tenacious D summons Dave clones before them as advance scouts, even if it meant risking Dave’s well-being.

Nothing happened. He was still alright. Somehow this was worse than if the clone had been maimed. It could simply have been their nerves getting to them, but what if it wasn’t? Stand users are dangerous foes. You didn’t last long as one without cunning, or possessing a powerful stand. And in all likelihood, their enemy had both. In fact, Pucci may have been so cunning that he knew his enemies would hamper their own advance through their own paranoia.

HONK

Or they could be waiting for the perfect time to strike, heralding their attack with ominous bike horn noises.

HONK

“ENEMY STAND USER!” One of the Dave clones yell as they start hearing footsteps closing in on them. The way it echoed it was hard to tell if the oncoming person was in front or behind them. 

“Everyone calm down.” Rose said, pointing Lovin’ Spoonful’s pen upwards. She increased her stand’s light output, illuminating the area around them. Still, it showed nothing.

HONK

HONK

HONK

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK

With the last honk, a man appeared. He was tall and gangly, thin enough to make Dave look as buff as John by comparison. He had a mess of purple and pink hair that branched out in twisting stalks in all directions. What looked like pale skin was actually light gray paint splashed haphazardly on his face. Rhinestones were around his eyes, which glistened with Lovin’ Spoonful’s light cast upon it, as did the purple lipstick he wore (the same shade as Rose’s). He was clad in what could loosely be called a shirt, if a pair of sleeveless yellow tights with tear-shaped holes cut into it could be called a shirt. Fishnets covered his arms and legs, branching out to droop over heavily scarred hands. He wore a skirt made of interlocking silver chains that barely hid anything. In his hand was a horn, fashioned to resemble a cow’s horn. The tall man chuckled, and honked with his horn once more.

“What up, my motherfukin' brothers and sisters? What brings you to this humble righteous abode?”

“We’re here to see our friend.” Rose replied, being the only person who wasn’t flabbergasted by his incessant honking.

“Now come on, my funky sister. Where’s your manners?” The thin man said in between honks. “Guess I'll start then since ya'll are shy. My name’s Gamzee. It’s a shitloving pleasure to meet you.”

Okay…this wasn’t what they expected from the enemy stand user. The lack of aggression emanating from him was slightly off-putting, and actually made Rose bring up her guard closer. “My name is Rose. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Would you mind letting us through and see our friend?” She repeated.

“Maybe, maybe my sister.” Gamzee stepped forward into the light of Rose’s stand, which gave Slick the perfect opportunity to impale him with his own shadow.

It didn’t kill him. Most people normally died when their throat had several holes the side of a coin on it. 

“Shit man that was rude. Don’t you motherfuckers read the bible? Thou shalt not kill and all that fucking shit?” Gamzee chuckled, placing a finger into the wound in his throat. “No harm though, I know the power of sound healing. It’s why I got this horn here. If I honk it like so, I get all better.”

He didn’t. The wounds continued to bleed, but now a menacing aura emanated around him. “The stand helps too though.” At this he smiled, a glint of cruel intelligence flashing from his eyes. “Doctor Pucci said I’d stand guard. Can’t be his motherfucking bodyguard if I don’t stand guard, don’t I?”

That was enough. Inkspots began to stab Gamzee once again, the shadows around him gouging flesh. Still Gamzee did not die. 

“Kid’s tough…” Slick said grudgingly.

“My murderous brother, thank you.” Gamzee flashed Slick a bloody smile. 

“We don’t have time for this.” Rose said. Now that they were discovered speed was vital. “Jade!”

Jade nodded, activating Space Oddity’s effect once more. All of them ran forward, but instead of bumping into Gamzee they bypassed the strange man using the spacial distortions Jade’s stand could create. They continued their mad dash into the bunker, until they hear the honking again.

“Shit, didn’t your parents teach you motherfucks some manners?” Gamzee said, standing before them completely unscathed. 

“How in the hell!?” Slick snarled, and unleashed his stand once again. “We ain’t got time for this shitface!”

Again Gamzee was stabbed to death. And again, Gamzee did not die. He merely chuckled, honking his horn once again. “Sorry my sisters and brothers, but you can’t stop me. Not when you stepped into fucking 「Paradise City」.” 

Around them the walls shifted, gaining windows and doors. Behind Gamzee a floating green goat head with doorknobs for eyes manifested. The walls around them were moving, melting away and reforming in seconds. “But we’re not in Paradise yet, no.” Gamzee said, the manic gleam in his eyes returning. “Doctor Pucci isn’t done yet. But soon he will, and when The Promised Time succeeds, then this world will be a Paradise…no, it will be 「Heaven」!"

This was going to be…difficult. Gamzee’s ability had yet to display any offensive capabilities, but it didn’t need to. Whatever its effect was, it was preventing them from moving any further, while also keeping him alive even through lethal wounds. They needed to find a way to disable his stand, or failing that, outmanouvere him.

Dave summoned a copy of him, who opened one of the doors that were part of Paradise City. Inside was a passageway just like the one they were in. The clone ran inside, looking for a way out. More Daves manifested, copying the first clone’s actions. 

HONK

Gamzee allowed this to happen, honking his horn as each Dave made their exit. “My brothers and sisters, you cannot stop it. 「Paradise City」 will keep you here, until Heaven comes.”

As he said this, several doors opened up behind the group. Dave’s copies came running out, bewildered. “It’s just doors! Doors everywhere!”

There had to be a way out of this, Rose thought. All stands have a weakness, one that could be found and exploited. They just needed to find it.

“Sorry my brother, but that’s not the way. 「Paradise City」 can’t be beaten like that.” Gamzee yawned. “But hey, if you turn back, I’ll let you motherfuckers go. Promise.”

In response to that, Slick sliced his ears off.

Like hell you would, Rose thought. There was no way they’d be allowed to let go that easily, even if Rose and the others accepted his offer. There had to be a way…

Wait.

HONK

Could it have been that easy?

Rose pointed Lovin’ Spoonful’s pen not at Gamzee, but something far more important. She fired off a dazzling ray of light at the horn in his hand.

Gamzee froze.

The door next to him opened by itself, blocking the attack.

Got you.

Then the doors next to Rose opened, and that’s when the cougars pounced.

HONK!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this isn't going to be a cakewalk. Not by a longshot.
> 
> Writing Gamzee is hard for me, so he might feel really OOC in this story. I hope I can at least make him feel like a character and not just the penultimate hurdle.


	30. Dave: Strife

Cougars, of all things. The part of Rose that wasn’t alarmed by the sudden attack by giant cat was angry at herself. Of course Gamzee wouldn’t just let them take him down like that. Pucci wouldn’t assign him to be his bodyguard if it was. It was too late for her to fire a beam at the onrushing mountain lions, but she didn’t have to. Jade was on the move, her stand causing the creatures to phase through her and collide with one another. Before the creatures could rise up and attack once more, Equius knelt down before them and pressed a thumb on each cougar’s forehead. With a small surge of hamon, they were rendered unconscious.

As this happened, Gamzee escaped. He entered through the door that protected him, running faster than anyone with holes in their neck ought to. But they were also pretty quick on their feet, and with Space Oddity’s added effects, catching up was easy enough. Cornering him was another matter entirely however.

They entered into another tunnel, one that looked exactly the same as the previous tunnel except for the color, which was a luminous bright pink. Aisles of doors and windows of all shapes and sizes covered the walls around them, even on the ceiling and floor. They all looked like they were melting, fusing into each other and then splitting apart. Rose attempted to blast one of them open, but the beam was absorbed during impact. Slick and Dave both attempted to cut the doors, but their blows were just as ineffectual.

He can’t have gone too far. All stands had an effective range as a rule. Gamzee only demonstrated Paradise City’s effects to them at close range, so it was reasonable to assume that he couldn’t have gone very far. Or it was actually a long ranged stand and it was only due to his arrogance that allowed them to attack him at close up in the first place. What was clear though is that the horn was important. The activation of his ability likely depended on the sound the horn made. Even now, they could still hear the honking, though it was faint and muffled. It reminded Rose of Karkat’s Evanescence, though she doubted that turning their ears away from the sound would be free them of its effects. 

They’ll have to take a risk. “We’ll split up.” She said to the group. “Equius, stay with Slick. Everyone else will go in alone.”

“Hold the fuck up.” One of the Daves, probably a copy interjected. “What if that’s what the weirdo wants us to do? Split us up, then take us out one by one with cougars?”

“We’ll cover more ground this way. Need I remind you that time is of the essence?” Rose pointed out.

The others didn’t look enthusiastic for Rose’s suggestion, but they begrudgingly admitted she was right. By the time they escaped Paradise City it could be too late. They’d already lost the element of surprise, so they'd need to be quick. Everyone got in position to enter a door. When Rose touched the doorknob of the one she picked, it stopped shifting, and solidified. It wasn’t locked at least. When she turned the knob and pulled the door open, the pathway beyond was completely dark. 

“Well, here goes nothing.” She stepped inside.

In another room, Dave was alone. What he had entered was not another hallway full of doors and windows made by a bad Salvador Dali fan, but a regular, square room. It was pink, the same as the hallway he had come from, with wide glass windows flanking the two doors adjacent to one another. He could see movement in the glass, though what he saw was clouded. Through some mysterious sixth sense he was never able to accurately describe to anyone else, he knew that his copies were in similar rooms.

Dave approached the windows cautiously, his stand by his side. Nothing had appeared in the windows before, and it would be a smart idea to see what was beyond. The fact that it could be a trap crossed his mind briefly, but what other option was there? Dave figured he’d simply beat up what lurked inside. He opened the door with his stand, and stepped inside. 

And started screaming...

In another room, Jade was confused. The room she was in was covered with portholes, the kind you usually saw aboard ships. Even the floor had them. Light filtered through each porthole, giving the impression that she was walking inside a giant cheese grater. There was a door roughly opposite of the one she entered. Clearly that was where she would find Gamzee, if the loud honking coming from the other side of the door was any indication.

Instead of entering first however, she summoned Space Oddity by her side and activated its ability. It was best to see what was waiting for her beyond before entering. Tapping on the door, Jade estimated that it was roughly four to five inches thick. Her ability to connect space with warp fields could easily bypass that. The air around her wobbled for a second, and the door in front of her was gone, replaced by what was beyond this room.

What she saw drove her to tears...

In another room, Slick was ecstatic. Equius on the other hand, seemed disturbed. They were in another pastel pink tunnel, albeit one that was narrower than the last. There were no windows in this one, but instead there were doors of different types. As soon as Equius took a step inside, the doors slammed open and men in green suits began rushing out of the doors, brandishing all manner of knives and firearms. Slick laughed to himself, and began to attack, his laughter growing in intensity and volume.

Equius had faced the terrors of the undead before. they didn’t hold a candle to what Slick was doing to these men...

The room Dave found himself in was dark, save for a solitary lamp hanging up above that illuminated the center of the room. It wasn’t dark enough. Dave frantically fumbled for the door he’d come from, running out as fast as he could. The room beyond was not the same as the one he had come from. It was the same dark room he was trying to get out of. Going back was impossible. Dave resolved to stick to the edges of the room, keeping his gaze away from the center of the room. Away from his five year old self, curled into a ball and beaten black and blue. That much he could do.

What he couldn’t pretend wasn’t there was the crying. His crying...

Jade wanted to run, but her legs felt like jelly. It wasn’t as if running was going to help, anyway. In the few seconds after she’d deactivated her stand’s power, the room of portholes had become a carbon copy of the room beyond, a room of glass. Floor, ceiling, walls, the entire place was made entirely of glass panels, not unlike the ones used in office buildings. Unlike the previous windows, which were dirty and showed little, these ones were crystal clear.

They showed Jade the funeral of her grandfather, Jake Speedwagon...

Rose found herself in a dark hallway. What her stand could illuminate revealed stained red carpets, purple wallpaper and modern-looking furniture with a cat motif. It was all very familiar to her, which only served to anger her more that she already was. She was starting to think that whatever waited for her at the end of the hallway, it would only serve to 「aggrieve」 her.

By the time she reached the end of the hallway, her theory had been proven right...

“I’m going to fucking kill that skinny bastard.” Dave mumbled to himself, but his voice lacked the anger Rose's would possess.

What he had in spades was fear. Fear and dread. He tried to tell himself in vain that this was just a trick, but his brain was currently up against the rest of his body. It wasn’t working at all. He’d managed to resist turning his head to face his child self’s recumbent form, and had escaped into the next room. What lay inside turned out to be worse yet.

Cavernous was the best word that Dave could use to describe the next room. ‘Big-Ass’ also worked, but it didn’t do the place any justice. It was completely dark here, save for a faint glow that came from the floor with each step he took. He walked for what felt like hours, until he heard the sound of stage lights turning on. His shades protected him from the flash, but after what he saw he wished it hadn’t.

The darkness was replaced by familiar surroundings. He was what could be called a gymnasium, if gymnasiums were regularly stained with blood. In front of him was himself as a child, holding a wooden bat in shaking hands. Surrounding young Dave were several boys roughly the same age as he had been. They carried their bats solidly.

“Down already, Strider?” One of the boys said, earning laughter from the other children. They all looked and sounded alike to him. “Come on, don’t make it easy for us!”

Behind the boys someone watched them with his arms crossed, a bat in hand. He was eight, maybe twelve years older than everyone else. The other boys looked at him expectantly. 

Young Dave looked at him too, his expression pleading. The older boy readjusted his shades, and nodded to the other kids. For a second Young Dave’s face lit up. He knew what was going to happen next. Dave tried to run towards his childhood self, but no step he took brought him closer. When he tried to turn away, the scene would always shift so it would be in front of him. Shutting his eyes didn’t work either. The door to the next room or the room before was nowhere in sight. 

Dave stood there helpless as he watched his childhood self beaten by laughing children, standing alongside his brother...

There was chatter and gossip. There always was in any large gathering, especially at funerals. Her great grandfather, REO Speedwagon, was buried in a peculiar ritual that was practiced by his family. His body had been housed in a glass crypt, at a cemetery in his native London. Per his will and testament, Jake would also be buried in the same manner as his adoptive father. His organs had been removed, his body stuffed, and the remains displayed in a glass case right next to Speedwagon’s. It was an odd ritual to say the least, but the Speedwagons were rich and kind, and so it was brushed off as a weird quirk. Most of the visitors averted their gazes from the body, chatting amongst themselves.

Jade had been there, surprisingly enough. Though her body was in a coma it was important that she was there for when her grandfather was interred. Besides, she could see and hear just fine with the effects of her stand. It also meant that she heard the visitors talk about her family clearly.

“What a tragedy.” An elderly woman said, shaking her head. “To think this could happen to both grandfather and grandchild.”

“Disgusting that they’d wheel her brain dead body here. Very uncouth.” An old man scoffed, swirling the wine glass in his hand. “Hah. Grandfather and grandchild indeed. Why they kept that charade up I’ll never understand.”

“Oh you don’t think that old rumor is true, do you?”

“I’m just saying, it sounds completely suspect. Really, his daughter and son in-law die in a plane crash and seven months later he goes on and declare to the world that they left him a granddaughter?”

“What goes on in the privacy of their home is their business.”

“Sure, sure, but do you know that Jake entertained women. Young ones too. From what I hear, one of them died in childbirth, right when the Speedwagon Foundation needs an heir.” 

“Are you implying that the girl is a spare?”

“Must be. Awful, isn’t it? I wager that girl’d probably be in some tenement right now if she wasn’t needed.”

“And now her ‘grandfather’ is dead, and she might as well be.”

“Pity, pity. All that effort squandered. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

But Jade did...

Dave stared, his expression unchanging. From what he let himself remember, the beating only lasted half an hour. Time was bullshit though, especially when you put relativity in the situation. What was objectively half an hour felt like days. The only silver lining was that it ended. Everything ends, eventually.

When the scene ended he continued on his way, reaching the end of the room. His body ached. It felt like everything his kid self went through was reflected on his body as well. Still, Dave knew it wasn’t over yet. The honking had gotten louder now, which only meant that he was close. He opened the door and faced what else Paradise City had in store for him.

The next room showed Dave something he barely remembered. This was because at the time he was barely conscious. His body felt heavy, and he couldn’t move. His head rested on the back of his brother, clutching weakly on his shirt. It was raining, and they were outside a short distance away from the orphanage. Dave’s brother wielded a gun, pointing it defiantly at a man in a white suit carrying an umbrella.

“Why, young Dirk? I had thought you understood.” The voice asked sorrowfully. “What we are doing shall benefit the world.”

“I’ve had enough of your sick shit, Pucci.” Dave’s brother snarled. 

“My young friend, I am saddened. Why have you lost your stomach now, when we are so close?” Pucci sighed. “But if you so desire it, then I will let you both leave. Consider it a gift, for your stalwart service to the cause.”

“I can go to the cops. Tell them everything.” Dirk warned.

“The police are corrupt and incompetent. I should know, as I have made sure they are.” Pucci shook his head. “You need not threaten me. As I have said, I shall allow you both to leave.”

Pucci was in front of them now. Dirk didn’t even see him move, but he was right there, holding Dirk’s smashed gun in his hand. “A pity. Genetically, the boy was the closest to Him. A miracle, don’t you think? But alas, he does not have his spirit. I had hoped to spend a few more years tempering him, but there are others. ” 

Young Dave peered up to Pucci’s face. He was smiling. He still was, when he smashed Dirk’s face against the wall of the alley faster than he could see. “Before you two leave though, I ask that you please allow me to test Dave one last time. Don’t worry, I’ll be quick.”

That had been a lie, Dave dimly remembered. Pucci had taken his time in "testing" him.

Rose was angry. Very angry. She was not one for outrage, but Paradise City had managed to push the few buttons she had. Gamzee was a dead man as soon as she got close. And she knew that she was very close. The hallway around her took on the Dali-esque liquidity of before, which Rose took as a good sign. Gamzee was close, she could feel it. 

The random doors opening up to unleashing an assortment of wild animals was also a good indication that he was nearby. They were easy to dispatch as long as Rose kept her distance, requiring only a quick shot from Lovin’ Spoonful for the beasts to turn tail and run back into their rooms. Something about deadly lasers awakened the fight or flight instinct of these animals, and they almost always chose the latter.

Another door opened. Rose was expecting yet another mountain lion. Instead she was greeted by a disturbingly gleeful Slick, still pushed around by Equius. Both of them were covered in blood.

“Forgive our mess.” Equius said. “We encountered difficulties.”

“Difficulties my ass!” Slick grinned. “Had the time of my life, I did!”

“Good for you.” Of course he would be. Rose ventured that Paradise City’s mental effects would hardly faze Slick. She didn’t think the same for Equius, but he looked alright for someone forced to go through trauma.

That was Paradise City’s true power. It was not the endless, convoluted maze it generated that was a bad date away from completely ignoring the laws physics. No, it was its ability to make its target relive memories. Each door led to a different memory, and in accordance with Gamzee’s aim, it depicted the painful ones. Rose looked at her hand, grimacing. Her fingers were covered in shallow cuts, a result of the ‘traumatic’ memory she had been subjected to.

She’d been surprised at herself, really. Rose expected more heartache, more pain from seeing her ten year old self cut herself trying pick up the broken shards from her mother’s latest drunken shenanigans. Roxy Lalonde was never ready to take care of a child, but she’d tried her hardest and Rose could never really bring herself to hate her for that. It probably had to do with her anger at Gamzee, for daring to use her childhood as a weapon. 

There was one door left unopened in this hallway, at the very end. From how loud the honking was becoming, she was certain that they were close. She turned the knob, and opened the door. Oh, there will be a reckoning.

Right after they survive this flash flood...

Everything ached. His body was covered in bruises, and Dave was sure that his right arm was broken. Pucci really did a number on him back then. The only difference now was that he had a stand to do most of the walking for him if he ever got beaten this badly. Paradise City was an awful stand. 

He managed to limp towards the next door, and enter the next room. Whatever lay ahead, he was ready. The beatings he experienced right now weren’t half as bad as the ones in his childhood. But this room didn’t have casual physical child abuse in store for him next. 

The next room was an apartment. It was a small, run-down place that his brother had managed to afford with whatever job he took to support them. On weekends he would use to train him how to defend himself. The training was always brutal, but at least Young Dave had a chance to fight back. There was no fighting done in this memory, because Dave knew all too well what was going to happen to him here. Because this was the day that, overcome with guilt and self loathing, Dirk Strider killed himself.

Jade could barely move. During the last memory her body froze, and she could barely breathe, just like when she was in a coma. The difference was that her real body wasn’t currently hooked up to a life support machine. She was fairly sure that without Space Oddity’s ability she’d still be in that room where does people were lying. She wasn’t some bastard child, plucked away from someplace when a rich man needed an heiress. Grandpa wasn’t that kind of person.

She had to find the others, so she moved on to the next room. It wasn’t a room at all though, more like an open field. Close by was a shooting range, where her grandfather was currently partaking in a competition. Young Jade also fancied herself a sharpshooter, though she rarely performed in competitions nowadays, with her interests now shifting towards science. She’d stepped out for some fresh air, and to admire the flowers. She bent down to take a whiff of a particularly nice looking dandelion, which was why the first shot went through her shoulder blades instead of her head. She turned just in time to see a man in a white suit in the distance, too far to make out any other details but close enough to see that he carried a gun. The second shot failed as well, merely hitting her stomach. But you know what they say, third time’s the charm.

Somehow, Rose was alive. So were Equius and Slick. Using hamon, Equius had managed to turn himself into a human dam that blocked the onrushing water from drowning them. From how exhausted he looked it took a lot out of his stamina, but it helped them survive. They soldiered on, walking into the room that Rose was definitely sure housed Gamzee. She was certain this time, because the door was made of clear glass and showed the despicable man squatting in corner drinking coffee. 

“What up, my brothers and sisters?” Gamzee raised a mug at the others. He still carried that horn with him. “I see you’re all alive.”

Rose didn’t exchange pleasantries, firing a beam directly at Gamzee. Two doors opened above him in response, dropping Dave and Jade’s bodies into the line of fire. It was only then that Rose realized something horrifying; the entire room they were in was composed of doors. 

“My laser loving sister, do you know what life has a lot of?” Gamzee asked, grinning as he honked his horn. The door under them opened then and there, and if wasn’t for Equius’ quick reflexes she would’ve fallen in. “Opportunities! See, when I was a kid I lived in an orphanage, you know? It was tough shit, tough shit. Had some friends to help, but they were all motherfuckers ‘cept for ol’ Karkat. Before I knew it I’d been taking some real grade A shit to get through the day. One time I even ran into a burning room ‘cause that’s where I hid my stash.”

On cue half the doors in the center of the room opened up, releasing a torrent of flame. “Thought it was over for me. But then, a motherfucking miracle happened! Mister Pucci stepped into the room all calm-like, and the flames didn’t even bother him! And you know what he did? He gave me my stand. Said 'you won’t die here', ‘cause his dear friend wanted me to be in 「Heaven」 with him, once the Promised Time comes!” 

As Gamzee finished his rant, he noticed two things. The first, that Rose Lalonde had disappeared. The second, was that the horn was no longer in his hands. 

“Space Oddity.” Jade muttered, clutching her head as it bled profusely. The headshot earlier should’ve put her in a coma, but there was a difference between shooting a young girl who wasn’t expecting it, and her older self who possessed a stand that warped space. Space Oddity threw the horn into the fire, taking great satisfaction in watching it burn.

Paradise City’s effects had not canceled yet though, and that was because Gamzee had a backup horn. Immediately he began pressing an arm into his hair, where a honking sound could be heard. Gamzee had actually sewn a horn into his head, as a backup. A door behind him opened, leading to another tunnel of doors where he could lose Rose and the others and begin the process of slowly killing them again. 

“Lovin’ Spoonful.” Rose had anticipated this, and appeared right in front of Gamzee, throwing several pages from Lovin’ Spoonful at his face. The blinding light from her stand stunned him long enough to prevent him from escaping.

“Tenacious D.” A trio of Daves surrounded Gamzee at that moment. One grabbed him by the hair, slamming down the back of his head onto the floor. The other two took his arms, while Tenacious D itself aimed its sword to his neck. 

HONK

“So, 'my brother'.” Dave began, as he and his copies dragged Gamzee roughly away from the escape door and towards the center of the room. “You said Pucci saved you, didn’t he?” He asked, punctuating each word by slamming Gamzee’s head on the floor.

HONK

“Oh fuck.” Gamzee’s face paled as his eyes registered Strider's destination. “You shitbag. No, please, no you fucker! I’ll let you go, please! Just stop, fucking stop!”

HONK

“Sorry my apologizing brother.” Dave repeated, relishing the mocking irony. “But you see, Pucci fucked over my life so badly I became an obnoxious hipster orphan with self-esteem issues. So forgive me this small luxury?” Would he feel like shit over this later? Probably. But right now he was beyond caring. This fucker had made him relive what a multitude of therapists hadn't been able to coax out of his repressed memories in under half an hour and he was done.

HONK

They were at the center of the room now, the flames from Gamzee’s memory still burning hot. Dave didn't so much as bat an eyelash. Not that you could have seen it he did, but for the record. “I just want to see, my specially saved brother. I want to see if Pucci or his god's damned 「friend」 will save you again this one. last. time.”

HONK

“I WILL BE SAVED.” Gamzee screamed desperately. “HE PROMISED!” 

HONK

“OUR BEAUTIFUL LORD WILL RETURN!” Gamzee continued to plead. “IT IS THE PROMISED TIME, AND HEAVEN IS UPON US!”

HONK

"PUCCI YOU FUCK, WHERE'S MY MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE!?"

HONK

HOOOOOOoooooon...k.

As its master perished, Paradise City's effects disappeared. No trace of it remained, not even Gamzee’s ashes. They were all standing in front of a wide chamber, painted white and lined with doors. Equius tried to open one of them. No cougars or traumatic memories assailed them, unless you counted an empty bedroom as one.

“Remind me not to get on you kids’ bad side.” Slick said, he gave a respectful nod to Dave.

“He had it coming.” Rose declared. No one disagreed. Not even Jade.

“So.” Dave wondered. “Where’s our giant film buff friend?”

The answer to that, unbeknownst to Dave and the others, was at an altar in the center of the bunker, bleeding out and wondering where his friends were right then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go. We're at endgame now. With Gamzee down, the only conceivable threat is Pucci, who needs to be nerfed because christ Whitesnake is unfair.
> 
> Gamzee you might notice is the least similar to his counterpart, even though he arguably has a role here closest to canon. That's mainly because the thing that made him go nuts here is different (Cal in canon IIRC Act 6 right, and Pucci here). Still, like with everyone else's stands I had to integrate some part of his canon abilities here, and what better way to do that than to be practically unkillable while also causing people terrible trauma?
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Paradise City  
> Stand User: Gamzee  
> Destructive Power: E  
> Speed: E  
> Range: A  
> Durability: A  
> Precision: A  
> Development Potential: E  
> Ability: Paradise City takes the form of a floating goat head that constantly follows its master around. For as long as the sound of honking can be heard, Paradise City's master is functionally unkillable. Once active, Paradise City can create a labyrinth of doors, windows, rooms and tunnels that can stretch for several hundred meters, though the farther one is from the sound of honking, and thus its user the easier it is to find a door to escape. The rooms Paradise City creates have the ability to recreate an experience a person within its range had, usually a traumatic or violent one. Anything that happened to them then will happen to them again now. Unless the honking is stopped, the people within Paradise City must experience their past once again before proceeding to the next room.


	31. Jade: Bear Witness

Hours in the past (but not many)….

A young man stands in his bedroom. If today had by some odd chance been his birthday, he would be quite happy for the chance to eat some of his Father’s cooking. But alas for John Joestar, today is not his birthday. In fact, it may very well be the opposite of that, considering his hosts. If there were any to be found, it would have been prudent to retrieve arms with which to protect himself with. The only gear that could conceivably harm his hosts sadly could not be acquired in this room. So he opted to instead dress himself in the very nice suit Kanaya had made for him.

All was not lost though. Unbeknownst to him, a crack team of stand users were on their way to liberate him from bondage. And if they weren’t enough, the 「employees」 of his host were plotting to betray their master. So the odds were fairly even, all things considered. Even if Pucci possessed a stand with the power to take other stands, John was confident that they could overwhelm him with sheer numbers if nothing else. That is, if stand removal was Whitesnake’s only ability. He doubted that Pucci would show everything he was capable of during brunch.

Once he’d finished buttoning up his suit, he heard a knock upon the door. It was definitely not Vriska then, who would barge in uncaring for basic etiquette. Really, it was darn nice of the other stand users to even consider his privacy, given that he was the prisoner here. A real shame they wanted to use him for some creepy ritual likely involving human sacrifice. He opened the door, and saw Karkat standing outside. He wore a plain black sweater and regular jeans. Though not as avid a fashionista as his friends, John still found Karkat’s clothes wanting.

“Nice sweater.”

“Bite me.”

“Aw, don’t be like that Karkat!” John slapped his back. “It’s a big day for you guys, isn’t it?”

“You’re pretty cheery for some dipshit who’s about to get sacrificed in some fucked up ritual.” Karkat growled. 

“Am I? Guess I am, aren’t I?” John shrugged. It was weird when he thought about it. “It’s better than stressing out about it? I dunno.”

“Is it that ‘Joestar magic’ Pucci raves about when he thinks we’re not listening?” Karkat guessed. 

“Eh, probably.” John yawned. Maybe he was still too sleepy to be properly afraid for his life. Maybe it was ‘Joestar Magic’, or something like that. Dad was always preternaturally unfazed by trauma, so maybe he inherited some of his old man’s stoicism. “So what now? I mean this place doesn’t really strike me as the temple of kali type deal that Pucci wants.”

“Just shut up and follow me.” Karkat grumbled. John felt pressure on his shoulder, like an invisible hand digging its fingers into his suit. Rather than be dragged around by Karkat’s stand, he followed the badly dressed anger magnet of his own volition.

Maybe that was always how Karkat acted, but to John it seemed like he was tenser than usual. Then he remembered that Karkat had every reason to be tense. He and Terezi were going to make their move against Pucci today, in conjunction with the one that Vriska had planned and roped John into. Depending on what their plan was it could lead to catastrophe for everyone, especially John.

He was taken by Karkat to an open space at odds with the rest of their base. From what John had seen their base had ceilings low enough that John wouldn’t have been able to completely stretch his arm up. This room though, was large enough to fit a second floor. The room looked newer than the other ones, with the paint on the ceiling looking fresh and recent. At the center of the room was a stone altar raised over a metal platform surrounded by candle stands. An incense censer on a pole swung like a pendulum a few steps before the platform, giving the chamber a sickly, cloying smell. 

Vriska was already there, as was the person John presumed to be Terezi. She was a lot shorter than John imagined her to be. Both of them had dressed better than Karkat. Vriska wore a sleeveless orange top that loosely resembled a ship captain’s jacket. Feathers covered its shoulders like avian epaulets, while underneath the top was a blue leotard. She wore an orange skirt that reached her knees, which was embroidered with silver sun symbols. Terezi wore a teal suit similar to John’s, save for its black scale pattern pants and the red necktie with a dragon skull motif. She wore the coat like a cape, resting her hands on a black cane with a dragon head top.

The two were staring each other down, arguing vehemently. Vriska pointed an accusing finger at Terezi, her other hand resting on the back of her hip. “Give it to me, now! I need it more than you do!” 

Terezi sat on the altar and tapped her cane on the ground. “No. We need it more. Your plan wasn’t going to work anyway.”

“It will!” Vriska hissed. “If you give me John’s stand, if you give me 「MC Hammer」 it will work! How did you even snatch it out of Pucci’s chambers anyway?”

“Hehehehe.” Terezi chuckled. “More Than A Feeling is very versatile. As are ants. Tell me, how are you supposed to get into his room and nab the stand drive?”

“I’ll have you know I’ve made copies of every key in this underground rathole.” Vriska bragged. “What, you think having two stands can let you beat Pucci? Don’t kid yourself.”

“It’ll work. At least, it’ll be more effective than you winging it.” 

“You’re too cautious, Terezi.” Vriska countered. “Pucci already knows what you’re going to do.”

“You told him, didn’t you?” Terezi accused.

“No!” Vriska hissed, taken aback. “But he’s smart. And he taught you everything you know.”

“Pot, kettle, black Serket.” Terezi smirked. “Pot. Kettle. Black.” 

Karkat prompted John to follow him to the arguing women, muttering to himself incoherently. John could barely make out the words ‘Fucking Vriska’, ‘Stop talking to her’ and ‘Lima bean’. The last bit he was pretty sure was misheard.

Vriska took her eyes off Terezi and gave Karkat a withering look. “Took you long enough.” 

“Whatever.” Karkat rolled his eyes. “Pucci’s not even here yet.”

“He will be, soon.” Terezi said. “Only one hour left until the 「Promised Time」.”

Karkat’s stand pushed John to lie down on the altar, prompting Terezi to sidle to the side. His limbs were then bound to it with a length of rope, much to John’s relief. He was expecting to be nailed to the altar with metal spikes. Looking closely, John could see latin script carved into the stone. Mostly it repeated the word 「God」 over and over again. “So, what is this 「promised time」 you guys keep talking about anyway?” John asked.

They all looked at him as if he’d just said the stupidest thing. Even Terezi, who was blind. “…We don’t actually know.” Terezi said. “All we know is that if we do what Pucci says he can bring 「Heaven」 on Earth.”

“Gamzee said there’s more to it.” Karkat said. 

“Gamzee is a creepy crackhead who needs to be put down.” Vriska said, sneering. “You really need to pick better friends Karkat.”

Karkat ignored Vriska’s insults. For what was about to happen he needed to have his focus. “He told me someone was coming back. Someone who wanted him to bring him to 「Heaven」.”

“Not just Gamzee. All will be welcome to 「Heaven」.” The doors opened as Enrico Pucci spoke, accompanied by Kanaya. In Pucci’s hands he held three sharp, pointed objects. Two of them were 「Stand Arrows], while the third item was a short, green knife. As they came closer, John saw that the knife was made of bone. “「Heaven」 is a gift to all humanity.”

“Except for the Joestars.” John interrupted, loudly.

Pucci did not take offense. Quite the opposite actually. He stepped towards the altar, circling around it with one arm crossed behind an arched back, and the other resting on his hips. “Oh, how little you know Jojo. How little you know. But that is to be expected. Your father feared that you would meet the same fate as your grandmother. The same terrible fate that befell Joan Joestar.”

If John still had MC Hammer he would’ve decked Pucci. As things were he settled for his bare fists. He struck Pucci with a right hook, but it failed to knock him down. The bastard looked amused by his outburst.

“Worry not, Jojo-”

“Don’t call me that.” John interrupted.

“Why not? Doesn’t your family call their youngest that?” Pucci asked. “Or did it stop, when Joan died?”

John was about to sock Pucci again but before he could, he was pinned down to the altar by unseen hands.

“Allow me to enlighten you, Jojo.” Pucci smirked. “Of the death of your grandmother. You see, during the battle at Cairo, Jane was severely injured. She did not possess a stand, like your father, great aunt and great grandfather were. However, she possessed mastery of hamon, surpassing even Joseph Joestar’s skill with it. Dio knew she would be trouble despite lacking a stand, and so he had dealt with her first.”

“While the ripple is effective, it can do little when matched against the power of 「The World」. He ambushed Joan, and drank deep of her blood. As a way of distracting Holly and Joseph, 「He」 had implanted Joan with a flesh bud and compelled her to kill her sister and father. A brilliant plan, but as history shows it was not enough. My dear friend Dio was defeated. They infused His blood into your grandmother, but the injuries she had suffered in conjunction with the flesh bud were too much for her body. If she was not a hamon master, she would not have survived. But she was, and that allowed her to survive for a few years more.”

Pucci stopped circling the altar, cupping John’s face with his hand. “I wonder how it must have been for your father, to see his mother die a slow death. Her flesh, slowly rotting away as her organs died little by little. Small wonder that he began to resent his family’s legacy. Small wonder that he would distance himself and his son from the world that killed her mother so cruelly. It is what your wretched family deserves, for killing Him.”

“But fear not. Through you we shall redeem the Joestar bloodline, and bring forth 「heaven」. If anything, you should thank me.” He let John’s face go, smiling condescendingly. “In, oh, roughly forty minutes. So before we begin, would you like a last meal, Jojo? I can have Karkat get something from the refrigerator.”

“No he won’t.” Terezi tapped the floor. “Now.”

Without his stand’s enhanced senses, John could barely see what happened next. Kanaya became a blur, lunging forward with her hands outstretched. She was blown away just as quickly, crashing to the other side of the room. A second after a loud buzzing sound assailed his ears. He remembered Rose’s description of Karkat’s stand, which had the ability to weaken a stand’s power using sound waves. 

The attack by his former minions didn’t seem to faze Pucci at all. “My goodness, how bold. Was this your plan, Terezi? It is much simpler than your normal gambits, but complexity does not imply effectiveness, I suppose.” 

As Pucci spoke, the ceiling changed color from white to red. The red color moved downwards, and as it did so John realized that it wasn’t pain, but ants. A swarm of ants. Terezi was still sitting down next to John, her arms held out as if she was holding some buttons. 

“Give us the 「Arrow」, Pucci. You can’t win, not with Evanescence disrupting Whitesnake.” The ants surrounded them now, leaving the altar a circle of white in a sea of red. 

“That is true.” Pucci agreed. “I am saddened. I had hoped that you would stay loyal to the dream. Is Gamzee the only one I can rely upon?” 

“The Arrow. Now.” Terezi repeated. “It’s over Pucci. The Arrow, or the ants eat you alive. Or Kanaya, either way.”

Pucci continued to ignore Terezi’s threats. “Why, Terezi? I at least deserve to know why you and the others decided to perform this betrayal.”

“Oh, where to start with that, Pucci?” Terezi smirked, thrusting the end of her cane to Pucci’s neck. “Maybe how you treated us like crap for most of our childhood. It could be because you turned Kanaya into a vampire, then locked us in a room with her to make us develop a stand. It might even be the fact that you were almost certainly responsible for us all being orphaned in the first place…”

“Please, Terezi.” Pucci chuckled. “Given how cruel the world is I would hardly have to make an effort to do that.” 

Terezi thrusted her cane at Pucci’s neck. “But to answer your question, no. If anything, we’re turning on you because we’re sick and tired of following you around to all of our suffering. So, again, for the last time. Surrender the Arrow to us, and we’ll make it painless.”

“I think not, Miss Pyrope.” Pucci raised a finger and used it to nudge Terezi’s cane aside. “I have no desire nor need to acquiesce to your demands.”

“What can you do? Whitesnake can’t help you with the ants, and it won’t be able to use its power on us effectively while Evanescence is active.” Terezi pointed out.

“This is true.” Pucci crossed both arms behind his back, smirking. “At best, I can maim you before Kanaya could behead me and drink my blood. How fortuitous then, that I need not act alone.”

“Not alone!?” Terezi paused. “You don’t mean… Karkat!”

Her warning came too late. Scissor Sister lifted Karkat up by the neck and then slammed him face-first into the ground. While Evanescence’s power could weaken the powers of stands, the physical force said stands could exert was something that was largely unaffected. So a power-type stand without any strange abilities like Scissor Sister could easily ignore the dangerous effects of Karkat’s stand.

With Evanescence out of the way, Pucci was free to act. He pointed a finger at Terezi, summoning his stand. Whitesnake pressed two fingers on Terezi’s forehead, activtating its effect. In-between its fingers a hard drive appeared, a physical manifestation of Terezi’s stand. Before it could completely pull out her stand, Whitesnake turned around and punched several sharp projectiles aim for Pucci away. Not all were deflected, and one pierced through his left arm causing him to stagger for a moment. 

“Stay away from them.” Kanaya growled, running towards Pucci. Several of her fingers bled after she fired their tips towards Pucci like a type of bullet.

“Ah, forgive me Miss Maryam, your pardon. I nearly had forgotten about you.” Pucci said as he wiped blood off his knuckles. Whitesnake met Kanaya’s charge with a lunging fist, but it barely slowed the vampire down. Her other fingers vibrated as she was focused on shredding Pucci’s guts. The man himself was unfazed. Whitesnake struck Kanaya’s chin with an uppercut that would have snapped the neck of a normal human, but hurting Kanaya had not been the intent. As Whitesnake pulled its arm back, it held in its fingers a hard drive.

Kanaya just… dropped. Her eyes glazed over, and her body went stiff. Stands were basically extentions of the human soul. It follows then that Whitesnake was capable of removing more than stands from a human being’s body. No amount of physical power or nigh-immortality could protect Kanaya from such a power.

Without Kanaya, Terezi’s plan was shot. No amount of subterfuge would succeed against Pucci without the muscle to back it up. In a desperate attempt to at least halt the ritual Terezi commanded the ants to literally come out of the woodwork and swarm Pucci, overwhelming him with sheer numbers. A stand’s physical power wouldn’t help much against this swarm, and to ensure that Whitesnake wouldn’t be able to try to take her stand again, half of the ants began to coat Terezi in a living shield. If it won’t kill Pucci, Terezi’s last ditch tactic would’ve at least ruined Pucci’s plans. If the ritual was not done now, it could not be done at all. Her last ditch tactic might have worked too, if it weren’t for Vriska. 

As Terezi charged Pucci, her cane revealing a hidden blade aimed for the man's neck, Vriska materalized between the two. “Scissor Sister. End this.” The four-armed stand took hold of Terezi by her shoulder and pulled her up, digging its fingers into her flesh until she bled. She held Terezi like this for a second and the cane fell to the ground with a metallic clatter. If she could see, Terezi might have noticed regret, or perhaps disappointment flash through Vriska’s eyes. Then Scissor Sister hurled Terezi over Karkat where she landed with a loud thump and didn't stir from.

“Filthy.” Pucci extended his arm towards the room around them. “She made this place positively filthy. Well, it won’t change the ritual, but still. How inappropriate for a momentous occasion like this. ”

“Can we finally get started now?” Vriska asked, annoyed. “I want to get it over with.”

“Now, now Vriska, don’t be too hasty.” Pucci pushed his sleeve up and checked the time on his watch. “We have, oh, fifteen, twenty more minutes.”

“Uuuugh. Fine.” Vriska grumbled. “I still don’t get why we have to wait for so long.”

“I am rather amused that you were not the architect of this betrayal plot.” Pucci commented, smirking. “Let us both be honest, you have never followed me out of loyalty.”

“Who does?” Vriska snorted. “The only one who bought your Promised Land bullshit is Gamzee, and he’s a drugged-up psychopath.”

“A pity, really. But that does not answer my question.” Pucci said. “Why did you not join these three in their betrayal?”

“I play for the winning side.” Vriska crossed both arms behind her back, yawning. “See, unlike these fuck-ups I like to live.”

“Practical. I can respect that.” Pucci nodded.

John turned his attention away from Vriska and Pucci and towards Karkat and Terezi. Both of them lay unmoving on the ground, save for the occasional twitch from either of them. He couldn’t exactly call them his friends, but at least they weren’t trying to kill him. The same could be said of Kanaya. Sure she tried to kill him once, but beyond that, she wasn’t really that bad. If it wasn’t for the whole bloodsucker deal he could see himself being friends with her.

“Are they dead?” John asked after sitting in silence for ten or so minutes, until Vriska started pacing, casting venomous looks at both her friends and Pucci.

“Who?” Vriska turned to regard John as if this was the first time they’d ever met. “Oh, them. Yeah, probably. See, they’re my best friends John. Terezi, for instance? We used to date. They’re all very dear people to me, who I've grown close to.” She walked towards Karkat’s body and gave it a good kick. “Best friends forever. You know how when your friend goes astray, you try your hardest to help them? I go beyond that. See, if my friends were acting reeeeeeeeally stupid, I wouldn't hesitate to hurt them, if it’s for their own good. That’s just how great of a friend I am. Not everyone would be so considerate.”

Pucci nodded, crossing his arms together and smirking. “You are truly a bastion of kindess and solidarity, Vriska Serket. Now, enough of this silliness. It is time. To your position.”

Vriska moved away from Karkat and Terezi’s bodies to stand behind John’s head. She inclined her head towards him as she went to position, her expression turning into a grin for a second. If that was a sign that her plan was still in motion, it didn’t comfort John one bit. “Can we do the ritual without the others?”

“Yes. The number of people is not necessary.” Pucci raised the 「Arrow」 up as he moved to his position at the side of the altar. “As long we have the youngest scion of Jonathan Joestar, the 「Arrow」 and this 「Knife」, it can be done by anyone who knows when the 「Promised Time」 is.

“Now, it is time. Let us begin.” Pucci raised the bone knife over John. Whitesnake hovered over him, and ripped the middle of his shirt open exposing his chest. “With your sacrifice, Joestar, we end the blood feud between the Joestars and the man whom I love, as I love God.”

As he brought the knife down John’s body, Vriska made her move. Scissor Sister struck, one fist striking Whitesnake in the face and another fist dealing a blow to its chest. John saw the right side of Pucci’s chest cave in, and heard the sound of several ribs cracking. A third arm had taken a jab at Pucci himself, pulling the knife out of his grasp. But it was not enough to take out Pucci. Snarling, he struck back, Whitesnake moving so fast that John doubted he would have blocked its fist had he been using MC Hammer. 

But Scissor Sister had four arms, and Vriska made good use of them. While Pucci’s jab had hit Scissor Sister with a strong blow right below the neck, its fourth arm caught it by the elbow and pressed down hard, intent on crushing Whitesnake’s arm. Vriska vomited blood all over John from the attack, but with this strike Whitesnake was surely disabled.

Still, it wasn’t Whitesnake’s strength that made it dangerous, but its ability. The brief attack Pucci had landed was more than enough for him to pull out Scissor Sister from Vriska’s body, manifesting as a blue hard drive in its fingers. “I am impressed, Serket. I believe you have caused severe internal bleeding with your attacks, but it is for naught. I have obtained Scissor Sister from you.”

Vriska was not worried and cackled without care. “So you have, but tell me. Did you get _his_ stand?”

A blue fist struck Whitesnake square in the chest, but unlike Scissor Sister this fist was not entirely physical, for a given value of physical when it comes to stands. While the fist itself looked basically humanoid, the rest of its thick, muscular arm was surrounded by and partially made of a miniature tornado. The rest of the stand’s physical form was similar, a perfect blend of perfect blue musculature and swirling hurricane. It wore a headband with three horns protruding upward, the central one topped by a circling tornado.

It was Hammer Time.

Whitesnake retaliated as quickly as it could, but there was an odd calmness that enveloped John at that moment. He wasn’t filled with fear, or anger, or any of the usual emotions he felt during battle. It was as if he had been completely taken in by a burning will. He was completely focused on the task at hand, the task of making him, Enrico Pucci pay for crimes against the group of misfits in the room, unbeknownst to John his best bud Dave, and against his Dad and Grandma Joan. 

The pummeling MC Hammer delivered was merciless. The first punch struck Pucci's face, and as MC Hammer pulled its fist back it literally took the breath out of Pucci, pulling away the air around him in a reverse of the usual vortexes MC Hammer used. Whitesnake tried to reach out to take MC Hammer back, but it was all the stand could do to defend itself and Pucci. A single punch would have been all it took to take away MC Hammer, but John’s control at the moment was peerless. 

“Impossible!” Pucci snarled. Whenever Pucci thought a blow would land, MC Hammer’s body dissipated into wind, passing through it harmlessly. 

But while John himself was completely calm, his stand was not. Normally silent in battle, MC Hammer expressed John’s carefully suppressed anger in a furious roar.

ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA

“Hmph, nice work, Joestar.” Vriska complemented, glancing over to where Pucci landed after John had finished. 

“Thanks.” John sighed, relieved. It was finally over. With his stand back he could ‘feel’ the breathing from Terezi and Karkat, and he could see the hard drive that held Kanaya’s spirit on the floor next to Pucci. They could still be saved. “Now can you help pull these ropes off-urk!”

Vriska stabbed the knife down John’s chest and sliced it open. She dipped the 「Arrow」 into the wound, covering it with his blood. “Thank you John. Thank you. Everything went exactly as planned! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!” 

She was still laughing when she stabbed both knife and arrow into her own heart.

"Exactly as planned." Pucci repeated, with a victorious sneer.

Jade ran as fast as she could, using Space Oddity to teleport from room to room. Even though Gamzee was down this bunker was still massive; it had been built to accommodate thousands, after all. Another decision had been made for them to split up, but at least this time they weren’t being subjected to emotional trauma. They had to hurry. Jade’s instincts told her that something far worse than John dying was about to happen. Teleporting through Space Oddity’s warp field once more, she found herself in a large, open room.

She was right.

He, Dio, is already here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's here.
> 
> Dio.


	32. Devil and Daughter

Years in the past (quite many).

A young man stands in his motel room. If today had been his birthday, he would have cursed the occasion for the rest of his days. For today was January Seventeen, Nineteen Eighty Nine. Today was the day that the Joestars killed a great man. No, not just a great man, but a god among men. A genius. An inspiration.

A friend.

Dio Brando was dead. Enrico Pucci felt it. The man he loved as he loved God was gone from this world. He should have felt grief. He should have fallen to his knees and cried as his dearest friend was gone. But he did not. He should have felt anger, white hot rage at the Joestars for committing this most heinous of sins, and at himself for not being there to defend him. But anger only raged coolly in the back of his mind. 

Instead, Enrico Pucci felt resolution take hold of his heart. Gripped tightly in his left hand was a bone, a piece of Dio Brando given to him as a gift and a back up. In the other, he held a small book, bound in black leather. It was also a gift from Dio, a collection of his innermost thoughts, but it was also much more than that. Written in the book was the secret to immortality. Written in the book was the way for Dio to achieve 「Heaven」.

He had read Dio’s journal front to back, and knew every last word as he knew the bible. To Pucci, they were one and the same. He knew what he had to do. Hiding the book and the bone within the inner pockets of his priest’s frock coat, he stepped out of the motel room, took a breath of the damp night air, and went to work.

First, he needed a Host. A human being with the same traits as Dio. Someone with ambition, who possessed a burning drive to succeed, who would do anything to rise above the muck and filth they were born into. Initially, Pucci had also factored in genetics, but after the failure of the ideal match to possess Dio’s traits he had discarded this factor in favor of focusing on what truly made Dio who he was.

Second, he needed the 「Arrow」 and the Bone. It had been this miraculous relic that had made Dio's already strong power into that which was peerless, and it would be through the power of this relic that he would return. The Bone, meanwhile, was a physical part of Dio that should be fashioned into an instrument capable of inflicting harm, such as a knife.

Third, he needed Blood. The blood of a Joestar. The youngest of the bloodline would be ideal for the symbolism. Just as Dio transcended humanity through the blood of his adoptive father, the eldest Joestar at the time, so to would his return be facilitated with the blood of the bloodline’s youngest scion.

Fourth, and most important, was the time and place of the ritual. It had to be done on the day Dario Brando, Dio’s father died. For the location, it had to be at a place that was a defiled holy ground, hidden from the light. 

Once all the required factors were gathered together at the right location, the ritual had to take place in a manner that replicates Dio’s ascension to power. The Host must spill the blood of the youngest Joestar in act of betrayal. They must stab the Joestar with the knife made from Dio’s bone, and dip the Arrow in the Joestar’s blood. Finally, the Host must stab themselves with both knife and arrow, and only then will the ritual to revive Dio Brando be complete.

The last part, admittedly, would be the most difficult to pull off. The Host must be utterly convinced that doing so is needed to attain great power, for nothing but the lure of power would ever convince anyone possessing the traits of Dio to do such a dangerous action. Anyone who could be considered a Host for Dio is certainly cunning enough to be wary of the dangers. It was imperative that he be able to trick them. 

And trick Vriska he had. Everything had gone exactly as planned. Though he lay dying from the wounds John had inflicted on him, Pucci was satisfied. For in his final moments, he had been able to achieve his life’s goal; to see Dio with his own two eyes one more time. It had been worth the cost.

He was beautiful. He had the body of a Greek god, as if he was Michelangelo’s David brought to life. His hair was a vibrant, shining gold, and fell down his perfect body in thick, shimmering locks that floated as if it was unaffected by gravity. His skin was a perfect shade of platinum, which only served to highlight his magnificent musculature. On his back were a pair of gilded canisters with a pair of tubes connected on its top that snaked down his hips before connecting to the canisters' bottom. A translucent green shawl hovered around his body, inlaid with rainbow thread that spelled out Dio’s name. Emerald skulls the size of grapes dangled from his ear on gold chain. A trio of conical horns pointing upward rested on his forehead. Heavenly light fell down over him, a bright glow that only served to dim everything else.

The only flaw, in Pucci’s opinion, was the woman standing behind Pucci. Vriska Serket still lived, after a fashion. For Dio’s form now was that of a stand, and it was a rule that save for extremely rare circumstances a stand must be bound to something, whether human, or animal or object. But unlike other stands, Dio followed no one. Instead, Vriska followed Dio, shoulders slumped and face obscured by her hair.

“Dio…”

The resurrected Dio knelt before his dear friend, his features marked with concern. He took Pucci into his strong arms, his friend’s face pressed gently on his strong bosom. When he spoke, it was with a deep, powerful voice. “Pucci. My friend. Thank you.”

“Everything was all for you. Everything.” Pucci croaked. Blood dripped down his mouth with each word. The damage he had taken was too much for his physical form to withstand. “It was worth it. To see you again, even if it was only for...a moment.” The breath escaped the priest and his hand which had reached for his friend began to fall. It fell only for a moment though as Dio quickly grasped it. Enrico Pucci had passed from this world.

Dio silently closed his friend’s eyes with a tenderness one would not expect of Dio Brando and rested his forehead against Pucci’s for a brief moment. No further words were needed.

For a few seconds, Jade was entranced by the scene. Her eyes were transfixed on the figure of perfection that had appeared before her. But the moment passed, and what had at first been pleasure had quickly become horror. Dio Brando had returned. The greatest evil the world has ever known was back, manifested into the form of a stand. To stand near him was like being in the presence of the sun. It was overwhelming.

There was no time for her to ponder how this came to pass. While he cradled Pucci’s body in his arms, Space Oddity warped towards John. Jade tore the bonds off his arms and legs and moved to escape, teleporting as fast as she could while Dio was still preoccupied with his dead friend.

“Five minutes.” Dio spoke calmly and clearly to Jade and John as they made their escape. “After I, Dio, finish mourning my friend, there shall be a reckoning.”

Jade ran. It was the only option she had against a monster like Dio. She wasn’t stupid or reckless enough to think she could take someone as powerful as he was by herself. They needed more people, strong people. With the stand users they had now, she doubted that they could beat him. They had to escape, as they were too far underground for to communicate with the foundation. But if they retreated to get more people, it would allow Dio time to escape and gather his strength. They had little recourse but to fight him, here and now.

It didn’t take long for her to meet with the others, save for Rose. Dio’s return had an instantaneous effect on stand users, it seemed. If stand users were drawn to each other like moths to a flame, then Dio was a bonfire roaring in the night, the only source of illumination in the darkness. They carried John into one of the empty rooms, where he was laid down on a bed so Equius would be able to administer his hamon more easily. It was near the entrance to the of the bunker, as far from Dio as possible without actually leaving the area. They had decided to make this their meeting point in case they couldn’t find John anywhere.

Dave leaned against the wall, his eyes transfixed on his unconscious friend. “So, while the white mage here keeps our best friend from dying, mind telling us what the fuck was that Jade?” 

Jade slumped down on the floor next to Dave, wiping her brow with a hand. “Dio.” She said, sounding more exhausted than she had ever been. “He’s back, as a stand. He’s using Vriska’s body as a host. I think that was their plan all along.”

“A stand.”

“A stand, yeah.”

“Any idea how the fuck did he manage to do that?”

“I've no bloody clue. This is the first time something like this has occurred.” 

Dave groaned. Of all the things that could happen. “On a scale of one to ten, how fucked in the ass are we?”

“Fifteen.” Jade covered her face with her hands. “Fifteen.”

It said a lot if even a perennial optimist like Jade thought their chances were slim. It fell to Dave of all people to look for the bright side in all this. “Well shit. I mean, not to suck our own dicks, but we’ve got some pretty strong punch ghosts. What are the chances this Dio guy’s all flash and no substance?”

“None. This is Dio Brando we’re talking about.” Jade disagree. “He’s the most dangerous being on the planet right now. His old power before allowed him to stop time. I don’t doubt that he has a new ability strong enough to match all of ours by himself.”

“But we don’t actually know what he can do, do we?” Dave pointed out. “Yer just conjecturin’ based on what we know from before, that might not be true now.”

Slick lit a cigarette and put it in his mouth, breathing out a ring of smoke. “The skinny kid’s right. Me and him are gonna go do a little bit of recon, see what Dio can do now.” 

“I should go with you.” Jade said, standing up. “Space Oddity can get help you fall back once we learn his new powers.”

“Fine.” This was no time to be overprotective. The only way they‘d stand a chance is if everyone helped out and fought together. 

“I will stay here and watch over John as he recovers.” Equius said. His particular skill set wasn’t going to be useful against non-stand users anyway. “As well as wait for Rose to return.”

“Where is she anyway?” Jade wondered.

The answer to that was inside the living quarters of Terezi Pyrope. Rose had stumbled upon it in her search for John’s location. She was fairly sure that John would not have been imprisoned here. The desk piled with Braille books, the dragon print bed sheets and the cane rack did not strike her as a type of prison. Knowing a bit of Braille herself, Rose couldn’t resist the urge to check what kind of book a blind woman read. Surprisingly, it was transcripts of the old Perry Mason show scripts.

It was here that Rose felt it. The moment of Dio’s revival had filled her with a mixture of dread and adulation, which wasn’t a very good sign. Considering John’s propensity for getting into stand-related trouble, she naturally ran towards the menacing presence she felt. Part of her told herself that she should meet up with the others, but given how these things went they were likely there already.

She was wrong about that. The only people in the hall were dead, or halfway there already. The only exception to this was the source of the foreboding presence that led her to this room in the first place. Vriska Serket was still alive, but the way her body was slack and limp was at odds with the usual confidence she radiated. She had gained a new stand it seemed, and it currently held a deceased Enrico Pucci in its arms.

Rose’s presence seemed to knock Vriska out of her stupor. She carried Pucci’s body to the altar at the center of the room and laid it there reverentially. She turned, and spoke, not with her own lips, but her stand’s. The voice that came forth was a mixture of Dio's rich deepness, and Vriska's haughty strident tone mingled and harmonized.

“Another friend of the Joestar…John was it?” The stand crossed its arms, and had Vriska point a finger at Rose. It was clear who was in control here. “I, Dio, am jealous. If my host’s memories are correct this John does not amount to much. A pale imitation compared to his illustrious ancestor with whom he shares a name. And yet even he is surrounded by equals, while my beloved friend dies moments after we are reunited once more. How truly absurd.”

Rose remembered the story Jade told about the history of the Joestars, and immediately summoned Lovin’ Spoonful into her hands. She fired a beam immediately, then threw down a piece of paper from her stand’s book form and ran. Rose wasn’t going to take her chances, not when the others could come along and back her up.

Dio dodged the beam effortlessly. He didn’t even move from where he stood, nor did Rose see how he was able to evade the beam. Nor did she see how Dio was able to close the distance between them. One second he was standing twenty meters away from her, the next he was standing right in front of the piece of paper from Lovin’ Spoonful. “Leaving already? A pity, I was hoping you might enlighten me as to what makes this Joestar worth throwing your life away?” 

She remembered then and there what power Dio had. His stand was The World, and could stop time. That could explain how he was able to move so quickly, but not how the piece of Lovin’ Spoonful she threw did not detonate yet.

“Littering. How crass.” Dio daintily picked up the piece of Lovin’ Spoonful off the ground and threw it away. _Then_ it detonated, releasing a blinding flash of light. “Now then. I gave your friend, Speedwagon’s spawn, a five minute head start. That time is now up.”

Rose could’ve stood there wondering what the hell just happened, or she could’ve ran away and made a retreat. She chose the latter. Wearing a tracksuit on this occasion had turned out to be a blessing for her, as it allowed Rose to move much faster than if she had been wearing her usual attire. Or at least, she should have been.

Instead she had only moved perhaps five meters away from Dio. It was impossible that she had moved so slowly, especially when her movements were fueled by terror. When faced with a threat, humans usually relied on their fight or flight reaction to deal with this threat. Neither fight or flight were working for Rose, so her instincts settled for the third option. Hide.

As her stand’s third ability activated, the light touching her body stopped being reflected. Lovin’ Spoonful absorbed all the light that touched its user, rendering Rose invisible. It came as a surprise to Dio, but the one who was even more surprised was Rose. Once she was unseen, she was able to move normally once again, making her escape. 

It wasn’t going to help Rose for long. Dio was already looking for her, following the path Rose took out of the tunnel. It was the logical conclusion for where would be, after all. “Ah, fascinating!” She heard him exclaim loudly. “I, Dio, am beginning to understand the full extent of my power in this form! Now for someone to test it on!”

On cue, Dio came upon a new batch of enemies. Dave and his time clones lead the charge, followed by Slick and Jade. Since they lacked knowledge of what Dio could do and they were in a cramped tunnel they first attacked by having a pair of Dave’s copies rush their enemy. Both Daves aimed for Vriska, who continued to seem largely unaware of her surroundings. They weren't even able to touch her before they were sent crashing into the wall by Dio’s fists.

“So he can still stop time…” Slick mumbled as he wheeled himself forward, ignoring Dave as he bent over from the pain his copies shared with him. “Fanfuckingtastic.”

“Could be teleportation.” Jade mused, summoning Space Oddity before her. Using its ability, she grabbed the two Dave clones that Dio had attacked and brought them to their side. “What do you think Dave?”

“I think that this fucker has a mean right hook.” One of the clones groaned. 

“Quit your whining boy, you ain't dead yet.” Slick’s shadow extended forward beneath him as he activated his stand. A small terrier made of eyes and shadows appeared on his lap, its gaze set on the being before it. 

Even if Dio could stop time, he couldn’t activate this ability continuously. Add to that the fact that he was a close range type stand and it meant that Slick could get a hit in, especially if he tried to get close. Inkspots’ power was stronger the closer the target was, so the moment time resumed Dio, or more accurately his host Vriska, would be sliced apart by his ability. Of course, that assumed that Dio wasn’t strong enough to kill Slick during the time stop, but if there was one thing the bodyguard was good at it was surviving fatal injuries.

“What an interesting tingling sensation…” Dio said to himself as he moved towards his attackers, taking slow swaggering steps towards Slick with his hands against his hips. It was a surreal sight, especially juxtaposed with the zombie-like, empty-eyed stagger of Vriska Serket. 

What unnerved Slick more though, was the fact that Dio had yet to show any damage from his attack. In fact, neither did the well-lit hallway they were occupying, which allowed for the shadows his stand needed to attack a lot of coverage. Inkspots’ power was being applied everywhere in front of Slick, at its maximum range. The attack he was using should’ve left slash marks on the walls of the room. 

He stopped four meters away from Slick, a bored look on his face. A few slash wounds had finally affected Vriska, but they were the superficial cuts to clothing that normally happened during the first few moments that Inkspots activated. “I see. So this is how your ability works. ” Dio stepped out of the shadows that the hallway lights were creating. Slick attempted to move the shadows with Inkspots’ secondary ability, but like his power to cut things with shadows it wasn’t working. 

“Well!?” Slick snarled defiantly. “Give me your best shot you blond fuck!”

Dio chuckled, amused. “I already did.”

It turns out that Slick’s abilities weren’t the only thing working properly. His sight did not either. Nor did his ability to register pain function as it should, for if it had been working then Slick would have noticed that he had been pulled off his wheelchair and bashed on the head with it. 

Jade and Dave’s reactions were instanteanious. Or it should have been. Space Oddity should have generated a warp field that allowed her to pull Slick away at the moment of impact. Tenacious D’s speed should have meant that its blade should have been buried in Vriska’s gut at this range. Instead they appeared seconds after, pulling away a grievously wounded Slick and stabbing into empty air. 

“Hah! Still alive!” Slick yelled defiantly even as his already injured legs were further mangled by Dio’s attack. Some of his attacks had finally landed on Vriska, even if they were shallow cuts. It was enough to make her bleed, even a little. It was an attack that was reflected on her stand, Dio. 

A small cut appeared on Dio’s face, barely noticeable. Even if the damage was superficial, a long buried part of Slick felt some shame at what he had done. To him it felt like he had stomped on an incredibly good cigarette stick of Gitanes, the kind you reserved for good occasions like your ex-wife getting stabbed. From the way Dio’s lips curled into a frown, he agreed with this sentiment. 

And to rectify that, he appeared right behind Slick, as if by teleportation. Jade moved to generate a warp field around them as a shield, but like before her movements were too slow. Dio was blur once more, moving so fast none of them even saw when he punched a hole through Slick. Even the sound of Slick’s flesh being torn open by the force of the blow came late to their ears. When he was done, there was a hole where Slick’s stomach should have been.

Jade’s scream of rage wasn’t delayed though. Nor did Space Oddity’s fist. The first strike had caught Dio off-guard, but no damage seemed to have been done. Even with the relative physical weakness of Space Oddity this shouldn’t have been so, unless Dio was incredibly durable as a stand on top of his strength and speed. He was prepared for the second strike though, which came a few seconds after the first and missed Dio completely. The counterattack he unleashed was instantantenous, hitting Space Oddity with two jabs to its face, and a third blow to its chest.

A fourth blow would have struck Space Oddity, had not one of Dave’s clones appeared right in front of Dio. The fourth Dave appeared instantaneously, right before Dio’s fist struck home. But instead of shielding Space Oddity with its body, the fourth Dave protected his friend in a different way. He manifested right in the middle of Dio’s attack, in such a way that the resurrected vampire’s arm was stuck inside Dave’s body.

“Well, shit, this is a first.” The Original Dave croaked before doubling over in pain. The fourth Dave had not yet dissipated, which meant that despite having an arm inside his guts he was still alive. 

“Quite so.” Dio said, his curiosity at what had happened supressing his anger at being blocked. 

This curiosity did not stop Dio from continuing his assault, nor did it stop the other Daves from fighting back. They ran towards Jade and once again they attempted to tackle Vriska’s body, assisted by Space Oddity’s warp field finally appearing seconds after Jade had willed her stand to use its power. As they moved through the field, the other Daves looked frozen in place, their bodies halfway through behind Vriska.

Dio’s attack on the other Daves was much faster. He had become a blur once more, ripping his arm out of the fourth Dave’s body to attack the other ones. As powerful as Dio was, he was still dependent on his host to stay tethered to the world. With his ability though, intercepting the Daves was trivial. He struck them down with the physical strength only a stand could possess, their bodies dissipating much faster than they normally did when Dave’s copies took too much damage. Space Oddity attempted to strike as well, but Jade’s attacks were just as ineffectual as Dave’s, as were her attempts to defend herself. 

Besides the cut to his face from Inkspots and the single punch Space Oddity landed he had not been injured the entire fight. Meanwhile Slick was probably dead while Dave and Jade were close to it. Their wounds were grievous. Both of them suffered from broken bones and internal bleeding, and their sunglasses had been cracked by the punches they received. Dio found this incredibly satisfying, and made his joy heard by repeatedly kicking the two of them in the gut, moving so fast as to be in the same place at once.

“FOOLISH, FOOLISH, FOOLISH! I AM DIO BRANDO!” He exclaimed. “THE 「HOLY DIVER」, RETURNED BACK TO EARTH SO THAT I MIGHT BRING IT TO HEAVEN'S DOOR! SERVANTS OF THE JOESTARS, YOU STAND NO CHANCE, NO CHANCE AT ALL! CAN ANY OF YOU EVEN HARM SUCH A PERFECT BEING AS I, DIO? ”

The answer to that came from a beam that hit Dio out of nowhere. It tore off a length of hair from Vriska, along with part of her ear. Just as harming a stand harmed the user, the opposite was also true. A lock of gold hair fell off of Dio’s head, and had his current form possessed ears so would one of them have been destroyed too. 

In the distance, Rose Lalonde leaned against the wall, aiming the pen portion of her stand at Dio. She was far enough that her friends were barely distinct blobs to her, and it was only due to the undying and beautiful radiance of Dio that she able to fire with accuracy at all. 

“Perfection is overrated.” She muttered to herself, and fired again. 

This time Dio was prepared, and dodged the next attack easily. With Dave, Jade, and Slick down he knew which target took priority. Becoming a blur once again, dashed towards Rose. She wasn’t going to get away from him this time.

Which was perfectly fine for Rose. Her sneak attack on Dio was only a distraction. With his sights on her, the others should be able to make a hasty retreat. Jade had managed to gather enough strength to grab Dave and get away, using Space Oddity to teleport in quick bursts. Rose meanwhile immediately turned invisible once again, but she knew that with Dio’s focus on her he would find her eventually. That was alright as well.

Because despite the wounds inflicted on them, despite Slick possibly being dead, they had achieved their objective. They finally had a good idea of what Dio’s ability was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Final Fight. Heaven and Hell, let's rock and all that.
> 
> So, basically, Dio's the LE to Pucci's Scratch. But LE doesn't really have that much of a character beyond muscular endboss, so the comparison's not as solid. Another big deviation from the [canon] timeline is the plan for Heaven. Instead of a way to reset the universe, it's mainly a way for Dio to come back in the event that the Joestars kill him again even after obtaining the World, this time by turning himself into something that's even harder to kill than a vampire, a stand. 
> 
> For the record, he doesn't have a timestop power this time around, it's a different ability. Any guesses. anyone?


	33. Heaven and Hell

The military strategist Clausewitz once said that everything in war was very simple, but the simplest thing was difficult. The current predicament that John found himself could be described in similar ways. He wasn’t referring to the fact that someone he believed would not kill him just tried to, all to get some great power for herself or something. He was referring to the fact that he owed his life yet again to Equius Zahhak, weird naked sweaty guy who was currently dressed like he was going to a rave. A really bad one, where you had to bring your own peyote.

He’d been stripped of his undershirt, or more precisely had the undershirt converted into a makeshift dressing for his chest wound. It staunched the bleeding, but what truly saved John’s life was the application of hamon by the large sweaty man looming over him with hands pressed to his chest. With each surge of energy into John’s body Equius let out a deep breath of air, loud enough to rouse John up from his stupor.

“Oh? How are you feeling, Johnathan?” Equius asked, taking a break to wipe the ever present glisten of sweat from his forehead.

John would have thought better of Equius’ bedside manner if he wasn’t certain that the older man was unconciously salivating with each breath. “Alive, for starters I suppose.” He grumbled, putting an arm behind himself to try and rise. This was met with the firm resistance of a way too strong for normal people hand against his chest.

“That is good. If you were dead then this trip would have been a waste, and your friend Dave would have killed a drugged-up clown man for nothing.” Equius slowly pushed John back into a reclining position.

If John did not know any better, Equius had just made a sarcastic remark. Maybe he always was and his mastery of deadpan delivery was just that good. After Equius' hand left, he immediately pushed himself up from the bed he was lying on, now feeling relatively refreshed in spite of having been cut open by a crazy bitch. 

“Where’s everyone else?” 

The air in front of John wobbled, and for a brief moment he saw the hallway outside, along with two familiar people who both looked like they were a foot in the grave. As they fell into the room the hallway behind them disappeared. Equius didn’t need any prompting from John, and immediately pulled Dave off of Jade so he could begin healing them. 

John was about to ask what the hell was happening when Jade clasped John on the shoulder. “We don’t have time. Dio’s back. And I think we have an idea of what his power can do.”

When Rose was a child, her mother often attempted to bond with her by playing games. Often she was the one who initiated such games as even as a child Rose preferred her books to your ‘average’ kiddie activities. It was something that used to worry her mother, as staying in her room all day reading books rather than running around and making friends was something the (in retrospect antiquated) child psychology books she acquired considered odd . Granted, she hadn’t picked up her taste for gothic horror yet as a child and even now she continued to enjoy those adorable popup books with the cute cats, so perhaps it wasn’t that odd. 

The one game she did indulge Mom was hide and seek. It was a genuinely challenging affair, as even when her mother was extremely inebriated she had a knack for knowing that the Rose hiding in the cupboard was a decoy made from her pillows, while the real one hid under the mattress. Those games were probably the few memories Rose had of her mother that didn’t inspire mixed feelings. She never would have guessed though that this experience would someday be put to good use.

Currently she was inside an empty room, still as a statue. There were plenty of unused rooms in this bunker, which gave her a lot of choices for a hiding spot. But against an enemy like Dio, who had an ability that allowed him to move instantaneously, that might not be much of an advantage. He was already aware of her stand’s invisibility power and she was certain that he already had a countermeasure against it.

By her reckoning, it has already been thirteen minutes since she lured Dio away. It felt longer. Cold sweat beaded down the side of her face, her fingers curling and uncurling as the seconds passed. Terror was always on the cusp of gripping her in its gnarled claws. It was a feeling she’d never felt before, and Rose found it disturbing. Fear was a natural response when confronted with something dangerous, but she had always been able to control hers. Against a force that literally exuded terror, it was almost impossible for her to keep her cool. So she took a page from her childhood yet again, and copied a particular habit of her mother whenever she had to go cold turkey. 

Two, Three, Five, Seven, Eleven, Thirteen, Seventeen, Nineteen, Twenty Three…

It was working, somewhat. It didn’t truly make the fear or stress go away, but it allowed Rose to ignore her fears and focus on more important matters, like staying alive, and keeping Dio busy while the others thought of a way to defeat him.

Twenty Nine, Thirty One, Thirty Seven…

She continued to count even as she heard Dio speak in that entrancing fusion of his and Vriska’s voices. “This is beginning to bore me, Rose Lalonde. If you do not show yourself then I will move on to more dangerous threats.”

Rose’s grip on her stand’s pen tightened. This was the worst case scenario. Her distraction would only work if she was continued to be seen as a threat. An invisible woman who did nothing but hide was not much of a threat compared to a man who can make clones of himself anywhere, a woman who made attacks pass through her harmlessly, and a man with an incredibly strong stand that could also control wind. Clearly it would be smarter to go after the stand users who might actually hurt him.

But therein lied the problem for Rose. She could make a brief appearance and make potshots at Dio, but his ability would make it nigh-on impossible for her to do any real damage. Additionally, she now lacked the element of surprise that allowed her to distract Dio in the first place. The moment she was detected Dio could make a beeline for her in a flash, thanks to his powers. She only had one option left to her, and even then it was high risk.

Forty one, Forty three, Forty seven…

She stepped towards the doorway silently, risking a glance out into the hallway. Dio was walking down the hallway with hands on his hips, turning into a blur at random intervals whenever he passed by a room. At the rate he was going Dio would be finished with this area of the bunker in a minute. It was now or never. 

Fifty three, Fifty nine, Sixty one…

One thing that was noticeable about stands is that they could be improved upon by the user. While there was an upper limit to this, Rose has found that a stand whose power was absorbing or emitting light via pieces of paper had a lot of uses. So far she’d never really found a need to diversify, as a death laser and flash grenade combo had served her well. But against an enemy like Dio those skills weren’t going to be enough. She willed herself to appear, removing her invisibility. Her next trick wouldn’t work if she continued to be unseen.

As Dio returned to the hallway after coming out empty handed once more, a flash of light erupted underneath him. Only the first few pages were set off, as Dio’s power took effect and caused the others to stall like before. That was fine, as it was yet another distraction for her real attack.

Several sheets of paper hidden underneath the undetonated ones activated its effect. Rather than release a blinding light, like the others, it did the opposite. All light within a ten meter radius, including the hypnotic aura Dio radiated, was snuffed out. All that was left was pure darkness, an utter absence of light as black as the void of space. It seemed like a redundant ability when compared to her flash grenade pages, which could do more as it could permanently blind enemies when used right, but this particular effect of Lovin’ Spoonful was much more useful against Dio.

If she was correct in what power he had.

The moment of total darkness ended instantly, lasting only for a second at most. But in doing so, the page had also abruptly released all the light it had absorbed into itself at once. The resulting flash was twice as powerful as normal, something that would never have happened had the page not absorbed Dio’s radiance. It was compounded even further by the other pages finally detonating. Surrounded by such a massive display of light, Vriska should have been blinded, and by extension, Dio.

At least Rose hoped. An enemy of this power wouldn’t be taken down so easily, and so in the only second she had fired a beam straight at Vriska. Blinded like this, it was much more difficult for Dio to dodge this attack. Still he tried, turning into a blur that moved randomly in all directions. Rose fired several more beams in rapid succession, but none of them hit their mark, either stopping mid-air when it got close or missing entirely due to Dio’s random movements. The latter infuriated Rose much more than the former, since at least stopping the beams took skill. Rapidly moving himself and Vriska around relied on pure luck.

And Dio knew it. “Is that all you had to show for the precious moments of planning you won for yourself? Hmph, in that case, I, Dio will remove you and take my leave to deal with the rest of the rabble.” 

Rose disappeared instantly before Dio could get close and attack, thanking fate that her invisibility was instantenous. She could try to stall him some more, but it was doubtful that she could keep it up for a few more seconds. By her reckoning she had held Dio up for ten, perhaps twenty minutes, and gotten away with it alive. 

At least that was her thought process until Dio tore a chunk of the wall the size of Rose’s torso and threw it low, like a bowling ball if bowling balls could travel at the same speed as a bullet. No, even faster than that, as Rose only saw a brief suggestion of motion from Dio before he had struck. He couldn’t see the damage it did to Rose directly, but the pool of blood that was welling up at the end of the hallway where the wall had crashed into told him enough.

“I, Dio should check to see if you are alive. But there are other threats that require my attention.” So he threw another man-sized piece of the wall at Rose, and moved on to take care of the others.

While Rose fought, the others had regrouped. John was already up and eager to join the fight, while Equius continued to finish patching up Dave. It took Equius longer to heal his friend’s wounds, but going by their account of their encounter with Dio he needed more than hamon.

“He punched a hole through your stomach.” John remarked.

“Nah dude. It’s like.” Dave held his hand enough, mostly so Equius could crack his knuckles. Apparently massages were an excellent way of applying hamon energy. “It’s like, my intestines got turned to mashed potatoes and I always had to pass my shit through a British asshole’s middle finger.”

“Gross.” 

“Dave, no.” Jade said, ripping apart bits of her clothing to use as makeshift bandages.

“Just speakin’ the truth here. I mean, god, it felt like hell, but if meant keepin’ y’allsafe I’d take a fi-”

“Moving on…” John interrupted before Dave got grosser. “How does one of your clones getting their insides creamed help us figure out what Dio’s power is?”

“Because Tenacious D is a stand that manipulates time.” Jade explained. “It creates another Dave based at a possible point in space where Dave could be in the near future. When he appeared to protect me, the other Dave already had Dio’s fist inside it already.”

John wasn’t quite following.

“Matter can’t occupy the same space as other matter, John. It would’ve taken Dave a second to reach me and take that attack. And yet despite that he appeared in the middle of Dio’s punch, which was coming much sooner than it should have. Even if we take into account the stand’s speed it would still take some time, maybe half a second or a second for the blow to connect.”

John remembered Dave’s trick that defeated Tavros’ stand, which involved purposely summoning a copy of him that made a wrong mistake seconds in the future so he could pick the correct card. “So…”

“The other Dave should have appeared in that space before Dio’s fist. Instead, it appeared at the same time.” Jade finished. “That could only have happened if Dio’s stand could also control time. Specifically, if he could accelerate time.”

“Super speed?” John was starting to get it.

“Nah, dude that ain’t it.” Dave corrected. “Dio’s stand could slow things down too, but I guess stall things would be more correct. Jade couldn’t bring up Space Oddity’s barrier quickly enough. It’s more like the he can control when things [begin and end], if that makes sense.”

“It’s not a causality thing, Dave, it’s a temporal thing.” Jade chided. “But I guess that’s as good a metaphor as any.”

“It’s like a camera trick.” John realized, interpreting his friends’ explanations the best he can. “Where you cut part of a video and move it slightly, but the timestamp doesn’t coincide with the video player’s seek bar shows something differently. Or if a audio doesn’t match the video by a few seconds, except its real life and the audio not matching means a resurrected British stand punches you a second earlier than he should, or the punch you swing gets thrown two seconds later.”

“Sure, yeah that works.” It made sense to Dave at least. “But how do we like, uh, fix the video without sexy Strider guts being spewed everywhere?”

“Well, from what we’ve seen so far Dio needs to consciously activate the effect. He also needs to be aware of the action he’s delaying or speeding up, and his power has a limited range.” Jade mused. “Five meters at most, but he can circumvent the range issue by increasing his speed. It will be a problem if we’re going to fight him in the tunnels.”

“Right, right.” Dave was skeptical. “So we lure him back to that bigass chamber where he showed up in. So assumin’ he won’t tear our heads off instantly the moment we make eye contact and we do get him in a place where we can probably hit him, can we actually do anythin’ to the guy?”

“Karkat.” John said, realizing that they did have a way to stop Dio. “His stand, Evanescence, can weaken the effects of other stands. But we need to hurry and get Equius to him. He wasn’t looking too good the last time I saw him.” As much as anyone who’d had their face smashed into the ground. John hoped that Vriska’s sneak attack on him didn’t break his neck.

Equius took his hands off Dave’s arm, satisfied with his work. Both he and Jade still looked banged up from their encounter with Dio, but the worst of their injuries had been patched up. No broken bones or ruptured insides for any of them, at least until round two. All bets were off until then.

“There is no doubt that I will be targeted once I begin healing your former captors, John.” Equius told him as they left the room. “Please protect me while I do so.”

“Fiiiiiiiine.” John whined. He could probably bite back his completely rational dislike of Equius for the duration of this fight. He didn’t need Dave elbowing him to get the picture.

“Bro be nice to the white mage.” Dave whispered. “He’s the guy keeping us alive.” 

“I hope we meet up with Rose soon.” John said, changing the subject. “Taking Dio on alone, what was she thinking?”

“She wanted to save us.” Jade muttered. “I don’t think Dave and I would’ve escaped if he hadn’t distracted Dio.”

“Shit guys, this is Rose Lalonde we’re talkin’ about.” Dave reminded them. “S’ long as she won’t do anythin’ stupid like actually fight Dio she’ll be fine.”

Curiously they were completely unmolested as they made the trip to the church-like chamber where Dio had been revived. Optimistically, Rose was continuing to miraculously stall Dio even now. Pessimistically on the other hand, she’d already been taking down and He was closing in on them any second. Everyone huddled close around the protection Jade and Space Oddity provided with her ability, meager as might be. They didn’t know how exactly Dio’s power would interact with Jade’s, at least once the field around Space Oddity was finally up. They could only hope that its defensive power would prove effective against a monster like Dio.

The church chamber was much the same as they left it. Still cavernously large, still littered with dead or dying ants. Kanaya and the others were no longer lying face down on the floor, though. Instead she, Karkat and Terezi were propped against the altar, their heads bent down. None of them were conscious. Besides them, there were no other people in the chamber.

Nevertheless they continued to move with caution, teleporting meter by meter using Jade’s power rather than walk normally. The chamber was large, with no lighting save for the candles by the altar. Dio could have been lurking in the darkness, waiting to ambush them. John had never really used Jade’s power to travel, and he was finding it disorienting. It was confusing to find that one step had covered the span of three meters. He wondered if it was the same for the others when it came to their abilities. 

It may have been the largest room in the bunker, but it still took Jade mere seconds to get to Kanaya and the rest. No ambushes from resurrected British Stand-Vampires have occurred so far, but they continued to remain vigilant. 

Up close they all looked even worse. They were still alive, but that was a relative matter. Terezi had lost a lot of blood from Vriska’s attack, and wouldn’t have lasted a minute more without Equius’ intervention. Karkat’s face was a bloody pulp, his nose looked completely pulverized, to say nothing of his neck’s condition. The most Equius could do for him was to keep him stable, but he needed a surgeon. As for Kanaya, she was the least injured of the three but also the one person Equius could do nothing for. On top of hamon not exactly being useful on someone who’d lost their soul, it was also lethal for vampires.

But John had that covered. He’d seen the flash drive that contained Kanaya’s pocketed by Pucci after he thought he had won. All they needed to do was take it from his body. John volunteered to leave Space Oddity’s protective field, since it was getting cramped in there now that Jade had to accommodate seven people. Surprising to him, Dave also followed.

“Can’t believe this.” He muttered as he caught up with John. Pucci had actually been thrown pretty far away by John’s beat down of him. “He’s dead. He’s dead, right?”

Fear, undisguised by witty remarks. John was troubled, placing a hand on his friend. “Hey, you ok man?”

Dave pulled his sunglasses up and gave Pucci’s body a long, hard look. “Nah. Look.” He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers on them. “I ain’t gonna give you the whole sob story, since we don’t got time and I already told Rose and Jade about it. T.L.D.R, Enrico Pucci is an evil bastard who ruined my life.”

John grunted in agreement. Pucci was definitely the kind of person who did that. “Well he’s dead now.”

“He is.” Dave sounded a little regretful. He'd wanted to do the deed himself. “You offed him, didn’t you?”

“Guess I did.” John mused. Pucci would be the second time he’d killed someone, after Eridan. Strangely, he didn’t feel as bad about it as when he faced Eridan. Unlike Eridan he was someone who deserved it completely. “How you feeling?”

He sighed, pushing his glasses down over his eyes. “Y’know, disappointed, I guess? I mean it’s fucked up and all but I kind of imagined him going out like one of those Scandinavian fish dishes where you let it rot for months before eating it, but he got so moldy and gross not even a weirdass Viking lounging around at the IKEA cafeteria would want to eat it. But look at him, John, look. The bastard looks happy.”

Dave was right about that. Despite his chest cavity having all but collapsed in on itself from John’s barrage of punches Enrico Pucci looked…content. Serene. It felt wrong. Even in death Pucci found a way to fuck them over. 

“If I didn’t kill him and you had a chance to finish him off, would you have gone the full Inigo Montoya on him buddy?” John asked.

“Oh hell yes I would.” Dave raised his fist up, which John readily bumped with his own. “Got a speech memorized and everythin’. I’ll tell you all about it if Dio Brando doesn’t kill us all.”

John knelt down next to Pucci’s body and rummaged through his pockets. Even though he was an irredeemable monster, it still felt weird to shuffle through his belongings like they were looters. He consoled himself with the fact that he was just taking back an object Pucci stole from one of his, well, not exactly a friend, but someone John didn’t dislike.

“Got it.” He said, standing back from Pucci’s body. The flash drive that was Kanaya’s soul was a dark shade of jade, and had little bat wings etched onto it. 

As John turned away from Pucci’s body, Dave couldn’t help but get one last dig at the man who tormented him and many others. Tenacious D appeared by his side, its blade pointed at Pucci’s neck. He was sorely tempted to mutilate his corpse. Dave wouldn’t do much, maybe cut his arms off, a beheading perhaps. 

But if he did that, Dave couldn’t meet his friends' eyes. He’d always believed that ‘if you kill him you’ll be just like him’ was a bullshit saying, but that was when Dave didn’t have any real friends. Things were different now. There were people he’d feel shame from if he did something bad. Besides, he was dead already. Nothing more he could do to him. Well, except maybe give him a good kick in the head. It wasn’t anywhere near as satisfying as Dave imagined killing Pucci would’ve been, but it still felt cathartic. 

Something caught Dave’s eye as he turned on his heel to join John back with the others. All around them there were piles of dead ants, killed apparently by the shock of Dio’s return, though here and there a few still lived. One pile though looked larger than the rest. Almost as if there was something there. Dave approached it and bent down to get a closer look.

If he hadn’t done so, a knife would’ve dug into his skull. It continued to fly with a velocity comparable to a bullet, or something even faster. Had Space Oddity not been continuously active, the knife would have ended up embedded into the altar. Instead it went through Jade and the others, landing at the wall behind them with an impact that warped the knife blade.

The harmonic fusion of Dio and Vriska’s voices resounded through the chamber, compounded by the echo of their footsteps. “My, my. Knife throwing was much easier when I, Dio could stop time. But I, Dio, am pleased. This stand body is even stronger than my vampiric form.”

Everyone went on high alert. Jade had Equius bunch the injured stand users tightly together, to keep them within Space Oddity’s protective field. John and Dave broke into a run, heading for the protection of Jade’s stand. 

Dio wasn’t going to let them. He activated his power, reaching the two stand users before they could even cover half of the fifteen meters they needed cross to get to the others. They both expected to be attacked by Dio, but instead of that he merely crossed his arms and leaned back, regarding John with a cold stare. 

“Johnathan Joestar. A pleasure.” He said in a mocking tone, extending his hand in a greeting. “I, Dio, knew your family. Your father wasn’t much for conversation, but he had some fearsome strength. Those sisters as well, your grandmother and your great aunt. However, none of them could hold a candle to your namesake." He paused and stared blankly at John. "But even so they weren’t nearly as disappointing as you are.”

That struck a nerve. MC Hammer extended both arms, and unleashed a swirling maelstrom of wind towards Dio. They missed, doing little but cause the ants to be blown into the air. Dio was to the right of where MC Hammer had struck, clutching Pucci’s body in his arms. John had his stand continue to unleash its stream of wind, chasing Dio in an attempt to hit him.

“Useless, useless! You are nothing more than an insect.” Dio scoffed, before closing in to attack. "I will show you exactly how weak you truly are!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the explanation to Dio's ability makes sense. It's supposed to be a sort of weaponized lag, but that's not really a conclusion the kids would come to. The chapter titles for this fight, meanwhile, are references to Black Sabbath songs rather than the usual homestuck ones.
> 
> Alright now, time for stand stats! One that's familiar to jojo fans but given a modern update, and another that keeps getting better because Rose is awesome. (Probably the last ones till the end of the fight)
> 
> Stand Name: Whitesnake  
> Stand User: Enrico Pucci  
> Destructive Power: ???  
> Speed: ???  
> Range: C  
> Durability: ???  
> Precision: A  
> Development Potential: ???  
> Ability: A human stand with paper white skin, with the letters GACT written on its skin. Whitesnake has the ability to turn a remove a person's soul into a flash drive by touching them with its thumb and forefinger, then pulling out said flash drive from the body. It can also pull out a person's stand in a similar manner. These flash drives can survive even if Whitesnake disappears, and can be inserted into another's body. These drives will eject themselves from a body if it is not compatible.
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Lovin' Spoonfull  
> Stand User: Rose  
> Destructive Power: A  
> Speed: D  
> Range: B  
> Durability: D  
> Precision: C  
> Development Potential: D  
> Ability: A stand that takes the form of a book. The book can absorb light around it. The light can be released as a powerful beam, or the sheets of paper from the book can also be used as an ad-hoc flash grenade. It can also absorb or reflect specific light particles, allowing the the user to render themselves invisible if the book is kept close to them. This effect can also extend to the pages of the book. By absorbing a sufficient amount of light it can create a temporary void of darkness in an area and then release it causing a similar but slower effect to the flash grenade ability as these pages are not fueled by the reservoir of light that Lovin' Spoonful uses and must obtain their fuel through the absorption ability.


	34. Rainbow in the Dark

John was never much of a fighter. Oh sure he can take a punch and throw it back twice as hard, but dear ol’ Dad had veered him away from the life of violence. For the most part he never really needed to fight. Whether defusing a situation with his natural amiability or his intimidating bulk, there was rarely any need for John to "get physical" until the day a weird girl came into his dreams and helped awaken his powers.

But since that day John had learned fast. He’d gotten into too many deadly situations not to. Maybe it was the Joestar genes kicking in to give him a boost. It certainly did a hell of a roundhouse when Vriska used his blood to unwittingly revive a long-dead terror after all, so John was hoping to high heaven that something would come in at the last moment to help them kick Dio’s ass. If not, then he’ll just have to find a way to bullshit his way through this mess. That was probably another key Joestar trait now that he thought about it.

His good buddy Dave though, now he was a fighter. When you spent your childhood in violence and hardship you ended up developing a good sense for when to hit someone and when not to. While John continued to fire whirlwinds indiscriminately, Dave observed Dio’s movements. Trying to predict where he would show up seemed impossible, as Dio’s power allowed him to act near-instantly. The moment you realized what he was going to do the deed was already done, and so were the next four or five actions.

But Dave had an ace up his sleeve that gave him an edge against Dio’s ability to accelerate and decelerate time. His stand, Tenacious D, could also manipulate time. It could summon clones of its user from several seconds in the future, appearing at a location the main Dave could be at in that point in time. 

As Dio dodged yet another gust from MC Hammer, Dave went to work. When Dio pivoted to his right, a second Dave appeared and forced him to step back. It was a split-second change, but one that allowed John the opportunity he needed. Another spinning whirlwind was fired off of MC Hammer’s arms at that moment, almost hitting Dio. Almost, because he activated his ability and stopped it in time, stretching out his hand with his fingers outstretched. The whirlwind froze in place, its movement delayed by Dio’s power.

“Useless.” Dio snarled. He stepped out of the whirlwind’s path just as it resumed movement, but as he did another Dave had manifested in his path at the same moment. 

It was a weird sensation, one that had no plausible equivalent. Stands were largely incorporeal by nature, only other stands were capable of touching them like they were physical. There were exceptions to the rule, but that was the norm. Dio on the other hand, felt almost solid, like the pages from Rose’s stand. None of them knew why Rose’s stand could actually be seen by normal human beings, but whatever the reason was they could consistently interact with Dio’s body.

“That man is…very beautiful.” Equius remarked quietly from his position in the back of the group. “It is almost a shame we must kill him.”

He continued to stare from within the barrier that Space Oddity erected around them, focusing his efforts on reviving Karkat. At least that’s what he should have been doing on paper. In practice, he was being distracted by the washboard abs of Dio Brando.

Jade was about to chide Equius for his untoward remark, but she realized something even more important from Equius’ statement.“You can see him?” 

“I can.” Equius confirmed. “He is supposed to be a stand, yes? That should mean he is invisible to me.”

He should be. There had never been any cases of a humanoid stand being visible to normal human beings. Then again, Dio wasn’t a normal stand to begin with. He was once a man, then a vampire, and now he had transcended flesh to become a being of spirit. To apply the normal rules of stands was not something you could do with him, at least without trial and error.

If only they could. In this situation, experimentation could lead to disaster, and they only had one real shot at it. Dio wasn’t going to readily allow them to test for possible ways to defeat him after all. But Dave could at least prod at those methods. Tenacious D’s clones continued to hamper Dio's progress, appearing in the space Dio was headed before he arrived. This repeated effect was making him cautious. So far there hadn't been a repeat of their last fight, when their time abilities created a paradox that resulted in Dio’s fist becoming stuck inside a Dave copy’s body. 

Instead, Dio would instantly shift away from any location he was about to enter, just before a Dave appeared. Tenacious D’s ability to make Daves appear was apparently immune to Dio’s power to decelerate time.

“This wretch would be easier to deal with had I, Dio still possessed the World’s power.” Dio grumbled. He forcefully yanked his foot away after it had fused with a Dave’s leg, spilling ghost blood and spirit flesh on the ground. “No matter! You are but a nuisance, a fly buzzing around I, Dio's face.”

For some reason, he did not use his power to instantly remove his leg. Perhaps it was pride, for if Dio had to use his ability for something so mundane would be disgraceful. With his speed the difference would be academical anyway, or at least it would be had he not been dealing with stands.

Refusing to do so almost cost Dio. Almost. The second he spent focusing on Dave’s interference was a second John refused to waste. Attacking with a continuous stream of wind was not working against Dio, so he changed tactics. John had taken the air from around him and launched a continous jet of wind from under MC Hammer’s feet to keep himself aloft. He waited until Dio’s focus was wholly on Dave, floating just above the eternal enemy of the Joestars.

And when Dio dropped his guard, he made his move. John dove down from up above, fingers clasped over each other. MC Hammer spun, faster and faster until John was at the center of a small, dive bombing hurricane. It would take Dio merely a second, even half that to use his power to cause John to freeze mid-air, but that wasn’t going to happen. MC Hammer was too fast, and while the same could be said for Dio he already wasted his second to counter. 

John struck, and struck hard. Dio took the brunt of the blow, with MC Hammer’s fists connecting hard against Dio’s chest. It took him completely back, the attack was powerful enough to push him away from Dave. If the physical force behind the fists wasn’t enough, the sheer strength of the wind surrounding John was travelling as fast as fifty miles an hour. It was powerful enough to cut through Dio completely, inflicting damage on John’s real target.

Vriska had continued to remain catatonic behind Dio. If it wasn’t for her Dio would not have returned, and yet because of her they had a key to defeat him. Kill the stand user, and the stand dies. If John’s attack was successful here then this battle was already won. The winds of MC Hammer tore at Vriska, shredding clothes and flesh alike. She bled from dozens of cuts on her arms and face, and would have suffered worse injuries if John continued to attack. 

Or rather if Dio had allowed him to. He recovered quickly from John’s surprise attack, outraged by the sheer temerity of John’s attempts to harm him. Should the Joestar boy be able to land a good hit on his host, all of Pucci's work would go to waste. This could not be allowed. Conveniently for him, it was this kind of continued and sustained attack that his new power [Holy Diver], was tailored to counter. 

The light that bathed Dio glowed even brighter as his gaze fell on John. Rage colored his features for a moment, but only a moment. Dio’s steely, arrogant demeanor returned, and with it his power activated. John froze mid-air, as did his stand. Even the whirlwind that enveloped him was subjected to Dio’s power, the swirling wind as still as its master. In seconds they would resume movement, but those were not seconds Dio would give them. 

He became a blur, putting distance between him and John. In an instant he pulled a knife out of Vriska’s pocket, and threw it at John. Amplified by both his stand form’s strength and ability it was like a missile flying at over a hundred kilometers an hour. There was no chance to dodge. It made its impact on MC Hammer’s fists, sending John flying towards the wall behind Jade and the rest. 

The impact from landing would have killed John, but at that instant his stand’s effect became active again. The hurricane MC Hammer was generating formed both a barrier and a cushion, slowing John down and protecting him inside the eye of the storm. He survived Dio’s attack, but he wasn’t unscathed. Instead of killing John, Dio’s attack merely mangled his hands, breaking most of the bones.

Believing John dealt with, Dio could finally focus on attacking Dave. Tenacious D’s powers continued to be a thorn on his side, but he didn’t need to use his powers to take care of him. In fact, [Holy Diver] would simply complicate things. It would be easier and faster to simply kill every Dave clone using his own strength until the original could no longer take the strain and collapse.

He first attacked the Dave closest to him, appearing before the copy in a blinding blur. This Dave barely registered what had happened before Dio punched a hole through his stomach. Like all of his copies that took too much damage this Dave disappeared in a flash, his body scattering into motes of light. Another one had its chest gouged out, innards visible in the brief moments before this Dave turned to light. 

Some of the copies began to disappear of their own volition, before they could be killed by Dio’s rampage. Each copy that was destroyed weakened Dave more and more, and he hadn't exactly been at a hundred percent to begin with. Whether disappearing by choice or by Dio’s rampage, it was clear that it would take Dio less than a minute to defeat Dave.

And he knew it. The entire time they spent fighting Dio was nothing more than an effort to stall him until Equius could finish healing Karkat. Without his stand’s power to weaken the effects of other stands they stood no chance. [Holy Diver], Dio’s ability was too powerful. And with John currently out of commission, Dave had few options. 

But there was one upside, at least. Dio refused to use his time stalling or time acceleration power against him. Even though ultimately the spatial paradoxes caused by [Holy Diver] and Tenacious D’s abilities amounted to little more than stalling Dio a few seconds longer it was still a threat that he treated seriously. Dio had been defeated by a stand that could manipulate time like his could once. That defeat had made him cautious.

And at the same time, gave Dave an opening, another way to stall for time. He cast an aside glance to Jade, who still maintained her barrier around the others. He gave her a nod, right before giving the order to the remaining copies to charge. At the moment there were about eight of them left, way more than his usual limit of four to five. Having them charge all at once was going to be suicide, but for this plan to work, it was a price Dave was willing to pay.

The first Dave to reach Dio was contemptuously swatted aside, his head breaking on the floor. The second one fared better, surviving the first punch just long enough for the third to slip under Dio’s follow-up attack, but not enough for both of them to survive once Dio pivoted and attacked from behind. Dave four was dealt with similar ease by a fist to the chest, while the fifth and sixth had managed to grab hold of Dio’s prodigious arms just in time to stall him. They should have phased through Dio’s arms, yet they were able to interact with his physical form.

It was a weakness they took great advantage of. Dave seven and eight followed after, tackling down his legs. Even if the Daves could not do any damage to Dio they could still inconvenience him. They struggled to hold him down, but even with numbers on their side Dave and his copies were ultimately human. Seven and Eight’s tackle merely made Dio stagger back. Five and Six were shaken off when Dio slammed both of them against each other with enough force to make them disappear. At best, Dave’s maneuver bought him half a minute, maybe less.

But in a fight as intense as this, he might as well have gained hours. Jade arrived at his side by the time Dio had taken care of Dave Four, taking hold of Dave as he almost collapsed from exhaustion. They had one target, and a small window of opportunity. Space Oddity’s field was already active around them, Vriska’s back visible from their side of the warp field. Tenacious D lunged forward with its blade raised, with Dave focusing the last of his strength in this all-or-nothing attack. 

Tenacious D’s blade sang as it brought the sword down on Vriska’s head. A single stroke was all it would take for this battle to be over. Dio attempted to block by using his power to rush to Vriska’s side, but despite there being only a few meters that separated them something blocked his path. A ninth Dave manifested in his path, fused into his body. There was a brief, alien sensation of his body being the same as Dave’s, but it passed quickly. And when it did, it was over.

Dio used his power yet again, not to remove the Dave that was partially fused with his form, but to throw a knife. He aimed it at the warp field where Tenacious D came through, realizing that such an ability went both ways. The knife flew through the field, too fast to be taken care of. It went into Dave’s shoulder with a sound like a missile going off, and kept going until it pierced through Jade’s back. 

They both slumped to the floor, their faces pale with shock and necks broken by the blowback of the attack. Blood leaked out of their wounds, with the hole in their chests reflected on their stands. Space Oddity still floated by the side of its mistress, but the stars in its hair were going out, and its eyes had glazed over. Tenacious D was the same, its sword stopping just on top of Vriska’s head. Blood dripped down from her head, but it was a superficial wound compared to what Dave and Jade had taken.

“That was an impressive effort.” Dio said haughtily as the remains of the Dave copies around him dissipated. “You had almost done grievous injury upon me, nay, perhaps you might have once again erased me from the world. Almost.” 

He walked over to their bodies and kicked Dave in the wound his knife throw caused. “My aim was at the Speedwagon brat’s head, but I, Dio, saw what you did. You moved your body just enough to block my attack, however futile that may have been. Such was to be expected of wretches like you. I, Dio, can see why you were unfit to be my host.”

Dave mumbled something under his breath that vaguely sounded like “Fuck off.”

Dio either did not hear him or ignored Dave to begin stepping on Jade’s wound. “And you. That some lowly thug like Speedwagon would prosper and have descendants is proof that the universe has a sense of humor. It is pitiful that you could not live up to that Ogre Street wretch’s already low standards. A pity for you and a boon for me." He inhaled as if there was a sweet scent of victory in the air. "I suppose I, Dio should let you meet your vaunted ancestor now.” 

He lifted his right foot up, both arms crossed behind his back with his fingers pressed on the bottom of his spine. A single stomp would crush the skulls of the two of them. He would have done so already had he not heard a nostalgic scream that made him pause. 

“WRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”

Kanaya has awakened. When John was sent flying away by Dio and the effects of his power had ended the same windstorm he used to cushion himself was also used to throw Kanaya’s soul drive at the altar. Jade retrieved it from the ground and used it to revive her. It took some time for Kanaya to return to her senses, but if there was anything that Dave and Jade achieved here it was buying them time.

She let out a blood curdling scream which reverberated through the room. Dio was quietly amused, remembering the days when he believed such power to be the pinnacle of the world. He knew better now of course. Dangerous as she was, she could do no lasting damage to him and can outspeed her effortlessly with his ability.

Unless a certain grumpy, reluctant stand user with no fashion sense had been revived as well.

“Evanescence.” Karkat muttered as he was helped to his feet by a similarly revived Terezi. His stand appeared behind him, already releasing the frequencies that hindered a stand’s power. 

The healing they went through with Equius was a patch job, only enough to keep them standing. But it was going to be enough. Even if Dio could still kill them all with one shot, he still needed to get through Kanaya first. Easy enough, for a stand’s strength could easily match a Vampire’s. But he had to deal with more than just a vampire.

“Get away from them you dirty animal!” John roared as he flew towards Dio. Despite battered and bloody from their last fight John was still raring to go. 

“Well, you have some of the Joestar tenacity at least.” Dio admitted grudgingly. 

John was too angry for witty retorts. His friends had been beaten senseless, and he couldn’t do a thing to stop their enemy. Well, that was then, and this was now. Thank to Karkat’s stand Dio was much slower now, and couldn’t freeze them in place to boot. Even if MC Hammer could only generate a breeze at most while Evanescence was active, it was still strong enough to go toe to toe with Dio.

But disabling Dio’s ability was half the battle. They still had to get through Dio and take out Vriska. John struck first, throwing a hard jab to Dio’s right. A second blow to his left was followed up by Kanaya, who could see Dio’s magnificent form like Equius. Her claws cut deep into Dio’s arm, but when she retracted her fist to swipe at him again she saw that she had hardly caused any damage. Similarly, MC Hammer’s punch which could shatter steel did similarly negligible damage. 

“Is that it?” Dio asked, amused. “The Joestars have degraded so much in one generation? That hardly stung. Or perhaps this new form is simply too powerful. Regardless, I will not be taking any chances.”

Overconfidence had defeated him once. Dio would not make the same mistake. His counterattack was swift and hard. First he went after the most dangerous threat to him. Dio raised his arm over his head to block another attack from Kanaya, and forced her back with a kick from his powerful legs. An opening was made, and he threw a knife at Karkat. It was an attack that they knew was coming, so Equius moved to block. He stripped his shirt off, chest glistening with hamon energy as he brought his arms up in a boxer’s stance. Just like Dio wanted.

While Evanescence’s soundwaves could weaken a stand’s power, it didn’t seal it away completely. Dio could still accelerate or decelerate time at the rate of half a second, which didn’t amount to much when fighting against stand users like John or a vampire like Kanaya. It was miniscule compared to his full power, but for what he was planning it was enough. He followed up the knife throw by accelerating himself by half a second, enough time to take hold of Kanaya after she’d been kicked back by Dio before she recovered. Once he had taken hold of her arm, Dio flung her with all his strength at Equius.

The vampire howled in pain on impact, her flesh burning. Equius had focused all his hamon on his chest to create a protective barrier against Dio’s knife throws, enough that when it stabbed through his arm and into his flesh it didn’t go through him and hit Karkat. It was a defensive tactic taught to him by Monks in Tibet as a form of protection against particularly powerful vampires. Like the one that hit him right now. He managed to cancel it out before it could kill Kanaya, but that brief moment of exposure was enough to damage her.

“You idiot!” She snarled as she pushed herself off Equius, even as the flesh on her back melted off. “Keep the barrier up!”

Equius managed to bring up the coat of hamon that surrounded him, but it lacked the strength of the first one. Dio’s initial knife attack had struck just above his left lung, not enough to puncture it but more than enough to cause a deep cut. That meant that when the next knife was thrown at them it would go through his flesh and take Karkat out. Now would be a good time to get him moving, but if he was too far then Dio would be out of range of Evanescence’s power. And besides that there was the matter of his lung injury doing a lot of damage.

Everything was now dependent on John winning. If he could beat Dio here and now, before he could kill Karkat, then this battle would be over. With Dio’s ability suppressed he stood a chance, but even now that Dio was weakened he was still a vastly more powerful stand than MC Hammer. Each blow John inflicted on Dio did only a tenth of what he could dish out. And with Evanecesnce active, John couldn’t simply outmaneuver him by flying around with MC Hammer. 

“Out of my way, Joestar.” Dio said mockingly. 

“God I had a movie reference for this…” John mumbled under his breath. “You know what fuck it! You’re a dick and you don’t deserve a cool one liner!”

“Ugh. Your father was a wittier fighter.” Dio disparaged. “And he only spoke one paragraph’s worth of words to me throughout the entirety of our battle.”

That’s almost as much as he says to me in a day, John thought. He would be grumpy about his fact later, after he had dealt with Dio.

Dio dashed forward, becoming a blur for a second as he closed in on John. MC Hammer obliged him with a straight jab as he moved forward, its arm straight as a steel bar. Dio’s left arm collided with this blow, and unlike John’s earlier punches it had actually left a mark on him. It wasn’t going to be enough to beat him, however. Dio answered with an accelerated punch to MC Hammer’s chest, but he was surprised that John’s other arm had already moved to block his fist.

"Useless, useless!" Dio taunted. He unleashed a hail of punches against John, too fast to see even with the enhanced senses a stand could grant. "Useless, useless, USELESS!"

John wasn't provoked, in part because he was too mad already to be angered any further. Instead of slipping up and giving in to his desire to break Dio's head in, John instead continued to fight carefully and precisely, blocking what punches he could and hitting back as hard as Dio was. It was bloody slugfest, but it was one John couldn't win. His blows were weaker and slower. This was a fight he would lose because it came down to attrition.

Unless something unexpected happened. Like John being stabbed in the back. 

"And now we make a final gamble." Rose said as she appeared behind John,the 「Arrow」 in her hand stabbing deep into the nape of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp.


	35. Killing the Dragon

Rose had never been particularly keen on leaps of faith. They were acts of desperation, where you gave up all of your ability to choose in the hopes that some higher power would listen to your plea and maybe, just maybe, say yes. For someone who’d always found the notion of destiny to be restrictive at best and torturously depressing at worst this was understandable. Better for one to be insignificant in the face of an uncaring universe than to have everything be arranged for you beforehand.

It’s surprising how quickly one’s beliefs can be shaken in the face of certain destruction. When Dio had hit her with what amounts to a rockslide, she thought she was a goner. Nothing in her repertoire of abilities would allow her to survive. Despite everything she was alive, but for the life of her she couldn’t understand how. At the speed that wall was hurled at her she should have been paste, and if the first throw didn’t kill her the second one did. Instead it had merely crushed her arm and leg, and perhaps tore her side open. Even more remarkable was how she didn’t bleed out while crawling her way back to the church chamber.

She should have been dead, but against all reason, she wasn’t. Maybe it really was fate, or maybe Dio in his arrogance had merely been lazy in dispatching her. But the latter seemed unlikely to her, no matter how many times she repeated it to herself. What mattered was they find a way to defeat him. And perhaps one of her friends held the key to success.

When Dave and Jade made their desperate attack on Vriska, they did more than simply try to split her skull open. After it was used the Arrow was left inside her jacket’s pocket. With Vriska catatonic it would be easy to take the arrow from her, provided they could keep Dio busy. When the opportunity came, Space Oddity had used its ability to nab it as quickly as possible, both to reclaim the relic that was the root of all this, as well to redeem herself in her own mind for failing to protect it. And should their gambit fail, then they could use the Arrow as a last-ditch effort to empower their stands further.

In theory, everyone only possessed one stand, which represented their soul. But stands could change, whether through the growth of the stand user as a person, or through one other method. By stabbing a stand user with the Arrow if they already had a stand, their power had the potential to change in some way. In theory, at least. No one really knew if this would happen, as there had never been an attempt to use the Arrow in such a way. For all they knew it would result in the stand user being torn apart by whatever energies were involved in the creation of a stand.

But they had no choice, at this point. No one in their group had the power to match Dio. Karkat’s Evanescence had helped greatly, but while it weakened his time altering power, Dio still had the raw strength, speed and endurance to defeat other stands. Dio had taken away an important lesson when Star Platinum had overpowered him, once it gained the ability to stop time like The World. That defeat was why it was necessary for his new form to be not reliant upon any power, and for it to be a stand completely unique to Dio, by being Dio himself. 

That the only person an injured and invisible Rose could approach for this gamble was John made her think of fate once again, of the so-called Destiny of the Joestar Blood. It struck her as irritatingly fatalistic, yet she couldn’t help but think there was some truth to it now. Practically every generation of Joestar had gotten involved in tumultuous, violent events. Not of all of them survived. But John’s luck hadn’t failed him yet, and though he really didn’t look like it, or act like it sometimes, she knew her friend was a lot cleverer than he seemed. 

So she picked the Arrow up from Jade’s side, and waited while under the invisibility effect of her stand, standing just outside of Evanescence’s range. And when the time came, she staggered forward and stabbed John with the Arrow.

“…Rose?” He mumbled in surprise, just before MC Hammer disappeared and John fell on his knees. He looked up to the ceiling above, his eyes glazed over.

“Oh god.” Rose went pale. It didn’t work. It didn’t work, and she may have killed them all.

As Rose realized her mistake in horror, Dio simply found it to be supremely disappointing. Even if he thought of John as a mere shadow of what a Joestar should be, this was a pitiful end even for a pathetic excuse for a Joestar. He had wanted to prove finally, both to himself and to the world, that he was superior to the bloodline that was both the reason for his rise and fall. If only he could definitively prove himself superior to the Joestars, he could finally be free to move on to greater things.

Dio shook his head. He consoled himself that there should be a few living Joestars left besides the youngest of their kin. Taunting John’s relatives at how he died in a senseless sacrifice perpetrated by erstwhile friends right before he killed them all will have to do. But first, he had some children to kill.

“I must say, this is the first time a Joestar’s ally had erred so badly it killed their Joestar.” Dio said, chuckling. “Commendable! Usually I, Dio, would have killed that friend before they could make such a catastrophic mistake. Do not despair. As a mercy, I, Dio, shall send you to apologize to your friend Johnathan now.”

He raised his fist over the despairing Rose, intent on finishing her off with one blow. She had lasted this long against him, and in Dio’s mind she was the most deserving of a quick, painless death. But while Dio thought that way, Rose disagreed. If there was one thing Rose was not given to, it was despair. She screamed in wordless fury, standing her ground as she summoned Lovin’ Spoonful in hand. She aimed its tip at his face, and fired a single blast of energy. 

Dio had realized what had happened when he saw the light form at the tip of Lovin’ Spoonful’s pen, and instead of killing Rose moved to knock her aim off. Instead of heavily damaging him with a point-blank shot to his face, the beam merely tore through his hair and grazed his ear. Blood the color of gold dripped down his perfect features, though it did not mar his beauty. More importantly, it revealed something important about his nature. Dio could bleed, be damaged. Rose’s beam was the first time anyone had done any noticeable damage on him. 

Even more importantly, it revealed something even more vital than confirmation that Dio wasn’t invincible. Rose had fired a beam. With Evanescence active, this should not have been possible. Which meant... Karkat had deactivated Evanescence. Dio could use his power to its full extent again. Even if Karkat reactivated his stand’s ability-suppressing effect the window of time he gave Dio was enough to seal their fate. 

“Go to hell you blonde sexy asswipe!” Karkat screamed as the sound from Evanescence changed from the stand-suppressing noise to the metal shattering one.

The discs on Vriska’s skirt and her ever-present spider earrings exploded, impaling her with dozens of metal shards. The damage inflicted was reflected on Dio, who suffered scores of wounds on his body. They were light wounds that would heal quickly, but damage like that added up. Still, it wouldn’t be enough to put Dio down, but that was not the reason why he stopped using the stand-suppressing sound. Karkat had realized what Rose had done, and deduced why John had gone catatonic. 

It wasn’t because the Arrow rejected him. It could never be that, as he was a Joestar. Pucci’s constant ranting of how they were beloved by fate, and the many near-misses that John had survived, was proof of that. Quite probably, it was his stand's power that prevented the Arrow from taking effect. So he'd flipped a coin.

And it came up heads.

John glowed. His limp body floated into the air, surrounded by a light the color of a deep blue sky. Gusts of wind flew upwards around him, a gentle breeze that intensified into a gale. The gale coalesced behind him, forming a humanoid form. It was John’s stand, but there was something different about it. MC Hammer looked solid, instead of made of wind like before. The pink pipes and chains that decorated its chest and shoulders had gained a rainbow sheen, glittering brightly with a light stored inside them. Sapphires hung from the tips of the chains, with a star-shaped one set at the center of its headband. It had a mane of hair as long as Dio’s, tinted purple, thick locks that looked more like a hood than hair. Most strikingly, it had a face now, a noble, patrician visage, with features comparable to a Greek statue. On its bare chest a pair of light blue wave symbols were stacked above each other, glowing faintly with the same rainbow light as the chains on its body.

“MC Hammer.” John said, his voice soft but heard clearly by everyone. “Requiem.”

A bubble of wind pressed down on Dio, pinning him to the ground with enough force to crack the ground and overwhelm even his prodigious strength. Dio attempted to stop this with his power over time, and succeeded in freezing the air bubble and saving his host from death. Instead of attacking John, he used his powers to close in on Rose and try to finish her off. John responded with another air bubble, this time surrounding his friend. Dio’s fist bounced off ineffectually, though had he attempted a sustained barrage of punches it might have broken through.

He wouldn’t get the chance. Dio felt his strength drain from him before he could throw the next punch, and instantly realized why this was so. In a two meter radius around Vriska the air had began to rise up, sucked away by John and creating a localized vacuum. The attack forced Dio to rush back to his host’s side and use his powers to save her, slowing the vacuuming motion in the area to a halt even as he carried Vriska out of the attack’s area of effect.

Even as Dio evaded that attack, John had already began attacking. Another air bubble came crashing down on Dio as soon as he escaped the vacuum, and we he escaped that, a pillar of wind nearly knocked him off his feet. For the first time since he had returned, Dio was being forced on the defensive. His power, while nigh-unbeatable had one weakness that could be exploited; Dio had to consciously activate the effect and be aware what it was he was affecting. This was easy to do as his stand form granted Dio enhanced senses, but John had an advantage over him in that regard, and it wasn’t just the new powers he had.

John was learning to predict Dio’s movements. It was actually easier than it seemed, as Dio’s arrogance with his powers meant that he preferred to move in a set, linear way. In this instance, his movements were aimed to escape from damage in the quickest, most efficient way possible while trying to get close to his friends’ bodies. They were all still alive, if barely, and if he was right in his predictions Dio aimed to use his friends as shields against him. 

That was the prudent option, the one that put the least risk to his host. Directly attacking John now without knowing the full extent of MC Hammer’s new abilities would put his host in harms way. He attempted to reach Dave’s body, hoping that when John attacked the backlash from his wind moves would kill John’s friends instead of defeating him. 

John knew this too, and promptly switched tactics. Instead of slowly hurting Vriska during the split-second windows before Dio decelerated time, the next pillar of wind that MC Hammer generated caused Dio to be launched upwards. Dio froze himself in the air, using his powers to slow his descent while continuing to protect Vriska with his near-indestructible body.

“Karkat!” He shouted.

Buzzing sounds were emitted from Evanescence again as it unleashed the stand-suppressing sound. It cut Dio’s power off, turning a four second pause to a single second. That was enough for John to close in even as they both fell back to the ground. Knowing that John would go after Vriska, Dio twisted mid-air and clutched Vriska close to his chest. 

“MC Hammer Requiem, let's get it started.” John’s stand surged forward and unleashing a flurry of fists unlike anything before. If Dio’s fists were an indistinct blur with such an attack, then MC Hammer Requiem’s could only be heard, not seen. Even from afar, Karkat instinctively flinched when he heard the sound of MC Hammer Requiem’s fists striking Dio’s back. 

It was a merciless onslaught of fists, and if it was anyone else MC Hammer Requiem would have pounded them into dust. But this was Dio, and his prodigious strength and charisma were only matched by his endurance. Using his powers, Dio froze John for a second and used the opportunity to put some distance between him and John, accelerating backwards before the next punch could land.

Dio felt outraged and insulted. Not that John’s punches had actually hurt him, but that this cur had made him turn his back on an enemy. It was a blow to his pride, for in every battle Dio has faced, be it victory or defeat, Dio had never turned his back. For someone he had brushed off as a pathetic failure who was a stain in the honor of the one man Dio had respected more than anyone else to cause him to act so cravenly… it was demeaning beyond words.

“You…” The air around Dio glowed with a crimson-edged gold as he turned to face John. His right hand was on the side of his face, fingers digging into stand-flesh so deeply he began to bleed. 

His fury was matched by John’s equally. The young Joestar’s eyes carried an intensity in them, a burning will that had been stoked by the breath of the wind. These were the eyes of someone who would strike down a foe without batting an eye, someone who wouldn’t think twice at the prospect of utterly annihilating an enemy where they stood. It was a 「Dark Determination」, fueled by anger at Dio for the suffering he’s caused, and a burning desire to protect what was his. 

Seeing John’s fury had stirred an emotion in Dio he didn’t expect; nostalgia. For a brief moment, he felt like it was Johnathan himself facing him, and not just his namesake. “You... I was wrong about you, John.” Dio smirked. “Perhaps you take after your ancestor more than I had thought.”

“Yeah, I don’t give a shit.” The anger had subsided in John to a snarl, but the burning intensity remained. “This whole Joestar bloodline business, your century-old grudge? I literally do not care about it anymore. But I’m still going to kick your ass. Why?”

MC Hammer Requiem threw a right hook at Dio. It was a predictable blow that he blocked with his left arm, but it left him open for John to strike Dio’s exposed torso with his knee. “BECAUSE YOU PISSED ME OFF!!”

Dio had at that moment realized he made a huge mistake. He had misjudged how powerful John actually was, had allowed his disappointment at his perceived weakness to underestimate him, a mistake he had vowed never to suffer from again. If he still needed to breathe, then that attack would have taken the wind out of his lungs, and with his stand’s powers, probably literally. Attempting caution now would be foolish. He needed to kill John now, before he was overpowered and the unthinkable happen.

He was struck once again with another body blow, but before John could follow that attack with another Dio clasped his hands together and smashed it down on MC Hammer Requiem’s head. John stumbled, coughing out blood as his stand’s head snapped back, but it recovered quickly and reached to take hold of one of Dio’s arms, pinning it underneath his armpit. With a grunt of effort from John MC Hammer Requiem squeezed, and as it did so it launched a fist at the pinned arm’s posterior elbow. 

Dio gasped in pain, but decelerated MC Hammer Requiem’s arm just enough to allow his other arm. He accelerated once again, this time to strike the back of MC Hammer’s right leg with a sweep. It sent them both tumbling to the ground, but more importantly it loosened MC Hammer’s grip on his arm. Accelerating again, Dio pushed John’s stand of him to make for John himself. Just as hurting Vriska was Dio’s one weak spot, so too was attacking John himself. 

John wouldn’t allow himself to be attacked so easily. As Dio jumped over MC Hammer Requiem’s body a gust of wind was fired upward with a kick from both legs. It launched John’s stand upwards, forcing Dio to bring up his guard. With his deceleration effect weakened to a single second Dio could not attack as freely as he could. MC Hammer Requiem was fast and powerful, a hurricane condensed into humanoid form. Even without its improved wind powers it was powerful enough to match Dio in strength. 

The sound from Evanescence’s shoulders changed once again, unleashing a wave of sound that could shatter stone. Since it was too far to do damage effectively with its sound waves, Karkat had limped closer to John and Dio. He wasn’t just about to let his role be a glorified power nullifier. He owed it to Terezi and the others, who had tried to stop Dio’s return to deal a lasting blow to the man who was the source of all their misery. 

To Dio this was a foolish decision. He was no stranger to matters of pride, but he knew from experience that it was important to know one’s limits. Fight blindly without a plan and you end up dead. Feeling his powers return to its full strength, he became a blur once again, charging towards Karkat. He was inches from tearing Karkat’s head off when he felt himself weaken once again. 

Another pillar of wind surrounded him, draining the oxygen from the air. His vision turned red as Vriska’s body was deprived of air, forcing Dio to save his host once again. As he pulled Vriska out of the field’s area of effect he felt his powers weaken once again with the change in timbre from Evanescence.

This was a disaster. It was either be locked in a stalemate by Karkat’s stand suppressing powers, or have his host choke to death. Dio needed to finish them now. John had become a threat, as was this wretch who prevented him to use the full breadth of his abilities. He had allowed himself to once again be blinded by the overwhelming power he possessed and the initial incompetence of these children. He risked defeat if he made the wrong move.

With how close Karkat was, then Dio could at least kill him quickly. Even with the stand suppressing effect in place he still possessed strength unrivaled. All it would take was a single punch.

If John had let him.

As he drew within a foot of Karkat, a column of wind blew Dio upwards, pushing him with gale force winds. Once more he was forced to protect Vriska, shielding her from the worst of it with his body. He realized what had happened, right then and there. During the few seconds Evanescence had used a different frequency, John used his powers to fly up, out of range of Karkat’s stand.

A sphere of wind surrounded John and his stand, possessing a face that resembled MC Hammer Requiem’s. It generated a second pillar of wind formed in front of John, forming an arm. Dio looked at the wind that launched him upwards, and realized that it was also another arm. John was going to crush him in between two fists.

It was an attack that could very well do serious harm on Dio, but it had a glaring weakness. Had John merely stayed aloft and used the oxygen draining attack on him, then he might have defeated Dio by slowly injuring Vriska with long-distance air attacks. This attack on the other hand, allowed Dio a chance to be out of Evanescence’s range.

As he watched the fist of wind come crashing down on him, Dio saw his chance. He accelerated the wind around him, launching him faster upwards. Soon he felt his powers return once again, along with the opportunity he was waiting for. The wind that was launching him upwards accelerated even faster now that the length of time he could use to instantly skip an action several seconds into the future returned to its full strength. 

Dio then used his power as the 「Holy Diver」 to freeze time around the oncoming fist. He punched the solidified fist of air apart, and then continued to accelerate the pillar of wind he rode on towards John. MC Hammer Requiem launched itself forward, unleashing a barrage of punches enhanced with its powers, roaring in fury along with its user.

ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA

Dio answered back, grinning to himself arrogantly. He had been in this situation before, but unlike the last time he would win. Even now his stand was still faster than the enhanced MC Hammer Requiem.

MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA

He was right. Dio’s punches were forcing MC Hammer Requiem back, and while John’s attacks were doing severe damage on him, Dio had the advantage. He could attack twice as much as John and force him to attack half as much as he was capable of, all thanks to his time powers. It was a difference between them was starting to show. MC Hammer Requiem was slowing down, even without the use of Dio’s abilities. Even though Dio’s body was marred with bruises and wounds from John’s powerful attacks, he wasn’t fairing any better.

John’s skin turned purple with bruises as the damage piled on. Dio was also heavily injured, but John simply couldn’t match him blow for blow. It was a battle he was losing, as while the damage on MC Hammer Requiem was reflected on its user, it was not the same case for Dio and Vriska. Faced with an overwhelming onslaught, John dismissed his stand and the wind it was generating. He began to fall, straight towards Dio.

“It’s over, Johnathan Joestar!” Dio declared in rapturous glee. The desperation that had filled him earlier had been replaced with triumph. The Joestar had fallen to his strength. Without the wind pillar that launched him upwards they were both falling to the ground, but it didn’t worry him. Dio can survive a fall from this height, but not John. That was a death he wasn’t going to give him, however. 

“You have been vanquished by Dio Brando! This is proof, proof! I, Dio, am the superior one! With the death of the Joestar who returned me to this world, I am free! Free of your wretched interference, and of this grudge and hatred I have stoked in me for the last century! Thank you, John! Thank you, and goodbye!”

Dio clenched his right hand, and punched through John’s body.

Or, wait. That’s not right. He had absolutely punched John but...

“What.” Everyone not Dio or John said at the same time.

And it was then, that he looked at John’s face. The burning determination of the Joestars were still in his eyes, but there was something else. An sardonic, self-satisfied smirk. Something he had last seen on a Joestar face almost twenty years ago, when he faced a certain middle-aged woman who gave him so much trouble back then, even though she possessed no stand. It was mischief. If Dio was a juvenile person, he would think that John had the look of someone who had just pulled a prank on him. MC Hammer Requiem had appeared behind its master once more, and it mirrored the same expression on John’s face. It was such a perfect copy of John’s expression that Dio suspected it the reason his stand had gained a face of its own.

John didn’t say anything. He winked, and became like the wind itself. He continued to fall, phasing through Dio and Vriska’s bodies as his punch went through the Joestar harmlessly. He dissolved into wisps of wind, flowing down to the ground gently. When the wisps reached the floor, it formed back into John and his stand.

Dio landed right in front of him, completely baffled. It was an ability that in hindsight a stand with power of wind would almost certainly possess, but in that moment he couldn’t understand. If MC Hammer Requiem had possessed this power, why hadn’t it been used earlier? The only conclusion he could come up with was that John only realized this ability in a moment of desperation. A lucky fluke, then. Not enough to defeat him. He resolved to finish John off quickly before he could try that move again. 

He tried if he could move.

Dio blinked. His legs felt like stone. As did everything else. The only part of his body he could control was his head. “What just happened? What have you done?!”

John crossed his arms, the smug expression still on his face. Somehow the heavy bruises on his face and the blood dripping down his nose and forehead did not detract from it in anyway. 

It was Rose who answered Dio. Despite her wounds, she was smiling in admiration of her friend’s gambit. “You know, Pucci took out more than Kanaya’s soul during the fight earlier.”

Dio blinked as realization set in. Scissor Sister’s stand drive. John must had taken it sometime during the battle. When he fell and became wind, he had slipped the drive into Vriska’s body. Everything that had transpired in the past few minutes had been part of John’s plan. 

“Why have you done this!? What possible knowledge could you have gained to be capable of this?” Dio demanded.

Now it was Karkat to talk, barely able to suppress a chuckle, then a cough. “The shithead wanted to save her life. Jesus Christ, Joestar, are you seriously for real!?”

A stand was a reflection of the soul. No, it was more than that. Stands were part of their user, an extension of their psyche and a manifestation of its user’s willpower. It was this fact that made Dio once say that his beloved friend Pucci’s power, 「Whitesnake」, had the ability to manipulate the soul. Normally a person only had one stand, but with Whitesnake’s power it was possible to use two. However, few had the nature necessary to use two stands at the same time. 

It was the reason why Vriska needed hers removed when she enacted her plan. While it was possible for stands to evolve, the ability Vriska desired was completely new. The information Pucci fed to Vriska for her to pursue this plan needed this factor to be in place. If Vriska still had Scissor Sister, the manifestation of her willpower, inside her body then there was a risk that she might reject Dio. The arrogance and hunger for power that made her the perfect host was a double-edged sword; if Scissor Sister returned, Vriska might regain enough mental strength to exorcise Dio from her body.

And that was exactly what was happening right now.

Behind Vriska, a light began to glow. Scissor Sister was returning, and as it did Dio’s body began to feel more than it was stone. The heavenly aura that surrounded him had faded away. Platinum skin peeled off to reveal cracked, ashen gray. His perfect musculature was replaced with something gaunt and skeletal, the skin on his body drooping down. The shawl that floated over him fell on his shoulders, becoming covered with dirt and grime, while his hair turned a brittle grey. The jewelry he wore turned to rust. 

“JOESTAR!!!!!!” Dio screamed impotently, shambling towards John, arm outstretched. He stopped right in front of John, unable to move.

Smiling, John leaned forward, right hand on his hip while the left rested under his chin, fingers stretched outward. He took a deep breath, and blew. Dio’s body crumbled into dust, blown upwards and scattered by the winds. The only thing that remained of him was a stand drive, a plain yellow one covered with cracks, its port missing.

It was over. Dio Brando was dead once again. 

“So.” John turned to his friends, relief on his face. “I kinda feel like having breakfast. You guys want to come with?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Final battle over, mission accomplished! Dio's dead and everyone's okay! Maybe. It's a chapter that's been months in the making, and I'm glad I can finally post it. 
> 
> All that's left now is the final stand stats, then the epilogue. 
> 
>  
> 
> Stand Name: Holy Diver/Dio  
> Stand User: Dio  
> Destructive Power: A  
> Speed: A  
> Range: C  
> Durability: A  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: C  
> Ability: A stand that is also Dio Brando, a British man from the 19th century who sought power by obtaining first the stone mask and the stand arrow. Besides unparalleled strength, speed and endurance he has gained the power to manipulate the flow of time, selectively pausing or accelerating an action for up to six seconds, and possibly higher. Unlike other close-range stands damaging Dio does not also damage his host.
> 
> Stand Name: MC Hammer Requiem  
> Stand User: John  
> Destructive Power:A  
> Speed: A  
> Range: C  
> Durability: A  
> Precision: B  
> Development Potential: E  
> Ability: The full realization of MC Hammer's power. Its mastery of wind far surpasses the normal form of the stand, capable of generating a large variety of effects, from generating air bubbles to creating swirls of wind not unlike a sandstorm. Its most dangerous ability, however, is its ability to break down its user to their composite molecules, while retaining their consciousness, effectively making the user one with the wind.


	36. John: Meet him.

The day began with a funeral.

Narrative causality (and John’s professor) proclaimed that it should be raining, for symbolic purposes. It wasn’t. Real life (and John’s other professor) pointed out that if it rained every time someone died then the planet would be completely submerged in water right now, and we’d need gills just to survive. Thus, the funeral of Hoppy Slick was done on a Saturday morning, the sun shining brightly and a cool breeze in the air. 

To say that the funeral was attended by friends and family was technically true. Slick’s friends liked the man well enough, though John suspected they were obligated to. It was hard to work with someone you disliked after all, and Slick’s natural Slickness made it even harder. Even so, Boxcars and Deuce still found themselves bowling their eyes out at the death of their leader. Droog thought himself to be made of sterner stuff, and would have but shed a single tear if he hadn't found the funeral rites to be slightly unnerving.

While his will stated that he wished to be cremated, it said nothing about how his body was going to be displayed. So in accordance to the traditions of the Speedwagon family, his body was stuffed and mounted on a pedestal. Because this was a stab happy dog lover being honored, it also meant that a stuffed terrier with a knife in its mouth was being held in his arms. Or sewn into his arms. John was sitting comfortably away from the morbid display, but he wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

A few seats in front of John and Slick’s subordinates his family grieved. John had no idea where Slick’s biological family came from, though he mused that they probably wouldn’t go to the man’s funeral anyway. Slick was not a nice man, no matter what Jade thought. Still, his kind-hearted friend shed tears for the man who had been her legal guardian for years. Besides her, the only other person one could consider to be Slick’s family also shed tears, much to John’s surprise. 

“Psst, Dave.” John tapped his friend’s shoulder. “Dave.”

“What?” Dave asked. “Kinda busy being here for our friend here.” 

“PM’s crying too.” John pointed to the bald woman sitting on the other side of the chapel. “She does care.”

“Nah, no she ain’t.” Dave corrected him. “I mean she is, but not ‘cause she’s sad and shit. Use those magic stand eyes of yours, bro.”

John did as his friend told him to, superimposing MC Hammer Requiem’s head over his own. With his stand’s enhanced eyesight, he could see PM’s face in greater detail. Indeed she was crying but if you notice the corners of her mouth they were twitching ever so slightly upwards. It was kind of disturbing, so he stopped staring at her.

“That’s just messed up.” John whispered back to Dave.

“Shit bro here I thought the taxidermied corpse of a knife-happy psycho took home first prize for being the most fucked up thing right now, to be honest.” Dave said.

“Hush you two, this is a solemn occasion.” Rose chided. She was bedecked in an ornate Victorian-style mourning clothing, but since this was Rose that was just what she wore on a ordinary Friday morning.

Dave wasn’t wrong, but it was still odd that PM actively rejoiced at the death of her ex-husband. It was like something out of a sitcom. Though considering the past few months of John’s life, it was hardly the most unusual or disturbing thing he’d seen. He’d met vampires, sweaty body builders with super powers gained from breathing, normal people with super powers made from ghosts, evil psychiatrists, blind people who could talk to ants, roleplayers who unwillingly forced people to play for their souls, and many more. About the only thing he hadn’t seen yet was an animal with a stand, but the day was just starting and who knows what else could show up.

Today’s trip to the local chapel ended, and John had not been attacked by a dog with a stand. The opposite in fact, as he and his close friends took a walk around town. Things had settled down since he killed Dio, enough that they no longer needed to look behind their backs to see if they were being followed by a hostile stand user. Currently they were headed for the local Chinese restaurant, which had become the frequent hangout spot for him and his friends.

“So, they’re still burning Slick’s body, right?” Rose asked Jade. “I had figured he would have a place in the Speedwagon Mausoleum.”

“I want to make sure that Slick’s will is followed to the letter.” Jade told her. Like John and Dave her choice of clothing was much more sedate than Rose’s, but was balanced out by the dog ear headphones she wore. “But I don’t know if I can do the last part of his will.”

“What, he wants you to burn his fursuit with his body?” Dave asked, smirking.

“No!” Jade had the self-awareness to sound embarrassed. “Slick wants his fursuit preserved for his children.”

That revelation wiped the smile of Dave’s face. “…Holy shit he actually had a fursuit. Are you for fuckin' real?”

“Or that he will have descendants.” Rose remarked. “How did he and the Nurse even…”

“Nature finds a way Rose.” Dave intoned the wise words of the Great Goldblum. “But man, for a creepy dude who’d stab you if you looked at him funny the guy had swag. I mean shit, he only knew Nurse Paint for a few hours.”

“I'm positive Nurse Paint could easily see his heart of gold.” Jade said without irony but then frowned again. “However, this makes the thing I have to do after he’s cremated even more awkward…”

“Which is...” Rose raised an eyebrow. 

“I...have to throw his ashes over PM’s head while a tape recording of me saying I like him more than PM plays on loop.” 

The group stopped walking, which was awkward because they were in the middle of the street and the traffic lights went green. 

“Well, he is consistent at least.” Rose said, nodding sagely.

Rather than continue obstructing traffic, John and friends hurried to the restaurant despite Dave’s protests. Even if Jade’s family practically owned the town that was no reason to act like pricks. They should have hurried faster though, because by the time they arrived all the tables were full and there was a one hour waiting list. That’s just how things went when there’s bafflingly only one Chinese restaurant in a bustling university town. Thank god for to-go menus.

There were plenty of places for them to eat their meals in peace now that no one was out to kill them anymore. And since none of them really cared where they ended up so long as they could have lunch, they decided to head back to the university and eat at Jade’s place. Though there was no need for her to be hidden away anymore, it was nice to have a moderately large room with a flat screen television for watching good movies. 

At least, until John spoted a familiar, but not recently so, sight standing just outside his and Dave’s dormitory. A well built, youngish looking man in a hat. He seemed to be gazing around at the scenery. Buildings he'd probably not seen for some time.

Jade realized in an instant who it was. They all did really. “Oh… He’s here already.”

“I suppose that means we’ll be eating without you, John.” Rose patted her friend’s shoulder. 

“Good luck man.” Dave gave John a thumbs-up. He was going to need it.

"Say hi to him for me, okay?" Jade gave John a quick hug. "You've got this."

With his friends shuffling away with lunch in tow, John was left alone with one of the few people in town as tall and as well-built as he was. The man wore a light pink office shirt and plain pants of a same color. Instead of the generic businessman’s hat he associated with him, the man wore a black cap with a torn back that blended seamlessly with his hair. Rather than the stereotypical smoking pipe, he held a cigarette in between his fingers.

It wasn’t the attire he associated with him, but then again John was learning a lot of things about him that he would normally never associate with him.“Hi Dad.”

Curt nod. Faint smile. “Son.”

“Want to go for a walk?”

Nod.

Four minutes into their stroll around campus, John broke the silence. “I understand.”

Eyebrow raise.

“Mhmm.” John nodded. “I understand.”

“Huh, that’s a relief.” Dad was being unusually chatty. He must’ve been relieved to skip what would’ve been an awkward conversation with his son.

“After all the cra…stuff I went through, I can see why you wouldn’t want me getting into the uh, family business.” John continued. “We get into some messed-up stuff.”

Nod.

“But it wasn’t all bad, I guess.” Behind John, MC Hammer appeared. “I did get a pretty cool stand out of it after all.”

Behind Dad, another stand emerged. It was built as powerfully as MC Hammer, but was purple instead of blue. Grey speckles the shape of clouds dotted its shoulders and chest, and it had hair long enough that it reached the back of its knees. Like John’s father, it’s face was a passive emotionless slate, as if cut out from stone. “Star Platinum.”

“….Mine’s still cooler.”

Father and son both dismissed their stands, the latter smiling sheepishly. “You’ve been told of my adventures?”

“They wouldn’t shut up about it once they heard that I was the youngest Joestar.” John chuckled.

“Hmph, figures. Tell me yours then.”

John beamed. He’d been thinking of how he’d tell this story to his Dad the moment he asked. “Well, let me start with the villains…”

 

PM’s face was a block of granite. While her stoic demeanor on the job was completely neutral and benign, this time it also hid immense apprehension. Her companion seemed to be the same, much to her hidden relief. Truth be told, she didn’t feel the same intense dislike for Droog as she did Slick. Of course, she hadn't been married to the man for three months and fourteen days. And he didn't make a show out of showing his stabs. Droog was all about effeciency, which suited her fine.

There shouldn’t have been this much apprehension over a flash drive, but when this flash drive was all that was left of Dio Brando, then intense anxiety was the correct emotion to feel. John had claimed that he felt nothing when he picked the drive up, and it was clear that it had no connector. There was no possibility of Dio Brando returning, short of the universe itself being reset. Still, it paid to be cautious. They thought him finally dead when he was defeated by Holly Joestar-Kujo, and yet this happened under their noses.

“We should break it. Tear the bastard’s corpse to pieces.” Droog suggested, tapping glass case that stored Dio’s drive. 

“Will that even kill him?” PM asked rhetorically. “He is a stand after all.”

“Pretty sure he’s already dead.” Droog said. “We’re just making sure there's no trace of him for someone like Pucci to bring back.”

“True.” PM opened the case, which prompted fifteen men in combat gear to cock their assault rifles. There was no chance of her doing something stupid like running off with the drive, but it paid to be safe. “We can crush it with our stands, but I feel that burning it to ash would be safest.”

Droog agreed. “That’d work .We can use the local mortician’s oven for the job.” 

When Dio’s stand drive was thrown into the oven two days later, PM swore she heard screams come from inside, until the drive was completely destroyed. If Droog or Boxcars heard it as well, they didn’t say.

As for Pucci’s body, the corpse was to be returned to his family. It ended up being picked up by a man who claimed to be his brother. Whether he knew of his brother’s true nature at all, he didn’t say.

“..but you know about those guys.” John shrugged. “Now, their henchmen…”

 

Karkat Vantas, for once in his life, was not a barely functional bundle of anxiety and frayed nerves kept alive by sheer spite. He was in fact feeling the complete opposite of that. It was a genuinely frightening prospect for him. To someone who’d lived his entire life trying to keep up with the whims of an insane psychiatrist it was nice to finally have peace of mind. 

The Speedwagon foundation had dropped all charges leveled against him and most of his friends. John vouched for them, which was more than enough to convince the foundation. It was the little things like that which made Karkat happy he hadn't spit on John’s food when he and Kanaya were making them. That and Kanaya would be very cross with him. 

As an added bonus to being let free, they were also given lodging within the foundation, even an offer to study at the University in exchange for a few years of being called in whenever there was stand-related business that needed checking out. It was a tempting offer, truthfully, one that would allow them to make use of the skills they developed under Pucci for constructive purposes.

“We should take it!” Feferi said right before she stuffed her face with pickled herring. Since the death of Dio she’d finally been taken off the sedatives that kept her from escaping. Surprisingly enough Feferi didn’t hold a grudge against the Foundation for imprisoning her. Had it been Pucci instead of the Foundation it would have been worse. “It’s not like we have anything else to do now.”

“That’s precisely why we shouldn’t take the offer though.” Sollux countered. Rather than eat free solid food like everyone else, he was drinking the IV drip he’d been hooked up to for the past week or so through a straw. It was kind of disturbing if Karkat was honest, but at the moment they were hanging out in Sollux’s room so he’d only pointed out how weird that was once. “We’re free now. Why tie ourselves up to people who’ll use us for our abilities like Pucci did?”

“For starters, they’re willing to pay for our education.” Terezi pointed out with a grin. “Not something to scoff at in this day and age. And they’d actually pay us to do stand bullshit instead of passive-aggressively threatening us with psychotic clowns.”

“Wow. Surprised you’re selling out ‘rezi.” Sollux readjusted his glasses. 

Terezi shrugged, before swallowing a red pepper completely whole. She always did like spicy food. “Not a lot of schools in this country that have the resources necessary for a blind girl to study law. Let alone allow her to study for free.”

“Point taken.” Sollux conceded, sighing and tapping his fingers on the desk. 

“Didn’t you used to talk about wanting to get into programming Sollux?” Karkat asked. Unlike the others he was eating a burger, something simple and normal and said a lot about what kind of person Karkat was compared to his friends. 

“True, true.” Sollux emptied his bag of IV liquid and threw it into the trash can across the table behind Terezi. Since he was not very strong it ended up hitting Terezi’s shoulder instead. “Suppose there’s nothing wrong with swallowing my pride.”

“I wonder if this school has a marine biology program…” Feferi mused.

“Not in Doughty anyway. The Green Dolphin campus in Florida does.” Karkat answered. He was probably the only person in the room to have actually read the phamplets handed to them by the foundation when they made the offer. “But me, I think I’d rather take cash.”

“Cash?” Terezi chuckled, tapping the floor with her cane. “C'mon Karkat! Don’t you understand that knowledge is priceless?”

Karkat snorted. “Maybe, but I’ve got other plans.”

“Like what?” Sollux asked, his tone skeptical. “Since when did you have plans?”

“Since I no longer feel obligated to keep you stupid reckless fuckers in line.” Karkat spared a glance at Terezi.

“Yeah and you did such a good job with that oh fearless leader.” Terezi joked. “So then, tell us about your brilliant plans, dear Karkat.”

“I’ll tell you nimrods when I come up with some.” Karkat leaned back on his chair, wearing a smug grin. To those who knew Karkat well it looked slightly unsettling. “After I go on my one-man round the country tour.”

“You just want to get away from us don’t you?” Feferi said knowingly.

“You bastards know me so well.” Karkat confirmed. 

Terezi, Sollux and Feferi would accept the Foundation’s offer to study in the University, finally living normal lives denied to them by Enrico Pucci.

Several weeks later, Karkat would send a message to all of his friends, including John and the others. Its only content was a photograph, depicting Karkat sitting between beloved actors Will Smith and Alfonso Ribiero in a ritzy Los Angeles restaurant. He will never tell anyone the story behind this photo.

 

“They weren’t that bad, but some were nastier than others…” John continued as he and his father walked past the University library. “Dio nasty. Maybe even worse?”

The Speedwagon Foundation had been prepared. In the off-chance that the enemy stand users and the vampire survived, a more advanced holding cell reinforced with several layers of steel had been prepared, as well as the old ultraviolet lamps that were used over seventy years ago. More potent sedatives had been prepared, and the guards were composed of hamon users who came all the way from Tibet. Fortunately, Pucci and Dio were dead, and the rest of their lackeys were all too happy to abandon their masters. 

Well, except one.

Vriska Serket. The one person in the world who was fit to host the soul of Dio Brando found herself bound to a bed with thick bands of cloth and her arms wound tight in a straight-jacket, awake but only barely. Even in this state she was aware that she had been captured, but too tired to summon her stand. In her opinion it wasn’t enough; there should at least have been a dangerous stand user watching over her. Although there was one person inside her prison that could be a threat to her.

Kanaya sat cross-legged across the room. Unlike Vriska she wasn’t strapped to her seat, although a couple of bald old monks were standing closely behind her. 

“Good morning.” Kanaya greeted. 

“This ain’t fair.” Vriska grumbled. “I’m as much a victim of Enrico Pucci as all of you!”

“That is true.” Kanaya agreed, rolling her eyes. The conversation they were about to have was something they’ve gone through for the past few days since Vriska’s imprisonment. “It is also true that you stabbed John Joestar in the back in an attempt to attain ultimate power.”

“Pfft, it was the front.” Vriska corrected. “And everyone tries to kill that big meathead, why do I get the Hannibal Lecter getup? I mean no offense Kan but you’re a bloodthirsty vampire.”

“None taken.” Kanaya had once been told it was one of her more interesting traits. “I was under orders and rather hungry at the time, but that does not excuse my actions. Nor does it excuse yours.”

“What about the other nerds? They’re just as culpable as we are.”

“John vouched for them when the Foundation deliberated on what course of action to take regarding us. It helps that Karkat was invaluable in the battle against Dio.”

“Hah, that’s rich!” Vriska scoffed. “If it ain’t for me there wouldn’t have been a battle against Dio for that asshole to play hero with, and I get imprisoned. There ain’t no justice in the world I tell you.”

Kanaya shook her head. Dealing with Vriska could often be an ordeal. “They’ve decided on what to do with you, by the way.”

“Firing squad?” Vriska guessed.

“You are to come with me to Nepal, where you shall be taught to temper your boundless ambition through the hamon arts.” Kanaya gestured to the monks. “I was turned into a vampire against my will. I would like to work on a cure for my condition with the assistance of the hamon monks.” 

“I can’t imagine the others would want their cool friend Vriska to go away to some stinky monastery in Kathmandu.” Vriska said, scratching her chin while nodding.

“Oh it was their suggestion. Specifically, Terezi’s.” 

“…Fuck.” Vriska facepalmed. She got out of her bed and began to pace about, rubbing her forehead. “And knowing those assholes they won’t even say goodbye after they send the great hero who enriched their lives to rot in Nepal.”

“Do not despair, my lily-white friend.” Kanaya reassured her. “I will be there with you, as I have said.”

“But you hardly ever argue or get mad with me!” Vriska pointed a finger at Kanaya. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“I am sure you will find a way to aggravate a bloodthirsty vampire.” She was getting very close at the moment.

Vriska put her hands up, giving in. Not like she had much of a choice anyway. “Fuck, when you put it that way I guess I'll come with.” 

“Excellent. Oh, and Vriska?”

“Yeah?”

“Please try not to escape the monastery the same way you escaped your bonds.”

A month later, Kanaya and Vriska left Texas for Nepal. Kanaya, in coordination with the Speedwagon Foundation and the Hamon Monks, continue to find a cure for vampirism.

It took Vriska three months to escape the monastery, despite under heavy guard and sedated. She was last seen somewhere in Naples, Italy.

 

John and Dad were now outside the University, eating burritos as John continued to recount his adventure. “But I did meet some good friends too.” 

 

Suits were anathema to Equius Zahhak. He was a big man, and even formal attire customized for his large frame had a tendency to be torn apart if he flexed his muscles too much, leading to hefty fees. Nevertheless he persevered despite his perspiration. After all it wasn’t every day that he got to hang out with his friends; when he wasn’t honing his physique he was dedicating himself to his studies. 

“Do I look acceptable?” He asked shyly.

“Nyanderful, best friend, nyanderful!” Nepeta gave him a thumbs-up. She herself was dressed in a classic Victorian era maid dress, though those kinds of dresses normally didn’t include a sleeping cat strapped to Nepeta’s chest in a baby carrier.

“Then let us be off.”

The hamon using duo nodded to each other, and climbed up the stairs of a dormitory. It was one of the smaller ones just outside the University. They entered the dormitory common room, where two people waited for them as they sat around a table covered by plastic figures and sheets of paper.

Aradia and Tavros were both as strangely dressed as Nepeta and Equius. For Aradia she had put on makeup that made it look like her skin was peeling off to reveal bone underneath, which looked appropriate on someone wearing tattered rags. Tavros had donned a bad wizard costume and fake elf ears, leafing over the pages a book on his lap. 

“Hi guys!” Tavros greeted. “I was afraid you’d forgotten about today’s session.”

Aradia tapped a pencil on the table, chuckling. “With costumes like that, I can see why they’re both late.”

“Oh pshaw, you guys look purrfect too!” Nepeta said as she took a seat next to Aradia. “Well then, let’s get this game started!”

Equius, Nepeta, Tavros and Aradia would continue to study at the university. At one point in the near future, Tavros will invite everyone to one of his games, and nearly kill all his friends by accident due to his stand.

 

“…They’re all pretty nice guys Dad. Weird, but nice.” John continued. “I could even trust my life with some of them.”

 

Rose did not felt like eating. Seeing John go off with his Dad should have been a heartwarming sight, but seeing them together made her think of her own parents. She’d gotten through more harrowing experiences in the past few months than she did her entire life. The battle with Gamzee in particular was quite the eye opener to say the least. Despite how traumatic it was for all of them, it did bring up an important point in her life that needed closure.

“I wonder what the price of a ticket to France is during Spring Break?” Rose mused.

Unlike Rose, Dave’s appetite was not ruined by sad musings of how his life had been. He’d gotten most of that out of his system after he saw Pucci’s corpse. The weight on his shoulders that’d been burdening him for most of his life had finally been lifted, and he felt like he could finally move on.

Dave put his burrito down and reached for a pack of junk food from Jade’s pantry. “Huh. Not the place I’d think of going to during Spring Break.” 

Jade was similar to Dave, in that most of her problems had more or less been settled. It helped that the biggest issue she had, having a magic arrow lodged inside her mind was no longer a problem. The Foundation had decided to store it in an undisclosed location, were hopefully no one would find it. 

Unlike Dave, Jade had already finished her burrito. She lost a lot of weight during the years she spent comatose, and she was keen on getting her old physique back. “Well Paris is really pretty, it’d be a fun trip.”

“I intend to look for my father, a Frenchman my mother met years ago.” Rose answered.

Dave, who had been in the process of eating an entire plastic bag full of cheese covered chunks in one go, choked.

“Oh. Your father.” Jade blinked, just as surprised. “Wait, you have a father?”

“I was not conceived in a secret genetic laboratory, contrary to what you might have believed.” Rose shrugged. “At the very least, there was much more alcohol and self-loathing involved in the process.”

“Your dad.” Dave repeated once he regained his breath.

“My father, yes.” Rose reached for her wallet and procured a small photograph, placing it on the table.

Dave and Jade crowded over it. It was an image of a garden that was covered with roses. In the middle of the photo was an imposing, muscular man. He wore the smug, rascally grin of someone who you should probably not trust with anything important. He was giving the photographer a thumbs-up with one hand, while the other covered his ear. He was handsome, and had Rose’s purple eyes. In her own opinion Rose felt lucky she didn’t inherit his hair. It was white and rose from his head like a tower, its top flat enough that you could rest a glass of water on it. Which in the picture, it was.

But most peculiar of all was what was behind him. It was an important detail, one that only a few people in the world could see. An armored knight of silver mirrored the man’s pose, but instead of a thumbs-up, it brandished a rapier in its hand.

Jade was astonished. “…is that…”

“A stand user, yes.” Rose nodded. “I’ve had this photograph all my life, but I only saw the silver knight when I acquired my stand. It’s the only proof I have of this man’s existence. Mother would get unusually somber and stop drinking whenever I ask about him.”

Dave whistled. “That’s heavy. So does this mean your mom’s…”

Rose shook her head. “No I doubt she was. A single mother trying her best to raise a child while battling alcoholism is the only thing extraordinary about her. That and her collection of cat plush toys.” She added with some embarrassment.

“We could come with you.” Dave suggested. 

“I can buy the tickets!” Jade offered. “

“Thank you, but I would prefer to confront him by myself.” 

This was a burden Rose wanted to carry herself. She would only be satisfied if she confronted her father herself. That didn’t mean she wasn’t touched by her friends’ offers to help though. Now that she got that out of her chest, the knot in Rose’s stomach had untangled, allowing her to fill it up with passable Mexican cuisine.

“That’s cool.” Dave could respect Rose’s decision to do make this decision herself. “Shit, now I gotta think of what to do during spring break.”

“Oh!” Jade nudged Dave’s shoulder. “There’s a comic book convention in Austin during your spring break! A few big authors from overseas are going, including the author of your favorite comic. What was his name again…” Jade slapped her forehead. “Right! Boingo!”

Dave sighed. He’d already known about the convention. “See that’d be the most fucking amazing week of my life if I had a shit ton of money coming out of my ass.”

“I can pay for it if you let me come with you.” Jade said, smiling. “I’ve always wanted to go to one, and I think it’d be great to go with a friend!

A single tear rolled down Dave’s eye. He takes Jade’s hands into his and clasps them lightly. “You are the best human being who isn’t Snoop Dogg on the face of the earth, Jade Speedwagon.”

“Nerds.” Rose snorted, smiling broadly.

 

Rose Lalonde departed for France during spring break to search for her father. She would ruefully regret this decision, for the man who sired her was a human disaster. In spite of this she loves her old man anyway. This love would be sorely tested when her father tries to woo Rose’s mother back and she is somehow convinced by him to help. It also causes her existential dread at the thought of his father offering to raise her instead of her mom.

Dave Strider would meet his idol at the Austin comic convention. Meeting him makes Dave reconsider his choice to study paleontology in favor of a career in comics. Witnessing the authors of Jailbreak and Pink Dark Boy get into an ugly fist fight that escalates with the entire convention center almost burned to the ground, on the other hand, reconvinces him otherwise. He still decides to write a comic about dinosaurs for fun on the side.

Jade Speedwagon returned back to school and immediately climbs to the top of her physics course. Her physical recovery takes a much longer time however, despite her insistence to the contrary leading to a few accidents that could’ve been easily avoided. She refuses to carry out Slick’s last request, which leads his ghost haunting her for a few weeks after spring break, until everyone urges her to do it just to get rid of the dead man who keeps ghost stabbing them.

 

“And yeah, they’re great guys. The best guys.” John paused. “I guess if there’s one thing that made everything worth it, it was being able to meet those guys. They are like the coolest guys.”

Smile. Ruffling of son’s hair. “I’m glad you found good friends.”

John frowned. Even though he was a good three inches taller than his father at the minimum the man still did that. “Thanks dad, I guess.”

Nod. Hat removed. Hat placed on son’s head. 

John was stunned.

“I’m proud of you.”

“T-thanks.” John managed to choke out. Nothing else needed to be said. “I love you too Dad.”

 

Having made his peace with his Father, the Joestars decide to go to Morioh in Japan for a family vacation, as well as to visit their relatives. Because of who they are however, the two have a…「Bizarre」 adventure. That is a tale for another time however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, it took me the better part of a year, but it's finished. My first full length fic has finally reached its conclusion! Writing it was a blast, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much I did writing it. There are some things that I had to change to make the flow of the story better and some plot points and characters who were dropped (Calliope and Caliborn were going to be the guards of the bunker but that idea never panned out) but making the story bloated was a fear of mine, and they'd detract the attention from the main villains. Also added in a ton of cameos from canon jojo characters too because I am being self-indulgent with the ending. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, an extra bit, written not by me but this story's editor. Some of these epilogues simply had to be written and my editor was kind of enough to do it for me.
> 
> The four friends and PM stood on top of a hill in one of Doughty's parks. "Are you really sure it's okay PM?" Jade asked her confidant for the fifth time that day. "As I have said. If it will free you from that man's obligation and presence, I will bear it, Miss Speedwagon." "Well....alright." Jade said, doubtfully opening the lid of the urn. 
> 
> "To think that Ghosts really are real." Rose said quietly, a smile tugging the corners of her lips upwards.
> 
> "What, Stands aren't ghostly enough for you?" Dave nudged her. 
> 
> "Stands are more beings of psyche, Dave. Ghosts are completely different."
> 
> "Can confirm." John chimed in. He had decided to attend in full ghost buster regalia. "Like, I know I call them punch ghosts, but that was before we knew they were called Stands."
> 
> Jade giggled and hoisted the urn up. "Well then. If you're ready PM."
> 
> "I'd like to just confirm one thing." 
> 
> "Yes?"
> 
> "The will mentioned nothing about a forbiddance of protective garments, correct?"
> 
> "I...don't believe so." Jade thought for a moment. "No, I can't recall seeing one."
> 
> "Well then." PM swirled a cheap clear poncho over her head, cinching the neck tight. "You may proceed. The mail shall shine brightly through, unsullied by Slick's malice." She knelt and awaited her fate.
> 
> Jade nodded to Dave, who was in charge of the tape player, and began pouring the scoundrel's ashes onto PM. As chance would have it, without any prompting from John, the wind chose that moment to pick up, the ashes touching PM for mere moments before being wildly whisked away. Then, it died down as quickly as it had begun. And no one felt the tickle of a ghost knife poking them anymore.
> 
> "Well, as they say." John remarked as PM discarded the poncho. "Bustin' makes me feel good."
> 
> Jade took a deep breath and handed the urn to PM, who unceremoniously dunked it in the same trashcan as the poncho. "At the very least, I feel like everything is finally at peace." Her stomach rumbled. "Okay, mostly everything."

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, here it is! I've been musing about writing a fic like this since before I even started my last story. John was my pick for protag this time around because well, look at his name! Also in the ancient years of 2011-2012 I saw this really nice fanart of John in JJBA's art style in the MSPA forums which was another reason I went with him.


End file.
